my problem is I think I'm clever

This blog’s only theme is “my interests,” so don’t be surprised if it’s unrecognizable by next month.

[inksandpensblog]

shameless self-promotion because I need someone to talk to

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

If you've read anything by me, please don't be afraid to leave me a comment. I write for my own enjoyment but I post to contribute to the conversation that is fandom community and I'd love to know if y'all enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it! Also I need an excuse to infodump about my process and comments give me somewhere to start.

[fallout-lou-begas]

something that i find interesting about independent animation nowadays is that if you don't have studio/streamer backing, you have to release your work yourself on the internet, but you have to do it for free on the internet because virtually nobody is going to be willing to accept a paywall just for one original show, so what you have to do in order to make any money off of it is make all of your money from merchandising, but then this means that you show must be merchandisable and have very toyetic character designs that translate easily to plushies and whatnot, but then you also need to cater your show to people who are disproportionately inclined to buy merchandise like that in the first place so that your sales can be enough to sustain you, which means that even if you want to communicate complex or difficult ideas in your work, your independent animation project must attract (at least on a first impression) and retain viewers who are both very consumerist and very capable of rabid passion, which unfortunately has a single-circle shaped venn diagram with a lot of the most toxic fandom tendencies known to man, and this explains a lot of things about independent animation and its fandoms nowadays I think

[fallout-lou-begas]

why, i haven't the foggiest notion of what you're talking about

[confusedwriter404]

I felt like doing this because Jax's character was so freaking tragic for me /pos. Also talking to my friend about the finale made me realize some things about him. Hope you guys like it.

It's not a poem. I don't know what to call it exactly, but I had to write it down. I kind of almost cried making this.

I despise you.

And yet, for some reason, I see myself in you.

Not for the way you act, not for how you treat those around you,

but because in some part of me, you are who I fear to become.

You're someone who never got to truly open up and become her. You hide with a self-proclaimed archetype, you repress, you lash out, you're ashamed of feeling the way you feel.

And I'm afraid that if I keep listening to what other people have to say about myself the way you did,

if I become just as closed off,

if I let their words control who I become in my life,

if I slip and let my emotions overflow,

if I keep feeling shameful for how I feel and my hobbies,

I'll end up turning into you. And I'm scared.

I don't know if I would be able to own up to those mistakes. I don't know if it'll be as easy as I think it'll be.

We're both stubborn, we're hiding, we're trying to survive by trying to let go of reality...

But I don't want to see myself in the person you chose to become. Because you were scared.

Because you decided to push others away. Because you decided to cross this path.

Because you chose not to ask for help.

Because in every chance you had to be able to change and heal and be a better person, you decided to choose the opposite.

I don't want to be you, but the more I look at you, the more I realize I'm getting there.

I still talk, I still try my best to ask for help despite becoming overwhelmed with the thought.

I still want to be a better person.

I still want to be me.

But I feel like it's all slipping away from me. I'm slowly becoming the very character I hate, all because I so desperately want to exist and be me.

I still want to be him. Someone who can face his problems with confidence in his abilities and an open mind.

Someone who isn't afraid to tell others how he feels. Someone independent.

Someone who's able to find motivation to keep trying and trying and trying to reach his goals on life.

Someone who knows how to control his emotions and be able to connect to other people properly thanks to that.

Someone worthy of respect and love.

But now, they laugh, they don't take me seriously, they set off a ticking bomb in me that'll surely explode one day.

They don't take him seriously.

He doesn't exist to them. It's just me.

But some people know who he is. Know that he's in there. Know that he deserves love just as much as everyone else does.

You, who I hated with all my heart, had a chance to heal and grow.

You still might.

But that doesn't mean everyone will forgive you easily.

You've hurt, you've pushed, you've left other people behind because of your fear....

I should say you should've seen it coming, but it seems you already knew it would. You were ready for it.

I still wonder if it's a brave move to being ready to face your end head-on or a cowardly move to give yourself up to a metaphorical death just like that.

And it's sad because you never got to leave. You never got to understand.

You never got to see who you could've been if you just let them love you, if you had just trusted them, reached out to them.

And I can't help but feel pity for you.

I can't help but cry and ponder and think about what could have been, what I could be...

You had so much potential. You had so much room for improvement.

She would've been so beautiful.

I hope that if there were ever a chance for me to become him, I'd see myself the way you wanted to see you.

Beautiful.

For now, I'll try to make him proud.

I'll show you that if you're ever given another chance to heal, grow, and be her, you can still choose to be kind.

And if that time never comes...

I guess I'll do it for you.

I don't want to be you, but I want to become the person you had a chance to turn into in the real world.

The person you never got to meet.

Rest easy, dear hare

She'll be with you always

[kuropin]

Shenanigans

[pikavani]

A little white lie 💚

My contribution to Ribbit's and Ragatha's relationship.

Believe it or not I've been working on this comic for months now but only had the time and patience to finish it now.

Rest assured that whenever Ragatha doesn't get enough attention, I will make it my mission to make her shine.

It's just a little funny interaction I had in mind.. tho I'm sure Ragatha had a hard time keeping up her smile when her friend abstracted.

[leachnoodles]

Weird... Part Three!

Finally I finished it!

Sorry for the delay, this is short and late but I just need to take this out before I keep remaking the ending...

Like this is the fourth draft of what I wanted to do, I'm mildly happy with how this turned out, hope I didn't make all of you wait for too long... Glup.

Prev || Next.

[buzzzel]

This boy saved me from art block! By the way, I'm new on Tumblr, hi everyone (.❛ ᴗ ❛.)

[katificer]

[motheranarchy88]

Lemme just

[katnficer]

on the theory of bubble being the blue AI

do you like my OFF reference? :v?

i'm not sure what theory i truly believe, but bubble having remnants of the AI caine consumed is just too deliciously horrific for me to pass up

it's like a twin that caine failed to fully consume in the womb, and now it grows like a cancer within him, tormenting him with his own worst fears and killing him from the inside

[raggadollie]

personal

[pompous-old-windbag]

For me, the fact that the Amazing Digital Circus opted to give Kinger and "Queener" matching avatars implies A LOT, especially if we follow the belief that the avatars act as psychological reflections. Here's my own take:

Studies have found that long-married couples will effectively share a single mind between them. Their brains outsource specific mental and emotional tasks to one another, such as memory, communication, or certain types of problem-solving. This causes the death of a long-married spouse to effectively rob the living partner of half their mental faculties. And due to how our brains decrease in neuroplasticity as we grow older, a long-married mind isn't really capable of re-learning its lost functions.

Kinger's current mental state very much resembles someone trying to function without their other half. There's memory problems, multiple occasions where he has to rely on Gangle or Zooble to point something obvious out to him, and a clear emotional instability.

[absolutedream-art]

Pomni experiences her first 'death' in one of Caine's adventures. It messes her up a bit.

-----

If you'd like early access to comics I work on, consider joining my Patreon.

[secretmellowblog]

There's a parallel between Caine's paranoia that he's still "defective" in a way that he hasn't "fixed"-- and Kinger later saying that they can put Caine to sleep until they know how to "fix" him.

I think this shows the core reason why Caine failed & everything fell apart. Caine's problem is not, actually, that he is a "broken" machine that needs to be "fixed." Caine's problem is that he's a sentient being with real feelings, who-- like Jax-- aggressively pretends that he isn't. As a result, Caine ends up forcing people to treat him in the dehumanizing way he treats himself. This is not the humans' fault; the humans are generally kind forgiving people who are able to sympathize with others, even when they do bad things. Kinger even does [despite everything] view Caine as alive (he says he "killed" him, not "deleted" him.) But Caine is the one who violently backs them all into a corner and refuses to let them treat him as a person. He aggressively plays the part of a shallow cartoon archetype, and mocks them for "melodrama" when they try to ask questions & understand his actions. So it's all like a horrible form of self-sabotage. Caine in episode 7 clearly wanted Jax to see him as "not so different from you beautiful humans." But in a fit of paranoia and insecurity, he drives the humans to the point where their only option is to treat him in the same dehumanizing way he treats himself.

[aesungaia]

Everyone's Friend

[draconym]

Me: Fuck, the paper towels I want are on the top shelf.

The Sir David Attenborough That Lives In My Brain: Being smaller-than-average presents an added challenge to foraging ... but necessity is the mother of invention. A little creativity turns a baguette into a tool, and voilà--

(paper towel roll falls on my face)

Sir David Attenborough, pleasantly: Success.

[inksandpensblog]

"Why did Caine have to lobotomize himself" you fools, blue was the tumor in his head.