Hi Tumblr! I'm baaack.. at least for now :) so wow okay I was just looking through the pages of my tumblr and it sure does brought up different kind of emotions.. Apparently time does flies like an arrow, the last time i reblogged anything was a year ago. I think it's probably even much longer than that. The most recent posts are (mostly) about my past relationship, or whatever it is you may call it. I couldn't really recall of how it went down, bursted into flame & so on & so on.. it is now just fragments of memories that comes and goes uninvited, causing heartache and resentment with each visit. Borrowing lyrics from Mew; "Do you ever inflict unwanted memories?" & no don't get me wrong now, it was not all bad.. there were times (quite a lot of it) when I thought that I have found my one and only, someone to grow old and wrinkly with & all that silly thoughts. But there were times when I wished I can unmeet him. ThatĀ I wanted to startĀ my lifeĀ over and justĀ erase him completelyĀ fromĀ my life. Oh well, it's in the past. I would prefer not to reminisce it.Ā
So anywaaay.. It is quite heartbreaking though that I can kind of relate to my old posts now. I have met someone new, and we have been together for quite some time now and it was going really well. It was all 'riding on a newly built highway with pretty lights' (trying to use metaphor as if we're in a car haha bear with me k) but then we took a turn (a pretty wrong one) to this bumpy road filled with pedestrians and apparently there's traffic jam too. So at this point, we are kind of stuck, trying to figure out how to get out from this bumpy road as soon as possible and to find our way back to the highway, or at least make it to a smoother road. And it is out of my control; out of our control to predict anything. & It is even way out of my control because I am in passenger seat, all the decisions lies on the driver; to either somehow make a u-turn, to break the rule and drive on the sidewalk or to simply just wait in the car; trying to make it through together & just wait patiently while enjoy each others' company.
The past 2 weeks has not been easy on me, on us. Most probably harder on me because it was not my decision to make that turn, I was more than happy and willing to just stay on the highway. I do know I want to make this work, I am willing to give it my best shot cause I know it is worth my time and energy. I don't know what will happen in the future, i mean.. it is what it is right? whatever happens, happens. But at least if tomorrow, one week from now, a month from now or few months from now it's really over then I can; we can actually say that we did try our best. Hopefully no regrets, no resentments. So there is nothing I can do now, all I can do is just try to get through each day with smile on my face, it doesn't matter even if it's forced or fake smile cause fake it till you make it right? & I know I should be prepared for the worst but I refuse to be a sinking ship already when it's not even over yet, I mean hopefully not. I am just going to be positive & hope for the best.Ā
Soo.. Wish me tons of luck! & hopefully the next time (in the near future!! amen to that) I write would be me being oh so happy & can't contain my excitement that we are finally back on the highway, or at least on the way there :) cross your fingers for me?
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