Inky-Eraser

Inappropriate stuff too good to let go of

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Things I have always wanted:

Child: Dresses 👗- Stylish hair - ✌️Nonviolence - ✅ Be deliberate/make lists - Grolier Family Bible Cards - 🥰 Connection

Teenager: 🌱 Nourishment - Much less suffering from my head 🤕 - Visit places like Johnston City / Marion - Neopets - 🎠 The ZW - ✝️ A Christian education - 🎓Time to read

Young Adult: Cleanliness- 😁 Nice teeth and nose - 🧑‍🌾 Visited a drop in center (Social Services) - 💪 Maintain weight - Friendship - 👀 - 📻 First music festival experience -🐾 Support - Gentle Guidance -

Adult:💲Maintain a gratitude savings account - 🏡 An apartment - 💗 Defined Amorous Hug - 👍 Good books - Experience love again - 🦋 Healthy body, sane mind, happy family and friends - 🫟 Created The Daybook How-To - 📓Made a food journal and its writing course -🎧 Remote Employment - ✨ Repented - Celibacy

Elder: Certainty & Stability 🔮 - 👨‍🏫 Host exchange students - 👩‍🎓Study English -

Ultimately:

I would like to shop a little more and I would like to be functional enough to take care of all I have acquired. This apartment I get to express myself through artistically is a blessing and I believe it's best I keep it and my job at Concentrix.

I am thankful for the things listed I have already attained.

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Moonly took my request seriously and did away with the border around the affirmation cards! :)

[famouspainterwombat]

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need a friends opinion - which table and chair combo are you thinking? :x the chair and tables on the bottom left corner is a set and the green chairs on the bottom right corner are just chairs, thats not a set, i just like those chairs

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Really feeling this right now. Thanks for sharing Lacy - I'm likin this side of you a lot!

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Broken like piano keys :(

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Lately there has been this poem I’ve been trying to write. I want to make an observation, to express a moment in time as if it were the clean morning of a film. The spectrum lighting of the bicycle scene in euphoria, the way my mother holds my sister in a photograph as they both laugh, the way my friend sits in the chair across from me, interested in the vanity come to mind. They are all intimate moments. There is not enough to me of a man across the street toiling away with logs in a broken state, people in front of the convenience store smoking cigarettes, my grandfather exhaling the ugliness of another child, neighbors walking or bicycling the grind down a sun drenched highway. I cannot find the map to my mind for this way. It isn’t enough to say that it’s happening or that I’d like to share it. It’s just, maybe they already have. After all, moments like these are lived best alone.

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Will my efforts to remain employed with Concentrix (through reasonable accommodation) be looked at with favor?

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Lately, I have been very pleased by how things have been going. It all began last year when I began taking these brain and memory vitamin supplements – I took a month’s supply of them and worked with Seedlinks on my schizoaffective symptoms which improved while I created sacred space. This ritual opened me up to better notice windows in time in which I may escape my mental anguish to accomplish task around my apartment and do more reading – something I’ve just been dying to get back into.

Then, I got a job working seasonally for Concentrix which turned into a permanent position. I am now working on the Capital One project making 17$ an hour and we have a 3-year contract with them which means I can anticipate job stability in my future! My training cohort is adorable, sociable, fun and our leader is very upbeat. I am so happy to see these are the people of my future and look forward to going to work every day now.

I am sleeping sweetly, regularly and get up early each morning with ease to get dressed and have breakfast. Some weeks I can even fit in morning stretches in preparation for my bariatric surgery. I have my initial consultation in just a couple weeks.

Beyond that, I finally had a truly successful visit from my old friend Lacy and we’ve made more plans to get together again in the future that I am really looking forward to. Some nights we stayed up just talking, other nights we fell asleep on the couch together watching tv. We cooked this awesome breakfast together of French toast, grits, eggs and bacon and she showed me what a champ she’s turned into when she ate chili dogs and sloppy joes with French fries with me - this is not the girl I knew in the past! She’s so present and joyful now, it felt really good to see her this way and it felt good to be present with her too.

Thank you so much for working with me to get this done.

YoursTruly,

Talissia S. Bates

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Overwhelm

I really hafta pee!

I roll my eyes and look away sad I can’t do all Ive promised. I just need a little more space while we’re in the kitchen, I tell her.

She stands still close to my side as my mind empties of her excitement. I turn off the stove and begin plating the food, quickly. My body has become an unstable game of janga and she forgets.

Can we go check the mail now? Sure I say, it’s the perfect tempeture right now.

It’ll be fun! She hops and bumps into me as we walk to the apartment mailbox.

Is this the laundry room? Yes, she takes a look. I give her a moment to check it out before she squills, excited by the new bench on the dark playground she can see through the laundry room window.

By the time she’s turned the corner to go back there I’ve pushed myself off the tiny bench that’s been around since I was five years old.

Hey! She calls, can we go back there, will you come with me?? Nooo, I’m going inside, it’s too dark out there and curfew is at 11.

Tomorrow then! She says, will you come with me tomorrow? Oh no, tomorrow will be too sad, oh Lisa! She bumps into me again while I try to make my way inside.

I walk way too fast for my troubles and she fails to see the irony in that. Hey, you’re fast! We have to go back there!

Meanwhile, a long haired figure approaches in the dark from the apartment driveway and walks through the parking lot. Hello! I volunteer, unaware it’s my old upstairs neighbor who hates me for smoking. She doesn’t speak back but continues to make her way up the stairs to what is now her mother’s apartment.

Defeated, I finally enter my own with Lacy still perky enough for the both of us.

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Doubt

I am a bibliophile and type 6w7 on the enneagram, so it should come as no surprise that I hold discomfort close to me wherever I go.

Sometimes it’s as simple as suddenly becoming keenly aware how immersive my experience was and could continue to be if only… I weren’t being interrupted. Someone needs my attention and I can tell it’s important, very important right now. My face a mirror to the newest soulmate, I become the strong one trying to hold it all together as my lover recounts in detail her dilemma.

Lisa, are you listening to me!

I imagine and flinch. I am listening, I reassure her, though I am only more madly and deeply falling in love with the next turn of the page. To which I cannot be sure.

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Loving my resistant self

While I am not washing the dishes I become keenly aware of the next time that they must be done. And so to combat this I designated the first few days of the month for tackling them.

I tell myself how great it feels to cook in a beautiful kitchen with all the pots pans and utensils at my disposal even though there is very little I plan to cook that month.

Usually I have it decided by the middle of the previous month what will be special - adding extra ingredients to my cart is always a little more work but it’s usually worth it. This month I’ll be making special drinks. One is called eye candy and the other is for prosperity - it just makes cents.

I heard my own concerns escape my dear friend Lacy’s mouth the other day when she found I’d be doing a beauty spell. She wanted the drink but it all concerned her integrity. I was the same way in the past but eventually a very important dr.Seuss quote lit up my mind concerning magick and I had to live with its truth: unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to change, it’s not! And so, here I am on a Friday night not writing of what I do instead of the dishes but how much more I care to.

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