'Cause you got me

in my feelings

[inmy-feelings]

Welcome to my blog!

18 years old - Lana Del Rey enthusiast - Intj - aquarius - learning how to write

I can't follow people back because this is my secondary account!! But feel free to chat with me in my inbox.

requests ● masterlist

[inmy-feelings]

Wip about a zombie apocalypse au (FINALLY) except I wrote the premise which is about 800 words and now I don't know how to continue

[inmy-feelings]

Ok life has been crazy but now I think it's gone back to normal so I can start writing again

[inmy-feelings]

let's see where the wind brings me

[inmy-feelings]

Ok life has been crazy but now I think it's gone back to normal so I can start writing again

[inmy-feelings]

Sorry for not posting anything 🥲 I'm on vacation

[inmy-feelings]

Lily Evans

Prongsfoot

Poly!prongsfoot

more to be added...

[inmy-feelings]

Lily Evans Masterlist

• Good Luck, Babe! (Lily Evans×fem!reader who has a crush)

part 2 here

• Lily does reader's make up

[inmy-feelings]

Prongsfoot masterlist

• Casual (Sirius is James' first kiss)

[inmy-feelings]

Poly!Prongsfoot masterlist

• Reader faints

[inmy-feelings]

Good Luck, Babe! (pt. 2)

Lily x fem!reader (897 words)

cw: alcohol and mentions of drinking, swearing, modern au, college au, that’s it I think.

Disclaimer: English is not my first language. This took me long I know. Slightly proofread.  

read part 1 here

“You’re staring.” 

You have been lost in your thoughts for quite some time now. You can hear Sirius’ voice, he's talking to you, but you don’t really process his words, all you’re focused on are James and Lily sitting at the bar, far from all of you, talking to each other quite animatedly. You can see James flashing one of his charming grins and Lily smiling at him with little heart eyes. They seem to be quite close to each other, if they kiss tonight, you might combust. 

A hand starts shaking your shoulder violently, and that’s when you decide to momentarily put a stop your misery to be mad at the culprit, who, surprisingly, turns out to be Remus. “What?”. Your tone is sharper than you intended, yet you don’t feel as bad as you should. 

In return you get a stern look and a disappointed shake of the head. “Look, if you’re feeling down, we can just go home, or somewhere else, it doesn’t matter as long as we’re far from these two.” As soon as you told Sirius and Remus what happened during the afternoon, to your immense surprise, instead of calling you a total idiot like they usually do (or, at least, like Sirius does), they got upset on your behalf. Which then turned into Sirius being mad at Lily, resurfacing his old negative feelings about her, and Remus being disappointed in James for not noticing how his best friend was hurting right in front of his eyes.

(“Why the fuck would she do that if she likes James?!” “And how can James be so oblivious?”)

So you had sequestered them for almost the whole night, or they had sequestered you after they noticed you were drinking too much, and now you are sitting in the booth auto-commiserating yourself while trying to listen to them telling funny stories about their school years which Sirius swears to be totally true and totally not exaggerated. 

You try to give Remus a grateful smile, pressing your lips together and straightening yourself in your seat. “Thank you guys, but it’s okay, sorry for being a burden.” At that, Sirius scoffs and starts messing up your hair, which makes you start a little fight to get him to stop. When you successfully trap both his wrists in your hands, he flashes you a satisfied grin, and that’s when you understand what he’s trying to do. You sigh and slump in your seat with a defeated look, pinching his middle and making him squirm. You would’ve thought he’d know how to see it coming by now. 

“You’re not the one who ought to be sorry here, sweetheart. I could name a few other people.” He’s now eyeing James and Lily with a serious expression. You start staring at them again with a renewed sadness and Remus gives Sirius another stern look over your head.

“She didn’t even like him until a few months ago!” You and Lily had been close friends with each other way before you got to know Sirius, Remus and James better. During your school years, they were more acquaintances. So you had been the one she used to rant to about how much of a prick James was and how he wouldn’t leave her alone. Then, suddenly, a shift happened. She became nicer to him and just a couple of weeks ago she came to you all excited because he had asked her out on a date. And throughout all of this, you couldn’t master the courage to confess your feelings towards her. 

So now you’re ruining your night and your friend’s night because you can’t seem to move on and Lily just made it incredibly harder for you. “I shouldn’t even be thinking this, I should be happy for James and instead I’m being jealous of him. I’m a terrible friend." Your voice sounds desperate.

Remus makes a pitiful sound and grabs you by one arm to pull you to his chest. “No more drinking when you’re in these conditions.” His voice is low, not scolding. Sirius starts looking at you like he’s lost in his thoughts, then he sucks in a breath and gets up. “I’m starving, let’s go eat something, I know a place not too far from here.”

You leave Remus’ embrace to look at him sideways, he tilts his head and raises his eyebrows in a silent question "So? what are you waiting for?”. 

“I already told you we don’t have to go.”

“Who says it’s for you? I told you I want to eat.” He says it so naturally you could almost believe him.  

There’s no point in staying at the pub anyway, you don’t really want to see Lily right now and you could use some fries. You get up and Remus follows after you, retrieving your jackets from the far corner of the booth.

When you’re almost halfway out, James spots you and Lily turns to look at you too. You can see from the corner of your eye Sirius and James talking, but all your focus is on Lily. She’s looking at you too, with a thoughtful expression. There’s a pinch between her eyebrows, and for just a second, you could swear her eyes darted to your lips. You can’t be sure though, because right at that moment, Remus puts a hand on your shoulder and starts directing you towards the exit.

[inmy-feelings]

I should really start reading my drabbles more than once before I publish them. There were too many mistakes😭

[inmy-feelings]

Good Luck, Babe! (pt. 2)

Lily x fem!reader (897 words)

cw: alcohol and mentions of drinking, swearing, modern au, college au, that’s it I think.

Disclaimer: English is not my first language. This took me long I know. Slightly proofread.  

read part 1 here

“You’re staring.” 

You have been lost in your thoughts for quite some time now. You can hear Sirius’ voice, he's talking to you, but you don’t really process his words, all you’re focused on are James and Lily sitting at the bar, far from all of you, talking to each other quite animatedly. You can see James flashing one of his charming grins and Lily smiling at him with little heart eyes. They seem to be quite close to each other, if they kiss tonight, you might combust. 

A hand starts shaking your shoulder violently, and that’s when you decide to momentarily put a stop your misery to be mad at the culprit, who, surprisingly, turns out to be Remus. “What?”. Your tone is sharper than you intended, yet you don’t feel as bad as you should. 

In return you get a stern look and a disappointed shake of the head. “Look, if you’re feeling down, we can just go home, or somewhere else, it doesn’t matter as long as we’re far from these two.” As soon as you told Sirius and Remus what happened during the afternoon, to your immense surprise, instead of calling you a total idiot like they usually do (or, at least, like Sirius does), they got upset on your behalf. Which then turned into Sirius being mad at Lily, resurfacing his old negative feelings about her, and Remus being disappointed in James for not noticing how his best friend was hurting right in front of his eyes.

(“Why the fuck would she do that if she likes James?!” “And how can James be so oblivious?”)

So you had sequestered them for almost the whole night, or they had sequestered you after they noticed you were drinking too much, and now you are sitting in the booth auto-commiserating yourself while trying to listen to them telling funny stories about their school years which Sirius swears to be totally true and totally not exaggerated. 

You try to give Remus a grateful smile, pressing your lips together and straightening yourself in your seat. “Thank you guys, but it’s okay, sorry for being a burden.” At that, Sirius scoffs and starts messing up your hair, which makes you start a little fight to get him to stop. When you successfully trap both his wrists in your hands, he flashes you a satisfied grin, and that’s when you understand what he’s trying to do. You sigh and slump in your seat with a defeated look, pinching his middle and making him squirm. You would’ve thought he’d know how to see it coming by now. 

“You’re not the one who ought to be sorry here, sweetheart. I could name a few other people.” He’s now eyeing James and Lily with a serious expression. You start staring at them again with a renewed sadness and Remus gives Sirius another stern look over your head.

“She didn’t even like him until a few months ago!” You and Lily had been close friends with each other way before you got to know Sirius, Remus and James better. During your school years, they were more acquaintances. So you had been the one she used to rant to about how much of a prick James was and how he wouldn’t leave her alone. Then, suddenly, a shift happened. She became nicer to him and just a couple of weeks ago she came to you all excited because he had asked her out on a date. And throughout all of this, you couldn’t master the courage to confess your feelings towards her. 

So now you’re ruining your night and your friend’s night because you can’t seem to move on and Lily just made it incredibly harder for you. “I shouldn’t even be thinking this, I should be happy for James and instead I’m being jealous of him. I’m a terrible friend." Your voice sounds desperate.

Remus makes a pitiful sound and grabs you by one arm to pull you to his chest. “No more drinking when you’re in these conditions.” His voice is low, not scolding. Sirius starts looking at you like he’s lost in his thoughts, then he sucks in a breath and gets up. “I’m starving, let’s go eat something, I know a place not too far from here.”

You leave Remus’ embrace to look at him sideways, he tilts his head and raises his eyebrows in a silent question "So? what are you waiting for?”. 

“I already told you we don’t have to go.”

“Who says it’s for you? I told you I want to eat.” He says it so naturally you could almost believe him.  

There’s no point in staying at the pub anyway, you don’t really want to see Lily right now and you could use some fries. You get up and Remus follows after you, retrieving your jackets from the far corner of the booth.

When you’re almost halfway out, James spots you and Lily turns to look at you too. You can see from the corner of your eye Sirius and James talking, but all your focus is on Lily. She’s looking at you too, with a thoughtful expression. There’s a pinch between her eyebrows, and for just a second, you could swear her eyes darted to your lips. You can’t be sure though, because right at that moment, Remus puts a hand on your shoulder and starts directing you towards the exit.

[inmy-feelings]

Good Luck, Babe! (pt. 2)

Lily x fem!reader (897 words)

cw: alcohol and mentions of drinking, swearing, modern au, college au, that’s it I think.

Disclaimer: English is not my first language. This took me long I know. Slightly proofread.  

read part 1 here

“You’re staring.” 

You have been lost in your thoughts for quite some time now. You can hear Sirius’ voice, he's talking to you, but you don’t really process his words, all you’re focused on are James and Lily sitting at the bar, far from all of you, talking to each other quite animatedly. You can see James flashing one of his charming grins and Lily smiling at him with little heart eyes. They seem to be quite close to each other, if they kiss tonight, you might combust. 

A hand starts shaking your shoulder violently, and that’s when you decide to momentarily put a stop your misery to be mad at the culprit, who, surprisingly, turns out to be Remus. “What?”. Your tone is sharper than you intended, yet you don’t feel as bad as you should. 

In return you get a stern look and a disappointed shake of the head. “Look, if you’re feeling down, we can just go home, or somewhere else, it doesn’t matter as long as we’re far from these two.” As soon as you told Sirius and Remus what happened during the afternoon, to your immense surprise, instead of calling you a total idiot like they usually do (or, at least, like Sirius does), they got upset on your behalf. Which then turned into Sirius being mad at Lily, resurfacing his old negative feelings about her, and Remus being disappointed in James for not noticing how his best friend was hurting right in front of his eyes.

(“Why the fuck would she do that if she likes James?!” “And how can James be so oblivious?”)

So you had sequestered them for almost the whole night, or they had sequestered you after they noticed you were drinking too much, and now you are sitting in the booth auto-commiserating yourself while trying to listen to them telling funny stories about their school years which Sirius swears to be totally true and totally not exaggerated. 

You try to give Remus a grateful smile, pressing your lips together and straightening yourself in your seat. “Thank you guys, but it’s okay, sorry for being a burden.” At that, Sirius scoffs and starts messing up your hair, which makes you start a little fight to get him to stop. When you successfully trap both his wrists in your hands, he flashes you a satisfied grin, and that’s when you understand what he’s trying to do. You sigh and slump in your seat with a defeated look, pinching his middle and making him squirm. You would’ve thought he’d know how to see it coming by now. 

“You’re not the one who ought to be sorry here, sweetheart. I could name a few other people.” He’s now eyeing James and Lily with a serious expression. You start staring at them again with a renewed sadness and Remus gives Sirius another stern look over your head.

“She didn’t even like him until a few months ago!” You and Lily had been close friends with each other way before you got to know Sirius, Remus and James better. During your school years, they were more acquaintances. So you had been the one she used to rant to about how much of a prick James was and how he wouldn’t leave her alone. Then, suddenly, a shift happened. She became nicer to him and just a couple of weeks ago she came to you all excited because he had asked her out on a date. And throughout all of this, you couldn’t master the courage to confess your feelings towards her. 

So now you’re ruining your night and your friend’s night because you can’t seem to move on and Lily just made it incredibly harder for you. “I shouldn’t even be thinking this, I should be happy for James and instead I’m being jealous of him. I’m a terrible friend." Your voice sounds desperate.

Remus makes a pitiful sound and grabs you by one arm to pull you to his chest. “No more drinking when you’re in these conditions.” His voice is low, not scolding. Sirius starts looking at you like he’s lost in his thoughts, then he sucks in a breath and gets up. “I’m starving, let’s go eat something, I know a place not too far from here.”

You leave Remus’ embrace to look at him sideways, he tilts his head and raises his eyebrows in a silent question "So? what are you waiting for?”. 

“I already told you we don’t have to go.”

“Who says it’s for you? I told you I want to eat.” He says it so naturally you could almost believe him.  

There’s no point in staying at the pub anyway, you don’t really want to see Lily right now and you could use some fries. You get up and Remus follows after you, retrieving your jackets from the far corner of the booth.

When you’re almost halfway out, James spots you and Lily turns to look at you too. You can see from the corner of your eye Sirius and James talking, but all your focus is on Lily. She’s looking at you too, with a thoughtful expression. There’s a pinch between her eyebrows, and for just a second, you could swear her eyes darted to your lips. You can’t be sure though, because right at that moment, Remus puts a hand on your shoulder and starts directing you towards the exit.

[inmy-feelings]

I'm opening requests!!

Characters I write for:

James Potter

Sirius Black

Remus Lupin

Regulus Black

Lily Evans

Marlene McKinnon

Poly Ships between the characters listed

Prongsfoot

Allison Cameron (Dr. House)

Yes it's only marauders but I will probably add more characters once I feel more inspired (like jjk).

Don't request: smut, male reader, incest, noncon, pregnant!reader or anything that has to do with kids (sorry), EDs.

(This list will probably be updated)

I will automatically assume you're requesting for fem!reader so if you're not then please specify it in your request.

Also, English is not my first language.

[inmy-feelings]

Lily x fem!reader (267 words)

Disclaimer: English is not my first language! A really short one sorry. Slightly proofread.

“Stay still.” Lily demanded. She was doing your make up for a night out with your friends, and you were both late, really late. You didn’t really know how to do it yourself, at least not as well as she did, which in hindsight should have made you feel embarrassed considering your grown age. But Lily kept touching your chin and her face was so close to yours, so much so you could see all her little freckles and admire the cute expression she made when she was concentrating on something without looking like a creep. In response you tried to mumble a little “sorry” that got interrupted by a slap on the top of your head “ouch”.  

You were doing a good job at not giving yourself away so far, but you almost lost it when she started staring at your lips, getting dangerously closer to you. You held your breath, anticipating something that you knew wouldn’t come. Her eyes looked up to meet yours and you were both frozen in time for a few moments. Her hand still holding your chin, her lips slightly parted, standing in between your legs. 

After what felt like hours, Lily retracted slowly, reaching for a small mirror on the desk. 

“All done” she murmured, trying to sound casual. You could finally breathe normally again, trying to look at anywhere but her while she handed you the mirror. Without any doubt, the make up was perfect, but that was not what you were concentrating on at the moment, you just foolishly hoped she hadn’t noticed your reaction to her proximity.

[inmy-feelings]

Good Luck, Babe!

Lily x fem!reader who has an unrequired crush (986 words)

Cw: mention of drinking, mention of reader’s past frequentation, modern au, that’s it I think?

Disclaimer: English is not my first language. Idk how to feel about this one, honestly, but I’d be down to write a second part. Slightly proofread 

“You have kissed girls before, right?” Lily asked after she finished revising her essay. Maybe the question was too personal, or too direct, but she knew you wouldn’t mind it at all, so she asked anyway. 

You had a history with Marlene from your high school years. You were never official, it was mostly physical attraction, and you had managed to keep it on the low enough so that all of your friends suspected something but didn’t actually know what was going on. So yes, you had kissed girls before, and you wrongly assumed Lily had asked you that because of your ambiguous relationship with her best friend.

“Yes, a few times.” You put your arm behind your head to have a better look at her face. You were currently laying down on the couch in your room, with your legs situated over her lap while she was using them as a place to put her laptop on. “Why?”

“I’m just curious, what does it feel like?” Much better than any men you have been with, truly. 

“I guess it depends on who you kiss.” Lily was now looking at you with inspecting eyes, trying to read you. She was wearing her glasses, the ones that made you into a stuttering mess that’s only able to stare at her with heart eyes. Seriously, you had no idea how she hadn't noticed yet.

She tilted her head slightly, and you did the same. Her eyebrows pinched for just a second, like she was unsure of something, and you squinted your eyes just slightly, trying to understand if asking her the question would permanently ruin your friendship. 

“You wanna try?” you decided to go for it anyway. She stared at you for a few seconds, startled, then, she sucked in a breath and without a single word she closed her laptop, putting it aside as you tried to sit, pulling your legs away from her lap. 

“Just because I’m curious.” You didn’t know why she had felt the need to clarify that, but if she knew about your crush on her, she wouldn’t have said yes, right? She would have talked to you about it, probably to reject you, but she wasn’t the type to pretend like nothing was wrong. 

“Mmh.” You pulled her down by the collar of her shirt, so now she was leaning against you and had to hold herself up with a hand that was definitely too close to your waist. “Are you nervous?” you gently touched her cheek with the back of your hand. She shook her head and you took that as a signal to close the gap between you.

She made a little surprised sound but in the end kissed you back. You could feel your heart rate increasing at the softness of her lips and the way her other hand went to hold your jaw gently. You began leaning against the armrest so now she was completely on top of you. The hand that was caressing her cheek moved to hold the hair at the back of her neck, first gentle and then pulling just a little.

She made a delicious sound at that, and that’s when your tongue slipped into her mouth, teasing. Your mind was fluttering, the only thing you could concentrate on being your proximity, her perfume that smelled like vanilla, her soft hair, her. 

Lily was the one to interrupt the kiss, painting with her lips swollen. Her eyes traced your face and that’s when you noticed they were almost all pupils. She retreated back into a seating position, adjusting her hair, and for a second she looked panicked.

“So, how was it?” You asked, your voice sounding more hopeful than you intended. She nodded, frantic, refusing to look at you. “Good.” 

No more than a second later she started packing her things, computer and various sheets in her bag in a messy way that was not at all like her. “Where are you going?” She was already halfway out then. “I have to meet James.” 

Without even a goodbye, the door shut quickly behind her, leaving you in a regretful silence. You stared at the ceiling for what felt like hours, contemplating your life choices and how could you be so stupid to think she was gonna be okay with that? She liked James, she had made that very clear to you on multiple occasions, if the constant flirting every time you went out with your friends wasn’t enough. 

Speaking of which, your phone started vibrating from the carpet where it had fallen, and you saw Remus’ contact pop up. “Hi, do you need something?” You tried to sound less miserable than you probably looked, to no avail, because even to you your voice sounded low and tight.

After a few seconds of silence, Remus spoke. “We needed to go out tonight, remember? You asked me to pick you up.” Your breath caught up, of course you had forgotten. “Oh.”

“Are you okay? If you’re not feeling like going out, we can stay in your room, I wouldn’t mind missing out.” 

“No, I’ll be ready in a few minutes, but thank you Rem.” You said hanging up the phone, you only felt slightly bad at how dismissive you had been. Of course you would have to witness another night of James and Lily ogling each other like they were the only people in the room. But you had already bailed on them too many times, and Sirius would’ve killed you if you ditched them, or dragged you to the club himself if he had to, so you couldn’t miss out. 

Taking a deep breath, you started getting ready. Sirius and Remus wouldn’t have minded if you stuck to them all night, right? You would’ve told them about your umpteenth failure with Lily and drank the night away, ignoring her completely. 

Surely, nothing could’ve gone wrong.

[inmy-feelings]

Casual

James x Sirius who is James’ first kiss (670 words)

Cw: cheating(?), making out, allusion to smut at the end if you squint, alcohol

Disclaimer: English is not my first language! Faintly inspired by Casual by Chappell Roan. Ok this was supposed to be much shorter and innocent but I hit flow state, idk at first I was really excited about it and then halfway I started hating it so I’ll leave the final say to you! Happy pride month! Slightly proofread.

Sirius was James’ first kiss. 

It came out of nowhere. One day, they were laying on Sirius’ bed and James was talking about Lily again. About her beautiful red hair that reminded him of the sunset and her fiery green eyes, that intruded his mind like a ray of sunshine would pierce a leaf after a rainy morning. 

It stung, the way she would talk to him in such a condescending tone, like he wasn’t worth her time. She seemed to hate him, or, at the very least, couldn’t stand him, and he could not understand why. 

Sirius didn’t have the same problem, but then again, he had never liked a girl this much. He preferred a one night fling, or just a simple make out during a party. The less he got his feelings involved the better. That’s when a question came to him, had James ever kissed anyone? He has spent so much time going after a girl who didn’t want him, Sirius struggled to believe the thought of other girls had ever come up to him. 

James didn’t want to admit it at first. He was about to turn eighteen after all, how could he be so inexperienced? He was James Potter after all: Quidditch Captain, headboy and could probably have half the school’s population at his feet if he wanted to. 

But Sirius knew better. He had known him since they were children, they had shared a room for all their school years and James had told him everything that had happened in his life, before he ever told anyone else. If James had kissed someone, Sirius would've known.

“Do you wanna practice? You know, for Evans.” And how could James say no? Sirius was his best mate after all, his brother, whom he had welcomed in his home without batting an eye. It started slow at first, and Sirius could sense James' inexperience. He was hesitant and insecure, but he couldn’t see an ounce of regret in his eyes, only something unrecognizable to him, who had never received love.

The second time happened after they won another Quidditch match, while a party in the common room was in full swing. James and Lily had started talking, sometimes James would crack a joke and Lily would laugh, accentuating the sentiment with a flip of her hair. So naturally they had to practice again “You know, for when you and Evans become serious.” 

This time, James was much more grounded and tried to take the lead over Sirius, which made the latter think that he could’ve gotten practice with someone else. So he kissed him harder, savoring all the little noises and sighs James made whenever he would bite his lower lip. 

The third time, Sirius was attached to James’ neck, leaving marks that James was sure would soon be a violent purple, loud and bright for everyone to see, but he did not care, not as much as he should. Lily had accepted to go to Hogsmade with him, on a date, and obviously the first person to know had been Sirius, who congratulated him with a bottle of Firewhiskey and a grin that did not at all reach his eyes.

But James didn't notice, or he pretended not to, so he accepted the offer. Hours later, the bottle of alcohol was half empty and discarded on the now soaked carpet of their room, and the two boys were laying on Sirius’ bed, again. James should have been thinking about Lily and Sirius should have been respecting his ‘no-feelings’ rule, but how could they when it felt so right? They always felt like they were each other’s soulmates after all, like they were meant to be each other’s. Because that’s what they always were. Everybody recognized that, even the teachers. Everybody knew that James Potter and Sirius Black belonged together. 

So for a night they forgot about the world around them and let their hidden, drunken feelings swallow them into an endless void of love and regret.

[inmy-feelings]

Ok this might be bad but I'm actually satisfied now that I modified it a little.

[inmy-feelings]

Casual

James x Sirius who is James’ first kiss (670 words)

Cw: cheating(?), making out, allusion to smut at the end if you squint, alcohol

Disclaimer: English is not my first language! Faintly inspired by Casual by Chappell Roan. Ok this was supposed to be much shorter and innocent but I hit flow state, idk at first I was really excited about it and then halfway I started hating it so I’ll leave the final say to you! Happy pride month! Slightly proofread.

Sirius was James’ first kiss. 

It came out of nowhere. One day, they were laying on Sirius’ bed and James was talking about Lily again. About her beautiful red hair that reminded him of the sunset and her fiery green eyes that intruded his mind like a ray of sunshine would pierce a leaf after a rainy morning. 

It stung, the way she would talk to him in such a condescending tone, like he wasn’t worth her time. She seemed to hate him, or, at the very least, couldn’t stand him, and he could not understand why. 

Sirius didn’t have the same problem, but then again, he had never liked a girl this much. He preferred a one night fling, or just a simple make out during a party. The less he got his feelings involved the better. That’s when a question came to him, had James ever kissed anyone? He has spent so much time going after a girl who didn’t want him, Sirius struggled to believe the thought of other girls had ever come up to him. 

James didn’t want to admit it at first. He was about to turn eighteen, how could he be so inexperienced? He was James Potter after all: Quidditch Captain, headboy and could probably have half the school’s population at his feet if he wanted to. 

But Sirius knew better. He had known him since they were children, they had shared a room for all their school years and James had told him everything that had happened in his life, before he ever told anyone else. If James had kissed someone, Sirius would've known.

“Do you wanna practice? You know, for Evans.” And how could James say no? Sirius was his best mate after all, his brother, whom he had welcomed in his home without batting an eye. It started slow at first, and Sirius could sense James' inexperience. He was hesitant and insecure, but he couldn’t see an ounce of regret in his eyes, only something unrecognizable to him, who had never received love.

The second time happened after they won another Quidditch match, while a party in the common room was in full swing. James and Lily had started talking, sometimes James would crack a joke and Lily would laugh, accentuating the sentiment with a flip of her hair. So naturally they had to practice again “You know, for when you and Evans become serious.” 

This time, James was much more grounded and tried to take the lead over Sirius, which made the latter think that he could’ve gotten practice with someone else. So he kissed him harder, savoring all the little noises and sighs James made whenever he would bite his lower lip. 

The third time, Sirius was attached to James’ neck, leaving marks that James was sure would soon be a violent purple, loud and bright for everyone to see, but he did not care, not as much as he should. Lily had accepted to go to Hogsmade with him, on a date, and obviously the first person to know had been Sirius, who congratulated him with a bottle of Firewhiskey and a grin that did not at all reach his eyes.

But James didn't notice, or he pretended not to, so he accepted the offer. Hours later, the bottle of alcohol was half empty and discarded on the now soaked carpet of their room, and the two boys were laying on Sirius’ bed, again. James should have been thinking about Lily and Sirius should have been respecting his ‘no-feelings’ rule, but how could they when it felt so right? They always felt like they were each other’s soulmates after all, like they were meant to be each other’s. Because that’s what they always were. Everybody recognized that, even the teachers. Everybody knew that James Potter and Sirius Black belonged together. 

So for a night they forgot about the world around them and let their hidden, drunken feelings swallow them into an endless void of love and regret.