every episode of house ever
*episode opens with patient going about their every day life*
patient: owww my everything
*patient goes to hospital*
house: okay guys got any ideas
literally everyone: ehh probably meningitis
house: well you're wrong give him a lumbar puncture
foreman: house despite you being the head of our team we obviously know more than you
house: *joke about foreman being black*
foreman:
house:
foreman:
house:
chase: hey cameron you wanna bang later
cameron: fuk u
chase: eyyy she wants me ;0
patient: oww my everything
cameron: the patient is getting worse house what do we do
house: pfff fuck if i know
cameron: damn house you suck you're a terrible doctor he obviously has meningitis
house: give him some drugz idk
cameron: wow guys did you hear house telling us to give the patient drugs? damn he's a great doctor wouldn't you just like to bang him?
chase: >:(
cuddy: house go work in the clinic
house: no
cuddy: do it or else
house: ugh fine
*insert some comic-relief scene of house in the clinic with a dumb patient*
*meanwhile the first patient gets worse*
patient: owww now my eyes are green
chase: house his eyes are green and he is literally on the brink of death what do we do
*INSERT 30 SECOND LONG MONTAGE OF HOUSE GOING OVER THE FACTS*
house: gREEN EYES?! THIS IS A SIGN OF TITTY DEFLATION!
*insert a 3D animation of how the disease works with voice over of how it works*
house: only a shot of the super-duper-illegal anti-titty deflation vaccine that has not yet been made legal can save him now
cuddy: NO
house: YES
cuddy: NO
house: YES
cuddy: NO
house: fuk u bitch i do what i want lmao cuddy? more like slutty ayyyy
*house gives patient cure*
patient: wow, doctor! by some miracle you've cured me! And even the chronic pain in my back was fixed!
house: yet another symptom of your titty deflation
wilson: how did he have titty deflation? he doesn't have titties
house: shut up, wilson, you were probably irrelevant this episode
*"You Can't Always Get What You Want" plays*
