i deserve better than that.

[insecureneurotic]

oliver

        he pulls back (though his arms remain around her) to press a kiss to her forehead, her cheek, her lips – REASSURING her that he wasn’t going anywhere; he’s lived through situations far more DANGEROUS than a bomb in a government building. ❛ – you’re not going to lose me. it takes more than a collapsing building & a few suicide bombers to take me out. i’m not leaving you, EVER.❜ because he had SO MUCH to lose this time. 

           she wants to believe what he's saying from the bottom of her heart -- which coincidentally would be irreparably BROKEN if what he says proves untrue -- but the fear grips hard. perhaps it's because until this moment, she had always viewed him as being invincible. her lips react naturally, pressing back to his, soaking in the comfort he offers even though her eyes shine with anxiety as they peer up into his. " maybe. maybe you're right but you're still human. what if something happens & you don't get out in time? "

[insecureneurotic]

oliver

          he doesn’t let go, fingertips gently & soothingly stroke her back, lips pressing against her cheek (first things first – calming caroline down was his PRIORITY at the moment). ❛ i know. i lost my phone somewhere in the wreckage, but i rushed to find you as soon i got cleared by the paramedics. i’m here now, both arms, both legs, no permanent wounds – i promise.❜

           the slow, steady passes of his hands inspire air back into her chest & allow some relief from her shaking limbs but she doesn't let go either. instead her fingers clench into the fabric of his shirt ( someone would have to break them to get her away ). " thank god. i just --- ... " her throat flashes with a hard swallow. " i don't know what i'd do if i ever lost you, oliver. i saw it happen on tv & it was like my whole world collapsed with that building. "

[insecureneurotic]

oliver

                                       ➶. insecureneurotic

        ❛– its okay, its okay – breathe, caroline. i’m okay; i got out of there before the building collapsed.❜

             breathing, what a concept. " you have no idea how scared i was. i ---- i didn't know what to do. at all. "

[closed-forgood]

favorite character meme - three emotions [1/3]

→  anger

[dailydamongifs]

[insecureneurotic]

wow! so let me preface by saying that i'm incredibly flattered that there are over 200 of you lovely people following me & how grateful i am to each & everyone of you. i've been playing caroline -- off & on -- for about 3-4 years now ( 2 of which i've done here on indie ) & honestly, it's because of people like YOU who make me come back each & every time. i know that since i've switched blogs ( from formermissmystic ) it's been different but some of you have really stuck with me through it.  i want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for not only your follow, but also your interactions, your encouragement & your inspiration. you make my dashboard gleam every time i log in. so this is a follow forever, or a bias list whichever you want to call it, designed from all of you! these are the blogs that keep me here on indie -- some of which i am honored to call my friends & some of which i am unashamed to say i'm an avid stalker. you make the experience totally worth it! thank you all so very much!!

                                          my babies, my children, my loves, my worlds:

                             catatonicserialkiller crazyimpulsive darkinherheart fangedbarbie                            fiveyearsalone pulledfromhell shesforgiven sheruled warinherblood

                                          you amaze me every day, you’re precious gifts:

                                  affinityforsecrets​ allisonbreathe badmachiine decayedcare                                               distruust earthsfirst fatedtoendure​ ghoulardii                                        hraustr​ hybridisms​ intimidatinglybrilliant​ ofabnegation​                                  offireandrebellion​ ofhardy​ ofsentencefragments​ oliverqxeen​                                            parkerwitch​ pridefxl​ rcyalblue​ seeksforgiveness​                                                                 spacesucked​ withsacrifice​

[insecureneurotic]

tumblr’s been unfollowing people for me i never meant to unfollow. good thing i’m doing this follow forever because SCREW YOU TUMBLR.

[insecureneurotic]

( dean. )

       “not that i don’t think you can, but how many times am i going to tell you to go ahead and punch me? – come on. i want to see what you’ve got.”

         " ---- fine, okay. " it's a resigned sigh as she frowns ( she definitely doesn't want to ) but she curls her hands into fists anyway. she draws her right arm back before throwing it forward at full force, crashing her knuckles against the solid flesh of his stomach, which she thinks might be the easiest place to hit him. the next second, she shakes out her hand, looking apologetic. " there! are you happy now? "

[insecureneurotic]

( oliver. )

           his life had been a sad mess before caroline had appeared in his life, now, it wasn’t uncommon to see oliver smiling (there was a certain radiance about him nowadays – he had been atlas in the island, carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders, but she had lifted all of it away the first time she smiled at him). oliver’s fingers slip away from her panties & slowly work the buttons of his her shirt. ‘ i’m glad you think so because i’m certain he wasn’t aware of what happiness truly was before you’. when he unbuttons the last few & his shirt stays halfway open on her body, he notices the bare space between caroline’s breasts – she’s not wearing a bra. oliver all but growls against the skin of her neck before capturing her lips in a wanton kiss. ‘i definitely don’t look THIS good with that shirt on’. 

               caroline couldn't & didn't want to imagine what her life might be like without oliver in it. he's opened her mind up to so many things, so many possibilities --- he changed her whole world. sometimes she thinks he doesn't give himself the credit he deserves. still, no one has ever revered her the way that he does. " isn't that what being in love is supposed to feel like? " her next little surprise inspires another wonderful reaction from him & she finds herself breathing a soft moan into his mouth in the midst of his hungry kiss. she withdraws her hands just long enough to finish unbuttoning the shirt & pushing it off behind her, leaving her practically naked in front of him. " only because you don't see what i see," she murmurs as she pushes his shirt up over his chest, edging back from his lips to lay a few warm kisses onto his own skin -- hovering near the tattoo below his collarbone. " --- trust me, i like what i see. "

[insecureneurotic]

( dean. )

     “alright then – punch me. anywhere you want.            i wanna see how much high school taught you.”

        " are you kidding? dean, no --- i'm not going to hit you. that's not necessary. i promise i can handle myself if something happens."

[insecureneurotic]

( oliver. )

          when the distance between them is closed, his hands fall on caroline’s thighs; there’s a playful smirk on his lips before he quickly tugs her closer to the edge, hands skimming upwards until skillful fingers slide under the sides of her panties, by her hipbones – (he doesn’t tug them down, not yet). caroline was always finding new & innovative ways to surprise him – suddenly, he didn’t care who else used the place for training or research, when he was with caroline, he tended to forget about every single one of his troubles. ‘ i’ll make sure to pass the message along to your boyfriend, because i’m 100% positive he’s missed you too. he’s kind of crazy about you’. he leans in to press his lips against the skin of caroline’s neck, fingertips pressing against her hips, voice dropping. ‘–…especially when you wear things like this’. 

                the instant his hands are touching her skin, she can feel it tingle & the butterflies springing to life inside of her belly. it's sort of amazing to think about how far they've come with their boundaries ( or now the lack thereof ) with each other & how much closer they were than she had ever imagined they could be. oliver's willingness to give in is satisfying -- it gave her the impression that no matter what, they would always have this -- a connection, the feeling that they belonged together. " i'm crazy about him too," she reciprocates, eyelids fluttering shut at the feel of his lips on her neck, her own hands finding their way underneath his shirt, lightly scraping her nails against hard muscle & giving him the subtle hint to proceed. " when we're together, he makes me feel like i'm the only other person in the world. no one makes me happier. " a small giggle escapes from her as she adds, " ---- you wear things like this all the time, so now you know how i feel. "

[insecureneurotic]

( ethan. )

       “please don’t tell me you have a weird thing for watching people sleep. i should warn you, i get those night terror things and there’s no tellin’ what will happen.”

               " don't flatter yourself. i wouldn't be watching you if i didn't have to. those 'night terror things' is exactly why i do. it sounds like more than just a bad case of sleepwalking. "

[insecureneurotic]

( kai. )

        he reaches out to touch her but nearly decides against it before taking a grip onto one of her wrists. “i’m not in your head – not anymore. that’s you.”             

        " no. no --- i don't --- you put that there! " her accusation comes in the form of deep, uneven breaths, barely resisting his grasp. she doesn't care about him or anyone else --- but she knows the memories like the back of her hand. it's the feelings attached to them that scares her to death. her voice lowers to a growl, " try it again and i will hurt you. "

[insecureneurotic]

( oliver. )

       he barely pays attention to the quiver’s door closing behind him as he makes his way down the stairs, looking over a QC proposal delivered on his desk a week ago (he had been too lazy to look at them sooner). his distraction is attributed to the way he completely misses caroline sitting on the examination table, though her SILHOUETTE catches his attention – before he turns around, he double takes, & slowly lets his eyes wander over caroline’s body. his eyebrows shoot up, letting the papers fall on the ground as he makes his way to her; he’s the luckiest man in the world. ‘ – oh… if i had known you were here i wouldn’t have made you wait’. 

                   it's incredibly hard to resist bursting into laughter at his ridiculously comical reaction to her little surprise. for someone who spent his nights being the criminal's worst nightmare & constantly doing the unexpected, it's refreshing to know he can be like this --- easily caught off-guard. " if you'd known i was here, that would have ruined the whole thing. " when he's within arm's reach, she doesn't hesitate in reaching for him, taking a hold of his hands & inviting him to stand between her knees. " you've been working really hard lately & i'm SO proud of you, but you deserve a b r e a k. so --- i made sure that the arrow gets the night off so i can borrow my boyfriend for a little while. i kind of miss him. "

[insecureneurotic]

( nate. )

          ‘ ian — uh, i mean ETHAN! ’ nate gives a L I G H T chuckle; he’s on the phone with his oldest son, who, unfortunately won’t stop calling his parents while they’re having a date night. ‘ look, your mom fed olivia before we left, she should be sleeping, and we left you two boys money for pizza, right? ’ archibald questions ethan through the phone, no doubt receiving a plethora of comments and excuses from the boy, ‘ you’re seventeen years old. put on a movie, spend quality time with your brother. just stop freaking out about everything. mom & i will be home by ten. ’

          ‘ you would think that he’d be able to handle it. ’ he smiles at his wife from across the table, taking a sip from the glass of wine that he ordered from the server, ‘ i’m confident in him. ’ nate takes another look at his menu, before back up to caroline, noticing a trace of worry in her features, ‘ they’re going to be fine. it’s just a few hours. ’

             while nate is preoccupied on the phone, trying to rein in ethan, caroline's mind is a checklist --- quickly trying to remember if they had forgotten a single thing before they had left their home that evening. dinner movie was left on the kitchen counter next to a list of available delivery places. there was an extra bottle of formula in the refrigerator just in case olivia woke up before they made their return. obviously, ethan had both of their cell phone numbers ( on speed dial ) in case there was an emergency. all the bases had been covered & yet caroline felt a s h o c k of worry stream through her as soon as she recognized nate's fatherly tone. she hadn't even realized how RIGID she'd become throughout their two-minute-long conversation until nate was reaching for the wine.

               " --- but maybe it's too much with the baby AND ian. he's only seventeen. " she can't even count on one hand the times they've both left the whole household in ethan's charge --- especially with olivia's arrival. her teeth catch the inside of her cheek, chewing lightly as the anxiety makes itself more apparent. " we could call someone to check in on them. just to make sure, you know? "

[insecureneurotic]

( ethan. )

closed starter for insecureneurotic !

          “No no, I’ll just sleep right here. On the ground.                  It’s totally cool, I’ve done it before.”

         " you say it like it's an inconvenience. sorry but i don't trust you yet. you're not leaving my sight until i know for sure. "

[insecureneurotic]

                                                ( fiveyearsalone. )

                     as soon as she hears the door open, she hops up on the edge of the examination table & in one fluid motion, crosses her bare legs & dislodges her curls from the collar of his dress shirt that's been strategically buttoned to leave only the essential parts of her form to the imagination. her head tilts as her grin grows. " ---- hey there, mister queen. i've been waiting for you. "