Once Upon A Demigod

Hey, you just found a Daughter of Zeus, a Hogwarts Graduate, and a Tribute from District 12 who secures her place in Narnia after moving from Lorien! Welcome to my world! I create reality from dreams. I build a life with magic. I start my day with courage. I end my day with hope. Sometimes I wonder, do I count on a miracle? Most of the time, I do.

[intankhasanah]

Why are you making me want things not meant to be mine, dear God? I’m so tired of being shattered over and over and over again. Wanting things so bad, yet couldn't afford them at all, even tho they are bare minimum. Some of them are even below the bar. Just why. Why.

[intankhasanah]

It's okay if people only remember you at your lowest, then leave after they feel better. At least you can offer a place where they feel safe to rest. You can be ears to the untold stories they are too afraid to tell. You can give them a pause to breathe, as if you were a magical island that opens to everyone who needs some fresh air. It's okay. I understand you. Because I am just like you. And I think when we can both be islands for the others, we can also be an island for each other. What do you say?

[intankhasanah]

My mind is a place I wanna escape from, and also a place I wanna escape to.

[intankhasanah]

"When was the last time you wanted something?" "I don't...remember." "How so?" "I lost the privilege to want something a long time ago. So, it doesn't matter what I want. Wanting something has triggered me to think about how disappointing everything is. I'm tired of feeling disappointed. I just wanna be grateful, even though it means I give up wanting something."

[intankhasanah]

Have you ever wondered how many people look at the same sky just like you at this very moment? You might be strangers to each other. You might never meet them or know their names. But for a moment, you’re all under the same sky, feeling something you don’t always know how to explain. Connected with unseen forces. Isn't it magical? So whenever you feel lonely or insignificant or useless or left behind, just look up. Someone, somewhere, is doing the exact same thing as you.

[intankhasanah]

If our story only happens in a movie, I'm still glad. At least there is one that works.

[intankhasanah]

Maybe I suffer because I placed love and hate in the wrong places. I was taught to love the result and hate the process, as if it’s something wickedly painful to endure. But most of life exists there, in the process, not at the end. And even when I reach the end, it never stays an ending. There is always another goal, another expectation, another beginning disguised as a finish line. I don’t want to keep hating the place where my life actually happens. So I’m learning to love the process as much as the result, maybe even more. Because the process is where I learn, where I grow, and where I truly live.

[intankhasanah]

I don't wanna be the kind of person who makes people feel like telling their truth is useless. I don't want anyone to silence their truth just because they think I wouldn't understand. I know I can be reactive sometimes, but every day I'm trying to do better, so nothing has to be hidden from me. I know what it feels like to feel unsafe, and I don't wanna be the reason someone else feels that way.

[intankhasanah]

Everyone experiences people differently. We don’t have to get so caught up in what was right or wrong. It’s different for everyone, and it keeps changing. What matters is who we are now, who we’re going to be, and the choices we make.

[intankhasanah]

Do I really know you? I think I do. Some parts. But that doesn’t mean I was entirely wrong about you. I just didn’t have enough time or permission to see the other parts you hide, or the ones you don’t even know exist, just like with mine.

[intankhasanah]

Reconnecting after a friendship breakup feels like both grief and relief. I grieve the history and the shift in our dynamic, yet I feel relief knowing we can begin again, with clearer terms and better expectations.

[intankhasanah]

Sometimes I can't tell the difference between "seeing good in people" and "rationalizing their bad behaviors" because I'm too aware of unhealed trauma discourses and their impacts.

[intankhasanah]

Words hold sacred power, yet not everyone notices it. But I do. I am aware of it, highly, in fact. So I try to be very careful with my vows. My promises. My words. Won't give it easily when I'm in ecstasy. Won't throw it blatantly when I'm in rage. And I wish people would do the same, at least when they send me their words. Anyway, it's just my wishful thinking.

[intankhasanah]

I never be a type who gives up on people, because I know exactly how bad it feels when people give up on you. I don't like that feeling. I don't wish for others to feel it too. I'll protect them from it, even though it costs me myself.

[intankhasanah]

You can’t always trust what you see. People can post their best moments while crying over untold stories they hide in silence. Life is funny like that.

[intankhasanah]

I need to stop saving people and start saving myself. I need to stop fixing others just because I once believed I was too broken to be fixed. I need to stop compensating for whatever has been missing in me or gone wrong with my life through others. Let me start with me.

[intankhasanah]

“I’m a walking red flag. You will hate me for sure. Maybe not now, but later,” he warned me more than once. What makes me wonder is this: aren’t we the ones who choose how we act? Why can someone be so certain they’ll repeat the same mistakes, even far into the future? I believe we can anticipate harm by choosing differently. Of course, it won’t be perfect. Of course, there will be mistakes along the way. But it doesn’t have to become the same disaster on repeat, at least not if we set the intention to break the curse. I know it won't be easy. But we can work on that. Remember, the brain can be rewired.