❝ I JUST WANTED TO FEEL ... HUMAN. ❞ indie rp. | regs.

[integreti]

          .:: SYSTEMS ALLIANCE REGULATIONS ::.

-  kaidan alenko from mass effect. -  indie, highly selective, & extremely private. -  mentions of gore / injury, drugs, & death will be tagged. -  although it’s very appreciated, it’s likely i will not answer every ask i receive. -  do not force ships.  do not drop hints that you want to ship.  just ask me.  if i say no, it means no.  if i say yes, it means yes.  very simple stuff, my friends. -  i will not ship with every shep out there.  chemistry is a huge thing. -  please do not ever make assumptions because it's your muse's canon.  -  writer is 18+

                               CURRENT STATUS:  LOW ACTIVITY.

[integreti]

ew wtf happened to me ‘n kaidan 

[bassiter]

oh to wrap bandages around and put disinfectant on another man’s wounds as i catch his tender gaze and lovingly call him an idiot and tell him to be more careful

[integreti]

                     STATUS REPORT  :: wolf

The force of the sudden declaration had him flinching a moment, abruptly broken from his pensive thoughts about being nothing but a weapon. A weapon that Rasa had used and then discarded like trash.

He turns his attention fully back on the Major, wary for the resumption of biotics— and an attack. The look on the marine’s face however, was… strained… somehow. Truthfully, he was feeling strained himself. What was the confusing standard the man wanted him to be? Not a threat was obvious, but everything else? Free? What did he even mean? He was practically on house (ship) arrest lest he be snatched up the moment he stepped off— at least, according to the original. He felt that the Commander had been exaggerating to keep him in the ship. On top of that, he couldn’t even walk around said ship without the crew watching him with a hand hovering over their sidearm.

A point of pain started throbbing in his temple at the Major’s next confusing question. “I— what? Blasto? That… hanar… thing?” The only reason he knew that much was because there were advertisements everywhere for it. He bristled slightly, his expression caustic as he asked, “What— what does that have to do with anything?” His head was going to explode with this confusing conversation. Maybe he should have kept his mouth shut and let the Major continue on his merry way at watching the dangerous weapon.

a  few  moments  stretched  into  a  full  minute  before  kaidan  finally  lifted  his  head  and  met  the  clone’s  gaze  dead  on.   the  conflict  swimming  in  those  bright  blue  eyes  sent  him  straight  back  to  horizon,  when  kaidan  had  seen,  for  the  first  time,  his  commander  appearing  genuinely  perturbed,  torn  between  one  thing  and  another.   vulnerable  and  lonely.   ... and  within  that  short  interlude,  all  the  helpless  frustration  drained  out  of  kaidan,  leaving  nothing  but  the  faint  embers  of  an  anger  he  couldn’t  bring  himself  to  reignite.   this  was … emotionally  exhausting—and  more  so  than  kaidan  had  initially  anticipated.

what  had  he  been  thinking,  coming  here  with  nothing  but  this  obscure  shred  of  hope,  cupped  in  both  his  hands,  its  existence  both  fragile  and  fleeting.   good  intentions  or  not,  kaidan  had  known  from  the  outset  that  this  conversation  would  likely  go  nowhere,  knew  this  wouldn’t  be  easy  for  either  of  them,  and  yet         lifting  his  shoulders  up  in  a  shrug,  kaidan  sighed  quietly,  because,  well—damn  it  all  to  hell,  he  wasn’t  quite  sure  what  ‘blasto’  had  to  do  with  this,  either.

❝this … this  might  sound  stupid  as  hell,  but  hear  me  out.❞   both  hands  hovered  at  his  sides,  aiming  to  convey  his  coöperation  in  full.   ❝once  shepard  clears  you,  i  know  he’s  going  to  give  you  a  choice  to  stay  here—or  to  go.   nobody  aboard  the  normandy  is  going  to  make  you  stay  and  fight  the  reapers.   you’re – you’re  not  a  weapon  to  us,  you’re  a  human  being.   and,  you  said  it  yourself,  you  don’t  know  much  else  beyond  war,  so,  i – i  want …❞   huffing  at  his  own  apprehension,  kaidan  gathered  his  resolve,  then  drove  his  point  home.   ❝i  want  to  show  what  else  there  is  to  life.   we  might  not  have  all  the  time  in  world  right  now,  but  i  don’t  mind  making  time.   and  maybe – maybe  this  way,  you’ll  find  a  reason  to  fight.   one  that’s ... all  your  own.❞

[integreti]

                   STATUS REPORT  ::  rev

A loud laugh broke out from Revan at the image that provoked (sadly, not a memory). “You thought I was some kind of… spider whisperer?” He shook his head and laughed again. “Don’t worry, I promise I won’t bring any spiders near you. I’m more likely to bring a snake than a spider anyway. I’m surprised though,” he added with a light teasing lilt, “that a big bad marine like you is scared of spiders.” 

The teasing banter was in a word, odd. Of course he was used to coaxing people to talk, manipulate them into answering questions, but with Alenko— Kaidan— it was almost effortless. Like slipping on old worn comfortable clothes. “Did I tease you a lot too? I am feeling way too comfortable poking at you. Usually,” he confided, “I’m always half expecting to be clobbered when I talk to people like that.”

❝you  were  relentless,❞  kaidan  all  but  exclaimed,  half-scoffing,  half-laughing,  before  he  pushed  a  hand  through  his  hair,  just  about  bewildered  by  the  abrupt  rush  of  adrenaline.   talking  about  baat  always  made  him  feel  restless  and  unreasonably  defensive.   impulsive,  even.   while  there  was  no  malice  behind  his  response,  there  was  no  denying  the  unexpected  thickness  choking  his  voice,  either.   kaidan  swallowed  hard  and  adjusted  himself,  stalling  despite  grasping  he  was  in  control  of  this  discussion.   he  was  the  one  with  all  the  intact  memories.   not  revan.   ... even  so,  kaidan  found  himself  fearing  revan’s  possible  resentment  towards  him.

probably  why  i  feel  messed  up  as  hell,  kaidan  thought  dryly.   seeing  revan,  chatting  with  him  again,  the  man  he’d  once  called  his  best  friend,  his  brother,  after  having  accepted  and  lived  with  the  brutal  truth  that  revan  hadn’t  survived  baat  training,  only  drew  forth  the  worst  of  what  kaidan  carried  in  his  heart.

the  recollection  remained  so  clear,  too,  the  heart-stopping  moment  when  everything  had  fallen  apart.   there  had  been  no  warning  to  it,  no  prelude  to  the  girl’s  scream  demanding  everyone’s  attention,  before  an  explosion  of  chaos  had  followed.   kaidan  remembered  getting  up  off  the  gymnasium  floor,  still  dazed  from  warm-ups,  his  eyebrows  furrowing  as  his  gaze  fixed  on  the  currents  of  dark  energy  manifesting  in  the  distance,  rippling  over  a  prone  form  until  the  body  began  to  convulse  violently — and  kaidan,  helpless  as  he  was,  merely  stared  in  acute  horror.

to  this  day,  kaidan  wasn’t  sure  how  long  he’d  stood  there.   the  kids  had  drained  out  of  the  gym  after  the  paramedics  had  taken  revan  away,  but  he  stayed,  for  whatever  inane  reason.   rahna  had  found  him  minutes  before  curfew,  tugged  on  his  arm  and  pleaded  him  to  return  to  his  room  before  they  both  got  into  trouble.   of  course,  alenko  had  yielded,  and  not  just  because  he  didn’t  want  rahna  to  suffer  any  punishments  brought  on  by  his  own  stubbornness,  but  because  a  part  of  him  hoped,  in  equal  parts  desperation  and  fear,  he’d  heard  those  paramedics  wrong,  that  revan’s  seizure  wasn’t  deemed  fatal,  and  he  was  probably  already  tucked  in  bed,  recuperating  after  a  minor  short-circuit  to  his  L2  implant.

when  kaidan  returned  to  their  quarters  that  evening,  revan’s  bed  was  empty.

the  lieutenant  blew  out  a  long,  heavy  sigh  and  sat  back  in  his  seat,  his  hooded  gaze  sweeping  over  revan’s  profile  as  a  look  of  old  grief  settled  over  his  features.   oh,  if  only  he’d  known  what  happened … had  he  known,  perhaps  he  wouldn’t  have  lost  his  temper  with  vyrnnus ... wouldn’t  have  given  into  his  fear  of  losing  rahna,  like  he’d  lost  revan —

❝hey,  wait.   rev,  do  you - do  you  remember  someone  named  rahna?❞

[integreti]

                STATUS REPORT  ::  wolf

He still didn’t understand. What kind of people were this crew, to care for something like him? A clone? Emotional baggage, he had called them. Seemed like they suffered from the same thing their Commander did… Except… Did he just say ‘alright’? He was distracted when the hairs on the back of his neck stood up. Warily, he looked at the Major.

When the glow of dark energy began to show, he had the urge to run, to defend himself. While he had advocated eliminating threats, he wasn’t going to go meekly to an execution. His eyes flick around for potential weapons and cursed the fact his progenitor didn’t keep much in the cabin. He supposed he could try lobbing datapads… The crack of the biotic field had him suddenly jumping up and diving for the bed. Crouching behind the frankly pathetic cover, he gave a quick look at the Major, heart pounding with adrenaline, half expecting to see an attack ready to make him a smear on the wall— but the biotics faded.

The absence of the biotic field didn’t make him feel any less wary, but he cautiously stood. He could lie, tell the man what he wanted to hear. Lull them into complacency like they thought and escape. Maybe kill some of them along the way out. Show them just how having such ‘emotional baggage’ could be deadly. And yet, he could imagine the disappointment on the original’s face and inexplicably felt off.

“I don’t know,” the honest admission slipping out. “Like you said, I’m a deadly weapon. Killing things, it’s my nature. I really haven’t… known anything else.” For all his talk about learning to be human, he actually hadn’t learned more than the basics. How to walk and talk, cultural references so he wouldn’t stick out. Most of the time he was learning different weapons, how to use them, take down an enemy with prejudice, combat tactics, the works.

“I thought that’s why he wanted me on the ship. You’re going up against Reapers, makes sense you want the best weapons to do it.”

❝you’re  not  just  a  weapon!❞  kaidan  snapped,  then  paused,  shoulders  squaring  and  his  mouth  parting  slightly,  as  though  the  instant  counter  wasn’t  intentional.   gaze  flanked  for  wounded  pride,  he  set  a  hand  down  on  the  desk  almost  anxiously,  his  distress  echoing  in  spades  by  now,  ricocheting  off  metal  walls  and  rattling  his  head  hard  enough  to  easily  force  the  onset  of  a  migraine.

kaidan  had  assumed  appealing  to  this  man’s  battle  instinct,  his  sense  of  honor  as  a  soldier,  regardless  of  how  little  he  might  have,  would  prove  convincing  enough.   lower  your  weapon.   leave  it  on  the  ground.   show  them  you’re  not  hostile.   surrender  peacefully.  begin  negotiations.   and - damn  it.   this  wasn’t  how  kaidan  meant  for  this  to  go.   it  was  bad  enough  the  man  had  already  shown  alarm—or  what  had  seemed  a  lot  like  panic—and  seeing  the  stark  flash  of  it  in  bright  blue  eyes,  before  he  dove  for  cover  and  hid  behind  the  bed … kaidan  furrowed  his  brows  and  pinched  the  bridge  of  his  nose,  questioning  why  and  how  this  backfired  so  spectacularly  in  his  face.

he  bet  powering  off  his  biotics  probably  looked  like  nothing  more  than  a  knee-jerk  response,  some  inane  impulse  having  swept  clear  past  rationality,  because  look  where  they  ended  up:  shepard’s  clone  appearing  more  troubled  than  kaidan  had  ever  seen  him,  and  kaidan,  doubting  his  ability  to  keep  calm  when  it  was  shepard’s  expression  across  the  distance,  shepard’s  voice  in  his  ears,  shepard’s  blue  eyes  having  pinned  him  stiff,  unable  to  walk  away.

kaidan  had  walked  away  once  before,  back  on  horizon—and  not  just  that ;  he’d  walked  away  from  someone  who  needed  help.   he  swore  to  himself  there  wouldn’t  be  a  second  time,  and  he  wasn’t  about  to  break  that  promise,  now...

vacillating  between  waiting  for  the  ground  team  to  return  to  the  normandy,  or  to  remain  here,  in  shepard’s  cabin,  and  fully  subscribe  to  the  idealistic  concept  that  if  kaidan  simply  tried  hard  enough,  he  could  splinter  this  man  from  this  cerberus  identity  and — and — for  a  moment,  kaidan  could  only  seethe  in  silence,  before  he  tore  each  notion  apart  and  cast  them  aside,  uncaring  of  how  many  pieces  of  himself  scattered,  as  well.

❝would  you—would  you  want  to,  then?❞   kaidan  kept  his  eyes  on  shepard’s  desk,  hating  the  hard  mix  of  anger  and  helplessness  pulling  his  voice  tight.   there  wasn’t  enough  he  could  do,  so  little  he  could  change,  in  both  this  and  the  reaper  war,  but  maybe,  just  maybe …   ❝learn - i  mean,  experience … something  other  than  being  someone’s  tool.❞   what  ‘the  hell  was  he  even  saying?   ❝well, i -  if  you  want,  i  could –  i  could  show  you  what  ‘blasto’  is.❞

[integreti]

                  STATUS REPORT  ::  wolf

“Joker said what?!” Almost without thought Wolf brings up his omni-tool and opens his inbox with determination. He paused then flicked his eyes at the amused Major.

“I hate you so much. You’ll pay for this.” Dammit, he thought, his dignity was well in tatters now, may as well get the game. At least he didn’t need to sneak Shepard’s credit chit to buy it. With that he accepted the game and started the download. “Why the hell did you get me this anyway? I thought you didn’t really like me, much less want to spend money on me.”

 again,  it  came  as  no  shock  to  hear  wolf  repeat  the  harsh  statement.   wasn’t  as  if  there  was  any  real  heat  behind  the  words,  any  real  malice.   since  shepard  had  decided  to  shelter  him  from  the  alliance,  kaidan  had  heard  wolf  utter  plenty  of  insults  and  scathing  comments,  all  said  in  the  heat  of  the  moment,  yet,  kaidan  still  found  himself  less-than-amused  by  wolf’s  reaction,  and  his  following  question  only  peaked  the  major’s  annoyance.

 kaidan’s  brow  remained  cocked,  his  defensive  instincts  kicking  in  and  steeling  his  expression  to  hard  indifference.   ❝why  would  i  buy  you  something  if  i  didn’t  like  you?❞   despite  knowing  it  was  rhetorical  question  that,  knowing  wolf,  may  very  well  backfire  on  them,  kaidan  offered  nothing  more  than  a  simple  jerk  of  his  shoulders.   ❝why  would  i  be  standing  here,  if  i  didn’t  like  you?❞   and  when  would  wolf  just  accept  that  people  cared  about  him?   some  began  caring  long  before  wolf  had  even  spent  his  first  night  aboard  the  normandy.

[integreti]

                   STATUS REPORT  ::  wolf

There was a twitch on Wolf’s hand as he made an aborted movement to do just that. He refused to let Kaidan have the satisfaction of being right. (He knew deep inside though, it was far too late to gather his dignity back) 

Kaidan, Wolf decided, was Evil. Capital E evil.

“I hate you,” he told him flatly.

unfazed  by  the  bold  yet,  rather  predictable  statement,  the  major  snorted,  deactivating  his  omni-tool  with  only  the  faintest  traces  of  disappointment  swimming  in  his  gut.   ❝uh  huh.   y’know … i  heard  from  joker  that  he  beat  return  of  sovereign’s  campaign-mode  in  less  than  four  hours.❞   ... or   somewhere  around  there.   either  way,  joker  had  somehow  finished  the  game  far  earlier  than  the  average  player.   perhaps  it  was  all  the  time  spent  in  the  cockpit  with  nothing  to  do  that   had  whetted  his  skills  as  a  gamer.   kaidan  arched  a  brow.   ❝you – uh,  think  you  can  top  that?❞

[integreti]

                 STATUS REPORT  ::  wolf

At the thought of asking his progenitor to teach him about something— anything really, had his nose scrunching up in distaste a moment. They were supposed to be equals in skills! He did not want to somehow look inferior to him, even if he knew intellectually that the Commander’s skill had come from after Wolf woke, taught by this very man.

“He’s busy running errands like the boy scout he is.” It wasn’t even a lie. It honestly baffled Wolf how many people just randomly accosted Shepard on the street asking for favors and he accommodates them with hardly a blink.

“So you’re the only one that can teach me.” Not true of course, there were other (perhaps even more skilled than Kaidan) biotics on board. But it was a sticking point with Wolf that those biotics were non-human. While he had become uncomfortably used to them on missions he would rather clean bathrooms with a toothbrush than spend his free time with them. “Besides, I noticed your enemies scream in agony a lot more than his does! I want to know how you do it.”

only  the  weeks  of  practice,  at  learning  how  to  filter  wolf’s  rather  crude  manner  of  speech  and  see  past  the  initial  edge  to  his  words,  allowed  kaidan  a  moment  to  really  consider  the  advantages,  instead  of  instinctively  dismissing  the  idea.

despite  the  very  thought  of  performing  a  reave  repeatedly,  and  all  while  they  weren’t  on  dry-dock,  (  therefore  within  range  of  food  that  didn’t  taste  like  rubber  ),  made  kaidan  want  to  shrivel  up,  he  knew  this  was  a  chance  too  good  to  pass  up.   wolf  was  on  their  side,  now.   some  alliance  training  would  do  him  good.

❝but  my  reports...❞  the  major  trailed  off,  sending  a  forlorn  glance  at  the  pile  of  data-pads  scattered  atop  his  work space.   blowing  out  a  sigh,  kaidan  eventually  nodded  and  stood,  stretching  stiff  limbs.

at  the  very  least,  kaidan  didn’t  regret  all  of  what  he  had  said  to  wolf,  because  it  was  true :  more  often  than  not,  wolf’s  behavior  was  nothing  like  that  of  the  ‘‘real’’  shepard’s.   however,  it  was  a  paradoxical  discernment,  as  wolf  had  also  proven  time  and  again  that  he  was  truly  no  ‘‘pale  imitation’’  of  the  real  thing,  either ;  wolf  was  a  natural-born  warrior,  a  true  force  to  be  reckoned  with,  and  his  lust  for  a  good  fight  showed  in  just  anything  he  did,  just  like  shepard.

though  kaidan  would  never  say  it,  wolf  usually  reflected  shepard’s  less  than  favorable  traits  to  a  tee…

❝alright,  alright.   i’ll  teach  you—but  only  because  i  know  that  if  shepard  tried,  one  of  you  would  blow  a – heh - a  hole  through  the  cargo  bay’s  hull.❞    wait,  EDI  didn’t  catch  that,  right?   ❝and – ah,  you  owe  me  dinner  for  this.❞

[bard4paladin]

The greatest challenge of my life, and the greatest reward. It’s been a good ride.

[integreti]

Wolf leaned forward, lips parted in what he thought passed as a friendly grin though it looked more predatory than friendly. "The way you reave your enemies and leave them screaming in agony is beautiful; teach me how to do that!"

kaidan  gaped  at  the  man  for  all  of  the  ten  agonizing  seconds  it  took  for  him  to  reel  in  his  utter  shock.   was  wolf — complimenting  him?   albeit  belatedly,  he  recoiled—and  damned  near  fell  out  of  his  seat  in  his  haste  to  widen  the  distance  between  their  faces.

❝i — what?❞   and  kaidan  had  to  wonder  if  what  he  just  said  sounded  more  like  an  unintelligible  bark  than  a  question…  ❝you  want  me  to  teach  you  how  to  reave  someone?❞

now,  if  this  wasn’t  an  interesting  development.   although  kaidan  did  not  doubt  wolf’s  capabilities,  nor  did  he  doubt  that  this  wasn’t  merely  wolf’s  candid  desire  to  learn  something  new,  kaidan  simply  didn’t  understand  why  wolf  hadn’t  asked  shepard  first.   or  liara,  for  that  matter.

hell,  even  javik  could  show  wolf  a  thing  or  two ;  being  a  pure-blood  prothean  and  all,  he  had  no  worries  about  overtaxing  himself  after  just  a  few  hours  of  strenuous  training,  and  he  sure  as  hell  didn’t  have  to  worry  about  later  feeling  a  hunger  so  ravenous,  only  eating  everything  in  the  mess  could  possibly  sate  it.

❝why  haven’t  you  asked  shepard?❞

@perfectedsoldier​

[integreti]

              STATUS REPORT  ::  wolf

There was a moment when he thought the Major was going to attack him and he tensed in anticipation, but mentally sighed when he backed down. While he didn’t exactly wish to be attacked unarmed, it would be something to let off steam at least. 

A long silence ensued as he digested the Majors words. He understood they thought he was still a threat, willing or unwilling. He knew Cerberus had some type of control chip, along with other unsavory methods to keep people on a leash. Even heard Rasa mentioning they almost implanted the original with one if not for the Illusive Man vetoing it. For all they— and him for that matter— knew, one of his neural implants might actually be that said control chip.

Before, he would have said Rasa wouldn’t have done that to him. But now, after… He cut off that line of thought before he could get too far into the pain.

But free? This wasn’t freedom. If he’d wanted to do that Shepard could have just dumped him on some world to make his own way. He sighed and rubbed his temple, a budding headache appearing as he tried to comprehend Shepard’s motivations— and failing.

“I don’t understand him,” he added, “or any of you. If you think I’m a threat you should eliminate me, not keep me on the off chance I might not be!” His other hand joined the first, elbows resting on his knees. “I don’t understand how someone like him has survived making these kinds of stupid decisions!”

with  features  set  in  granite,  kaidan  stared  straight  into  the  shadows  of  that  storm-blue  gaze  and  saw  for  himself,  all  of  what  lay  charred  at  the  bottom.

❝i’m - i’m  sorry,  i  shouldn’t  have  said  that.   i  didn’t  mean  to  make  it  worse.❞   he  had  detected  the  raw  notes  of  emotion,  those  trembles  that  spoke  not  of  the  outrage  he  openly  displayed,  but  of  the  desperation  and  turmoil,  he  kept  buried.   

kaidan  found  himself  straining  for  something  that  could  shelter  this  man,  even  if  only  for  a  moment,  while  wishing,  not  for  the  first  time,  that  he  could  make  a  difference.

the  major  resumed  his  mindless  pacing,  rapidly  losing  sight  of  the  reason  why  he’d  come  down  to  shepard’s  quarters.   things  were  jumping  ahead  too  fast―and  towards  the  wrong  direction,  which  came  to  claim  the  eruption  of  molten  disdain  within  his  gut.   he  was  an  alliance  soldier,  through  and  through,  and  the  alliance  was  nothing  like  cerberus.

❝so,  you’re  saying … we  should  just  execute  a  man  who  had  no  choice  but  to  become  a  weapon,  a  man  who  was  never  given  the  chance  to  be  anything  else—because  that’d  just  be  easier.   simpler,  than  dealing  with  the  consequences  of  harboring  a  potential  threat.❞   stopped  dead  in  his  tracks,  he  nodded.   ❝alright.❞

gentle  pressure  began  pushing  up  behind  his  implant  then,  carrying  with  it  a  low  thrum,  reverberating  in  both  his  ears  and  head  until  visible  currents  of  dark  energy  began  sailing  over  the  clothes  on  his  back,  over  every  inch  of  his  tanned  skin,  and  with  an  ear-splitting  CRACK,  the  field  enveloped  his  form.

❝well,  are  you?❞  kaidan  inquired  in  a  soft,  hopeful  voice,  brilliant  blue  glow  ringing  his  pupils.   he  spread  his  hands  and  observed  the  man  with  a  searching  glance,  before  his  eyes  shut  pointedly                         and  then,  there  was  only  the  hush  of  silence.   the  barely  perceptible  hum  of  EDI’s  engines.      kaidan  had  powered  down  his  biotics.

❝are  you  a  threat  to  me?   will  you  kill  me  once  i  lower  my  guard  around  you?❞

[integreti]

           STATUS REPORT  ::  wolf

“Maybe he should have just let it happen! At least I’ll know where I stand!” His voice was rising, practically yelling by the end. He’d been bottling up everything about this frustrating situation, and now it seemed it was going to spill out whether he wanted it or not. His hands clench, fingers digging into the arms of the chair.

“I hate this! I hate being useless! Did he save me to be some- some ship ornament?! He just dumps me in a corner and tells me to behave and that’s it!” He knows he’s being uncharitable, the actual conversation was more of a very awkward and uncomfortable attempt to offer a place on the Normandy for ‘protection’ before the man went to butt heads with the brass over him.

“You said he values me, so tell me then— what the fuck does he want from me?”

a  few  seconds  stretched  into  a  moment  before  kaidan  found  his  voice  again,  and  he  wasn’t  sure  when  he  stood  up  from  his  chair  or  when  the  hell  he  took  up  a  defensive  stance,  either.    soldier’s  instinct,  he  suspected,  but  the  recognition  of  having  lost  control  sat  heavy.   kaidan  forced  himself  to  calm,  tense  shoulders  slumping  only  somewhat  before  his  mind  gave  way  to  a  fierce  upheaval,  further  brought  on  by  the  circumstances.   his  jaw  clenched,  upper  lip  lifting  to  counterbalance  the  weight  of  a  temper  he  hadn’t  tasted  since  horizon.

❝look … keeping  you  here  is  our  safest  bet.   we  have  no  idea  if  rasa  has  agents  on  standby,  waiting  on  her  order  to  join  you.   shepard  believes  you—but  your  word  can  only  carry  him  so  far  before  everything  pulls  ‘to  port.   as  far  as  we  know,  maybe  her  arrest  was  a  part  of  the  plan.   maybe  you’re  counting  on  lowering  our  guard  long  enough  for  you  to  execute  us  all  in  our  sleep,  then  take  over — i  mean,  hell,  i  don’t  know.   wasn’t  me  who  came  up  with  this.   i  just  know  it’s  a  chance  none  of  us  are  willing  to  dismiss.❞

the  major  began  to  pace  the  cramped  area  behind  shepard’s  desk ;  the  urge  to  comfort  this  man  was  both  compelling  and  inexplicable,  and  kaidan  could  hardly  begin  to  wrap  his  head  around  the  emotions  behind  it.

❝i - i’m  not  shepard.❞    another  charged  breath  escaped  him  then,  seeping  past  dry  lips.  kaidan  shut  his  eyes,  probing  for  that  elusive  calm  hidden  inside  him.   ❝i  may  not  always  understand  him,  or  what  he’s  thinking,  but  after  serving  under  his  command  for  as  long  as  i  have,  i  think  I  can  safely  say,  he  doesn’t  want  anything  from  you.   if  nothing,  he  just … he  just  wants  to  see  you  free.❞

kaidan  steered  left  and  matched  the  sharp  gaze  squarely.   ❝and  come  hell  or  high  water,  shepard  isn’t  going  to  have  it  any  other  way.❞

[integreti]

            STATUS REPORT  ::  wolf

Wolf froze at Kaidan’s words, clearly wrestling with himself. I was true what he believed about the quality, but it was one of those things that were so ridiculous it was amusing. It was the fact that, as Kaidan said, he wasted a whole day playing the stupid thing (over and over!) that he despised it. It was unacceptable! Absolutely unacceptable!

“No,” Wolf finally gritted out with narrowed eyes and a thunderous scowl, “I don’t.”

kaidan  wasted  no  time  activating  his  omni-tool.   ❝already  bought  the  game  earlier…❞   deft  fingers  flew  over  the  holo  display,  navigating  past  various  menus  quickly.   ❝and — hey,  what  do  you  know.   my  order  processed  twenty  minutes  ago.❞   the  major  flashed  wolf  a  sly  smirk,  unable  to  screen  his  genuine  amusement.   ❝well,  if  you  ever  decide  you  want  to … you  should – uh,  check  your  inbox.❞

[integreti]

         STATUS REPORT  ::  wolf

He’d have been offended at the laughter if not for the fact that the Major proved he wasn’t actually hiding malice behind the indifference. A bit of tension leaked out of his frame, mentally labeling the Major as non-hostile for now. He didn’t think any of the Normandy crew would harm him with the presence of their Commander’s order that he live, but he had been trained to assess everything and everyone.

Of course, the tension flooded back in when Kaidan mentioned Rasa. She was still a very fresh and raw wound that he didn’t think would ever heal. He could still feel the stab into his chest when she had stared at him a moment only to turn away as he was on the verge of certain death. As if he became useless to her the moment the plan failed.

“He did do this to me.” He sent Kaidan an agitated look, unwilling to talk about what Rasa had done. “He should have just kicked me off or handed me over. Not,” his hand waved around vaguely, “this.”

relentless,  and  with  all  the  resentment  tightly  bound  within,  the  man  drove  his  sentiment  home,  those  blue  eyes  glittering  in  the  artificial  twilight  yet,  lacking  that  faint,  lazy  red  glow  kaidan  sometimes  caught  ‘neath  the  pupils  of  shepard’s  gaze.    another  delimiting  feature  added  to  the  mental  ledger.  

❝yeah,  he  did.   shepard  saved  your  life ;  he  wanted  you  to  live.❞   kaidan’s  expression  hardened,  the  line  of  his  mouth  pressed  thin  and  tight.   he  wasn’t  here  for  this,  hadn’t  prepared  this  encounter  only  to  lay  blame  or  to  point  fingers — but  if  that’s  what  he  wanted,  kaidan  sure  as  hell  wasn’t  about  to  deny  him.

❝and  from  the  way  i  see  it,  you’re  angry  about  it.   so,  tell  me ;  how  can  you  blame  the  man  who  saved  your  life,  the  man  who  disobeyed  direct  orders,  just  to  keep  you  from  getting  locked  up  in  some  alliance  medical  facility?   hell,  you  would’ve  never  seen  the  light  of  day  again.   and  that’s  only  if  you  lived  through  their  initial  tests.❞    at  the  sheer  absurdity  of  his  own  statement,  kaidan  scoffed  and  looked  away,  the  concept  leaving  a  bitter  taste  on  his  tongue  despite  knowing  his  words  were  not  unfounded.

kaidan  had  been  on  jump  zero ;  he’d  gone  through  BAat.   he  still  remembered  each  and  every  mistake  the  alliance  had  made  during  his  time  there,  and  he  would  not  soon  forget.

❝how  can  you  blame  the  man  who  values  the  worth  of  your  life  more  than  anyone  else?❞

[integreti]

#Positivity Protocol! 😄💙☀️ Send this to ten muns who you think portray their muses so damn well and are just generally awesome!

wow!  thank you so much! :D

[integreti]

          STATUS REPORT  ::  wolf

The laughter just made Wolf go into an immediate sulk, arms crossed and a sullen expression on his face. The original might shake getting made fun of like water off a duck’s back, but he didn’t. “What, how did you kn— I- I mean, I have no idea what you’re going on about Alenko! I didn’t play through that piece of crap twice!”

                   upon  wolf’s  indignant  response,  kaidan  shifted  his  weight  to  one  foot,  eyes  rolling.   ❝… heh,  alright.   so,  am  i  supposed  to  believe  that  it  took  you  six  hours — no,  wait,  more  than  six  hours — to  beat  the  game  once?❞   leveling  wolf  with  a  rather  dry  expression,  one  corner  of  that  generous  mouth  twitched,  before  tugging  up  into  a  wry  little  grin.   ❝what  if  i  said  i  ordered  ‘blasto  IX:  return  of  sovereign’?   would  you – ah,  would  you  still  want  to  play?❞