2016, 3 JanDetails
Dear Daisy, Tulika and Prem
After my heart procedure, I was told by Daisy how shaken up Prem was. This has got me to do some introspection and here are some thoughts.
Firstly, I thought about what is a family? I feel a family is something one can always fall back upon to recoup and replenish ones energies and also to know that there is someone who cares. Over time these feelings reduce as each has their own nuclear family or professional imperatives, however, do recall that it is very rare, that later in life, one will feel the selfless security and warmth of the family. The basic foundation of a family is concern for each other; it is this concern which makes one ask at what time Tulika's flight will reach, or just calling up to talk or listen to each other. It is not essential that these interactions are logical, however if the lasting feeling is one of warmth, then it must be good. It is also true that a concern for one of the family does not override the concern for another. These interactions I feel are essential for a family to survive, else it might just break up.
Secondly, in each of our lives, we undertake a journey - the journey of life.This can be compared to the progress of a stream starting from a river(your parents). In the initial journey the stream is nurtured by the river,the stream is impetuous and wants to explore various aspects of its route, it’s power and ability are guided by what the river feeds it. As it grows older, various streams arising from the river start diverging and undertake their own journey and are in turn influenced by other streams and trickles and waste products and many nutrients they pick up along their journey. These are your friends, teachers, bad and good influence- all these build the character of the young stream. Rocks and obstacles on the way are happily accepted and either overcome or bypassed.
The stream grows older in its journey, it is now fed by other streams and it starts to rely less on the river, though still it gets most of its water from the river. It turns into a rivulet. The rivulet faces its own challenges, however as it has more power, it starts to decide its own paths. Depending on its character, some rivulets face challenges head on and overcome them, some bypass them and some get stuck. But remember if even a dam is in the way, over time, the reservoir fed by the rivulet will overflow the dam and the rivulet will proceed on its journey.
Finally the rivulet with many other inputs turns into a mighty river-
Gautam like that Mahanadi, has reached Cuttack after facing its many obstacles and mostly runs dry. But once in a while during floods , it shows its irritation with the surroundings and then gains the ability to sustain its dependants. Eventual the river having neared the sea will immerse with it.
Daisy- became like Ganga, not only nurturing its branches with great energy for much longer, but, it also nurtures everyone it touches. However, even the Ganga gets polluted by what people put into it. It requires a clean Ganga or a program to put less waste and stress on the mighty river for it to sustain its a ability to provide succour to many. If we continue to pour our distressed waters into her, she will one day loose the ability, which is her core. Let us not load all our waste on Ganga, but utilise the Purity to sustain and motivate us.
Prem- Hopefully on the way to becoming like mighty Brahmaputra, capable of sweeping everything in its path, but also sustains. Today he has stresses and challenges about his profession, also his distress at his Fathers condition makes him attempt to give up cigarettes which were also sustaining him though polluting him. It is for us to understand these when we interact with him.
Tulika-yet to find which river she will become, has a greater stress level and even easy obstacles are seeming insurmountable. She needs to understand that finally, the influence of others are irrelevant, but it is her own inherent a ability ( and nature) which will help her achieve her potential as a river. Probably over a period she could become like the Amazon, the longest running river in the world- all her childhood influences and pressures of peers will be irrelevant. She may take longer to develop, but in the journey of a river, small delays and dams are finally insignificant. Having hit what she feels is a dam, she needs our support to gather her inner strength. This will help her finally overflow the small dam, or simply bypass it laughing at its attempt to block her, it may even be just a tree blocking the path, which will be swept away.
Thirdly, I always wondered what was the most basic cause of worries and irritation. I feel, it is the weight of expectation. Our expectation must always account for time and obstacles. Also what matters is our expectation of ourself and not what others may expect of us. Many a time, I have got into a tizzy over what will happen in the future, will I meet my expectations, will I meet others expectation of me. Over a period of time I have learned to ignore others expectations and am much more relaxed, happy and have been able to achieve much more than many (in my environment at Orissa). I refuse to mentally compare myself to those better or worse, I live in the moment though plan for the future; I believe you would be happier too if you could follow this.
Your expectations get tempered dynamically with changing situations but unfortunately other expectation of you do not, and just add pressure. Never give in to this pressure, as this will prevent your functioning to the best of your ability.
I hope this is helpful in a small way.
With love,
Yours affectionately
Bapa / Gautam
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