nobody home @intr0version - Tumblr Blog

this rage that I carry is something I don't think I'll ever be able to get rid of. I wish I were in charge of who gets to stay alive. I have such a list of people that don't deserve it.

I want to live at the beach.

maybe someday.

nightvaleofficial

feeling lonely doesn't mean I miss him. I miss the idea, the person I thought he was. but I don't miss him.

I want him to hurry up and kill himself. I can't wait until he's gone.

#d

lmao my friend from work mentioned, unprompted while talking about music, that dmb fans are all douchebags. and I could not agree more. funny how everyone outside of that cult realizes it for what it is. a cult of douchebags.

deathandmysticism

Legends and superstitions of the sea and of sailors, 1885

proud to say that I took control of my day yesterday and turned it into a celebration instead of a memorial. I took myself on a date to the movies and spent my birthday in the backrooms. and it could not have been a more perfect way to claim the day for myself.

I want this year to be a real fresh start. I want to feel in control of my life again. I know I can, because I have before, and I know I'm stronger than the way I've been coping for the past year. drowning my soul in alcohol doesn't fix anything or make me feel better. it's a numbing agent, a way to sleep without effort. and I don't want to spend this year numb.

I'll have small chunks of time where I think I'm really getting over it, a week or a few weeks where I'm angry but not sad.

and it always comes crashing back. something happens that makes me think about him, think about us, think about the fake future I invested my soul into for so long. it's been one year. as of today. one full year. and my heart is still just as broken.

I think I'm getting better at ignoring it, but the pain is still just as sharp and as devastating as it's always been. so I need to keep trying to get better at ignoring it. I don't know if it will ever actually go away.

weepingwidar

Louis Fratino (US-American, 1993) - Laughing Gull (2021)

thinking about a wish that would devastate the world as we know it- I wish humanity as a whole would stop finding some aesthetics more attractive than others and vice versa. essentially meaning that we see people and things for their essence, their content, their contribution, and not looks. I'm not just talking about ignoring looks either, I mean a complete brain shift where we aren't even aware of looks.

do you know how many people would suddenly realize that they don't like their spouse or partner at all? how many people would suddenly no longer be qualified for their jobs? the sex industry would crumble because it would be impossible to be sexually attracted to someone you don't know. sexual assault and violence towards women would lessen dramatically.

I wish this were possible. I want to live in this kind of world more than anything.