2015 was by far the worst year I have ever had since I started caring. I was so happy to bid 2015 a very very bitter goodbye. Why, you ask? It started with me celebrating my birthday, at home, with my mom crying and all I can do is listen to her from afar and stare into nothingness. I didn’t know what to do, I was so angry and sad because of what was happening. Seeing or hearing my mother cry really damn hurts, but knowing that I can’t do anything? Hell.
And then one of the biggest disappointments in my life happened. I took the Qualifying Exams for my degree program last summer, and failed. I didn’t expect to pass the exams, but as soon as the news came out and I was told that I was not on the list of those who passed, it felt bad. Really bad. I wasn’t my usual self for a week or two. Somehow I have managed to always fail in these kind of exams, the ones that would decide my future. I keep telling myself that what I have done, where I have went, is still an achievement. I never really wanted to take up the course anyway, so me being able to reach the Qualifying Exams was a big achievement. But every time I think about me failing, it really bothers me. From taking a program I didn’t like, now I am taking a program I didn’t like more. I could have done better, I should have done better. For me, for my family.
And then I turned my back against the woman of my dreams to chase on other girls, the wrong ones it appeared. Three times, in a span of eight months was I friendzoned heartbroken. I was either too late or too soon, or in the last case, both. Every damn time I felt like it was perfect, I like the girl, she seemed to like me too, and then everything will just crumble. Gone. Damn fate seems to be playing games with me. I’m not losing hope, though. My one is out there, searching for me, exactly me. But as I tell myself, I’m done for now. Thrice in a row doesn’t feel good, not at all. At least if I am to make it four in a row, there’s a significant amount of time between the third and the fourth.
The worst thing that might happen to someone? Losing a loved one. No, not in love. But in life. Not temporarily, but forever. Gone. I’ve been there too, and yes in my ‘lucky’ year too. I lost an uncle who was very close to me, to us. A brother to my mother, a second father to all of us. He stood up whenever nobody on us could. He helped anyone in any way he can. He was a very good man, friend, son, and father. Anyone who knew him would agree on that. Why does it always go like that? Those who are the good ones are always the first ones to go while those bad guys doesn’t seem to be touched by any misfortune. It’s just four months since he passed away, and all the memories I had with him are still fresh. I miss him every day. We miss him every single day. We weren’t ready when he left. He was too young to die, too kind to be taken.
I am genuinely thankful for all the blessings God has given me, my family, and the ones closest to me in the year 2015. But there’s no way in hell I am ever gonna wish I’ll be back in 2015. Not a chance. I am really happy those days are behind me now. Today marks the start of a new year. I won’t wish of anything, not yet. I just hope this year brings spontaneity I would love to cherish forever. To 2016!
romaincrisis
blakekathryn
turnnoffyourmind
stormborns
gummygunk
tangentwithtanner
