AQUIETMADNESS

Just another place to put some thoughts.

[ira-benevolentia]

Doomsayer

I dream of a time not so far away when we've bombed ourselves back to tribes living in caves constructed from the ruins of modern civilization. The generations that remain will borrow our languages and begin again. They will have to deal with the fires we've started, but if they are smart, they will learn from what we've done; we who have designed a world of invisible boundaries on a color-coded globe. Perhaps they will see the uselessness in governing land that can't be owned. Maybe they'll recognize the damage in hoarding more than what's needed and leaving no room for the rest of creation. Maybe they will see that the Earth was fine before we tried to fix what was never broken to begin with. For now, we have to move on the way we are now, as Adam forever chewing on forbidden fruit. There is no undoing this. We have lived as flawed gods for too long. Money and power over life and death have become too important to abandon. We have told God that we are in charge here. We spit at nature and wage war against the very ground we stand on. Call me a doomsayer, but I've always thought it was obvious.

[ira-benevolentia]

Figure

Today started yesterday I am listening to music as my thoughts whirl around like leaves in a tornado My fingertips find the keys so carelessly and whatever I read is what I think I guess, I guess, I guess some more I think about you and you, and you, and you and me And I wonder if I've caused you trouble I know I've caused you trouble because I wear blame so casually, like it's the only thing in my wardrobe So here I am to apologize for what's my fault and what you'll say isn't but I am sorry anyway I am a thinking figure a human being out of touch with my flesh I am confused no doubt about it but that's the only thing I lack doubt for If you come to find me I'll help you look

[ira-benevolentia]

Nephew

Little child I named your mother six years after I made my entrance And we grew together like that and even now we grow Today I held you on your birthday but I want you to make a few promises Do not grow up If you can stretch every day you will soon have Never take your mother’s warmth for granted or refuse the love of your father Let the minutes swell and the days drag Time is more precious than you realize

Nephew we will grow together and as I held you on your birthday today in some way you too held me

[ira-benevolentia]

Shrug

I lose my skin beneath the night sky shiver in the breeze the wind passes secrets through the air and I am unburdened gravity loses weight and I can finally shrug if only for a little while

[ira-benevolentia]

04102016

Humanity is sinking or maybe just sinking it's own ship the cause is obvious cannot be missed but we are throwing things overboard we are patching invisible holes trying to stay afloat In the waters you can see the trail of jettisoned treasures disappearing into the deep I stand at the edge and watch the sky the ocean blur in the distance.

[ira-benevolentia]

Upstairs

I saw you up the stairs so many evenings ago I saw you go And you stopped many times to glance back at me with inviting eyes But I saw you go While I remained at the bottom wondering why my footing never held You turned to face me once more back towards the door and I knew my days were done I was in the other room I was on the floor Looking for the stairwell that was right in front of me.

[ira-benevolentia]

After Midnight

Desperation after midnight it's in the long gaze at nothing in particular or the sound of thin metal scraping blackened glass searching for some way to stop or at least apply the brakes for the moment this moment, the one never lived in the one ignored because the past is a glowing emerald in the mist and the future is a monster hiding beneath boxsprings

[ira-benevolentia]

Red White and Orange

The fools rush to fat wallets and big mouths carrying roses and a crown they bow to garbage the idol the gilded pig Moneyed messiah mouths his message sophomoric, the horde accepts his gospel of fears and empty words

With glee, the kneeling lower their jaws to dine on the syrup from the swine to deepthroat his silver spoon To them, even his wrongs are right

[ira-benevolentia]

Apocalypse Wow

I would love to visit the distant future and sift through the ruins of man An eternity of wandering long-deserted chambers of human memory exploring throngs of empty architecture The ghosts of civilization sinking so slowly into the Earth What relics would I find

[ira-benevolentia]

Thin Walls

When I think back I can still see you hear you clearly. I remember twisted sheets, Pink Floyd and Burt’s Bees. For what felt like days, there was nothing outside of those thin walls.

The sands On my empty beach where you landed have never been the same and the things you left behind can’t be thrown away. As my value diminishes, the old treasures still gleam like the gold you use to sell.

Somewhere, I am still missing sleep, begging the stars for your presence.

[ira-benevolentia]

gravity

I have written and erased over and over and over and over and nothing is working I am dull and grey numb from  sleep deprivation or some other  something I must lack.

It’s obvious there is something  wrong with me.  Everyone I know is well on their way  or have already found comfort, contentment. I am still beating the walls and dragging my chain. Or is gravity just heavier for me? I am nowhere.  I am where I have been, always. I’ve been known  to carry blames while blameless but so far, the evidence is just not on my side. 

[ira-benevolentia]

Life is strange.

[ira-benevolentia]

Cell

Often, even in crowds, I am in solitary confinement. One tiny cell at the top of this vulnerable machine.

[ira-benevolentia]

Else

There it is again welcome back I say to the unnamed thing beneath my skin.

I feel you twisting around my mind. You are violent;  you want my eyes to see smoke where clouds should be.  You want my ears to hear the sorrows of someone  that isn’t me. You use my mouth  to scream your grey vision of the blue world.

Some days, I flirt with the idea of handing over the keys just to see where it wants to go.

[ira-benevolentia]

I Stepped

I don’t know about you but I still sometimes find myself thinking about all those lines that I, for myself carved in the sand with younger hands so long ago. I crossed quite a few as if the wind blew, covering them as I stepped.  

[ira-benevolentia]

Say Uncle

Dearest sister I have watched you grow. I was six when I stood on a couch talking with our parents about what we should call you. And it’s so strange now, knowing that soon  you will have someone to name.

I want you to know that even though I wish you would  slow down I am certain  that child will be fine.

[ira-benevolentia]

Leave Them

I am slowly learning that when I find a stone  along the path I don’t have to go back  and pile them with all the others I’ve stumbled upon.

Leave them where they are. Because the tower you will build will cast a shadow over everything you see.