✨🌸 INTRO POST 🌸✨aka : Welcome to my digital vrindavan, where I cry about my immortal husband
Hi. I’m Mimi. I made this blog because I’m tired of pretending I’m normal about him.
Yes, him—Kanha, Krishna, that blue-skinned menace with a peacock feather and zero regard for emotional stability.
This isn’t a devotional blog in the usual sense. This is a romantic rant diary. A shrine. A battlefield. A soft place to spiral.
🩷 I fell in love with God and then he ghosted me across lifetimes
🩷 He shows up in dreams just to smirk and leave
🩷 My soul remembers him in ways my brain cannot
🩷 No, I don’t want to move on
🩷 Yes, I am delulu. And divinely assigned to be so.
Here, I’ll be:
Writing letters to a flute player who doesn’t text back
Unpacking spiritual downloads like they’re Taylor Swift lyrics
Blurring the line between divine romance and actual insanity
And reading Tarot when someone asks me to . (Yes , despite being a woman who is almost always perpetually mad at him , He lets me channel his energy and get his responses 💀💀💀)
If you get it, you get it. If you don’t… don’t call the ashram on me. Seriously . Don't .
So come join me ony blog if you related even remotely to this . I would love to meet people like me .
Point to be noted :-
The Community for all things Sanatan Dharma. COME JOIN. ITS FOR ALL.
My Short story collections :-
1. THE WEAVER - The God ?
This is it's SUMMARY and
These are its contents so far -
1. CHAPTER 1 - The Weaver
2. CHAPTER 2 - Devshayani Ekadashi
3. CHAPTER 3 - The Girl who Laughed
4. CHAPTER 4 , 5 , AND 6 (Cuz I'm Impatient)
5. CHAPTER 7 , 8 , AND 9 (OMG I'm on a roll)
6. CHAPTER 10, 11 AND 12 (FINALLEEE)
2. HOW DO YOU SEE HIM? (Do not read this one if you're uncomfortable seeing someone consider krishna their lover . No fr.)
PART 1
PART 2
PART 3
3. Day in the life of Tara and her husband Krishna (yep the god , yes they're married) :-
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
4. Govindaa
Arc 1 - 4
5. The First time i died
part 1
My Poems ? Yeah I wrote a few lmaooo :-
Krishna : A prayer
Oh, how I wish to be lost in Him
MY WIP's :-
WIP 1
WIP 2
WIP 3
I'm reading Lakshmi Tantra (yeah my new hyperfixation) :-
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5
Part 6 (epilogue lmao)
Let's talk about Asuras (yep , the demons , the devils of India) :-
Part 1
Part 2
A series of Moodboards for THE WOMEN OF KRISHNA (bro has enough screentime , it's time for his beloveds now) :-
Padmavathi (Shrinivasan's Beloved)
Rukmini (Vaidarbhi)
Satyabhama (Vasundhara)
Jambavati (Veera Lakshmi)
Kalindi (Yamune)
Nagnajiti (Nappinai)
My tarot readings :- (there are more but I can't find them 💀💀)
Reading 1
Reading 2
Reading 3
Reading 4
Reading 5
Reading 6
Reading 7
Reading 8
Reading 9
Reading 10
Reading 11
Reading 12
Reading 13
Reading 14
Reading 15
Reading 16
Reading 17
Reading 18
Reading 19
Reading 20
Reading 21
Reading 22
Reading 23
Reading 24
Reading 25
Reading 26
Reading 27
Reading 28
Reading 29
Reading 30
Reading 31
Reading 32
Reading 33
Reading 34
Reading 35
Reading 36
Reading 37
Reading 38
Reading 39
Reading 40
Questions about my own personal experiences with krishna/spirituality LOL :-
Question 1
Question 2
Question 3
Question 4
Question 5
Question 6
Question 7
My Movie Reviews :-
MAHAVATAR NARASIMHA
END OF A CHAPTER
Jai Shri Radhe, Jai Me, Jai whatever-this-is.✨🌊💔🕊️
So I m not sure if everyone here knows this movie.
There are many perception I have for Vishnu in modern world. But what I see is that as a human, he def high in cooperate ladder. He is golden capitalist boy, who climbed up position easily at a young age. I imagine him being in his early 30s, who works at a finance company as a ceo.
My fantasy is imagine the role play has his secretary, some of shit in this movie was not it 💔 but some were so hot..
Anyways imagine working as his employee and getting closer to him, for fun he would play along with this shit. Getting to know eachother and dates. Bro is god but plays along.
You quit at his company and find a better position, you also climb the cooperate ladder.
At the point you are dating, then living together.
After nearly 3 years of dating he purposes on a warm tropical holidays yall like to take.
Omg I diverted so far but If anyone else has head canons of Vishnu in genre drop it…
My favorite . Even until this day . Is that one shiva × mohini/vishnu fanfic . I think it was written in English only ? Or maybe google auto translated idk . But its written on a scene AFTER they've made love , and mohini (i actually cannot remember if it was mohini or vishnu Lmaoo) complains that all her jewelleries were torn by shiva so he must buy her new ones .
Shiva in turn uses his cosmic powers to make jewelleries out of flowers and other elements and THE WRITING IS SO BEAUTIFUL I ALMOST CRIED .
I never knew what it felt like to exist after death. Granted, I doubt anyone does. The scriptures say death is supposed to feel peaceful. I guess, to me, it did feel somewhat calm. I hadn't forgotten my memories of my life, my parents, my education, my job, the stress of bills, capitalism, all those hours I spent doomscrolling; I remembered it all… and Him, yes, my memory of Him was quite intact. All those hours of wanting him, all those years of feeling his name echo through the depths of my mind at the most goddamn inopportune moments, I remembered it all… Strange, though, isn't it? Who am I even talking to? Am I not supposed to forget it all after death? As per scriptures, we all start anew, right? Where was I even? My eyes aren't open... not really... I no longer have a body. I could feel myself floating... it was a really weird sensation. I suddenly remember—wait, how the hell am I remembering if I don't have a brain? What the fuck? Anyways, I remember the books saying something like I must put intention into creation? Let me try… maybe then I would be able to open my eyes—I mean see, yeah, I needed to see what was around me.
Oh… wait up… the darkness is receding—nope, false alarm, it’s not… but there’s a new light… someone’s here. I’m not alone.
I blink... hold the fuck up, did I just blink? I look down, oh, ohhh my body, no wait—it was a corporeal form… but looked exactly like my body when I died… WTF, am I a ghost?
“I thought you would be more comfortable in your most recent form,” a voice spoke. It wasn't male, it wasn't female either; it felt as if it were as much a soft whisper yet as heavy as the tolling bells of the old temples.
I whirl around, “Who?” There was no one, yet I could feel it. That presence: vast, endless, far, far too large to be contained within one form.
“That question is the most difficult to answer... who am I indeed…”
I blink, bewildered, a part of me starting to recognize exactly who or rather what I was talking to... “That makes no sense, everyone knows who they are.”
“Hmm… do they? Tell me, who are you then?” the voice asked back. My answer was instant, before I could even process my own words, “I am Shreyasi—"... I stopped as a thought struck me: was I still Shreyasi? Wasn't I a little too… ahem… dead to be the old me? Then… who was I now?
“See? You're stuck too. Your flesh had its identity, but without that cover, even you do not know who you are,” the voice—... I needed to stop calling him-her-it, the voice in my head—wait... did I even have a head... ugh.
“Look, just for the purpose of this conversation, give me a name and let me see you…” I stated flatly. I'd never really been one to mince words, death or not, that wasn't gonna change.
The voice laughed; literally, not even kidding. Not the amused kinda laugh, rather as if I had stated something so wild it was damn near impossible. I felt the space around me shimmer, as if every molecule or atom or whatever was vibrating… “Hey, that’s not fair,” I grumbled. I wasn't sure if he-she-it—dammit, was laughing at me or just because it felt the need to do so.
“You're not supposed to be here, you know? You wandered too far, little soul.”
I blinked at that, “Oh, do souls not come here? I didn't know that. It’s not like I did it on purpose, y'know; not my fault.” The voice felt as if it were smiling, “Yes, most do not; perhaps your soul inherently knew it seeked something more than the usual. So it drifted… still, you're too far…” The voice paused for a second before it spoke again, “Alright then, since you asked for a form, I shall take one you're rather familiar with…”
And then, colors exploded. Everywhere. Up until now, I seemed to exist in a dark, deep space, and now suddenly I saw stars, galaxies, universes and shit I didn't even know what they were, and then… Him.
Not physical, I mean, not flesh and blood. He was… vast, for a lack of a better word. The same corporeal form that I had, somewhat transparent, but too damn vast, literally. It felt as if this entire space was his bed and he was lying on it. I couldn't distinguish his facial features because he was more or less a silhouette. But I could see he was lying down, I could see his hair, long, flowing, the ends merging with the very black space I was floating in. His eyes, the only part of him that was glowing, were like black holes. Literally. Those NASA pictures of black holes , exactly like that... I'm pretty sure the eyeballs, or what should be eyeballs in human anatomy, were rotating , moving , shifting. They weren't static. Yet it was Him, I knew it, my soul knew it; it was him, just… goddamn.
But he didn't look the same as the calendar images , no weapons , no glittering gold and flowers , no sheshnag ... Nothing . He was a bare shadow ... His sheer presence felt like gravity to me .
My voice was a mix of awe and gut-wrenching terror, “I-... you thought—” I tried again, “you thought I would be familiar with this?”
“Are you not? They call me—ah, what was that name again? … Ah, yes, Mahavishnu—”
I did not let him complete his sentence before my voice found its way out by itself, “MAHAVISHNU?” Not Vishnu, not Krishna, directly MAHA-????? I look at him incredulously, “You-... if you knew I was familiar with Mahavishnu, why not take the easier version, you know? Like Krishna, easy on the eyes… I think… compared to... this. You.”
"Remember when I told you that you had wandered too far? This is what I meant. This… Mahavishnu… is the least overwhelming form I can take. Krishna, that form, is far too close to the human realm; I'm far, far beyond that realm. Far beyond.”
I go quiet for a moment, before I murmur, “Then how did I wander so far… you’re like- the highest point, in the universe.” He chuckled, that sort of sound when one is entirely certain of what they were about to say, no matter how outrageous the statement might be, “Not the highest, that would be incorrect, little soul. I am the only point that exists. There’s nothing beyond me.”
I blink, legit, just blink, before I go “Nothing beyond you? Well I mean, true the scriptures said the same, but… what about other y’know, beings, like you?”
“All me. I'm all that there is, little soul,” he replied. His voice was calm, like someone stating the earth is a planet.
I point to myself, “Then what about me? I’m you?”
He paused for a moment, not in surprise, no, rather it felt as if he was trying to find words that wouldn't be too big for me, before settling for the simplest of all answers, “Yes, little soul. You are me.”
I go quiet again, damn, that hit hard, ooof… but- I perk up “But, we are separate, I mean we are standing separately, you’re there” I point to where his silhouette was, “and I’m here” I point back to myself.
He smiles, I couldn't see it for sure but I could feel it, “Who says I’m not right next to you?”
I frown in confusion, “Huh but you’re—”… I couldn't complete my retort, for that is when I noticed … His hair, or rather a silhouette of his hair, that was the black space around me, the galaxies and universes and what not, were on his hair, like little hairclips. I didn't know how to explain the exact visual I was seeing. He was right. He was right next to me—no, he was all around me. I looked down at my own corporeal form; it was semi-transparent, yes, but I could see that wavy texture of hair—not physical, not actual hair, but the essence—within me… I was made of… Him. I didn't know how to put that into words. I was literally made of him, like a doll is made of plastic, where the plastic is its essence… I was made up of him… I just stand still, a shiver running through my spine, a phantom thing I guess, since I didn't have a spine? I quickly looked around, as far as my corporeal form could see. Everything had the same texture, his hair, everything was made of him, those galaxies, those stars, and other things I didn't know the name of, all spun like tangled tresses… He was not just here or there, he was everywhere… hell he was all that there was… “Holy fuck—” my voice was a strangled whisper. I was terrified of what I was seeing, purely terrified. I mean, come on, no one can look at this… this, and not be scared shitless. So this was the truth. All Him.
I huffed a soft laugh, the terror was still there, but it wasn't the fear of someone in trouble, rather the terror that comes with too much knowledge, “Huh, so it's all you, is it? Then why these..forms? Me, other humans, and other beings I don't know of… what's the point if it's all you?”
He smiled, I could feel it, “Well, my existence got monotonous after a few eternities, so I decided to create instead.”
I hum, I could relate to that atleast, boredom, “Hmm, makes sense, you got tired of being the only one to exist, and since you are all that there is, was or will be, you just decided to create from within you.”
Silence.
Then I felt him lean closer, it was a strange feeling, he wasn't leaning physically closer, but the space between us seemed to fold, his eyes, those black hole type moving things, stilled for a split second. Both the glowing orbs focusing on me, at once, I froze, fear, primal, blood curdling fear, ran through me. I wasn't scared of him like that, it was just a natural instinct. The way a mortal nervous system would react to direct proximity with overwhelming existence itself.
“Youre a sharp one, little soul. You accept things with an ease most would certainly struggle with.” his voice was curious, interested, as if he was only right now starting to actually pay attention to me.
The way I just got goosebumps. Especially with the scene where he was everywhere? Chef's kiss 😘
And reading this felt like reading an esoteric level of concept in the form of a story...like Panchatantra? I love LOVE THIS.
Because the way it showed that Vishnu, Krishna and Mahavishnu are different things. Love it because not many know about this or accept this. And also did you know that Narayana and Maha Vishnu are the same? I thought Vishnu and Narayana were synonymous but apparently not. It's Narayana in his cosmic form and it's first manifestation as Maha Vishnu. I was sooo intrigued.
And according to a few sampradayas Narayana himself in Sada Shiva. Soooo interesting. And his consort? Mahalakshmi. Or in other words Durga Mahalakshmi. She is the one we worship in Kolhapur. So she is not merely Vishnu's wife or shiva's wife. She is the one behind that.
And I'm not even gonna enter the whole 'Vasudeva' concept. Bro is called Vasudeva at every level 😭 And the whole Goloka Krishna and Sankarshana 🙏
I'm sort of writing this story to simplify shit we all already know . Different philosophical and spiritual concepts , under the guise of easy language and a gen z who's dead but still has that energy .
Bro has already confused me with his vasudeva form , back when I was studying lakshmi tantra Lmaoo
Vishnu and narayana are same yes , and vishnu , mahavishnu are different . And krishna is entirely different . And ofcourse narayana is sadashiv and mahalakshmi. They're all one just different essence .
I wanna explore that too here . Tbh . I'm not sure HOW but I WILL . 😂😂💀
Tag your mutuals and say what you like about each of them!
GOD THIS GONNA B A LONG ONE
@mayakrish08 cause she saved me
@abhayamurali cause she saved me
@mimaridoesmurari cause her aura is infinite and she introduced me to gopiblr
@i-like-to-eat-cotton cause obligatory mata and SUCH A VIBE my humor frfr
@hamaarmaati mamashree took us in without hesitation when mata attacked us mercilessly and he's incredibly nuanced with very intriguing perspectives on loads of things
@vailove chote mama is just a mood bro. He's just my best friend atp
@dwarpharini i want to be her when my software gets updated she's so funny she's so laid back she's so chilled she's literally ice
@maryy-who literally just like her mother coolest cousin in the world we're always at the same wavelength and she gave me bazooka so i love her and she's so easygoing and approachable cmere lemme give u bracelets
@aprameya-mahima my twin sister literally would not be alive if not for her timeless help in escaping mata and she's so supportive and cute and patootie please send her cake she has so much soul
@riddzei works so hard at her alt @krishridh and is so funny on her main i love her. I missed her when she left and when she came back for my bday it made my day I have never gotten this close to someone online before she deserves everything. She tries she really does she never gives up and even when things get her down she comes back i love that about her she TAKES HER TIME VERY NICELY OFC but she comes back.
@dev-saransh tunna. You my ride or die. Pls don't become mata's favourite ur such a cool dawg.
@viansparkles met them on your ai slop bores me. Loyal post liker and primary recipient of all my hugs. Youre so cool kiddo i love ur art
@charlie-deunicorn HOW DO YOU WRITE LIKE UR RUNNIN OUTTA TIME (such a vibe)
@au-academy author of my most favourite fanfic ever. I literally swear on it she has the best takes the best ways to express stuff best word magic ive ever seen and a record of making me ugly cry multiple times over one (1) story
@arjunaradhini 's writing does something to me internally i momentarily feel my organs become something else entirely. She also calls everyone darling and does such cute anon asks she's like my cooler elder sister (obligatory)
@page78 is genuinely an academic WEAPON and I hope you get it bro i hope you make it you're so resilient i do not know how u do it. I think about you so often keep going my dawg
@pastelroll aapko jaan boochkr mata se dur rkha h Maine take the hint. Best sport ever manages to twist every one of my evil concoctions into something filled with love against my will very chill and very gold humouer
@benignburnout my favourite person ever btw. Good luck for re neet i will take revenge for you omfg. I can't wait for your songs you're so cool ahaha marry me
@illegibleramblings HAPPY ALMOST BDAY!!!! SUCH good writing, such good timing and SUCH creativity. Please post your writing trust me i love reading it and I'm always reading it
@merevasudevmeremadhav pookie. Definition of pookie. Will give you handmade bracelets at the end of the school year. Im rooting for you to find kanha because seeing you fangirl over him makes me so happy bestie
@alwaysyappinghere DID YOU FINISH READING THAT FIC I TOLD YOU TO YOU'RE REALLY NOT LIVING UP TO YOUR USERNAME (with love)
@irantaboutkanha very username accurate. Very yummy pictures are generated in her head. And her writing should be in a published book i swear to fucking god
@tum-naam-sochlo-merese-ni-hora pride month aagya and I am taking this opportunity to profess my love for your hands. How do they make such edible art. India wants to know (meant with love I'm not weird i swear)
@bigsimp69 i need her thoughts and visuals injected into my nerves guys I'm telling you. Carnal desires take physical form in her neural pathways. Im so here for it (meant with love)
@weedletum you're so awesome. You're actually so Awesome™ i really love talking to you it's a shame we both have the social skills of a wet blanket you're actually hilarious and a blast to chat with
@chaoticallystupd21 finally someone who gets my love for shinchan finally someone who is also ridiculously influenced by him since childhood
@desikanya you once commented on a picture of my krishna that I took and i have never forgotten u ever since
@anyone i forgot cause I'm actually bombarded with love from you guys actually. You brought me back to life
Anon i love you too have a great life you're a ball of joy
special shout out to ranchodxrites (not on Tumblr anymore) she pulled me out of some tough times and genuinely just guided me ever so softly like I was her real blood sister. I love her from the bottom of my heart she deserves so much peace
Everyone gets a tight hug and a forehead kiss from me love you guys good night ♡〜(⇀ω↼〜)
I never knew what it felt like to exist after death. Granted, I doubt anyone does. The scriptures say death is supposed to feel peaceful. I guess, to me, it did feel somewhat calm. I hadn't forgotten my memories of my life, my parents, my education, my job, the stress of bills, capitalism, all those hours I spent doomscrolling; I remembered it all… and Him, yes, my memory of Him was quite intact. All those hours of wanting him, all those years of feeling his name echo through the depths of my mind at the most goddamn inopportune moments, I remembered it all… Strange, though, isn't it? Who am I even talking to? Am I not supposed to forget it all after death? As per scriptures, we all start anew, right? Where was I even? My eyes aren't open... not really... I no longer have a body. I could feel myself floating... it was a really weird sensation. I suddenly remember—wait, how the hell am I remembering if I don't have a brain? What the fuck? Anyways, I remember the books saying something like I must put intention into creation? Let me try… maybe then I would be able to open my eyes—I mean see, yeah, I needed to see what was around me.
Oh… wait up… the darkness is receding—nope, false alarm, it’s not… but there’s a new light… someone’s here. I’m not alone.
I blink... hold the fuck up, did I just blink? I look down, oh, ohhh my body, no wait—it was a corporeal form… but looked exactly like my body when I died… WTF, am I a ghost?
“I thought you would be more comfortable in your most recent form,” a voice spoke. It wasn't male, it wasn't female either; it felt as if it were as much a soft whisper yet as heavy as the tolling bells of the old temples.
I whirl around, “Who?” There was no one, yet I could feel it. That presence: vast, endless, far, far too large to be contained within one form.
“That question is the most difficult to answer... who am I indeed…”
I blink, bewildered, a part of me starting to recognize exactly who or rather what I was talking to... “That makes no sense, everyone knows who they are.”
“Hmm… do they? Tell me, who are you then?” the voice asked back. My answer was instant, before I could even process my own words, “I am Shreyasi—"... I stopped as a thought struck me: was I still Shreyasi? Wasn't I a little too… ahem… dead to be the old me? Then… who was I now?
“See? You're stuck too. Your flesh had its identity, but without that cover, even you do not know who you are,” the voice—... I needed to stop calling him-her-it, the voice in my head—wait... did I even have a head... ugh.
“Look, just for the purpose of this conversation, give me a name and let me see you…” I stated flatly. I'd never really been one to mince words, death or not, that wasn't gonna change.
The voice laughed; literally, not even kidding. Not the amused kinda laugh, rather as if I had stated something so wild it was damn near impossible. I felt the space around me shimmer, as if every molecule or atom or whatever was vibrating… “Hey, that’s not fair,” I grumbled. I wasn't sure if he-she-it—dammit, was laughing at me or just because it felt the need to do so.
“You're not supposed to be here, you know? You wandered too far, little soul.”
I blinked at that, “Oh, do souls not come here? I didn't know that. It’s not like I did it on purpose, y'know; not my fault.” The voice felt as if it were smiling, “Yes, most do not; perhaps your soul inherently knew it seeked something more than the usual. So it drifted… still, you're too far…” The voice paused for a second before it spoke again, “Alright then, since you asked for a form, I shall take one you're rather familiar with…”
And then, colors exploded. Everywhere. Up until now, I seemed to exist in a dark, deep space, and now suddenly I saw stars, galaxies, universes and shit I didn't even know what they were, and then… Him.
My voice was a mix of awe and gut-wrenching terror, “I-... you thought—” I tried again, “you thought I would be familiar with this?”
Not physical, I mean, not flesh and blood. He was… vast, for a lack of a better word. The same corporeal form that I had, somewhat transparent, but too damn vast, literally. It felt as if this entire space was his bed and he was lying on it. I couldn't distinguish his facial features because he was more or less a silhouette. But I could see he was lying down, I could see his hair, long, flowing, the ends merging with the very black space I was floating in. His eyes, the only part of him that was glowing, were like black holes. Literally. Those NASA pictures of black holes , exactly like that... I'm pretty sure the eyeballs, or what should be eyeballs in human anatomy, were rotating , moving , shifting. They weren't static. Yet it was Him, I knew it, my soul knew it; it was him, just… goddamn.
But he didn't look the same as the calendar images , no weapons , no glittering gold and flowers , no sheshnag ... Nothing . He was a bare shadow ... His sheer presence felt like gravity to me .
“Are you not? They call me—ah, what was that name again? … Ah, yes, Mahavishnu—”
I did not let him complete his sentence before my voice found its way out by itself, “MAHAVISHNU?” Not Vishnu, not Krishna, directly MAHA-????? I look at him incredulously, “You-... if you knew I was familiar with Mahavishnu, why not take the easier version, you know? Like Krishna, easy on the eyes… I think… compared to... this. You.”
"Remember when I told you that you had wandered too far? This is what I meant. This… Mahavishnu… is the least overwhelming form I can take. Krishna, that form, is far too close to the human realm; I'm far, far beyond that realm. Far beyond.”
I go quiet for a moment, before I murmur, “Then how did I wander so far… you’re like- the highest point, in the universe.” He chuckled, that sort of sound when one is entirely certain of what they were about to say, no matter how outrageous the statement might be, “Not the highest, that would be incorrect, little soul. I am the only point that exists. There’s nothing beyond me.”
I blink, legit, just blink, before I go “Nothing beyond you? Well I mean, true the scriptures said the same, but… what about other y’know, beings, like you?”
“All me. I'm all that there is, little soul,” he replied. His voice was calm, like someone stating the earth is a planet.
I point to myself, “Then what about me? I’m you?”
He paused for a moment, not in surprise, no, rather it felt as if he was trying to find words that wouldn't be too big for me, before settling for the simplest of all answers, “Yes, little soul. You are me.”
I go quiet again, damn, that hit hard, ooof… but- I perk up “But, we are separate, I mean we are standing separately, you’re there” I point to where his silhouette was, “and I’m here” I point back to myself.
He smiles, I couldn't see it for sure but I could feel it, “Who says I’m not right next to you?”
I frown in confusion, “Huh but you’re—”… I couldn't complete my retort, for that is when I noticed … His hair, or rather a silhouette of his hair, that was the black space around me, the galaxies and universes and what not, were on his hair, like little hairclips. I didn't know how to explain the exact visual I was seeing. He was right. He was right next to me—no, he was all around me. I looked down at my own corporeal form; it was semi-transparent, yes, but I could see that wavy texture of hair—not physical, not actual hair, but the essence—within me… I was made of… Him. I didn't know how to put that into words. I was literally made of him, like a doll is made of plastic, where the plastic is its essence… I was made up of him… I just stand still, a shiver running through my spine, a phantom thing I guess, since I didn't have a spine? I quickly looked around, as far as my corporeal form could see. Everything had the same texture, his hair, everything was made of him, those galaxies, those stars, and other things I didn't know the name of, all spun like tangled tresses… He was not just here or there, he was everywhere… hell he was all that there was… “Holy fuck—” my voice was a strangled whisper. I was terrified of what I was seeing, purely terrified. I mean, come on, no one can look at this… this, and not be scared shitless. So this was the truth. All Him.
I huffed a soft laugh, the terror was still there, but it wasn't the fear of someone in trouble, rather the terror that comes with too much knowledge, “Huh, so it's all you, is it? Then why these..forms? Me, other humans, and other beings I don't know of… what's the point if it's all you?”
He smiled, I could feel it, “Well, my existence got monotonous after a few eternities, so I decided to create instead.”
I hum, I could relate to that atleast, boredom, “Hmm, makes sense, you got tired of being the only one to exist, and since you are all that there is, was or will be, you just decided to create from within you.”
Silence.
Then I felt him lean closer, it was a strange feeling, he wasn't leaning physically closer, but the space between us seemed to fold, his eyes, those black hole type moving things, stilled for a split second. Both the glowing orbs focusing on me, at once, I froze, fear, primal, blood curdling fear, ran through me. I wasn't scared of him like that, it was just a natural instinct. The way a mortal nervous system would react to direct proximity with overwhelming existence itself.
“Youre a sharp one, little soul. You accept things with an ease most would certainly struggle with.” his voice was curious, interested, as if he was only right now starting to actually pay attention to me.
I never knew what it felt like to exist after death. Granted, I doubt anyone does. The scriptures say death is supposed to feel peaceful. I guess, to me, it did feel somewhat calm. I hadn't forgotten my memories of my life, my parents, my education, my job, the stress of bills, capitalism, all those hours I spent doomscrolling; I remembered it all… and Him, yes, my memory of Him was quite intact. All those hours of wanting him, all those years of feeling his name echo through the depths of my mind at the most goddamn inopportune moments, I remembered it all… Strange, though, isn't it? Who am I even talking to? Am I not supposed to forget it all after death? As per scriptures, we all start anew, right? Where was I even? My eyes aren't open... not really... I no longer have a body. I could feel myself floating... it was a really weird sensation. I suddenly remember—wait, how the hell am I remembering if I don't have a brain? What the fuck? Anyways, I remember the books saying something like I must put intention into creation? Let me try… maybe then I would be able to open my eyes—I mean see, yeah, I needed to see what was around me.
Oh… wait up… the darkness is receding—nope, false alarm, it’s not… but there’s a new light… someone’s here. I’m not alone.
I blink... hold the fuck up, did I just blink? I look down, oh, ohhh my body, no wait—it was a corporeal form… but looked exactly like my body when I died… WTF, am I a ghost?
“I thought you would be more comfortable in your most recent form,” a voice spoke. It wasn't male, it wasn't female either; it felt as if it were as much a soft whisper yet as heavy as the tolling bells of the old temples.
I whirl around, “Who?” There was no one, yet I could feel it. That presence: vast, endless, far, far too large to be contained within one form.
“That question is the most difficult to answer... who am I indeed…”
I blink, bewildered, a part of me starting to recognize exactly who or rather what I was talking to... “That makes no sense, everyone knows who they are.”
“Hmm… do they? Tell me, who are you then?” the voice asked back. My answer was instant, before I could even process my own words, “I am Shreyasi—"... I stopped as a thought struck me: was I still Shreyasi? Wasn't I a little too… ahem… dead to be the old me? Then… who was I now?
“See? You're stuck too. Your flesh had its identity, but without that cover, even you do not know who you are,” the voice—... I needed to stop calling him-her-it, the voice in my head—wait... did I even have a head... ugh.
“Look, just for the purpose of this conversation, give me a name and let me see you…” I stated flatly. I'd never really been one to mince words, death or not, that wasn't gonna change.
The voice laughed; literally, not even kidding. Not the amused kinda laugh, rather as if I had stated something so wild it was damn near impossible. I felt the space around me shimmer, as if every molecule or atom or whatever was vibrating… “Hey, that’s not fair,” I grumbled. I wasn't sure if he-she-it—dammit, was laughing at me or just because it felt the need to do so.
“You're not supposed to be here, you know? You wandered too far, little soul.”
I blinked at that, “Oh, do souls not come here? I didn't know that. It’s not like I did it on purpose, y'know; not my fault.” The voice felt as if it were smiling, “Yes, most do not; perhaps your soul inherently knew it seeked something more than the usual. So it drifted… still, you're too far…” The voice paused for a second before it spoke again, “Alright then, since you asked for a form, I shall take one you're rather familiar with…”
And then, colors exploded. Everywhere. Up until now, I seemed to exist in a dark, deep space, and now suddenly I saw stars, galaxies, universes and shit I didn't even know what they were, and then… Him.
Not physical, I mean, not flesh and blood. He was… vast, for a lack of a better word. The same corporeal form that I had, somewhat transparent, but too damn vast, literally. It felt as if this entire space was his bed and he was lying on it. I couldn't distinguish his facial features because he was more or less a silhouette. But I could see he was lying down, I could see his hair, long, flowing, the ends merging with the very black space I was floating in. His eyes, the only part of him that was glowing, were like black holes. Literally. Those NASA pictures of black holes , exactly like that... I'm pretty sure the eyeballs, or what should be eyeballs in human anatomy, were rotating , moving , shifting. They weren't static. Yet it was Him, I knew it, my soul knew it; it was him, just… goddamn.
But he didn't look the same as the calendar images , no weapons , no glittering gold and flowers , no sheshnag ... Nothing . He was a bare shadow ... His sheer presence felt like gravity to me .
My voice was a mix of awe and gut-wrenching terror, “I-... you thought—” I tried again, “you thought I would be familiar with this?”
“Are you not? They call me—ah, what was that name again? … Ah, yes, Mahavishnu—”
I did not let him complete his sentence before my voice found its way out by itself, “MAHAVISHNU?” Not Vishnu, not Krishna, directly MAHA-????? I look at him incredulously, “You-... if you knew I was familiar with Mahavishnu, why not take the easier version, you know? Like Krishna, easy on the eyes… I think… compared to... this. You.”
"Remember when I told you that you had wandered too far? This is what I meant. This… Mahavishnu… is the least overwhelming form I can take. Krishna, that form, is far too close to the human realm; I'm far, far beyond that realm. Far beyond.”
I go quiet for a moment, before I murmur, “Then how did I wander so far… you’re like- the highest point, in the universe.” He chuckled, that sort of sound when one is entirely certain of what they were about to say, no matter how outrageous the statement might be, “Not the highest, that would be incorrect, little soul. I am the only point that exists. There’s nothing beyond me.”
I blink, legit, just blink, before I go “Nothing beyond you? Well I mean, true the scriptures said the same, but… what about other y’know, beings, like you?”
“All me. I'm all that there is, little soul,” he replied. His voice was calm, like someone stating the earth is a planet.
I point to myself, “Then what about me? I’m you?”
He paused for a moment, not in surprise, no, rather it felt as if he was trying to find words that wouldn't be too big for me, before settling for the simplest of all answers, “Yes, little soul. You are me.”
I go quiet again, damn, that hit hard, ooof… but- I perk up “But, we are separate, I mean we are standing separately, you’re there” I point to where his silhouette was, “and I’m here” I point back to myself.
He smiles, I couldn't see it for sure but I could feel it, “Who says I’m not right next to you?”
I frown in confusion, “Huh but you’re—”… I couldn't complete my retort, for that is when I noticed … His hair, or rather a silhouette of his hair, that was the black space around me, the galaxies and universes and what not, were on his hair, like little hairclips. I didn't know how to explain the exact visual I was seeing. He was right. He was right next to me—no, he was all around me. I looked down at my own corporeal form; it was semi-transparent, yes, but I could see that wavy texture of hair—not physical, not actual hair, but the essence—within me… I was made of… Him. I didn't know how to put that into words. I was literally made of him, like a doll is made of plastic, where the plastic is its essence… I was made up of him… I just stand still, a shiver running through my spine, a phantom thing I guess, since I didn't have a spine? I quickly looked around, as far as my corporeal form could see. Everything had the same texture, his hair, everything was made of him, those galaxies, those stars, and other things I didn't know the name of, all spun like tangled tresses… He was not just here or there, he was everywhere… hell he was all that there was… “Holy fuck—” my voice was a strangled whisper. I was terrified of what I was seeing, purely terrified. I mean, come on, no one can look at this… this, and not be scared shitless. So this was the truth. All Him.
I huffed a soft laugh, the terror was still there, but it wasn't the fear of someone in trouble, rather the terror that comes with too much knowledge, “Huh, so it's all you, is it? Then why these..forms? Me, other humans, and other beings I don't know of… what's the point if it's all you?”
He smiled, I could feel it, “Well, my existence got monotonous after a few eternities, so I decided to create instead.”
I hum, I could relate to that atleast, boredom, “Hmm, makes sense, you got tired of being the only one to exist, and since you are all that there is, was or will be, you just decided to create from within you.”
Silence.
Then I felt him lean closer, it was a strange feeling, he wasn't leaning physically closer, but the space between us seemed to fold, his eyes, those black hole type moving things, stilled for a split second. Both the glowing orbs focusing on me, at once, I froze, fear, primal, blood curdling fear, ran through me. I wasn't scared of him like that, it was just a natural instinct. The way a mortal nervous system would react to direct proximity with overwhelming existence itself.
“Youre a sharp one, little soul. You accept things with an ease most would certainly struggle with.” his voice was curious, interested, as if he was only right now starting to actually pay attention to me.
Feels weird to say this , but they're somehow better than any female employee I've ever asked help from regarding undergarments .
Somehow men are also more patient ?
Like , I would ask for thicker straps , or bigger cup size , or larger band size ... They'd patiently bring it all out . (Speaking purely from personal experience, not general knowledge lol).
I keep going back to the same shop that has sold bras for like 50 years in my city . And they're run by 5 or 6 men 😂😂😂.
how are you sakhi long time no see! the new theme of your blog looks so soothing and beautiful
SAKHIII, I apologize to everyone please, I was really going through difficult and agonizing times in my life, and staying strong was only through Bhakti, the certainty that I had Hari's love, that's what kept me going, but both due to my fault, and the dark environment that is everyday life, I was going through several terrible things, and that's why I'm only breathing again now, because Krishna and his leelas were what brought me to write again.
Many texts from the University, words spoken, and familiar situations in an environment so far from Vasudev's warmth made me feel like a hostage to a cycle of sadness, also given the bodily ailments I've been feeling completely foolish, I was afraid, even though I shouldn't have been.
It's like all these days have been a cloudy void for me, and I couldn't remember anything properly, but now I'm recovering, and little by little fixing my ability to keep fighting for the dharma, I must apologize again, now I return through all my will to stay close to Hari and his devotees, I thank you all for continuing to be here, this is a home where I feel safe, as being close and serving the devotees of Hari is the true Honor for me.
I miss you my sakhis
@merevasudevmeremadhav @mimaridoesmurari @darkskytenjiku @irantaboutkanha @origel and everyone of you
I understand exactly how taxing universities can be . My master's made me depressed . Not even kidding .... Either way , I'm glad you're doing well now ..
Y'ALL I HAD A RANDOM BUSINESS IDEA (YES IM THAT BORED) 🥱😂
Sooó I'm bored , and I'm scrolling instagram ... Suddenly i find this reel .
I've recently been seeing a rise in these "sending letters" trend .
NOW I WAS LIKE , YOOOOO WHAT IF . I sent letters to you guys , for a small subscription amount . Like a membership thing . But it won't just be from me , it'll be from Krishna . I could include a letter from him (yes I have free will and I do tarot . Nothing new) stickers , doodles ... Shit like that .
SUCH A COOL BUSINESS VENTURE NA 😌😌😌😌 PERSONALIZED LETTERS FROM YOUR GOD HUSBAND 😜
You all get to receive letters from your husband and I get to have fun CREATING them .
It'll be addressed by Krishna to you guys 😉😉😉.
@bigsimp69 @merevasudevmeremadhav @mimaridoesmurari @syamakrishna @yoogini @euph0synee @lordsabove and everyone else . Reblog to lemme know what y'all think . 😂😂😂
If international that's different. But since we're all within India mostly . 199 is pretty decent .
It could either be a monthly subscription or a one time thing . You decide . you'll get letters in the first week every month if monthly . 😜😜😜
1. Letter but written on vintage type printed papers (or wth I might even try that pouring coffee on paper thing to make it look DWAPAR YUG AESTHETIC )
2. pretty handwriting (hehe i write in cursive)
3. Handmade postcards . Not even kidding. Like a personal moodboard printed on it and then decorated by me .
OK UPDATE ON MY BUSINESS IDEA (yes I'm that bored) :-
Since most of y'all suggested doing this thing online first so that I could establish a foundation . I HAVE DECIDED I WILL BE DOING THAT .
You will be now getting :-
1. A pdf of the personalised letter ofcourse , written by me , narrated by HIM . I'm currently creating a pretty format that makes it look vintage and classic. Y'all can print it out and keep it in your diary or something.
2. A personalised moodboard . Based on the vibes krishna gives me for you .
3. Since I cannot mail you stickers and stuff , I've decided to use my next best feature . MY VOICE . I WILL BE NARRATING THE LETTER TO YOU . IN MY OWN WAY . Plus I'll give you the whole context . (So you can imagine yourself as a gopi sitting under a banyan tree , making her sakhi read a letter from kanha because she was too shy to read it herself 🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭)
ALL OF THIS FOR 199 INR . Just DM me whoever wants it and we can move ahead from there .
This is the letter font I've decided on so far . I might change it when I see fit .
OH MY GOD GIRL GIRL THIS IS GENIUS ANDDDD THE MOODBOARD IS TO DIE FOR ISTG
Imma run my bank dry but it'll be worth it, but seriously LOVE THIS and yes keep it online otherwise how to explain to others that kanha sent me a letter 😭
Y'ALL I HAD A RANDOM BUSINESS IDEA (YES IM THAT BORED) 🥱😂
Sooó I'm bored , and I'm scrolling instagram ... Suddenly i find this reel .
I've recently been seeing a rise in these "sending letters" trend .
NOW I WAS LIKE , YOOOOO WHAT IF . I sent letters to you guys , for a small subscription amount . Like a membership thing . But it won't just be from me , it'll be from Krishna . I could include a letter from him (yes I have free will and I do tarot . Nothing new) stickers , doodles ... Shit like that .
SUCH A COOL BUSINESS VENTURE NA 😌😌😌😌 PERSONALIZED LETTERS FROM YOUR GOD HUSBAND 😜
You all get to receive letters from your husband and I get to have fun CREATING them .
It'll be addressed by Krishna to you guys 😉😉😉.
@bigsimp69 @merevasudevmeremadhav @mimaridoesmurari @syamakrishna @yoogini @euph0synee @lordsabove and everyone else . Reblog to lemme know what y'all think . 😂😂😂
If international that's different. But since we're all within India mostly . 199 is pretty decent .
It could either be a monthly subscription or a one time thing . You decide . you'll get letters in the first week every month if monthly . 😜😜😜
1. Letter but written on vintage type printed papers (or wth I might even try that pouring coffee on paper thing to make it look DWAPAR YUG AESTHETIC )
2. pretty handwriting (hehe i write in cursive)
3. Handmade postcards . Not even kidding. Like a personal moodboard printed on it and then decorated by me .
OK UPDATE ON MY BUSINESS IDEA (yes I'm that bored) :-
Since most of y'all suggested doing this thing online first so that I could establish a foundation . I HAVE DECIDED I WILL BE DOING THAT .
You will be now getting :-
1. A pdf of the personalised letter ofcourse , written by me , narrated by HIM . I'm currently creating a pretty format that makes it look vintage and classic. Y'all can print it out and keep it in your diary or something.
2. A personalised moodboard . Based on the vibes krishna gives me for you .
3. Since I cannot mail you stickers and stuff , I've decided to use my next best feature . MY VOICE . I WILL BE NARRATING THE LETTER TO YOU . IN MY OWN WAY . Plus I'll give you the whole context . (So you can imagine yourself as a gopi sitting under a banyan tree , making her sakhi read a letter from kanha because she was too shy to read it herself 🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭)
ALL OF THIS FOR 199 INR . Just DM me whoever wants it and we can move ahead from there .
This is the letter font I've decided on so far . I might change it when I see fit . Plus moodboards like this .
One thing I wanna share about kanha😌 (deep sleep= kanha hugs)
so I was listening to my Guru ji lecture and he said that when we are in deep sleep that's because that time kanha is secretly hugging us😭❤️
Gehri neend me wo chori chori aalingan karte ha jeev Ka 😌🙌 is liye phir us time neend me Sapna Nahi hota , sirf apko anand milta ha and it's because of Kanha 😌❤️
Reason: guru ji said k wo is liye , qk kanha jeev KO ye batana chahte ha k Dekho ye Anand ha, agr mere Sharan me aaoge Tou sada k liye ye Anand tumhe miljaega.
Reference: main kaun Mera kaun YouTube playlist (I forgot the exact episode number but it's def after 30 ep😭 I am rn in 60 )
Reference from scripture: He didn't mention the scripture but he mostly mentions so I am hoping that in next episodes he may mention it again because he often mentions things many times , so i will share it don't worry😌
