Sparks Lake // Henry Nathan
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Sparks Lake // Henry Nathan
what kind of fish are those
get yourself a Jeffrey
JEFFERY JUST WANTS TO GET LAID
Where someone had broken me once before, you tempered with the idea of breaking me once more. Weak smiles, scoffed away by the flashy attraction of old limbs and lacerations.
I don’t want to be disposable for once in my life. My body means something and you know it.
Staying positive is so easy with your hands around my waist. I am constantly switching between fleeting states of clarity and waves of anxiety that feel heavy like stone. With your eyes locked into mine I can see our future— but I’ve never loved eyes blue like the ocean. I’ve never known eyes that change direction like currents. I only know their depth, because I’ve been there before.
You have the tendency to let go of the things you are most certain of and I feel the tears welling behind my eyes every time you look in the other direction, wondering what could be or could have been if I never wondered about your hand touching mine. But I wondered so often that my heart is in a constant state of lethargy when you won’t say my name in the same breath of yours. There is nothing I can do to stop you from going, but I am trying everything I am capable of to make you stay.
I am full of love like the moon and I know that if you were the sun, I would chase the stars over the horizon to follow you into your bed every night.
@fleuroculos
Drifting off into a daydream, you snuck behind my eyes and allowed yourself into my mind. I used to sleep next to a ghost, my sheets were so pure. I’ve never felt like my legs were stable enough to run or my voice was sweet enough to sing or my laugh was real enough to mean something. You entered my life like a tornado, picking me up and twirling me around until me feet couldn’t feel the ground. Gravity was no question, your arms were my crutch. I’ve never known the laughter of a child because of what was taken from me while I was learning when and why I should laugh. I’ve never known what it’s like to love recklessly and wildly because I’ve seen what reckless abandon causes when it’s collected in the bottom of an empty beer can. I’ve never felt the warmth in my sheets from my own body until yours encompassed mine and taught it how to love purely. What I’m trying to say, is that I’ve never allowed myself to be a child because of the memories that echoed with false lessons before you. I used to run in my backyard and sleep in the grass next to the garden. I used to laugh until I cried. Everything stopped when I lost him. Growing up without him was empty. I know he feels the same.
Oh, it is so nice to feel like a child again. I feel like I’m glowing when I am next to you. I need to thank you over and over again for teaching me the lessons he was unable to teach me. Thank you for seeing how scared I was to smile and grow, and for gently loving me anyways.
Every time I try to trust, you use my shoulders as a place to rest your elbows while you gaze into someone else's lips.
Smile and don't let them catch wind of the inner turmoil inside of your head. You've never had something so perfect. If you soil it's name, it'll never be the same.
Constellations.
I don't trust people and I'm afraid I won't ever learn to.
1. Let’s take a shower together with the lights off. Let’s leave our insecurities in the brightness. 2. I like the way you look at me when you’re laughing. I like the way you know it’s my favorite sound. 3. Let me wear your sweater. Let me sit in your bed and listen to you tell me about how you were as a kid. 4. I like the way you talk about all the people before me like they didn’t come close. I like the way you make me feel like the only one who has ever had a chance. 5. I know forever is a shot in the dark, and love is fleeting and people are cynical and sometimes shit happens, but listen. I want to be that one shot in the dark. I want it to be us in the end. I want to be the story people tell in thirty years because no one fucking believed that we’d make it.
Let’s Make It. // Love Thoughts, Pt. 1 (via veincold)
Meditation | MDRN