Kat and Shannon's Shitshow

send us your irondad headcanons and we'll scream about them

[irondadheadcanons]

*pokes you guys with a stick* lol is u ded?

only emotionally

[irondadheadcanons]

Peter has spider instincts and he can control them eighty percent of the time of course Peter hasn't told Tony of this Tony finds out when Peter comes back in to the compound kitchen covered in blood and a look of extreme satisfaction on his face (he ate a deer and fought a bear) and after Peter's shower they have a talk

(QUICK NOTE: We wrote this at 4:30 am. Just… just remember that, okay?)

–

(italics are kat/@losingmymindtonight and regular is shannon/@parkrstark) 

Okay… so… there’s a lot to unpack here.

First of all: why would a spider FIGHT A BEAR

Where did he FIND A BEAR in NYC??

Was he upstate already?

Did he kill the deer himself or did he steal the deerfrom a bear and that’s why he fought one?

Do spiders even eat deer?

I love how serious you’re going into this

This is IMPORTANT STUFF SHANNON

Listen. If Peter can control his spider instincts 80% ofthe time then that means that 20% of his life he CAN’T

Which means he spends about 73 days a year just… punchingbears and eating deer

I’m concerned

He should get that checked out

“Bruce… Bruce we’ve got a teenie little problem”

Okay okay so I looked into it and the biggest animal Ican find record of a spider eating is a bird or a rat so i’m not sure how wegot a deer here

WHY ARE YOU LOOKING THIS UP. YOUR BROWSER HISTORY IS ALREADYQUESTIONABLE FROM YOUR WHUMP RESEARCH

So Upstate New York’s black bear population is currentlyestimated at 6,000-8,000. That means that if Peter kills a black bear everytime he loses control of his “spider instincts,” it will take him about 83years to eradicate the entire population (assuming that the bears aren’treproducing)

Significantly less if he can knock out two each episode

What the fuck

Do you like my science Shannon?

#1 I think that’s math #2 I could be wrong about #1 becauseI always skipped science class #3 why are you like this

I imagine that Tony thought #3 too when Peter camewaltzing into the Compound covered in blood and deer guts

On that note: CAN YOU BELIEVE TONY LET HIM TAKE A SHOWERBEFORE TALKING ABOUT THIS

IM SORRY SHANNON

BUT IF YOU ROLLED INTO MY HOUSE COVERED IN BITS OF DEAD DEER

THE SHOWER CAN WAIT

WE HAVIN A TALK FIRST

I can assure you, I will never come to your house covered indead deer

And also

Why did he eat the deer but not the bear

SEE NOW YOU’RE GETTING INTO THE SPIRIT

Do deer taste better than bears?

Let me ask Google

I await a response with baited breath

Truly how did I live before knowing the answer to thisquestion

So apparently bear meat can taste pretty nasty if thebear has been eating a lot of salmon or carrion

So maybe it was just a really nasty bear

And Peter was like “nah. Let me get at that raw deer meatinstead”

So maybe Peter tracks the bear’s diet before attacking it

Do you think he kills the bear or does he just

Like

Roundhouse kick it in the jaw

I was wondering that

“I’M THE CAPTAIN NOW”

And the bear is just like “yessir”

Maybe he just knocks it out and then… calls it a day

Maybe he’s already full from the deer???

Which came first: the deer or the bear

Does he just… get the urge to fight bears??? Or does heget the urge to eat deer and therefore fights bears for their deer carcasses???

Maybe the deer guts on him attracted the bear so he had tofight off the bear. He didn’t want to kill it, it was just self defense

Because even in spider instinct mode, Peter is still achill bro

I just googled “is there a bear-fighting spider”

There isn’t, but apparently there IS a sport known asspider fighting

Which is exactly what it sounds like

Spiders fighting each other?

Yep

For what purpose?

Is it like a game?? A mating ritual??

DIRECTLY FROM WIKIPEDIA: “In the United States, spider-fighting is also prevalentin prisons in Florida, where inmates catch them and keep them in boxes as pets.In 2002, a fight between three inmates over the theft of a pet spider resultedin life-threatening skull injuries to one inmate and additional charges to theother two.”

SHANNON I CANT BREATHE

Life gets rough in the big house

You have to rely on spider fights

“Life threatening skull injuries”

That must have been one hell of a spider, to warrant that

Also, the ambiguity of “they have a talk” is just………there’s so much option there

There is NO info about Tony’s reaction AT ALL

I’d hope his reaction involves some concern

“Comes back to the kitchen” also means that they were justchilling in the kitchen, probably talking about some cool suit upgrades, whenPeter was suddenly like, “hold on, fam, spider instincts, gotta eat a deer” andthen goes out and comes back after however long it takes him to do this

“Peter? What did you even DO?!”

“Oh, you know. Killed a deer, fought a bear.”

“You fought a WHAT NOW?!”

“Spider instincts”

“There is not a species of spider ALIVE that does thisshit, Peter. THIS IS NOT NORMAL WHAT THE FUCK”

“WAIT. DID YOU EAT RAW, UNPROCESSED DEER MEAT??? DEARGOD. BRUCE??? PETER NEEDS A RABIES SHOT ASAP”

“Some spiders hibernate, some eat deer.”

Listen. We as a society need to accept ALL types ofspiders, strange bear fighting habits and all

And this conversation happens after the shower… does Tonyask or does he just shove him right into the bathroom?

Does he think it’s human blood at first??????

“Do we need this hide a body??? PETER??? DO WE NEED TOHIDE A BODY???”

IMMEDIATE SUPPORT FROM IRONDAD

If he has a satisfied look on his face, does that meanthat Peter’s spider instincts are still going off or does the normal humanPeter just see…… no problem with this turn of events???

Is he satisfied with the taste of the deer or the outcome ofthe bear fight?????

Maybe he’s used to it and he’s just riding that spiderinstinct high for a little while longer

Does Peter’s bucket list just look like:

1. Meet Mark Hamill2. Build a Lego Death Star3. Go to Comic Con4. Fight a fucking bear5. Pet a Dalmation

Okay but the concept of the instincts being like a highis HELLA amusing to me

“Yeah hi my name is Peter and I get high off of DECKINGBEARS and MURDERING DEER with my BARE HANDS”

Does he always eat deer? Or is it this like steadyprogression of animals. Maybe he started small with like squirrels and slowlymoves his way up the animal kingdom

The endgame is a blue whale

“Mr. Stark, can we go on a cruise?”

“…… why?”

“No reason”

Just, for a sec, imagine Peter fighting a blue whale

How do you even fight something that big???

Does he nibble on it slowly and the whale doesn’t evenrealize it

Or does he fucking pick it up by the tail and bodyslam itback and forth

BOTH IMAGES ARE GLORIOUS

“Happy? Where’s the kid?”

“I thought you had him?”

“Ah shit. He’s trying to eat a damn whale again.”

IM CRYING

So now Tony knows the 20% of Peter’s life where he losescontrol…..what does he do??? Does he lock him in the Compound with some cookeddeer meat? Does he let him loose with a really long leash? Does he follow himaround spray bottle filled with water for when he tries going after the wronganimals?

Peter sees a squirrel and starts foaming at the mouth andTony just pulls out a spray bottle and sprays him in the face

“No! Bad Peter! Leave it!”

“If you’re good I’ve got some raw bison waiting at homewith your name on it”

“This time I won’t try hiding vegetables in the rottingcarcass.”

“No, you still have to eat them! You’re still a growingspider…boy…thing”

I love how we just assume that Tony would just look atthis situation and go “…this is fine”

Actual footage of Tony

Maybe he’s afraid he’ll be the next snack if he upsets Peter

Peter just starts gnawing on one of the receptionists andTony runs over with the spray bottle like “SPIT IT OUT”

…. we’re getting into dangerous territory now

“DAMNIT PETER. I CAN’T LOSE ANOTHER WORKER. NOT AGAIN.”

“NOT AGAIN”

Poor Jenny Carter came into work wearing her fox coat. Shewas never seen again.

You know what? Serves her right for supporting the peltindustry

Peter wears Jenna like a coat

Oh GOD

But only when he’s high on spider juices

Tony has an important business meeting and the other personkeeps staring down at Tony’s leg in concern. Peter is gnawing at his anklebecause that last deer just wasn’t enough.

Tony’s like “WHAT’S THE MATTER YOU NEVER SEEN A SPIDERFEEDING BEFORE”

Peter never actually hurts Tony because even as a highspider, the irondad bond is too strong. And Tony trusts him enough to let ithappen

…… are you making this cute right now

It seems I am

Tony keeps a bag full of dried strips of meat on him tolet Peter chew on during his “episodes”

Happy mistakes it for jerky one day

Poor Happy

HAPPY WOULD BE SO FUCKING DONE

*Peter is chewing on Tony’s shoulder*

“TONY THIS IS NOT NORMAL”

“But look how cute he is”

“TONY HE’S TRYING TO EAT YOU”

“He’s giving me kisses. What a good son”

“WHAT THE FUCK”

“THIS WAS NOT IN THE JOB DESCRIPTION TONY”

Happy is disrupting Peter’s peace so when he’s complainingto Tony, Peter gets really close and Happy flinches expecting to lose an armbut Peter just slaps him across the face with his dried meat strip

“Bad Happy”

Tony’s grinning. “That’s right, buddy. Bad Happy. Shameon you, Hap. Look at him. He’s an angel”

“Spray.”

“You’re right, kiddo. Bad Happy needs a spray.”

“Tony, don’t you.. I swear to god if you—”

TONY GETS SO USED TO USING THE SPRAY BOTTLE THAT ONE DAYIN A MEETING HE JUST BUSTS IT OUT WHEN ONE OF THE STOCKHOLDERS IS BEINGDIFFICULT AND SPRAYS HIM IN THE FACE

So what state does Peter revert to while he’s in this spiderkilling mode… what kind of state of mind does he have? Like he’s high? He’sdrunk? He’s a toddler? He’s a dog?

He seems like a mix between a toddler/a dog/and a dogaddict

*drug addict

I meant drug addict

Sorry, I was just projecting there

He’s addicted to petting puppies

And chewing on them…. There was that one reallyunfortunate incident at the animal shelter….

They don’t talk about that… Lucky gets by with three legsfine now.

Shannon do you realize this is the most elaborateheadcanon we’ve ever done

This may be my favorite one yet

… Shannon we can do crack now too

Crack, whump, and fluff: THE HOLY TRINITY

This is our legacy

[irondadheadcanons]

Just Some Housekeeping PSAs:

1. WE WILL SCREAM IF WE WANT

2. STARKER IS A NO. These are IRONDAD headcanons. That means PLATONIC.

3. HI! LOSINGMYMINDTONIGHT HERE: I JUST REALLY LOVE SHANNON

4. HI THIS IS PARKRSTARK: KAT IS SO MUCH BETTER THAN ME. I LOVE HER MORE THAN I LOVE PETER WHUMP

5. AAAAAND NOW WE’RE OFF TO ARGUE ABOUT WHO LOVES WHO MORE. BYE GUYS!

[irondadheadcanons]

HC: in fics there are times when peter needs a sedative or anesthesia but his spider metabolism doesn’t allow for normal does so all I’m thinking about is peter having to get a surgery and the doctors have enough just to numb the area but peter is still awake and terrified but tony convinces the surgeon to let him in the OR and he stands s next to peter and comforts him through the procedure

(italics are kat/@losingmymindtonight and regular is shannon/@parkrstark)

OKAY OKAY SO HOW DOES PETER GET HURT

HMMM…SOMETHING LIKE GSW? THEY HAVE TO DIG THE BULLET OUT?

OUCH YES SO LIKE PETER GETS SHOT WHILE HE’S OUT ON A MISSION AND TONY’S FRANTIC AND HAULS HIM TO LIKE DR. CHO AND THEY TRY TO GIVE HIM ANESTHESIA BUT IT DOESNT WORK

HOW DO THEY FIND OUT IT DOESN’T WORK? THEY START OPERATING ON HIM? IS TONY ALREADY NEXT TO HIM OR IS THAT WHEN HE RUSHES OVER?

I IMAGINE THAT, LIKE, TONY ROLLS UP WITH PETER CRADLED AGAINST THE IRON MAN SUIT, BLOOD ALL OVER THE CHESTPLATE CAUSE PETER’S BLEEDING A LOT, AND THEY KINDA PULL HIM INTO A MEDICAL BED AND START AN IV

BUT LIKE

PETER’S NOT ASLEEP. HE’S STILL IN PAIN.

HE’S MAKING SMALL WHINING NOISES AND GASPING AND TRYING HARD TO ACT LIKE HE’S FINE

“S’okay, M-mr. Stark. I’m fine.”

“YOU’RE NOT FINE, PETER. YOU ARE BLEEDING OUT FROM A HOLE IN YOUR STOMACH.”

AND THEY START THE IV AND TONY’S INTERNALLY LIKE “thank god thank god thank god” AND HE’S BRUSHING HAIR OUT OF PETER’S FACE AND WHISPERING “easy, buddy. It’ll get better soon. You’re okay.”

BUT THEN THE DOCTORS ARE LIKE “we… we don’t understand. He should be out by now.”

AND TONY JUST GETS REALLY QUIET AND HORRIFIED AND WHISPERS, “his metabolism.”

HE TELLS THE DOCTORS THAT HE CAN’T BE NUMBED OR KNOCKED OUT AND THEY ALL KINDS EXCHANGE HORRIFIED GLANCES. DR. CHO TRIES TO STAY CALM AND PROFESSIONAL BUT IN HER MIND SHE CAN’T BELIEVE SHE’S ABOUT TO OPERATE ON A CHILD THAT WILL FEEL EVERYTHING.

SHE LOOKS AT TONY AND JUST WHISPERS “put the suit back on” AND HE’S LIKE “WHAT WHY?!?!” and she gives him the SADDEST look in the world and is like “he’s enhanced and he’s going to fight. You’re going to have to hold him down.”

AND TONY FEELS SICK AT THE THOUGHT. HE HAS TO BE THE ONE TO DO THIS. HE’S NOT SURE IF HE CAN STOMACH IT BUT HE KNOWS HE’S THE ONE THAT HAS TO BE THERE FOR PETER. HE DOESN’T WANT IT TO ME ANYONE ELSE. HE DOESN’T TRUST IT TO BE ANYONE ELSE. SO HE PUTS THE SUIT ON BUT HE KEEPS HIS MASK OFF AND GOES TO PETER’S SIDE. HE HOLDS HIS HAND AND MAKES SURE PETER IS LOOKING HIM IN THE EYES AND SAYS “shhh, it’s okay, buddy. I’m gonna be here the whole time. Don’t worry.”

IT KILLS DR. CHO BUT SHE GIVES PETER A WAD OF GAUZE TO BITE DOWN ON BECAUSE SHE DOESN’T WANT HIM TO HURT HIMSELF AND THE FIRST MINUTE THE TWEEZERS GO INTO THE WOUND HE SCREAMS. AND TONY’S ENTIRE BEING FEELS LIKE IT’S SHATTERING BECAUSE HE HAS TO PIN THIS KID, HIS KID, DOWN WHILE HE FIGHTS AND SOBS AND LOOKS UP AT HIM WITH DESPERATE, PLEADING EYES.

AND TONY CAN’T DO ANYTHING

HE’S LIKE “its okay. I know. I know. I’m so sorry, Peter. It’s okay to scream. You can scream. You can cry. It’s okay.”

AND HE’S THRASHING AND TRYING NOT TO SCREAM BUT THEN CHO DIGS DEEP SOMEWHERE AND PETER CAN’T HELP THE SCREAM HE CHOKES OUT. ONCE HE LET’S ONE OUT HE CAN’T STOP.

HES BEGGING BEHIND THE GAG. HE JUST WANTS IT TO END. HE TRIES SHOVING EVERYONE AWAY. BUT TONY HOLDS HIM DOWN. EXCEPT IT HURTS TONY BECAUSE HE WANTS TO HOLD PETERS FACE AND BRUSH THE CURLS OUT OF HIS FACE BUT HE HAS TO USE BOTH HANDS TO HOLD HIM DOWN.

GOD CAN YOU IMAGINE HIS INTERNAL DIALOGUE? HE’S GIVEN UP EVEN TRYING TO VERBALLY COMFORT THE KID AT THIS POINT BECAUSE HE CAN’T EVEN HEAR OVER HIS OWN SCREAMING AND TONY’S JUST INTERNALLY BEGGING FOR THE KID TO PASS OUT.

DR. CHO IS TOO. EVERYONE IS.

HE’S JUST WAITING FOR HIM TO PASS OUT. THE KID JUST WON’T LET IT HAPPEN. TONY KNOWS HE’S FIGHTING IT. SO HE TELLS DR. CHO TO STOP JUST FOR A SECOND. THE PAIN STOPS AND FOR A MOMENT PETER STOPS SCREAMING AND HE’S JUST PANTING AS TEARS DRIP DOWN THE SIDES OF HIS FACE. TONY LET’S GO OF PETER AND WIPES THE TEARS OFF HIS FACE. HE TALKS TO HIM IN A SOFT VOICE, “okay, kiddo. It’s okay. Dr. Cho is going to finish–.”

“Stop, no more, PLEASE.”

“Shhh, she’s almost finished, Peter. But it’s going to hurt for a little while longer you need to let yourself pass out okay. You won’t feel it anymore.”

BUT PETER IS SHAKING HIS HEAD. HE’S AFRAID. TONY RUNS HIS HANDS THROUGH HIS SWEATY CURLS. “shh, it’s okay, buddy. I’ll be here. I won’t let anything happen. It’s going to be okay.”

AND THEN PETER GIVES A REALLY SHAKY, TERRIFIED NOD, AND TONY LOOKS AT DR. CHO AND IS LIKE “finish it,” AND THE KID DOES THIS HORRIBLE, WET, CHOKED OFF SCREAM AS SHE STARTS AGAIN AND TONY’S USING ONE ARM TO HOLD HIM DOWN AND THE OTHER TO CUP HIS FACE AND HE’S MURMURING “it’s okay, buddy. You’re good. Just let go. I’m here.” AND PETER’S EYES FINALLY ROLL BACK AND TONY HAS NEVER BEEN MORE RELIEVED IN HIS ENTIRE LIFE AND HE FEELS KINDA SICK

BECAUSE HE’S HAPPY THAT HIS KID PASSED OUT. HOW WRONG IS THAT? BUT GOD IT’S SUCH A RELIEF.

HE DOESN’T HAVE TO HOLD HIM DOWN ANYMORE SO HE’S PLAYING WITH HIS HAIR AND WHISPERING TO HIM AND HE’S LIKE, “That’s it buddy. You’re safe. It’s okay.”

AND PETER IS OUT SO HE DOESN’T NEED TO HOLD HIM DOWN BUT TONY REFUSES TO LEAVE HIS SIDE. HE CONTINUES TO HOLD PETER’S FACE AND WHISPER TO HIM.

“that’s it. Stay still. It’s okay. You’re doing great. You’re almost finished. When we’re done, I’ll let you pick dinner, okay? And, and I’ll watch those star wars movies with you. Again. It’s gonna be okay.”

AND HE CONTINUES TO RAMBLE ON IN PETERS EAR AND DR. CHO GIVES HIM A SAD LOOK AS SHE FINISHES UP. SHE’S SEEN TONY SHAKEN UP AFTER A LOT OF BATTLES. BUT NEVER THIS BAD. NOT EVEN WHEN HE’S THE ONE BLEEDING OUT.

TONY ISN’T A RELIGIOUS MAN BUT HE DECIDES THAT SOMEONE MUST BE WATCHING OUT FOR THEM BECAUSE PETER STAYS OUT FOR THE REST OF THE PROCEDURE. AND HE KINDA SLUMPS ACROSS PETER’S CHEST WHEN THEY’RE FINISHED AND WHISPERS “thank god” AND DR. CHO FEELS REALLY BAD ABOUT IT BUT SHE KINDA SLOWLY WALKS OVER AND WHISPERS “he’s probably going to wake up soon” AND TONY DOESNT UNDERSTAND WHY IT SOUNDS SO OMINOUS AND HE’S LIKE “good” AND SHE JUST SLOWLY LOOKS AT HIM AND GOES “I can’t give him pain medication, Tony. He’ll burn through it. And gunshot wounds hurt.”

AND TONYS BACK TO PANICKING BECAUSE WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE LIKE THIS. WHY DID THIS KID ALWAYS HAVE TO GO THROUGH THIS??? HE’S 15 FREAKING YEARS OLD AND HE’S HAVING A BULLET DUG OUT OF HIS BODY WITHOUT PAIN MEDICATION. TONY IS DEFINITELY THANKFUL HE WAS ASLEEP FOR MOST OF THE OPERATION AND THE STERILIZING. STERILIZING THE WOUND HURT MORE THAN CUTTING INTO IT WOULD.

HE JUST WANTS HIS KID TO GET A BREAK! JUST LEAVE HIM ALONE!

BUT HE’S GOING TO WAKE UP. HE’S GOING TO FEEL THE PAIN SO TONY MAKES HIM AS COMFORTABLE AS HE CAN. HE SETS HIM IN A SOFT BED WITH SOFTER PILLOWS AND BLANKETS. AND HE TAKES HIS HAND AND WAIT BY HIS SIDE UNTIL HE WAKES UP.

AND BECAUSE PETER WENT UNDER FIGHTING, HE WAKES UP FIGHTING TOO. HE GASPS AWAKE AND TRIES TO JERK UPRIGHT AND CHOKES OFF ON A SOB BECAUSE IT HURTS SO, SO MUCH AND TONY’S RIGHT THERE. AND THE MOMENT PETER HEARS TONY’S SOFT WHISPER OF “relax, Peter. I’m right here, kid,” HE DROPS BACK AND WHIMPERS BECAUSE HE’S IN SO MUCH PAIN BUT IT’S OKAY BECAUSE TONY’S HERE AND HE DIDN’T BREAK HIS PROMISE. HE STAYED. HE’LL PROTECT HIM.

FOR PETER, EVERYTHING IS OKAY AS LONG AS TONY TELLS HIM THAT IT IS.

(also, you 100% know that Tony would spend the next few weeks developing and testing a ton of anesthetics and painkillers that can keep up with Peter’s super metabolism, because he’ll never forget the sound of that kid sobbing in pain, and he’s never going to let it happen again.)

[irondadheadcanons]

(italics are kat/@losingmymindtonight and regular is shannon/@parkrstark)

PETER IS A BROADWAY NERD. LIKE TONY LISTENS TO ACDC BUT WHEN IT’S PETERS TURN FOR MUSIC IN THE LAB HE BLASTS HIS FAVORITE MUSICALS

AND HE SINGS ALONG AND HE’S ACTUALLY AN AMAZING SINGER

HIS FAVORITE IS DEAR EVAN HANSEN

BUT HE JAMS OUT TO EVERY ONE. THE OVER PLAYED ONES. THE ONES NO ONE KNOWS.

Tony secretly knows all the words to Hamilton and Peter catches him rapping it under his breath when he’s too engrossed in a project to notice.

WORDS FAIL. IMAGINE PETER SINGING IT.

AND BREAK IN A GLOVE IS TONY AND PETER (BUT LIKE THE GLOVE WAS A GLOVE THAT TONY BOUGHT FOR HOWARD TO PLAY WITH HIM)

BUT THE LAST LIKE MINUTE OF WORDS FAIL OH GOD,

AND ONLY US IS SUCH A GOOD MAY AND PETER SONG.

AND HE TOTALLY GETS INTO IT. HE SINGS AT THE TOP OF HIS LUNGS.

WAVING THROUGH A WINDOW HE SCREAMS WHEN MAY ISNT HOME AND HE’S JUMPING ON HIS BED.

PETER SINGS ALL THE TIME TOO. LIKE, WHEN HES NOT PAYING ATTENTION HE STARTS SINGING AND TONY CANT EVEN PRETEND IT BOTHERS HIM BC ITS SO CUTE.

PETER DOESNT EVEN NOTICE HALF THE TIME.

EVEN HAPPY HEARS HIM SOMETIMES ON THE LONG DRIVES.

BUT NEITHER OF THEM SAY ANYTHING BECAUSE IF THEY MENTION IT, HE GETS REALLY EMBARRASSED AND STOPS SINGING.

AND THEY LOVE HIM SINGING.

WAIT YOU KNOW HOW ZENDAYA IS ALWAYS TRYING TO CATCH TOM SINGING ON VIDEO?

WHAT IF TONY AND HAPPY START THE SAME THING

YES AND THEY SEND LITTLE VIDEOS TO EACH OTHER.

TRYING TO SEE WHO CATCHES MORE.

AND THEY GO TO NED BECAUSE HE’S HIS BEST FRIEND SO OFC HE COULD HELP THEM BUT NED IS LIKE ??????? HE DOESN’T HIDE HIS SINGING. HE ALWAYS SINGS.

AND NED DOESN’T REALIZE THAT HE’S THE ONLY ONE THAT PETER SINGS OPENLY WITH.

AND TONY AND HAPPY ARE ONLY A LITTLE JEALOUS

OKAY A LOT

NED IS LIKE “yeah dudes have you ever been in the car with him when the radio’s on? It’s like a personal concert.”

SOMETIMES NED SINGS THE DUETS WITH HIM BUT SOMETIMES PETER SIGNS EVERY PART OF THE SONG.

HE ALWAYS STRUGGLES TO CHOOSE BETWEEN THE CHORUS AND THE BACKGROUND VOCALS.

HE’LL SOMETIMES SWITCH IN THE MIDDLE OF A NOTE BECAUSE THE OTHER PART GETS BETTER

AS HE GETS MORE COMFORTABLE SINGING WITH TONY HE SINGS MORE AND MORE

TONY STARTS TO LEARN HIS FAVORITE SONGS SO THAT HE CAN SING ALONG QUIETLY AND ENCOURAGE PETER TOO

IT STARTS OFF REALLY SMALL AND SOFT BUT THEN SOON HE’S LAUGHING AND BELTING SONGS AROUND THE WORKSHOP

AND HIS VOICE IS BEAUTIFUL AND HE ALWAYS MANAGES TO GET SO MUCH EMOTION INTO HIS VOICE. TONY DOESN’T UNDERSTAND HOW

BUT EVEN THO HIS VOICE IS PERFECT TONY LOVES THE MOMENTS WHEN HE’S JOKING AROUND AND PURPOSEFULLY MAKING HIS VOICE SOUND BAD

PETER’S SO CUTE BC WHENEVER HE MESSES UP A NOTE HE STARTS OUT FLUSTERED BUT ONCE HE GETS COMFY WITH TONY HE JUST GIGGLES AND ITS TONY’S FAVORITE SOUND IN THE ENTIRE WORLD

AND ON THE DAYS WHEN HE’S SAD HE DOESN’T SING. HE STICKS ON HIS HEADPHONES AND MOPES. BUT ONCE PETER IS COMFY WITH TONY, TONY KNOWS THIS IS WHEN HE HAS TO GET HIM OUT OF HIS SHELL AND HE’LL POKE HIM IN THE CHEEKS AND THE BELLY AND SING HIS FAVORITE SONGS TO GET HIM TO SING.

AND HE PURPOSELY CHANGES THE WORDS TO SOME SONGS SO PETER LAUGHS AND MUMBLES “TONY, THAT ISN’T HOW IT GOES” AND TONY IS LIKE “OH REALLY?” AND HE JUST MAKES IT WORSE

TONY ISN’T ACTUALLY A TERRIBLE SINGER BUT WHEN HE’S TRYING TO CHEER PETER UP HE SINGS TERRIBLY AND OFF KEY

CAUSE IT MAKES PETER SMILE

AND TONY KNOWS HOW TO PLAY THE PIANO BUT HE ONLY PLAYED IN FRONT OF HIS MOM AND MAYBE RHODEY BUT HE HASN’T PLAYED SINCE SHE DIED AND ONE DAY HE PLAYS THE PIANO FOR PETER AND HE’S LIKE IN AWE BECAUSE HE’S SO TALENTED

TONY STARTS TEACHING PETER.

HES SECRETLY VERY PROUD WHEN THE KID PLAYS MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB.

HE TAKES A SECRET VIDEO AND SENDS IT TO THE AVENGERS GROUP CHAT.

AND PETER ISN’T A NATURAL AT FIRST SO WHEN HE HITS THE WRONG NOTE HE GETS ALL FLUSTERED AND RED IN THE FACE, BUT TONY CALMLY SHOWS HIM WHAT HE DID WRONG

“Rome wasn’t built in a day, kid.”

TONY SHOWING PETER SCALES AND PETER IS LIKE “MY FINGERS DON’T MOVE LIKE THAT” AND TONYS LIKE “OH BUT WEBSHOOTING IS NO PROBLEM HUH??”

… Peter learns to play Happy Birthday for Tony’s birthday

BUT HE LEARNS FROM A CRAPPY YOUTUBE VIDEO SO IT’S NOT THE BEST AND HE MESSES UP A FEW TIMES BUT HE KEEPS GOING

TONY STILL HAS THE VIDEO OF PETER CONCENTRATING REALLY HARD WITH HIS TONGUE POKING THROUGH HIS LIPS AND WHEN HE MESSES UP HE FLINCHES AND HIS EYES GO TO TONY QUICKLY BEFORE BACK TO HIS KEYS

TONY WONT TELL ANYONE BUT ITS THE BEST BIRTHDAY PRESENT HES EVER GOTTEN

WHEN HE HAS NIGHTMARES AND CANT SLEEP, HE ASKS FRIDAY TO PULL UP THE VIDEO AND HE WATCHES IT

Peter also has ZERO chill so he’ll stay up really late practicing so Tony moves a really nice couch into the piano room specifically for when the kid falls asleep on the bench

It’s a lot easier to just wait for the kid to fall asleep and then move him to the couch than to argue over when he should go to bed

And because Tony is spending so much time teaching him to play the piano Peter feels like Tony deserves something as a thank you

So he teaches him how to do something. (Help me here I’m blanking on what he teaches him) but Tony already knows how to do it but he acts like he doesn’t do the kid gets happy and he shows him how

MAYBE PETER IS LIKE A REALLY GOOD BAKER? AND SO HE TEACHES TONY HOW TO BAKE HIS FAVORITE CAKE AND TONY TOTALLY KNOWS HOW TO BAKE BC OF HIS MOM BUT HE HASNT SINCE SHE DIED BUT HE PRETENDS HES GOT NO CLUE AND LETS PETER SHOW HIM

AND PETER ISNT THAT GREAT. IT WAS ONE CAKE MAY ALWAYS MADE FOR BENS BIRTHDAY BUT SHE ALWAYS LET HIM HELP SO PETER TRIES TO GIVE TONY BAKING LESSONS AND SOMETIMES HE’LL SAY THE WRONG THINGS AND TONY JUST WAITS FOR HIM TO REALIZE HIS MISTAKE AND HE SHAKES HIS HEAD AND TONY JUST KINDA SMILES

HE FUCKS UP WITH THE INGREDIENTS AT ONE POINT AND TONY JUST QUIETLY FIXES IT WHILE HIS BACK IS TURNED

BUT HE’S TRYING SO HARD

AND PETER WANTS TO SHOW OFF TONY’S NEW SKILLS SO THEY MAKE CUPCAKES FOR THE TEAM AND RHODEY TAKES A BITE AND IS JUST LIKE “MAN, YOUR CAKE IS THE BEST THING IN THE WORLD”

[irondadheadcanons]

Hi! We're Shannon (@parkrstark) and Kat (@losingmymindtonight)! This is a place where we can incoherently scream about how much we love irondad, Peter whump, and probably each other. Send in your headcanons and we'll ramble about them!