Natalie

♔♕ ¿Has estado alguna vez a punto de tocar el cielo? ◈ 26 ◈ In love with historical series ◈ Bookkeeper by day, Writer by night ◈ Pedro Pascal es mi amor platónico ♔♕

[milla-frenchy]

Dilemma

3k3 | Javier Peña x fem reader | ao3 | Masterlist

Summary: your relationship with Javi has never been easy, but tonight, his behavior forces you into the hardest dilemma you have ever faced

Warnings: 18+ mdni. angst, infidelity, smut, petnames (cariño, baby), Javi is bad at feelings, reader wears a dress, piv, creampie

a/n: well, I guess I’m back in my angsty javi era? Thank you so much, if you take the time to read it ❤️ Thank you @aurorawritestoescape for beta-ing 😘💕 @/saradika-graphics for the dividers 🙏

When Javi came back home, you were sitting at the kitchen table, a cigarette in your hand, an ashtray full of butts that you’d smoked in the last hour in front of you. The blend of scents emanating from him hit your nostrils. Tobacco and alcohol, first. 

Then the second wave hit you: heavy perfume and sex. It made you nauseous.

Probably expecting you to be asleep, Javi stopped in his tracks when he saw you and lowered his head, setting his keys, badge, and gun on the sideboard. You looked at him, heart full of anger and venom, but it turned into sorrow and pain when you noticed his gaunt features and the bags under his eyes, more pronounced than ever.

He didn’t say a word, just sat next to you, and dragged his fingers over his forehead, the gesture making his leather jacket creak. 

You used to love that jacket, Javi was wearing it when you met for the first time in that bar. But now it was a witness to his encounters with other women, and you hated it. 

It was easier to hate the jacket than him.

You cut him off just as he was about to speak.

“Don't lie to me, Javi,” you warned, your eyes fixed on an invisible point on the table.

He stood up, his chair sliding so loudly on the floor that it made your ears ring and your heart bleed, then he grabbed a whiskey bottle and filled two glasses. He placed them on the table, one in front of you. You still weren’t looking at him when he took off his jacket and draped it over the back of his seat. He sat down and began swirling the glass between his fingers as you downed yours in one gulp and took a drag.

“You swore to me it would never happen again. You swore to me, Javi. Why do you keep doing this?” you asked and he lit a cigarette, probably buying himself some time, thinking about the right words to use, the ones that would calm you down. 

But those which slipped through his gritted teeth after he drank his whisky only pushed the blade in your heart deeper. 

“Doing what?” he grumbled, his eyebrow shooting up, then took a drag and exhaled the smoke, thumb brushing at his lower lip. He was fully closed off, playing an asshole as usual when he didn’t know how to handle something, or didn’t want to. 

But he was unable to even look at you. The soft Javi, the one you were so in love with, hidden behind his thick shell.

“Are you fucking serious?” you replied, anger back in full swing. His Adam apple bobbed heavily when he swallowed his saliva. 

Seconds passed as none of you talked. You considered leaving him there, alone in the kitchen, and going out to get some fresh air. 

You didn’t really know what else to do. You were lost, your heart in shambles. 

“I don't know why,” he finally said, voice softer, tinted with a hint of regret as if he wanted to erase his previous words and tone.

“You can talk to me, you can use me to forget.” Your trembling voice was coated with despair. “Why don't you use me if it’s the only thing that makes you forget about your job?”

“It's not the same. I care about you.”

His words felt like a slap and hurt you more than he could imagine. 

Or maybe Javi knew, used them consciously as self protection, as a shield or a weapon depending on his inner tournament.

“Fuck you,” you spat. “You care about me but not enough to be faithful.”

“It’s not like that. It doesn’t mean a thing to me,” he said, as if he was talking about something meaningless.

“Really? It doesn’t mean a thing to you? Well thank you for caring about me so much, because it means something to me, Javi,” you replied, voice breaking and tears about to fall, the cigarette shaking in your fingers. 

The furrow between Javi’s eyebrows deepened, as he seemed to realize how fucked up his answer was.

“I know. I'm sorry, cariño,” he apologized, sliding his hand towards yours. But you couldn’t bear the idea of letting him touch you. Not when his hands were on someone else an hour ago.

“Don't fucking touch me. Her smell’s still all over you. Go take a fucking shower, at least I won’t smell her cunt on your fingers anymore.”

Shame lingered in his eyes, and he disappeared in the bathroom while tears drowned yours.

You went to bed and turned your back to his side, your pillow quickly wet with tears. 

Javi slipped under the sheets after the shower and laid on his back. You imagined him staring at the ceiling, thinking about getting dressed and leaving the apartment to lick his wounds like a stray cat that had just been in a fight and didn’t want to be seen.

He surprised you when his low voice broke the silence. “Can I hug you?”

Part of you wanted to scream, to tell him he was an asshole. The other part wanted to feel every ounce of affection he could offer.

“No, you can’t.” 

You fell asleep when you had no more silent tears to cry.

When you woke up a couple hours later, the moon was lighting the room and his side of the bed was empty and cold. You looked at his nightstand and at the Polaroid of the two of you that he kept there.

You felt lonely, vulnerable, as if your ribcage was wide open, leaving your heart bare, unprotected with nowhere to hide.

You thought back to the moment you had met, to the certainty you had felt in your deepest core that he would break your heart sooner or later. 

The night you met you were unable to resist the temptation, waving aside bright red flags floating around him like the swirls of his cigarette smoke and the smell of neat whisky. 

The only thing you could see and focus on was his fragile soul that he kept hidden deep beneath multiple layers of arrogance, sarcasm and black humor, but that called out to you when your eyes met. As if it were waiting for you. 

It didn’t feel like an act of a smooth talker who just wanted to get you to bed. With Javi, his vulnerability seemed genuine, waiting for the right person to show off.

Yet you didn’t expect the right person not to be enough to appease him.

You poured your heart and soul into the relationship, telling yourself that you would wash away his pain with all your tears if you had to. 

Now you simply didn't know how much longer you could hold on. Joy started vanishing off your face weeks ago, life drained from your veins and your heart.

But each time you considered packing your bags and leaving Javi, his softer side, the real one, always showed up. His gaze, on the verge of tears, ready to release everything that was haunting him since he joined the DEA in Colombia, everything he refused to show to anyone else but you. Crawling into your arms, his heart beating so fast that the only thing calming him down was your hand pressed to it and the other one cradling the back of his neck.

You got up and found Javi sitting on the couch. You thought about the first time he had fucked you here, the day you had met. How you had fallen in love with him, fastly and deeply, and more and more each day.

It felt like a million years ago. It even felt like another life.

You sat down next to him and took a deep breath, before saying, “I can’t go on like this, Javi.”

He looked at you, his sad brown eyes fixed on your face. Tears welled up in his eyes, his index finger pressed against his temple.

“Don’t say that, cariño.”

“Javi, I… I don't know what to do anymore. You’re hurting me, I hate the idea of sharing you with other women. It’s breaking my heart because I know you're so much more than that, but… I can’t be the only one carrying our relationship.”

“I know, baby. I know.”

“Then say something!” you exploded, not caring about the neighbors, what they might hear or say. “Fight for us. For me,” you begged.

He didn't answer, didn’t say a word. He gave you nothing.

So you went back to the bedroom, put on a dress, grabbed your travel bag and placed it on the bed. Tears were blurring your vision as you were packing it with your clothes. You wiped them with a back of your hand when you heard his footsteps in the hallway. He stood by the door, and your smile was cold when he asked you not to leave. He was wearing only shorts, and under other circumstances, you would have admired his beautiful face, walked towards him, cupped his cheeks and kissed him, but now you were resigned, exhausted, and started making peace with the fact that your last reserves of strength had abandoned you.

“What would you feel if I were the one looking for something by fucking other men?”

A mix of emotions passed over his eyes -  possessiveness, sadness and regret- and his whole body tensed.

“I’d be devastated. And I'd want to kill them. Hurt them.”

The violence in his words created a reaction in your stomach that you didn’t expect. You always loved him feral and possessive, when he acted in opposition to his usual cold behavior, but you hated the way your body was still aching for him, falling for desire so easily even now, in that moment.

“Then why are you doing this to me?”

“Because I’m an asshole,” he replied coldly, eyebrows shooting up once again.

“Yes, you are. And I’ve endured enough.” You turned your back to him to keep packing.

He watched you put away the rest of your things,  staying silent.

When you reached the door, travel bag on your shoulder, you said, “Move, Javi.”

He did.

Your tears were falling when you walked towards the exit. You took a big breath when you grabbed the handle, trying not to sob loudly. 

You swallowed a gasp when his hand seized your arm, and he closed the door with the other one, caging you against it.

“It’s over, Javi. Let me go,” you murmured. You were so exhausted that you had no anger in you any more. You just wanted to go and cry alone, again and again, until you drowned yourself.

“Let me tell you what happened. Please.”

“I don't care. It’s too late-”

“We shot a kid,” he cut. “Someone… someone shot a kid. Just like that, in front of me, in the street. They were all kneeling and he killed one of them in cold blood. Shot him in the head.”

You were facing the door, horrified, not knowing what to say.

“And… I don’t know, I disassociated. Didn’t even realize where I was until I… and then I threw up. Came here. I’m sorry. I’m really sorry. Please, believe me… I didn’t know what I was doing. Didn’t want it.”

You turned around to confront him and found yourself facing your Javi. The one you loved, the one who couldn’t hurt you, and it broke your heart when he cupped your cheeks with his hands, showing you his soul and flaws, then whipped a rolling tear on your face. 

But how could you separate him from his other self? How could you forgive him when you knew that other side of him was still there, in that dark part of his soul, lurking, ready to reveal itself and take over again.

You shook your head and seized his hands to pull them away. 

“You will never quit your job and I would never ask you to, anyway. And I’ll never be sure that it won't happen again. I knew I was taking a gamble by getting into this relationship. I thought I was stronger than that, but I’m not. And honestly, the fact that you didn’t come back to me, that your subconscious didn’t choose me last night, is telling. I’m not the right person for you, Javi. And you’re not the right one for me either.”

“It’s not true,” he countered. “I never loved anyone the way I love you, you know it. Give me a chance. One last chance,” he begged.

You shook your head again, but you made one mistake when your eyes dropped to his lips. He immediately moved closer to you, brushing his nose against yours, whispering “one last chance. Please, cariño,” against your lips before kissing you. It was tender and filled with everything he had to offer you.

You let him slide into your mouth, let his tongue brush yours. 

You let his hands grip your hips, let him show you how hard he was.

Javi growled when he felt you surrender to his touch, and nudged your cheek with his face to bury it in your neck, while he freed his cock from his shorts. 

He growled when your whole body shivered, as he slid his hand under your dress and pushed your panties aside, nestling his tip at your entrance.

He growled when he felt how wet you were, already ready for him. He pushed in slowly and your nails dug into his shoulders when you realized that you were unable to hold back a moan of pleasure when he filled you perfectly.

Javi rolled his hips, giving you the time to welcome his girth, and grabbed your thigh to put it against his waist. 

“You always feel so good,” he murmured, and you bit your lip to suppress a sob, trying to deal with your emotions, your sadness and your need for him despite everything.

“Come here, cariño,” he murmured, leading you towards the couch where he made you lie down, pushing on your thighs to open you up for him.

You seized his cock, circled his length and jerked it, then slid it against your wet folds up to your throbbing clit, the sensation making him moan.

His tip was oozing over your bud, covering it with precum, making him move so easily against your slit.

You focused on your sensations, desperate to forget the reality.

Forget where he was last night.

Forget how a part of you hated him.

His eyes were fixed on your hand wrapped around his cock, his tip brushing against your clit.

He was whimpering, a set of moans escaping his throat as you were using him.

“Lemme see you come. Make a mess, baby,” he said as he unbuttoned your dress and exposed your breasts.

He leaned forward, sucking on one nipple then the other before. taking it in his mouth and nibbling at it, licking it, slowly moving his hips back and forth to match your movements until you came, your clit throbbing against his crown.

He kissed your neck, and kept moving slowly until your whimpers subsided.

When he stepped back slightly, he seemed amazed by the sight of his drooling tip and your quivering pussy, but his gaze changed when he met yours, knowing fully well what you couldn’t hide, the thought of stopping right there, denying him the pleasure of filling your cunt. But the fear of never feeling him inside you again made you yield. When he saw it in your gaze, as if you were an open book, his obsidian eyes grew piercing and he pulled off his shorts, letting them drop by the couch.

He dragged the head of his cock along your folds, covering it with your wetness then slid in slowly, just the tip at first, before withdrawing and pushing back in, going deeper with every thrust, each one leaving you breathless.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered.

“Shut up. Shut up, Javi.”

“Baby,” he said, cupping your cheek, his eyes diving into yours. “It won’t happen again. I promise. I don’t want to lose you.”

He kissed your forehead, pressing himself against you, then let his lips slide down, brushed your nose tenderly with his, before pressing his mouth against yours.

It was sweet and soft, like a warm embrace. You wanted to believe him, but how could you erase the evening before? And the time before that?

“I should fuck two men,” you said defiantly with a desire to hurt him, making him freeze inside you, his eyes searching for yours.

“Do it. If it makes you feel better, do it, I deserve it. But I promise, it won’t happen again.”

“I won’t do it,” you scowled. “It’s not who I am. Make me come before I tell you to fuck off and leave the place.”

He started moving again, grazing your clit with his thumb without taking his eyes off you.

You let yourself get lost in them, in the sensations you were feeling.

You let him kiss you and show you just how much he cared about you. You didn’t doubt it, but it wasn’t enough anymore.

You let him thrust inside you, again and again, and thought about how many times you fucked, how good he was at it. You thought about the good times you had together, how careful he was with you in the intimacy of his apartment. How you loved the way he wrapped his arm around your shoulders when you went out.

“I’m gonna come,” you whimpered and Javi pressed his forehead against yours, brushing your bud gently as you started fluttering around him.

“Cariño… fuck… I’m gonna come too, fuck…”

He exploded, mouth agape, sending hot spurs of cum between your folds, moaning against your mouth.

You both ended up breathless, spent, but he still had some strength to kiss your neck, until you made him stop, sat up and buttoned your dress.

“Let’s go back to bed,” he said.

But you couldn’t. 

“Javi.. I can’t. I just can’t. I’m heartbroken. I don’t smile anymore. I don’t eat. I can’t sleep. I’m just…I’m just sad. So I’m gonna leave. And we’ll see if fate makes our paths cross, one day. Maybe you’ll be ready to love me fully. Only be with me.”

You stood up and he put his shorts back on and followed you.

You turned to him and shook your head, then smiled at him. It was a sincere smile, a goodbye, a way of showing him that despite everything, a part of you still loved a part of him.

“I’ll find you,” he said.

A few times Javi went back to the bar where you had met, but you weren’t there.

He threw himself heart and soul into his job, yet you never left his thoughts.

When Escobar killed Carrillo, he wondered if he would have been able to keep his promise while begging for one last chance. He hoped so. He thought so.

He hoped you were happy, that your smile was back.

Three years later, Javi resigned from the DEA. You never crossed paths, but he never stopped thinking about you. The Polaroid was still on his nightstand, and sometimes he would stroke your cheek in the picture, recalling the feel of your skin beneath his fingers.

Javi went back to the bar one last time, as if to say goodbye to your memory, hating the idea that he didn’t find you, despite his promise.

He smiled when he saw you there, sitting on the same stool as the day you had met.

You turned toward him as if you sensed his presence, and you smiled too.

“Fate,” he said.

“Maybe,” you replied, smiling at him, and offered him a seat next to you.

Javi p masterlist

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[moriahisme]

Ten Years Later

Joel Miller x Fem Reader

Word Count: 2.5k

Summary: You and Joel have been neighbors for ten years, and you've spent just as long insisting you can't stand each other. But after years of bickering, you start to realize that maybe your relationship isn't what either of you thought it was.

Content: swearing, mentions of age insecurity, drinking, minor car accident (no one was harmed), reader is in her 50s, Joel is in his 60s, fluff, arguing/bickering, enemies? to lovers, no use of y/n, no outbreak AU

A/N: MY FIRST FIC AHHHHH. I'm so excited to post this. I hope you like it! <3

The morning was quiet. Birds chirping, sun shining, wind blowing, but not too much.

You walked out to your front yard, hose in hand, ready to water your plants.

Across the street was your neighbor, Joel Miller, sitting on his porch. He had a newspaper in his hands, flipping from page to page as he read.

"Morning, Miller."

No response.

You rolled your eyes. Couldn't expect nothing much. You turned the faucet of your hose. Nothing.

"Not today..." You whispered to yourself.

Turning the faucet again, a weak sputter came from the nozzle, but no water came out.

"Come on!"

You crouched down, checking the connection from the hose to the faucet. It looked fine, but you tightened it anyway.

You turned it on again and this time the water shot out of the hose, right into your face.

With a scream, you dropped the hose, racing to the faucet to turn it off.

A loud chuckle was heard from across the street.

Soaked and angry, you glared at old man Miller laughing his ass off.

"You think this is funny?!" You yelled.

"A little."

"Joel!"

"Alright, alright. You need help? I think your hose needs some replacing."

"I'll be fine." Is all you said before storming into your house.

A while later you heard some noises coming from your front yard. You opened your curtain slightly. You sighed.

Of course he was fixing the faucet. He couldn't even help himself.

You closed the curtain.

Later that afternoon you went to water your plants again. This time with a hose that actually worked when you wanted it to.

"Does it work now?"

"You know, I could've done that myself."

"No, you really couldn't have."

He'd been doing this for years. Fixing things that you could've fixed your damn self.

It was condescending.

He was an asshole.

Always has been.

You could remember when it started like it was yesterday.

Ten years ago... you pulled up in the driveway of your new home, newly retired and wanting a change of scenery.

You noticed a man next door on his porch. He was looking right at you.

You waved. He failed to wave back. In fact he grunted and rolled his eyes at you. You ignored it.

After a while, you had finally gotten all the boxes out of the moving truck.

Footsteps came from behind you. The man from earlier walking towards you with a disapproving look on his face.

"Are you gonna move this truck?"

"Hello to you too."

"I asked you a question."

"What's the big deal?"

"Its blocking the street."

"Well, as you can see, I'm moving right now. So you're gonna have to deal with it."

"You're stubborn."

"You're impatient. The truck isn't moving anytime soon. Fucking deal with it."

He stared straight through your soul in disapproval.

"You know what. Fine. Imma help ya out."

"No the hell you aren't. I don't need any help."

"I don't care sweetheart."

And he started picking up boxes and carrying them into your new house.

Now you're 56, he's pushing 60 and you're still like this.

10 years later.

"So, ya gonna thank me or what?"

"Thank you? I didn't ask you to do nothin."

"Wow, I'm hurt."

"Suck it up."

You threw your hose on the ground.

"Bye, Miller."

A few days had passed. You were rushing out the house, late for a doctor's appointment. Grabbing your keys, you rushed out the door.

You sat in the car, putting the key in the ignition. But it just wouldn't start.

"Shit!"

The last thing you wanted to do was ask for help, but you had to do what you had to do.

You hesitantly knocked on the devil's door.

He answered, looking quite surprised to see you.

"Whatcha want?"

"Look, this is the last thing I want but I need a ride..."

"To where?"

"Doctors appointment."

"Fine. Give me a minute. Go ahead to the truck."

Well that was easier than you expected.

You walked up to the truck and waited for him to come out with his keys.

Both of you got in. He started the car and pulled off.

"Everything ok?"

"Yea."

"You sure?"

"Why do you care?"

"Because I'm decent."

You chuckled. "Sure you are, cowboy."

"Aye, don't make me pull this car over."

"Don't you dare."

Silence filled the air for a moment.

"Its a regular appointment. I'm fine. Is that what you wanted to hear?"

"Yea..."

You had pulled up to your doctor's office.

"Do you want me to wait for you?"

"If you don't mind."

"Alright."

"See ya later."

He watched you disappear inside.

As he waited, his mine started to wander.

“What if I was the one who was holding your hand, always driving you to appointments, being concerned about you?” He thought to himself

A part of him wondered what that would be like...

"Come on, Joel" He said as he shook out of it.

Here you came walking out the office, getting back in the car.

"How'd it go?"

"Fine. Clean bill of health."

"Except for those hip problems."

You glared at him. "Says the one who can't lift shit without breaking his back."

"Whatever, girl."

He drove back home and pulled into his driveway.

Before getting out, you figured you'd rather be decent.

"Thanks alot, Joel."

"No problem."

You got out the truck and walked across the street back to your house and closed the door.

A couple nights later, you got home a little late from a friend's house.

You noticed Joel sitting on his porch. He usually didn't do that this late.

"Hey Joey..."

"Hey..."

You walked across the street to his house.

"Everything alright?"

"Yea."

"You sure?"

"I'm fine."

You took a seat next to him.

"You say that a lot y'know."

"It's usually true."

Then you noticed, there's a beer in his hand.

"Rough day?"

"Something like that."

"Wanna talk about it?"

"No."

"Ok."

You tried thinking of something to say that would put him in good spirits.

"I got hit on today."

Joel chuckled. "Really?"

"Yea. Can't believe I still got it..."

"Well you're not that bad looking."

"For real?"

"Yea."

"Well neither are you." You said smiling up at him.

"Heh, thanks."

Both of you sat in silence, taking in the peacefulness of the moment.

You got up.

"Well, I should probably get inside. It's past my bedtime."

"Alright."

Before walking back across the street, you turned around.

"Joel?"

"Yea?"

"Don't drink too much."

He gives you a small smile.

"I won't, mother."

"Shut your mouth." You rolled your eyes playfully. "Goodnight, Joel."

"Goodnight."

He watched over you as you made your way inside before getting up, briefly staring at your house.

He didn't know why he'd started thinking about what it would be like if you weren't just his neighbor.

Some days later, you were reading a book curled up on your sofa. It was around midnight and usually you'd be asleep by now, but for some reason you couldn't.

That was when you heard a faint crash sound come from outside that you were surprised you could hear with your old ears.

Thank the lord you did because when you looked outside, you saw Joel's truck crashed into his mailbox.

"Oh my god." You said, panicked as you rushed outside to the truck.

"Joel!!!" Opening the car door, you saw him inside.

He looked wasted.

"Joel, what the fuck!" You unbuckled his seat belt.

"Hey darlin... whatcha panicking fo'?

He was wasted.

"Did you drive drunk?! What is wrong with you?! Of course I'm panicking!"

You helped him out the truck, walking him up the driveway to his front door. Thank goodness he told you where the spare key was.

You checked in the potted plant, pulling out the key from the soil.

The door unlocked and you dragged Joel inside.

"Jesus Chirst Joel." His place certainly wasn't the cleanest. "What's been going on?" You asked with genuine concern in your tone.

Joel, stone faced, didn't say a thing. He looked tired.

You lead him to his bedroom, laying him down on his bed and pulling the covers over him. He fell asleep shortly afterward.

"Poor thing..." A hand instinctively rubbed his cheek. You had to admit, as much as you hated him, he worried you. And you couldn't help but want the best for him, no matter how much you denied it.

"Goodnight Joel."

Going back outside, you pulled Joel's truck into the driveway. The damage hadn't looked too bad. It was a minor dent. You breathed a sigh of relief. Joel loved that damn truck.

The rest of the night, you had your sleeves rolled up conquering his house. You couldn't find it in you to leave Joel alone so you figured you might as well clean while you waited until morning.

You were laying on the couch, barely awake, when you heard footsteps coming from the hallway.

Joel stopped in his tracks when he saw the clean house and then looked over to you.

"What're you doing here?"

"Good morning to you too"

Then he remembered everything. The crash, his visit to the bar, her helping him.

"You didn't have to stay y'know?"

"I know."

"Then why did you? I would've been fine."

That set you off.

You chuckled bitterly. "You couldn't even fucking walk. You could barely get your damn shoes off. But yea, you would've been fine..."

He doesn't say anything.

"I had to get you inside. I put you to bed. I moved your truck. I washed your dishes. Took out your trash. Swept the floors."

"You didn't need to do any of that."

"I know that!" You paused for a second. "But somebody had to..."

"Nobody had to do anything."

"Why were you drinking like that, Joel?

"Because I can. I'm a grown ass man."

"Don't do that."

"Do what?"

"Give me some bullshit answer just because you don't want to talk to me."

Irritation came over him.

"There's nothing to talk about."

"You crashed your truck into your goddamn mailbox, Joel."

"Ok, but I'm fine..."

"But what if you weren't?"

"But I am."

"That's not the point!"

You were struggling not to cry.

"You don't need to worry about me. I'm fine."

"I already worry about you. Because I care about you. You're infuriating but I still care." It scared you to say it, but it was the truth.

He grunts.

"Joel... do you need help?"

"No, I don't. Drop it."

"But-"

"I said drop it!"

That was your last straw. If he wanted to be a grump and stand his ground then so be it.

"Ya know what, Joel? I'm done."

"Fine."

"No, not fine."

You slipped your shoes on and grabbed your jacket.

"I'm done dealing with your attitude. You're grumpy and miserable. And you know what, I'm tired of dealing with ya. You can do shit yourself."

"Where ya goin?"

"Home." You slammed the door.

Over the next couple of days, you said not a word to each other. And you had to admit, it was harder than you expected.

His absence brought a sense of emptiness in you.

You missed the petty arguments. His laugh.The way he'd always help you. How he cared more than he let on. That handsome face-

Ok, too far.

You missed him.

And secretly, Joel was missing you like hell too.

You happened to be out watering your plants with your hose. The hose Joel had fixed for you.

Then, like he did every morning, Joel walked out on his porch with the paper and a coffee. He sat down and then his eyes met yours.

Both of you looked at eachother with longing and regret. Words that shouldn't have been said and some that should've. The past few days had been torture and you knew it.

You sighed.

"Joel..."

His eyes widened as he looked at you.

"Are you gonna tell me what happened or are ya still gonna be stubborn as hell?"

He didn't answer.

"I'm asking why you drank so much, knowing you had to get behind the wheel? You know damn well you could've killed yourself that night."

"I don't know..."

"Look... I get it. It's embarrassing. But... you could've given me a call, y'know..."

"I didn't want to bother you..."

"Bother me? You're not a bother, Joel. You needed help. It's ok to ask."

"I'm struggling. I didn't know what to do."

"About what?"

"Getting old. It feels like everyone else is doing something with their lives. I lack purpose. Sometimes I wake up and wonder where the hell the last ten years went."

"Ten years?"

"Since you-"

"Since I moved in... You remember?"

"Course I remember."

That's when you realized that under that tough skin sat a man who cared more than he let on. One with a soft soul.

"Come here old man."

He hurried and walked across the street into your arms. It warmed your heart. You damn near started crying. So did he.

"Hey..."

He looked at you.

"Sometimes I deal with the same thing. I feel like everyone our age has a lover or kids and grandkids. I feel... stuck. But it'll be ok, Joey. Life is a bitch sometimes, but you gotta fight like hell."

"I know... I'm sorry."

"It's ok." You smiled.

Then it crossed your mind. How much you really wanted this man. How stupid it really was between the two of you.

"We're too old for this shit, Joe."

"What?"

You gestured between the two of you.

"Whatever we have between us. Pretending like we don't care when we do. Fighting over every damn thing. Hell, we went days without speaking because we wanted to be stubborn.

Your voice softened. "We've been doing this for ten years, Joel... I think that's more than enough. I'm tired."

"So am I."

"I don't know what I'd do if I lost you, Joel..."

"Me neither."

You giggled. "We're idiots."

He chuckled along with you. "We are."

"We've wasted ten years."

"Hey... we still got time."

You caressed his cheek, looking into his eyes and coming in closer.

He closed in the rest of the distance and your lips joined in a deep, emotional kiss.

You rested your forehead against his.

"You're still an asshole."

"Yea? Well, you're still stubborn as ever."

"I love you, Joel."

"Love you too."

A few months had passed since you had made it official with Joel. You sat on his porch with a tea and his sweater on you. He walked out with his coffee and sat next to you. You rested your head on his shoulder as you talked and laughed.

"Hey, when are you two getting married?" A passing neighbor asked.

"We aren't!" Both of you said together.

The neighbor chuckled and continued on their way.

"You don't wanna get married?"

"Course I do. You're literally the love of my life. But that's none of their business.”

"Atta girl." He kissed your cheek.

[isabella-rose-trastamara]

“It was time when they both loved each other best, without hurry or excess, when both were most conscious of and grateful for their incredible victories over adversity. Life would still present them with other moral trials, of course, but that no longer mattered: they were on the other shore.”

- Love in the Time of Cholera by Gabriel García Márquez

[paulyenvol6]

Long Overdue

Based on this request, enjoy :))

Joel Miller slept with you once and now he’s wondering if he just changed both your lives forever.

Contains: smut, fingering, oral sex (f receiving), p in v sex, creampie, unprotected sex, pregnancy, praise, multiple orgasms, body worship, dirty talk, slightly insecure Joel, breast play, riding, fluff, angst, nervous Joel, flirting, panic, one night stand, unspecified age gap

Wordcount: 7,249

Masterlist Wanna be on my taglist?

Joel tilted his glass a little, glaring at the bottom of it.

It had been his second glass, but he could hardly feel any effects of the alcohol, which wasn't unusual given his tall, broad figure. His high tolerance was a curse and a blessing at the same time, but right now, he wished he would feel a little more at ease. Especially because his little brother seemed to be on another planet, and his wild behavior was usually a lot more endurable with his head pleasantly buzzed.

"Jesus fucking Christ, Joel, do you see this chick over there?"

Seriously, what was wrong with his brother using such terms at his age? He was talking like some college freshman who had gone out for the very first time in his life.

"No, Tommy. And I'd rather not."

"Joel, she's basically undressin' you with 'er eyes." Tommy grabbed his shoulder, trying to get him to shift his attention toward her, but Joel just peeled his hand off.

"Well, I wouldn't really like that in this goddamn cold."

It was untrue that he despised any kind of interaction with beautiful women, specifically when he felt that he had sparked an interest in them, but he doubted that Tommy had a good eye for any of this. He was… difficult sometimes. After dating Maria for quite some time, then breaking up with her in a huge fight, followed by months of reunions and more fights that ended ugly, Joel wasn't so sure he was the one to turn to for advice. Even though he would obviously never tell Tommy that.

"Joel, she wants to fuck ya."

"Who are you even talkin' 'bout?"

Okay, now he was interested. Just a tad. Despite its recent growth and all the new refugees coming from the East, Jackson was still a small town, so people knew each other. Especially Joel, who had been living there for four years now.

"The pretty one."

"Jesus…" He drew a heavy breath through his nose as he finally wheeled around to see who his brother had been watching for the past minute.

Oh. He had expected a lot, but not the person his eyes now landed upon.

At first, he assumed that he was mistaken, and that Tommy was talking about one of the women at the table beside you, but no. His brother was very clearly watching you.

"Are you fuckin' serious? You think she's starin' at me?" Joel chuckled, reaching for his glass only to remember that it was empty. How pathetic.

"She is. And she almost looked like she was about to drool."

"Christ… Tommy, she's like – I don't know, 35. What would she want from me?"

"I told you, she – "

"Yeah, yeah…" Joel grunted and determinedly put his glass back on the counter, turning the idea of getting himself another round over in his mind.

"Well, I'm gonna go over to this other group now and introduce myself like a polite gentleman would do, and if I were you, I'd join so I could talk to that pretty woman and…"

At this point, Joel stopped listening to his brother and just gave a nod when Tommy excused himself to execute his plan and approach the group of ladies next to you.

Tommy was insane, Joel thought, scoffing to himself while the idea of refilling his drink became more and more appealing with every passing second. But then again, drinking with his brother was one thing, but sitting alone at the counter sipping beer while Tommy was off flirting with women was even more humiliating. No, he would have to find different ways to deal with the loud noises and indistinct chatter without the liquor. At least until he was sure that Tommy was either safely at his house or had gone home with one of the women he had just met.

"Hey."

Joel's head spun around quickly, his breath catching in his throat. Shit, his body was too old to move that quickly, he thought, pressing his hand against the side of his neck.

Only then did he realize whom he was facing. It was probably the last person he had expected to see right now, maybe except for his brother, who seemed to be only just getting started throwing around compliments and lighting up the women with his widest smile.

"Oh, hey, how are you?"

Joel wasn't a friendly or particularly charming man, but he tried his best for you. What were you even doing here, talking to an old grump like him? Well, no matter what the reason was, it didn't change anything about the fact that you were pretty, had a beautiful smile, and were flashing your eyes at him at that moment.

"Oh, I just spotted you across the room and thought that maybe you – I don't know, you'd like some company?"

So you had been watching him? His brother was right? Otherwise, you wouldn't have headed straight over to him the second Tommy had left him alone at the counter.

"Of course, always," Joel said, but cursed his rough voice that might have just told you to fuck off. Hell, he just wasn't well-liked amongst women, and there was nothing he could do about it. He wasn't a natural, he wasn't the kind of man women really liked to spend a great deal of time with. Waste their time, rather.

"Can I sit?" you asked sweetly and didn't even flinch at his gruff tone. You were definitely either immune to it or hoping to crack his shell the moment you began having a conversation with him. He genuinely didn't know which he would prefer to be true.

"How are you? I feel like I haven't seen you in town forever. Did you attend last week's town meeting?"

Joel shook his head, feeling grateful to be able to talk about something that wasn't just superficial small talk.

"No, I was really busy fixin' my brother's window that day. The storm, you know… The glass broke out of the frame, so I had to replace it."

"Wow, that's impressive… I could use your help sometime, I think."

"Oh yeah?" Joel scoffed, averting his gaze to hide his flushed cheeks. He just wasn't used to this, talking to beautiful women at the bar who seemed to have a genuine interest in hearing about his daily life. "With what?"

"I have some lights in the living room that don't work. It's not too bad because I have others that light up the place, but I'd like it fixed sometime."

"Yeah," Joel growled and nervously turned his glass in his hand, chewing on the inside of his cheek. Goddamnit, was this really all he was capable of? Saying yeah and staring at the floor like he'd rather be buried beneath the parquet than spend another second in your presence?

It wasn't even true, for that matter. Joel didn't mind talking with you, which was remarkable since he couldn't stand half of this town's population. And for fuck's sake, you were pretty. He just couldn't stop thinking about how. He had seen you many times before, of course, but had never paid attention to you in such a way.

"Your brother went over to talk to some of my friends over there."

Yeah, that was it. Now you were about to come up with a lame excuse for why you had to head back over there and throw yourself at Tommy's chest like everyone else did. Joel just wondered why you had even come over in the first place rather than just staying with your friends and his handsome brother, whose brassy laughter was soaring through the entire bar.

"Yeah… That's Tommy, mhm?" Whatever, perhaps it was time to go home, and it wasn't such a bad thing that you were about to leave him alone.

"I don't really get it. Without being mean, of course."

"Get what?" he murmured, narrowing his eyes and planting his palm flat on the wooden counter.

"Why they all wanna talk to him… I mean, I just think there is an even more appealing Miller brother."

His brain short-circuited, and for an instant he was speechless. There were no thoughts running through his head, but when he had finally caught up on what you had said, he wanted to laugh.

"What?" Joel chuckled and awkwardly shifted his weight onto his elbow, trying to seem casual with his cheek resting on his palm, but he assumed it just looked ridiculous and forced.

"I just… wanted to talk to you. That's all."

"Talk about what?"

Now it was you who laughed, throwing your head back, which looked incredibly endearing. "Nothing specific, Joel… Just you. I just felt like coming over to you."

Your words stole his breath again, only this time his heart rate picked up as well, causing an uncomfortable hollowness to swell in his chest. So all of it was true, you were here because it was where your heart had led you? Tommy had been right when he had claimed that you had been subtly watching him?

His mind hadn't fully processed everything when your lips were already moving again.

"Not that I have anything against your brother, of course… He's such a polite man. But I just – I saw you by the bar. And you looked… handsome."

"Handsome?" Joel repeated, his voice a low, raspy drawl. At this point, he didn't even take your words seriously anymore, as you were probably just too drunk to think before you spoke, which was the very reason for your mindless stammering.

He wasn't handsome, he was harsh and mean to the people around him, while the ones he didn't want around were treated coldly and without any interest in getting to know them better. Joel didn't know where to place you in that… Sure, you weren't someone he usually saw on a daily basis, but at the same time, he didn't mind having you around. Seeing you briefly in the grocery store or at a town meeting had the advantage that there wasn't much potential for you to piss him off. Most of the time, the two of you just exchanged a few words before everyone went on their way.

"Yeah, handsome. I like what you – did with your hair today."

Joel had no idea how he had ended up in that situation, but when he later looked back, he assumed that this sentence had been the reason for it all, that with those words, the seeds had been planted.

The conversation about hairstyles and clothing had led to one about favorite seasons of the year, and then, all of a sudden, you had asked if he wanted to catch some fresh air.

Of course, Joel had agreed, since a crowded, noisy bar was high up on the list of the most uncomfortable places for him. He had agreed so quickly that you had asked him why he had even come in the first place if he hated it so much, but Joel had just shrugged, mumbling something about his brother, who had the talent of always getting what he wanted. And tonight, he had wanted to go to the bar with him.

One thing had led to another, you had caused his cheeks to flush with more of those sweet compliments, and ten minutes later, Joel and you had entered his house, your back crashing into the wall the moment he had locked the door behind you.

Your mouths were pressed together so tightly he couldn't breathe, and he didn't care about it either. All he cared about was savoring as much of the feeling of your soft lips as possible and getting his fucking hands on you.

"Holy shit," he choked after a while, grabbing your wrists with both hands and pinning them above your head. He didn't even intend to restrain you or cage you in, he just genuinely liked tracing your soft wrists and your pretty skin.

"Joel," you panted, standing on your tiptoes to kiss him back, which made his head spin. You, desperately crying his name just because you desired him so much. You, stretching your body toward him just because you wanted to be closer to him. It was a beautiful dream, impossible to believe.

After accepting that his hands weren't so successful in their mission to remove more layers of clothing from your body — he kept getting distracted by every inch of skin he uncovered — Joel pulled back a little to guide you to his bedroom.

You gasped for air, your flushed cheeks dimpling with a mischievous smile as you took the hand he offered you. You followed him with light steps, the anticipation tangible in the way you held yourself and squeezed his hand, which made it hard to believe that you weren't drunk. You had promised him as much after all on the walk back to his house.

Still, he took the liberty of asking you again the moment he had guided you onto his bed, which practically invited the two of you to take advantage of it with its wide mattress and plush pillows.

"You promise you're not drunk?" he huffed while sliding your shirt over your head before he got sidetracked once again.

"I'm not. I promise." He hadn't tasted any alcohol on your tongue, he had to admit.

"Why, do you think I'm acting drunk?"

Joel scoffed and dropped your shirt on the ground next to the bed, struggling to keep his gaze on your face while he yearned for a glimpse of your torso. He wanted to be respectful, of course, and not make you feel like he only appreciated your looks and couldn't have cared less about the things coming out of your mouth.

"No, I'm just… I don't know, I'm wonderin' what you want with an old guy like me. You could have anybody you want, sweetheart."

Now it was you who chuckled, though something was also shimmering in your eyes that prompted him to nervously shift on top of you. Your gaze was intense, that was all. The fire in your eyes seemed to burn off the layers of his clothes, making him feel vulnerable, which was remarkable since you were the one half-undressed.

"Are you serious? Joel, you… Of course I want you. You think I would only want you if I were drunk? Is that what you're trying to say?"

"No, I mean…" He started, but then his voice trailed off as he realized that it was precisely what he had assumed. It just sounded a lot worse out of your mouth.

"Let me show you," you whispered and put your hand on the back of his neck, tugging him closer so that the words that followed could barely be heard, nothing but a breath between you.

"Let me show you how much I want you."

Joel grinned, coming off a lot more casual and natural than he viscerally felt.

"How?" he grunted, his lip twitching when you took his hand and brought it to rest on your lower belly.

"I want you to feel it… Can you do that? I want you to feel how wet I am for you."

His ears grew hot at your blunt words, his stomach coiling with a mix of anxiety about messing this up and a desperate urge to melt into you. Shit, he had an extraordinarily beautiful woman under him who was inviting him to touch her most intimate parts. He would never forgive himself if he messed this up.

"Yes," was all that he breathed.

You moved his hand to the waistband of your jeans, but the moment his fingers brushed against the cool metallic button, he took over and undid it himself.

Without yanking your jeans down your legs, Joel slipped his hand inside your pants. There was something enthralling and nerve-tingling about leaving your lower half dressed while he touched you, and he might get a proper look at you later. If you let him, and if he hadn't done something wrong by that point.

"You look pretty," Joel murmured, just to fill the silence surrounding the two of you. He wasn't sure if you minded the quietness, if he was doing both of you a favor by speaking, since your expression was unreadable. Actually, it wasn't entirely unreadable, there was still sweet longing etched into your features, but Joel supposed that this was just your standard look for tonight.

"Thank you," you murmured, batting your lashes and opening your thighs wider for him, allowing him to settle between them.

His hand was now nicely sheathed between your jeans and your underwear. He had to twist his wrist a little to move freely, but he liked your warmth and how your pussy seemed to have a magnetic effect on him. He wished he could touch your bare skin, maybe even slide a finger inside, but you hadn't asked him explicitly yet, so he —

"Joel…" you whimpered, which came so suddenly he twitched slightly. "Please… Please, touch me."

God, you seemed on the brink of begging him, which wasn't at all what he had expected. The sight of the sheer hunger in your eyes, how you chewed on your bottom lip as though it would quench your needs, was both terrifying and heart-warming. Terrifying because Joel felt a little overwhelmed by your undisguised desire, and heart-warming because it was simply an endearing sight.

"Like that?" he whispered and pressed the heel of his hand against your clit, or at least he assumed he was pressing against the right spot beneath the fabric.

When your breath hitched and your muscles tensed, his suspicions were confirmed, and his shoulders eased a little.

It wasn't like he was completely talentless when it came to the art of making love, it was just that he was a bit rusty. Here in Jackson, Joel didn't have a recurring partner to have sex with, which was why he was afraid the things he had learned over the course of his life were slipping out of his head the older he got.

Someone like you, though, someone who was many years younger than him and surely had a lot of sex, given that you were so beautiful and charming, definitely knew what you wanted. So what if he just wasn't competent enough to compare with those other men and please you?

"Joel?" you whispered, clearly aware that his mind had drifted off again.

Your warm hand rested on his cheek, your thumb drawing a few vague circles over his skin.

"It's okay. It feels good. Very - fucking good."

Your voice was breathy, lips parted as you forced large amounts of air into your lungs. Which was a good sign, right?

"You like that?"

"Yes, Joel, fuck... I like it - so much. Please."

The corner of his mouth instinctively curled. He liked hearing you beg. A lot. Besides its obvious effects, it also made him more secure in his own skills and caused his hand to rock against your core with more force.

After a few more minutes, he couldn't wait any longer and pushed your underwear to the side to gain access to your hole, which was hopefully dripping for him by now.

"Is that okay?" he panted against your lips, the sweat pooling on his brow most likely trickling onto your head at that moment, but it was better not to think about it and perhaps become self-conscious. Instead, he focused on your sweet whisper and your swollen lips.

"Yes, Joel. Please, just—put them inside. Please."

It was all the assurance he needed to remove the damp fabric and let his fingertips circle your hole. He hoped they were warm enough to feel pleasant, but sensing no hint of startlement from you, he was confident you didn't mind.

Goddamnit, you were soaked. He had hoped to find some wetness, prayed that there was enough to comply with your request and push his fingers inside you, but he hadn't dared imagine your juices running down your legs like that.

"Do you believe me now?" you laughed, burying your hand in his locks and yanking his face against yours, capturing his lips in a gentle kiss.

"I... Yeah. Yeah, you... fuck, you're wet, baby."

Joel dipped his fingers in a little deeper but moved his thumb to your clit to keep up the friction that had evoked so much pleasure within you in the first place.

"It's all for you, Joel... 'Cause I want you. I want to feel you so bad."

Your words, in combination with how you felt, how your pussy sucked him in greedily yet so effortlessly, drove him near insanity. Joel's head was spinning like he had just gotten off a roller coaster and the earth beneath his feet had yet to stop tilting. It was a tad unsettling, still, he wouldn't trade the feeling for the world. It was too precious, you were too precious, for him to take a second to calm himself.

"Ohhh fuck. Yes, Joel, please, I—yes, like that."

He was working his middle and ring fingers inside you, thinking that you were relaxed and wet enough to take two at once. The idea of you being so comfortable with him that you opened up for him just like that was filling his heart with pride, even though he knew that he shouldn't get too presumptuous about it. You were just confident and experienced, that was all. There was no reason for you to get nervous with him, because it was just him. Just a slightly insecure, awkward old man who didn't really have a clue what he was doing.

"Feels good, Joel," you whimpered and rolled your hips forward, inviting him to start moving.

Which he did gladly. At first, he thrust them in and out of you slowly, occasionally going knuckle-deep while other times just feeling how beautifully you stretched around him.

But after becoming certain that you had accommodated the size of two of his fingers, he allowed himself to match the pace of his digits with the tight swirls over your stiff bundle of nerves, which he didn't forget no matter how tight and warm you felt around him. How much he wished he could experience it with his cock as well.

"Oh my god," you cried out, arching off his bed and digging your toes into the mattress.

He loved how your entire body responded to him, not just your hot, pulsing pussy. He wished he could tell you that, but he didn't know how without coming off as strange. Was that a normal thing to say during sex? Would your pretty smile broaden, or would your eyebrows draw together? Or would you show no reaction at all but internally question whether it had been a good idea to go home with him?

"Joel. Joel, I—I'm gonna cum," you informed him, causing his stomach to flip.

He couldn't help it, the idea of bringing you to the edge so quickly made his chest flare with pride and excitement, filling his veins with adrenaline.

"That's it, baby," he whispered in your ear, driving his fingers all the way out of you, which produced a squelching sound. The moment you began whining for his fingers to stuff you full, he worked them back inside you. All the way, until his knuckles were inside you. He curled them a little, hitting your spongy, sensitive walls and using your natural wetness to smoothly glide his pads along your insides.

This was downright obscene, and doing something like that with a woman he hadn't exchanged more than a few words with in the past made it feel even more brazen. Though in a good way, if that made sense.

"I'm gonna cum," you pressed out, cheeks turning red while you moved your left hand to his shoulder, gripping the fabric of his shirt firmly.

"I know, sweetheart. I know you are. It's okay, you can cum any time you want."

It took him another minute of circling your little nub and keeping you full of his fingers before you unraveled for him. The sight was the most intoxicating and gorgeous thing he could imagine. Your head was thrown back, eyes pinched shut, and mouth open while throaty moans spilled from your throat. Since you couldn't see him, Joel felt nearly intrusive for regarding you in your most vulnerable state, but he couldn't look away either.

"Ohhhh fuck. Huh. Joel, fuck."

Your hands fell away from him and instead came to rest next to you on the bed.

You looked so exhausted and weak, he considered rolling off you to give you some room to breathe and restore your strength, but he didn't dare do so when you slung your legs around his hips.

"Shit, that was good," you grinned and looked up at him through your lashes, both tiredness and devilment glinting in your eyes.

"Yeah? You liked it?" he growled casually, trying to make his voice sound as carefree as possible.

"Yes. Of course. I don't think I've ever come so quickly while being with a man."

"Oh, you... you like women too?"

You burst into laughter at once, which made his brow furrow in confusion.

"No, I meant I've never come so quickly except when I do it myself. And when I have to be fast, you know? Not that there's anything wrong with liking women."

Shit, he really did turn into an idiot the second he got close to a beautiful woman.

"Oh, yeah... I get it now."

"Joel?"

The tender skin of your hand traced his patchy beard, seemingly not minding the stiffness and sharpness of the little hairs.

"Yeah?"

"I wanna do something for you now."

"Oh, you—you don't have to, sweetheart. You really don't."

You narrowed your eyes at that, licking your bottom lip.

"But I want to. Will you let me ride you?"

Despite feeling a rush of arousal go through him and head straight to his core, he was slightly taken aback by your words. Not that he doubted in any way that you were capable of doing it, it was just that no woman had ever asked him that question so bluntly.

"Yeah, sure..."

Joel grinned wryly and trailed his thumb along your cheekbone, wondering how it was possible to look so breathtaking and adorable at the same time. Your hair was a little messed up, your face blotchy after your high, but that didn't decrease his lust for you in the slightest. No, it only added to it, if anything.

Within seconds, you had climbed on top of him, straddling his clothed thigh while Joel slowly placed his hands on your waist as if to gauge where to touch you best.

You took your lip between your teeth, the grin you were wearing making your whole face gleam.

Then, you reached behind you and unclasped your bra with a seductive sheen in your eyes. His mouth dried at the sight of your bare chest. Instinctively, his fingers jolted upward, which didn't seem to escape your notice.

"You can touch me, Joel."

While he ran his index finger along the underside of your breast, careful at first as though he were afraid you would break under his hands, you took care of your pants and underwear, then of Joel's clothes. He helped you by lifting his hips and sliding his arms out of the sleeves of his shirt, but for the most part, he only paid attention to your body and your protruding nipples, which were a sight for sore eyes, hardening under his touch.

At times, you squealed or jerked when he twisted your nipples, which filled him with anticipation and made his skin prickle. Faster than he could process, the two of you were naked, except for your socks, but neither of you had the patience to remove another piece of clothing, which was why your eyes went straight to his cock.

Joel maybe would have felt embarrassed about being so eager for you if he hadn't touched your soaked pussy a moment ago. He was rock hard, the tip swollen and red, which caused a flicker of pity to appear in your eyes.

"It's so pretty," you commented, wetting your dry lips with your tongue.

"Yeah? You think so, baby?"

Joel splayed his left hand across the small of your back, yanking you closer. You reached for his member, forming a fist around his shaft, which was answer enough.

"It's gonna feel so good," you panted and slid your hand up and down a couple of times, hot blood pulsating through his veins at the stimulation.

"You wanna put it inside, darlin'?" Joel groaned, feeling the remnants of his nervousness disintegrate as greed consumed him. There was no space for it anymore, his thoughts were replaced by his craving to feel your pussy hugging his pulsing member. It would feel so good, he just knew it.

He could only hope that he wasn't going to burst the second you sank down on him, that he would be able to hold back for a few minutes, which would hopefully give you the time to take from him what you needed to slake your own longing before he spilled his cum inside you like a pathetic teenage boy.

"Yes," you hummed and tilted his dick a little, lifting your hips to properly climb on top of him.

It took you two attempts to work the head of his cock inside, as the slippery mess between your legs caused the tip to slip aside at first, but then the two of you moaned in unison, feeling your walls give way.

You were tight, but not so tight that he anticipated any discomfort from your side while he reached deeper inside you. Besides, you were still the one in charge and could stop any time you needed a break to get used to him.

But holy shit, it didn't seem like you wanted anything like that. You just glided down on him as though the most hidden and secretive corners of your pussy were begging to be filled by him, and you didn't have the patience to wait a second longer than necessary.

"Oh my fuckin'..." Joel growled, throwing his head back, his lids falling shut, but then they opened again when he felt you kiss his neck.

"Baby. You feel goddamn good, you know that?"

You whimpered softly but didn't let go of his skin. No, you were clinging to his body like a monkey, your hands squeezing his bicep with every other inch you took of him.

"Ohh god. Oh shit."

You rolled your hips a tad, allowing him to claim yet a little more of your body until he hit your cervix, and you ground your teeth.

"Don't hurt yourself, baby," Joel grunted, one of his hands landing on the back of your head while the other rested on your hipbone, guiding you into him without urging you to pick up your pace.

"I just—Feels really good. You're so deep, Joel."

"I know I am," he hummed, glaring down at your head, which was still pressed against his collarbone. He couldn't see a lot, though, as sparks were flickering in his vision, drowning everything in a hazy, blazing bubble.

"You like that, sweetheart? You feel good?" Joel asked and moved a hand to your breasts again, which bounced wonderfully under the steady rhythm you had set for yourself.

"Yes, Joel..." you murmured, almost in awe of his girthy length inside you.

Your eyes were round and glossy, making you look like you were on some other planet or perhaps just encapsulated by his cock, stuffing you full with every thrust.

"You feel perfect," Joel grunted and weighed the flesh of your breast in his hand before he suddenly dropped it between your thighs, finding your hardened clit in no time.

You flinched slightly at the first touch, but after a few gentle swipes, it seemed to start feeling good again. Your motions became a little more uneven, sometimes you stopped about halfway above his cock when he pinched your clit just right, but Joel didn't mind it at all. No, he devoured every single image like a dry sponge, rewarding you with little kisses on top of your brow.

"I ain't gonna last long," he muttered in your ear after a while, his thick Southern accent even more distinct now than it always was when he felt strong emotions. "Sorry, sweetheart... You just—you feel very fuckin' good. I'm—God, baby, I... You're so warm..."

You raised your head from his chest at that, planting both hands on his shoulders to have better support while you rocked back and forth. He didn't know what exactly your technique was, didn't know how you did it, but the sensation was a totally new and spectacular one.

"Holy fuckin'..." he grunted, squeezing the flesh of your waist so tightly that the skin turned white.

A split second later, Joel's world collapsed. His body released the tension it had been holding, and he spurted his creamy seed within your wet pussy.

"Fuck..." was all he felt capable of muttering, shoulders slackened and eyes pinched shut.

Everything went still for the moment, the noises gushing from outside his house, the creaking bed, and even his own thoughts. He even forgot all about his guilty conscience for cumming before you instead of waiting like a gentleman.

Then, his high abated slowly, and he felt capable enough to raise his regretful gaze to face you.

"I'm so fucking sorry, sweetheart," Joel whispered in your ear, feeling his sticky cum pushed deep inside your pussy by his dick, which was still buried all the way inside you.

Although you just gave him a smile and assured him that you were perfectly satisfied with what you had received from him, Joel insisted on making you cum a second time, which you didn't mind in the slightest.

Sucking your bottom lip between your teeth and curling your toes in excitement, you spent another fifteen minutes on your back, legs spread wide and lids fluttering while Joel used both his tongue and fingers on you until you saw white.

He licked you through your high, kept his tongue attached to your clit, and when you neither flinched away nor told him to stop after your apex, he just kept going, feeling addicted to your juices.

Your orgasm was followed by another, but after that, you weakly cradled his head and pulled him up to you.

That night, both of you had a restful sleep.

You dozed off the moment Joel had crawled up and spread the blanket over you, and he joined you in your dreamscape shortly afterward. He was even too tired to clean up the mess the two of you had made, thinking that he would have all the time in the world to do it the following day.

With a heavy groan, Joel shoved the cupboard against the wall, dropping his hands to his hips.

"That's it, ain't it?"

His brother pursed his lips and eyed the corner of the room, then the rest of it.

"Yeah. Looks right, mhm? We did a good job 'ere. Thank you, Joel."

He gave a small nod and let his gaze wander over the freshly painted but dried walls of the room with a satisfied hum. The creamy white reflected the light much better than the dark grey had, which had been one of the main reasons why Tommy's wife, Maria, had asked the brothers to repaint the garage of their house.

Now everything looked much friendlier, Joel had to admit, even though he had been the one to raise his eyebrows in doubt when Tommy had brought the idea forward to him. After all, there were many more important things to tend to than the color of their garage.

But whatever, the job was quickly done, and if it made his sister-in-law happy, he would sacrifice a few hours of his free time to help them out.

For once, Tommy and her were doing well in their marriage, and their fighting had been reduced to things around the house, which Joel considered a good sign.

Besides, it looked like he was about to get rewarded with a cold beer in Tommy's garden, which was precisely what his sweaty body was craving right now.

A moment later, Joel was sitting with him on the terrace. The sun stood low in the sky, warm enough to tingle pleasantly on his neck but not as pungent and aggressive as it had been a few hours prior.

"Cheers, brother," Tommy grinned and clinked his glass against his. "Thanks again. Maria really appreciates it. She even thinks about invitin' you to 'er birthday next month."

"Very funny," Joel scoffed but nodded anyway. "No problem. If I get rewarded so generously..."

He tilted his head toward the glass filled with beer that had come straight out of the refrigerator and tasted cold against his tongue, filling his body with the refreshment he had been missing over the past hours.

"You're welcome. This is precious stuff, so you know we really appreciate it."

"How's your 'lil guy?" Joel asked after a while, looking around the garden as though he was expecting his nephew to jump out from behind a tree any minute.

"Oh, he's doin' well. He's visitin' a friend right now. But I swear to God, they grow so fast, you can't even keep track. He's learnin' how to read, Joel. I feel like it was yesterday that Maria and I took him home from the hospital."

Although everything about his words sounded very cliché to Joel, he had no doubt about their authenticity. He felt the same way, really. Watching Benjamin grow up had been one of the strangest and most beautiful experiences of his life, and it reminded him strongly of raising Sarah all those years ago.

"Speakin' of children, you know what Maria told me today?"

Joel took another swig of his beer, then set his glass back on the table.

"Shoot."

"So, you remember y/n? The girl from the bar?"

Joel's breath caught in his throat at the mention of your name, and he just hoped that the warmth creeping into his cheeks didn't show on his face.

"Yeah," he answered and subtly avoided Tommy's gaze.

There was nothing to be embarrassed about, it was just that Joel had never told his brother that he had hooked up with you four months ago. Sure, he hadn't been able to avoid talking to him about you the following day, but he had left out the part where he had taken you home and slept with you.

He didn't really know why he had lied, though. Tommy was surely the last person who would judge him for having a one-night stand.

"People are talkin' 'round the town."

"About what? I haven't heard anythin'."

"Of course you haven't," Tommy snickered and patted him on the back. "'Cause you live behind a rock."

"What are they sayin'?" Joel rolled his eyes and felt his heart pound in his chest a little faster than usual. Just because he hadn't seen you again after that one night—except for the occasional, inevitable run-in at the grocery store that had been limited to a friendly greeting—didn't mean he didn't care about you.

"They're sayin' she's pregnant."

Oh.

Joel's stomach twisted, his skin turning pale. Obviously, he wasn't looking in a mirror that could have confirmed his suspicions, but he just knew that it was the truth.

"Pregnant?" he repeated, eyebrows shooting up to portray indifference.

"Yeah..."

"Who's sayin' that?"

"Well, Maria told me. She talked to some of 'er friends, and apparently Nicole saw 'er with a baby bump. And then she talked to some of her friends who told 'er that, yeah, she's pregnant."

"How far along?" it burst out of him before he could stop himself and reconsider showing such intense emotion in front of Tommy.

"Jesus... I'm not sure. What, are you mad at it? Do you like 'er? I thought you weren't so interested after your conversation at the bar."

"No, I... I mean, no. I'm not interested. I just... I don't know—"

"So, her friend didn't say how far along she is, but Nicole said she assumed around fourth or fifth month."

Jesus fucking Christ.

There was a good chance Joel had messed up badly. Of course, that chance wasn't a hundred percent, but if Nicole was right about her assumption and if you hadn't been with anyone else shortly after him and before him, there was... No, he didn't even want to finish the thought for now. First, he needed a few more pieces of information.

"And she said anything about whose child it is? Does she have a boyfriend?"

Obviously, Joel knew that you didn't have one. Against his own will and what he deemed the right thing to do, he had silently watched you a little, just a tad more closely than the other residents of Jackson. He had kept his ears open when walking down the streets and had automatically scanned you when he saw you at town meetings. If there was a boyfriend, you would have surely sat next to him at one of those events, but you were always just accompanied by your friends.

"I don't know. But I haven't heard anything... Have you? Why am I even asking..."

Joel joined his laughter just to conceal his nervousness.

Holy shit.

What if he had really gotten himself into some trouble because of his careless actions?

When he was home an hour later, Joel still felt anxious even though his body was supposed to feel more normal at this point. He sank into the couch cushions, all the air leaving his body as he exhaled.

Well, if that wasn't something.

He didn't want to feel certain that he was responsible for this and that it was his kid before talking to you, but Joel didn't really doubt his involvement in it. He had come inside you, after all, acting stupid and risky like a reckless teenage boy.

Talking to you, yes... If that wasn't long overdue.

He needed to know if it was his child, and if it was, why you hadn't come to him earlier for help. He needed to know if there was any way to help you and if you had any plan or wish whatsoever regarding the future.

Joel nervously tapped his fingers on his thigh.

It had gotten late.

The sun was setting, and the sky was painted in rich orange colors. The wisest thing to do was to wait until the next day to approach this issue with a clear head and a relaxed body, and still, Joel rose to his feet at once.

He didn't even hesitate when he grabbed his keys and dashed out the door.

[blowtorchappliedtosugar]

Oneida- Joel Miller x Reader

𝓸𝓷𝓮𝓲𝓭𝓪- (4.7k words)

Relationship: Joel Miller x Reader

Summary: Joel tries to break up with you, only wanting the best for you.

Warnings: a pet goes missing but HE IS FOUND SAFE I PROMISE!!!! angst, breakup, joel is insecure sad face, pinv sex, as usual not beta read

Authors Note: this came to me randomly one afternoon and I wrote most of it hiding in the bathroom from my family. enjoy! also idk what currency system is used in jackson so pretend its coins or something idgaf

ps. title is from a tyler childers song lol

pps. yes ted is named after ted garcia. yes im patting myself on the back for that one

Joel Miller was stubborn man. So stubborn, in fact, that he hadn’t spoken to you in days. 

Very mature, the silent treatment. 

The man who you considered your boyfriend despite never making things official, the one who’s house you spent most of the time in anyway, who you had fallen in love with over the course of the years you’ve known him. 

The one who snapped at you all of the sudden, calling you clingy and micromanaging, telling you to give him some space. Telling you that you were too young and naïve. Telling you that this wasn’t working anymore.

You swore you could see the sadness in his eyes, despite his words being so harsh and painful.

You’d stayed in your house since. You were thankful that you hadn’t yet officially moved into his, or else this whole situation would be a lot more difficult to navigate. 

As it stood right now, though, you were left wondering what you had done wrong, why he was so mad at you.

Joel was a man of few words, but you had always been fairly good at picking up on his cues. If he needed some alone time, silently working at his woodworking desk on a particularly hard day, or after a fight with Ellie. 

But he would always gravitate back around to you, even if he didn’t verbalize any of it. You felt it in the way he would kiss your cheek after when you made him dinner, appreciating that you let him be without him having to ask. 

Clingy. Micromanaging. The words clunked around in your head, painful reminders of the things you hadn’t seen. Even words he didn’t say, but your own mind supplied, convinced that you’re driven him away. Annoying. Too much. Useless. 

The days had been tough. 

You attempted to communicate. You showed up the next morning, his favorite pumpkin bread in tow, wanting to talk. He had his boots laced up and shook his head. Told you to get lost, that he had to go on patrol.

It was an enigma. It was heartbreaking. You felt like you were in the twilight zone. 

You cried as you walked home, pumpkin bread left on his porch as you hugged your arms close to your chest, feeling like it might cave in. It was embarrassing. You were certain that people could see and hear, and you just wanted to disappear. 

You’d shut yourself in, then. The only thing that brought you comfort and a molecule of joy was the stray cat that seemed delighted that you returned after spending so much time at Joel’s.

See, you’d always had a soft spot for animals. Even before Jackson, before the apocalypse, you were content with having plenty of cats and dogs to keep you company. Finding out Jackson had their own share of stray cats to keep the rodents away made you fall in love on the spot. 

One particular cat was a skinny orange thing, whom you lovingly titled Ted. Ted was weary, but you were smart. You knew cats, despite yourself having more energy of a dog- loving of everyone you met and deeply emotional. 

You left food out for him every morning and night when you could. Sometimes it wasn’t much, just some leftover meat scraps or whatever you could afford to scrounge up, but it was enough for him to trust you, and to return to your backyard most nights and mornings. 

You got attached quickly; despite knowing it wasn’t a good idea. Ted, as cats often do, came back every night and every morning when he heard the back door open, chirping as you set the bowl down. 

Joel even knew about Ted. It was one of the biggest reasons you’d been hesitant to move into his house. You were worried Ted wouldn’t understand and would go hungry. Joel laughed softly but nodded and said he understood. 

Ted let you pet and love on him eventually, too. You attempted to keep him as a pet, but as most stray cats are, he enjoyed having time to roam around outside- although he did enjoy snuggling with you on the couch at nights. You settled on a pet hole in the back door. Joel even installed it for you, despite his mumbles of how it was a bad idea and how you’d wake up with a raccoon snuggling against you instead. You just grinned and said the more, the merrier. 

Ted stayed with you that day, when you came back in tears, an absolute mess. He could sense your anguish, and climbed onto your back as you sobbed into the sofa. 

You weren’t able to do much. You didn’t have the heart or energy to cook for yourself. You gave Ted the salmon that was supposed to be for you, and passed out on the couch. 

On the second day of nothing from Joel, you felt like a ghost. 

You hated it. You hated that you let a man affect you this much. You hated falling for him so quickly, when he seemed so quick to just brush you off. You thought about waiting around to find Ellie, ask her what the fuck was going on, but you didn’t want to seem like a stalker. 

It was the ambiguity that hurt the most, though. You saw no signs. There was no giant fight or impasse that the both of you had reached. Just sudden coldness, like you were hit by a violent snowstorm in the middle of summer, and frostbite was beginning to take over. 

You try to go outside that afternoon, convincing yourself that the sunshine and fall air would somehow cure your devastation. 

It didn’t, so you ended up sobbing into your hands in your backyard. 

Ted, of course, was simply happy to be back outside, and the last thing you notice is him slipping away, slinking under the fence.

You sigh. You couldn’t blame him. You were a pretty sad sight. It was almost ironic and made you laugh a little. No man wanted to be around you anymore. 

You spent the rest of the day wandering around your house like a ghost. You were starting to run low on groceries, and you eventually would have to get back to your chores around town. 

That night was quiet. Ted hadn’t returned yet, which didn’t necessarily worry you. He usually stayed gone until you set his food out, and even sometimes later. 

You forced yourself to eat something. It was small, just some oatmeal and an apple, but it was all you could stomach. You set out the leftover salmon for Ted and went to bed. 

Day three. Absolutely nothing from Joel. You hoped that you would suddenly hear a knock on your door, Joel with those big puppy dog eyes holding your favorite flowers and falling to his knees to apologize. 

Of course, it didn’t happen. 

You would have to re-introduce yourself back into society today. You wondered if Maria and Tommy had known about the whole thing, and that’s why Maria hadn’t come knocking your door down to grill you on why you weren’t helping in the kitchen or garden. 

Along with that, your groceries were getting grim, and although you didn’t care as much for yourself, you wanted to feed Ted. 

That was when it hit you, when you looked out the window. His food bowl was untouched, still filled. There was no sight of him either.

Your heart dropped to your feet, but you tried to swallow the fear. Cats do this, you told yourself. He’s probably just sleeping in the barns. 

You shakily replaced his food, trying not to freak out. He would show up again, and you would feel stupid for worrying. It’s what cats were best at. 

By the time the sunset, Ted hadn’t shown his whiskered face around, his food remaining untouched. 

You were inconsolable. If the whole situation with Joel had you heartbroken, Ted disappearing on top of it made you feel like you were choking. 

You cried the entire night, not sleeping once. 

You were hysterical by the time the sun came up the next morning. Ted’s food bowl still sat untouched. 

You were still crying, feeling like your soul had left your body, but you threw some clothes on and marched your way to Tommy and Maria’s house. 

Maria, being the busy woman she was, was absent. But Tommy opened the door, immediately concerned by your haunting expression. 

“Tommy? My cat… He hasn’t come back for a couple days. Can we look for him? Can we have a couple people out looking? I need him home…” You said through sobs. 

Tommy comforted you, invited you inside. Made you tea and patted your shoulder as you cried. 

“Listen, I want to get your cat back, but he’s a stray, honey. We can’t have people spending time out looking for him, we just don’t have the time. What has Joel done?” He asked, trying to be as sympathetic as possible. 

“Joel kicked me out, three days ago,” You explained, shaking your head softly. “He probably couldn’t care less.”

Tommy’s expression dropped, concern filling his face. “What? He kicked you out? Why? Did y’all have some fight, or somethin’?” 

You shook your head again, shrugging softly. “I don’t know. I don’t know what I did wrong. He just… said I was too clingy and sent me away. I haven’t see him since. Won’t talk to me. And now…” Your voice breaks, the situation hitting you all over again. “The one thing I had left is gone. I’m all alone.” 

Tommy nodded, feeling guilt. “Fuck. I’m sorry, I really am. I’ve always warned him, he doesn’t know a good thing when it hits him upside the head. I love my brother, but… he shouldn’t have done that. And, uh, listen… I can’t promise anything, but I’ll do my best to look around for the cat tonight, alright? I’ll keep an eye out, spread the word. I promise.”

His words bring you little comfort, but you at least appreciate the gesture. You just nod, feeling even more hopeless. 

“Ted. His name is Ted.” You say, standing up to leave. 

You decide to walk all around Jackson, searching anywhere to find your boy. The alleys, the barns- you were even tempted to jump some fences just to make sure he hadn’t gotten stuck in someone’s garden or something.

You spent the entire afternoon looking, the sky becoming a dark grey as time marched on. 

A storm was imminent, you could tell by the breeze. The thought of Ted being stuck somewhere in the rain and thunder made you feel sick. 

You had not found any leads by late afternoon, the clouds becoming angry overhead. You had no other choice but to grab a few groceries from the local shops and walk home. By the time you stepped out of the soap shop, raindrops were pummeling down. 

You were cold and wet, so the trek back to your house was especially depressing. It felt, once again, almost ironic, but you didn’t have the energy to smile or laugh about it this time. 

The only thing you checked was that his food bowl was still untouched when you got back to your house. That was the only thing left you cared about before you collapsed into bed, exhaustion finally overtaking you. 

You slept surprisingly peacefully, your body happy to be off in dreamland instead of dealing with the waking nightmare that your life had suddenly become. 

You woke the next morning to knocking. 

At first, you thought you might’ve just went crazy finally. But then you realized that the sound was coming from your front door, not your head. You threw on a jacket and rushed down to the door. 

Maria stood there, and more importantly, Ted was curled into her arms, clearly trying to escape. 

You gasped immediately, wondering if you were still dreaming. 

“Maria! You found him?” You asked quickly, taking Ted from her arms. He willingly went, jumping into yours and clinging to you instead. “I can’t even find the words to thank you. Oh my god! Where was he?” 

Maria smiled, taking in everything you’d blurted out quickly. “Uh, actually… Joel found him. Tommy… told me and Joel about it. I was just going to have the kids go out and look, but Joel insisted. Bribed everyone over at the Tipsy Bison that if they went to look, he’d buy their drinks for the night. They found Ted stuck in the dumpster out by the barn.”

You nod softly, slowly processing what Maria told you. Why would Joel care? He was the one who pushed you away, who abandoned you. He didn’t care about you anymore.

“I… I told him he needed to be the one to bring Ted back to you, but… You know Joel.” Maria said, a sympathetic look on her face as she shrugged.

“Oh. We aren’t… uh, Joel and I aren’t together anymore… I guess.” You reply quietly.

It cut deep to say it out loud for the first time. Weren’t together anymore.

“Oh. I know. Tommy told me. For what it’s worth, I’m sorry. Joel doesn’t know a good thing when it slaps him upside the head.”

You can’t help but laugh softly. “Tommy said the same thing. Thank you, though. I’m just happy Ted is back.” You sigh, pressing a kiss to the orange fur of his head. “Hey, actually, does Joel have to go on patrol tomorrow?” You ask quietly, as if you had to keep it secret.

“No. He’s off the next two days.” Maria reassures. She doesn’t bother asking why, because she knows, but you’re thankful that she doesn’t. “Let me know if you need anything, alright?” She finishes with a nod, stepping away from the door.

You nod back, smiling. “Thank you, Maria.”

You shut the door, kissing Ted’s fur more. “Poor boy. You know now not to get yourself stuck in a dumpster, huh? Little trash monster.”

Ted curls beside you in bed that night, seemingly grateful to be rescued from his days of being trapped in a wastebin.

Meanwhile, your thoughts were stuck on Joel. None of it made sense to you. Why would he do any of this? It just made you feel worse. You felt indebted to him now, on top of being a mix of upset and angry at him. It was a bewildering sensation, wanting to both kiss him and punch him.

You showed up the next day when you knew he’d be making his morning coffee- the coffee you usually made him.

You didn’t bother knocking, knowing the door was almost always open. You walked in, slammed a bag of coins down on the kitchen table.

Joel turned around, an incredulous look on his face.

“You cannot just storm in here whenever you want-”

You give him a warning look, one that he quickly and rightfully recognized as the shut up now face.

“I just wanted to pay you back for what you did last night. Payin’ those guys to help look for Ted.” You admit, unable to look at him in his eyes anymore.

He takes a tentative step closer, hesitant like he’s afraid to scare you away.

“Darlin’…” He says instinctively first, quickly wishing he could retract the nickname. “You don’t have to repay me. Not looking for payment. It wasn’t… a transaction.”

You swallow. You wanted to argue, to yell at him. Release the pent-up turmoil of the past days.

“Well, just take it. I just wanted to do this so I could… break it off cleanly.”

When you finally find the courage to look at Joel’s face, he looks sad. No- not just sad. He looked devastated in a way you’d only seen him a few times. On days when Sarah’s memory crept up on him and wouldn’t leave him, or when he and Ellie got into an argument over something trivial and she wouldn’t speak to him for a few days.

It was hard to see, and your instincts wanted to run over and comfort him. But you were swiftly reminded that he was the one who broke up with you.

You stayed in place.

He nodded at your words, looking down at the floor. He worked his jaw, like he was fighting the urge to say something.

“Can I just… I’ll leave if you want me to, but just for my own peace, I think I deserve to know why…” You felt your voice break, but you refused to succumb. “Why you don’t want to be with me anymore. I’ll leave you alone, I swear. I just… need to know.”

You met his eyes and couldn’t believe what you saw.

Tears in his eyes.

Joel Miller, the man who practically choked when he had to say sorry, who would rather build an entire castle than have to face his emotions, was about to cry.

“I- I just… You should be with someone your own age. Someone who hasn’t seen the shit I’ve seen. Done the shit I’ve done. I.. I love you, I truly, truly do, darlin’, but I have to do what’s right. You deserve someone who can keep up, and someone who isn’t… haunted by the things I’ve done. I wake up every night and go to bed every night worrying that someone might try to hurt you, or that I might hurt you, as karma for all the bad shit I’ve done. It kills me to let you go, but I know you’ll be okay eventually. I can keep you safe, and happy, like this.”

The knot in your stomach was now a full-on tangle. You felt tears of your own gathering.

“Joel… I’d be safe and happy with you.” You say, taking a step closer. He doesn’t step back, despite wanting to. “That’s such bullshit. I want you. I want to be with you. I need you. I don’t need someone younger, or innocent, or whatever the hell. Because guess what? Someone could decide to kill me for no reason. I could die tomorrow, or a year from now. And I’d be alone, and unhappy, and scared. I’m scared without you, Joel. What you’re doing now is hurting me- it’s killing me. Please just… let me in. Stop hurting me, please and just…”

Your voice broke again, tears falling this time.

This broke him as well, him swiftly approaching you in a couple of steps.

His fingers were on your face, wiping away your tears before kissing you like you were his oxygen.

He was practically hyperventilating, trying to straighten his thoughts out and explain himself. “You showed me what happiness was. It was so bleak without you, and I tried to tell myself I would get over it eventually…” He whispers. “Seeing you look at me with so much hurt… I felt so… abysmal. Like I couldn’t live with myself knowing I hurt you so badly. I didn’t mean anything I said, I swear it. You’re not naïve or too clingy. You’re so-”

You cut him off with another kiss, being the one to wipe his tears away this time.

“I’m still mad at you, but staying away from you was the hardest thing I’d ever had to do.”

He can’t help but chuckle, which makes you laugh in turn.

“I deserve it. I deserve your rage, your sadness, all of it.” He says, his voice becoming quieter. “I just want what’s best for you.”

“You’re best for me.” You reply, without a second of hesitation. “Even if you’re a fucking dick sometimes.”

He kisses you again, his lips pressed to yours like he was retracing how every millimeter of the sensation felt.

You felt your back pushed against his kitchen counter, the kiss slowly morphing from sweet and heartfelt to sexy and hot.

You brought your hand to his shoulders, gripping on like he might disappear if you let go.

The desperation and rawness of the both of you made things escalate quickly. You felt like before you could even catch your breath or realize what was happening, your hands were rushing to pull his flannel and undershirt off, while his hands wandered to your chest and stomach over your shirt, squeezing appreciatively.

You whimpered softly, fumbling with his belt while he tried (and failed) to remove your shirt at the same time. If it wasn’t so frenzied, it might’ve been funny, but you both were desperate to feel each against the other, to be filled and completed. Whole.

You managed to throw most of his clothes off when he took over and lifted you onto the counter.

Doing part of the work for him, you pulled your shirt and bra off, letting him scrabble with your own pants. When he patted your ass to make you hop up so he can pull the pants the rest of the way off, you ran your fingers softly over the bulge in his boxers, watching the way he shivered but tried not to get distracted.

It was sexy, somehow, watching him lock onto the task at hand- almost like you weren’t even there and he was trying to work.

You looked up at him like he’d hung the stars, watching him with wide eyes. When he finally managed to pull and throw your pants and underwear off, he noticed your doe-like expression and went practically feral. He pressed his lips to yours again.

It was bruising this time, hurried like he only had a few seconds to make you feel his lips against yours for the next week.

You kept your hand pressed to his bulge as he re-adjusted you, bringing your legs around him to trap him in place.

His cock wasn’t fully erect yet, but definitely hardening, swelling. You could feel it throb, and it brought a special thrill to your touch.

Usually by the time Joel actually fucked you, he was hard as a rock and made you feel every inch of it. But there was something intimate, something, ironically, soft about him still being soft. Like you were actively feeling the effect you had on him.

He pulled his cock out, gripping it before lining it up with your hole. He didn’t even bother breaking the kiss, your head turned up to meet his as you felt him begin to breach you.

You gasped as Joel sighed. Your mouths were no longer pressed together in a kiss, but more like you were breathing into each other’s mouths, swapping oxygen and spit.

Your brows furrowed together, eyes rolling at the feeling of his thick cock entering you with no foreplay or preparation.

You could feel him swell and throb inside you, reaching full hardness, and it practically made you come on the spot. The sensation was so hot- both temperature wise and emotionally.

You crossed your legs behind his back, bringing him in closer and making it so he was buried inside you as deep as he could go.

You both were pretty much gone when he started thrusting. It was hard for you to do any of the work with how he had you positioned and how he drove into you, but you rocked your hips, nonetheless.

With every lunge he hit that spot deep inside you, hard, in a way that you knew you’d be sore tomorrow.

It was wild, untamed. You could see the way he grit his jaw and the sweat accumulating on his forehead, his perfect curls bouncing with every plunge of his hips.

You moved your hands to hold onto his back too. You tried to keep your nails away, trying to hold onto him with your palms instead so you wouldn’t scratch him.

He grunted softly, pulling away from your mouth. “Mark me, baby. Scratch me up. I deserve it. Want to feel it. Please, darlin’. Take it out on me.”

You felt your legs weaken despite being wrapped around him. He had never begged like that, never sounded so desperate.

You did as he asked, though. Careful at first, not really wanting to hurt him.

But then he fucked into you especially hard, and all you could manage to do was hold on for dear life. Your nails dug into his back, and you weren’t sure if he was moaning in pain or pleasure.

You moaned too, feeling his hand wander from gripping onto your hips to your clit.

He’s not slow and calculated like usual. He doesn’t play games. He just spits onto your cunt and rubs frantic circles into your clit, applying just the right amount of pressure for you to see stars.

You feel the white molten pleasure start to gather in your abdomen, barely even having time to realize you were coming until you were, your mind going absolutely blank.

You might’ve even screamed- you weren’t entirely sure. It was all so quick and feral.

It wasn’t like any other orgasm you’d had. It was over just as fast as it started, but it felt so intense, like a star had exploded inside of you, and then just as swiftly died and disappeared.

You were left breathless, still moaning as you came down while Joel chased his release.

When your ears stopped ringing and he finally released your clit, you could hear him grunting words.

“Fuck, I wouldn’t survive you being with someone else. No other man. Just me.”

You caught your breath before speaking, gripping his face with your hand.

“No other man can fuck me like you can. Fuck me like you love me, Joel. Make me feel it. Remind me I’m yours.”

You spurring him on only made him more hungry, fucking into you so hard your body jolted against the counter with each movement.

You gasped as you felt him come inside you. In all of your relationship, you had only ever let him come inside you a few times, when you knew you weren’t ovulating and wouldn’t be risking any little Joels running around.

The sensation was magical each time. Feeling him rut against you, spilling inside you and chasing the sensation mindlessly, filling your womb… It was perfect. You were full of him, but metaphorically and literally.

He hadn’t even caught his breath, his head resting against your shoulder when he spoke.

“Move in with me. Please. For real this time. I can’t bear you not sleeping here, with me, where I can hold you close to me.”

You knew your answer, of course. It was simple. But…

“Only if Ted can come with me.”

Joel laughed softly, puffs of air hitting the skin of your neck.

“Deal, darlin’. I’ll build him the biggest cat tree you’ve ever seen.”

★

𝔱𝔥𝔯𝔢𝔢 𝔪𝔬𝔫𝔱𝔥𝔰 𝔩𝔞𝔱𝔢𝔯

You woke up, dazed. The sunlight was coming in through the windows, telling you it was later than you usually slept in.

And Joel was still beside you, awake and staring at you with a weak grin on his face.

You inhaled, trying to work off your sleepy confusion.

“What are you still doing here? Don’t you have patrol?”

“It snowed five feet overnight, love. Can’t get out the door. We’re snowed in. You’re stuck with me.” He said, brushing a hand through your hair. He never understood how it was so soft.

“Whatever will I do?” You teased, grinning back. Your arm patted the bed, searching for a lump that the two of you had become accustomed to.

Ted was curled up under the blanket against Joel, purring happily at the warmth that both he and the blanket provided him.

You could’ve cried over how cute it was.

“Looks like you’ve already got a snuggle partner,”

Joel laughed, rolling his eyes playfully.

“I thought we said no cats in the bed. What happened to that?” He said, although he had no malice in his voice. You knew he secretly loved having Ted in-between the two of you.

Joel pulled you closer, and the two of you cuddled against Ted, who flipped over, happily accepting the belly rubs and attention from the both of you.

“Our little family is complete. I’ve got my Joel, and I’ve got my Ted. That’s all I need.”

You looked at Joel, biting you lip for a moment. There was just one more thing you needed to add.

"Oh. And the baby." You placed your hand on your stomach softly. "I'm pregnant."

[isabella-rose-trastamara]

I have officially melted like ice cream🍦on a hot summer day ☀️ with this story!

A happy ending for her, Ted 🐈, and the new baby!

Oh, and Joel, even if he was an idiot throughout 75% of this 🙃 but he redeemed himself in the end.

[hmatten]

PEDRO PASCAL Materialists (2025)

[azertyrobaz]

*boink*

[azertyrobaz]

Do you promise to play nice?

[calkestis]

"You saw my face. Now it's time to die." | THE MANDALORIAN AND GROGU (2025)

[onlyyouexisthere]

Character Posters Pt. 1 | Character Poster Pt. 2

[perotovar]

#me reading something on ao3 and i need a snack at 3am

PEDRO PASCAL as TED GARCIA Eddington (2025) dir. Ari Aster

[glamorizingchaos]

Summer Rains Part 5:

Beauty In The Rain

Javier Peña x F!Reader

Word Count: 6.7k

Rating: M (To be safe 18+)

Warnings: Angst, swearing, pining, smoking, kissing, groping, implications of sex, pregnancy mention, genuine human emotions, probably OOC for Javier... whoops. No beta, just yeeted into the void. any typos. Let me know if I have missed any!

Summary: Javier finally decides what he wants his future to be and Chucho wins Grandpa of the year. Reference for the necklace that is mentioned. The Poem included in the epilogue is by Raymond Garfield Dandridge. Who's poem brought me peace when life was not.

A/N: This is a really bittersweet moment. I again apologize for how long it has taken me to finish this story. Life was overwhelming and I was trying to push myself into writing smut because I know it's popular. So I hit a wall because I was trying to force something out of myself that I didn't really want to write and personally didn't add much to the story. So I took the pressure off of myself. There is no smut in here just implications and allusions to it. It is not something I am just yet comfortable writing, but maybe someday. I also spent WAY TOO LONG obsessing over the timeline and trying to get everything to make sense. I am fairly certain some new grey hairs appeared on my head because of it. I gave up. I did my best. I am not perfect and this is a hobby. I have loved every second of writing this ending and I hope you like it too. Thank you so much for sticking with me and for your patience as I lose my marbles again and again. I have so many people I want to thank and dedicate this to. So many people who without them, I probably never would have posted this story or continued writing it. I hope they know who they are and how much they have meant to me. If you have ever left a like, a comment, a reblog, or sent me a message please know how much that means to me. I hope you never hit a red light and that your pillow is always cold at night. You are angels and the world is so much better with you in it. If you got this far you are a gem. I hope to write more on this blog in the future but I am done trying to force myself into a schedule. I want this to be a fun creative outlet not another obligation for me. Thank you for reading and without further ado, our two idiots need a happy ending.

Masterlist Previous Part

Likes, comments, and reblogs are always appreciated! I’d love to hear feedback!

The card slips from your fingers and falls to the counter, forgotten. 

The next morning you wake to the sun shining through a sliver in your curtains. Weird… usually I get waken up by a hungry infant demanding a boob. As soon as the thought crosses your mind you glance over at the crib to the right of the bed. It’s empty. Your nose scrunches in confusion but then the light banging of pots and pans echoing from the kitchen catches your attention. 

You slip on your slippers and slowly pad your way to the kitchen. Your limbs still heavy with sleep. You find Chucho dressed and ready in his Sunday best for church as he makes breakfast. Sofia sitting in the high chair babbling away with her grandpa. He softly whistles an old ballad to her as he warms up a bottle. You mumble a greeting to Chucho and he tosses a cheery good morning back. You sweep your hand across Sofia’s forehead pushing the soft brown curls out of the way as you lean down to kiss her. 

“Why didn’t you wake me?” You question Chucho as you make your way over to the cabinet to make yourself some tea. 

“You were tired and there are bottles out here. I wanted you to rest.” Chucho replies simply with a light pat on your cheek. As if it was the most obvious thing in the world. I mean why else did you pump if not for this reason? Plus he was right, you were exhausted. Sofia had a rough night again. Gotta love sleep regression. Your guess was all the change in her routines. She needed normalcy and stability, and honestly? So did you. 

Once the bottle was ready for Sofia, Chucho swoops the baby girl up in his arms to feed her. A soft smile blooms across your face at how sweet Chucho is with Sofia. He has a way with her. She rarely cries when he is around and he has quickly become her favorite person. Your baby girl has Chucho completely wrapped around her finger. This is all you ever wanted for your daughter, Sunday morning breakfasts and a family that is bursting with love. Lost in thought, the creak of a floorboard draws your attention to the doorway. Javier had paused before entering the kitchen, the bags under his eyes were dark and he still had yesterday’s clothes on. Your eyes meet his weary dark orbs, and his frown deepens as he looks back, almost studying you. You shifted under his gaze like a bug under a microscope.

A wave of annoyance begins to build in the pit of your stomach. Javier has no right to judge you when you did nothing wrong in the first place. You straighten your back and cool your expression into one of annoyed indifference. He quickly looks away from you as if your gaze burned him. He makes his way into the room and pats his dad on the shoulder in greeting as he swipes a mug for his coffee. 

“You look awful mijo.” Chucho was never one to pull a punch. 

“Gee, thanks Pop.” Javier’s voice was devoid of any emotion as he slumped on the counter with his chin pressed to his chest. Javier really did look a mess and he looked pale. You felt the familiar pinprick of tears start to burn your eyes, everything that led you both down this path started with your lie. You want to be furious at him; to yell, scream, smash something, but you can’t move. You are frozen as the quiet guilt rages a war in your brain. You blink and try to will away the traitorous tears threatening to spill and notice Chucho staring at you with a wary gaze. You quickly excuse yourself mumbling about taking a shower. Anything to escape, to give you time to think. 

-

Chucho inhales deeply as he watches you practically sprint out of the kitchen. He turns to his son, brooding and quietly sipping his coffee with his eyes closed. Chucho looks down at Sofia’s milk-drunk, blissed-out expression and slowly walks over to set her down in the pack n’ play set up in the corner of the kitchen. It used to be in the living room but Sofia got fussy when she couldn’t see Chucho cook. 

“You know one day you are gonna push people too far and they won’t keep coming back for more.” Chucho stares counting Sofia’s soft breaths as he addresses Javier. 

Javier slowly opens his eyes as his jaw rocks. “I know.” 

Chucho turns and points down the hall towards where you are, “That woman is at her breaking point. And look at you! Pale and smelling like a chimney. I cannot sit here and watch the two of you destroy each other. Either figure out what you want and fight for it or just stop and let her go.” Chucho’s tone was severe as he verbally lashed his son. 

“Pops I-” Javier’s throat was dry and his voice cracked pitifully. 

“No. I am taking Sofia to Church. You-” He stabs his pointer finger into Javier’s chest “Are going to talk to her. You are letting your happiness slip away from you. No one is taking it away.” Chucho reaches into his pocket and presses the small black card you left on the counter into Javier’s free hand. “If this is enough to sway you then you are far stupider than I thought you were.” 

The card feels cold in Javier’s hand. His dark eyes stare unblinkingly at it. Not even looking up when Chucho leaves the room with Sofia in tow. He turns the thin piece of paper over and over between his fingers. How could he have let something so small, so meaningless burrow under his skin? He knows his father is right. He has to stop letting this fear and insecurity control him and make him lash out at you. He needs to make a choice and he needs to make it now. 

“Oh, did Chucho leave?” Your voice, soft and missing its usual melodic tone, tears Javier’s eyes away from the card. There you are standing in the hallway hair still damp from your shower but loosely braided to the side. You have your favorite navy blue linen overalls on, the ones you like to wear to clean around the house. You are a vision of domestic bliss. But he can see the weariness in your eyes. The hollowness that lingers in them now. 

Javier clears his throat roughly, shoving the card into his pocket. He has no idea how long he has been standing staring at it. “Uh yeah, he took Sofia to church with him.” 

“Oh. Okay.” Your voice is void of emotion or any of your usual lightness. Javier feels stiff and awkward like his limbs are full of sand and he doesn’t know how to be around you anymore.  

You turn to walk away from him and Javier starts panicking. Is it too late? Has he pushed you too far? 

Before he can talk himself out of it, Javier blurts out the one question he should have asked the day you arrived in Texas. “Can we talk for a second?” 

-

The silence was deafening. You stopped mid-step towards your bedroom and did a half-turn back to him. Your brows furrowed as you studied the man before you. The Javier that stood before you now was not the same Javier you left behind in Colombia. So many things have changed, for both of you. The wrinkles around his eyes have grown more prominent and the gray in his hair is more noticeable.  He still stands with his hands on his hips and hunched shoulders, always carrying the weight of the world on his back. But it was something in his eyes, those piercing eyes that once glowed like embers lost that spark and fire, that once spoke to you. Javier’s dark orbs transfixed you, their darkness overwhelming but there was a sadness to them now. A haunting darkness in them that goes deeper than you knew. 

“Sure” You held his stare for a moment, trying to maintain a calm demeanor. His eyes widened as if he assumed you’d refuse his request. 

Javier quickly shook the surprise from his face and schooled his expression back to its normal frown. He motioned towards the porch and opened the front door for you. You slowly lowered yourself into the nearest rocking chair as Javier leaned on the railing across from you. The crack of the front door shutting echo across the ranch. Javier cleared his throat as he flexed his hands on the railing and stared at a crack in the porch floor. He would kill for a cigarette. Or a bottle of whiskey. 

“So, um, what did you want to talk about Javier?” You never used to call him Javier so much. Only when you pretended to be angry at him or when you were teasing him. It used to be fun, hearing you huff it out between laughs or moan it in his ear. Now his name on your lips is a reminder of the mess everything has turned into. Of all the mistakes he’s made. Of the lies, he’s told. All the reasons you left him. All the reasons that he hates himself. No wonder you left and maybe you should again. Maybe that is what’s best. 

–

 “Javier?” You calling his name a second time caught his attention and his eyes finally met yours briefly before looking away again. 

“Right. Yeah. I wanted to discuss your plans.” Javier’s hand scrubbed the back of his neck as he avoided your gaze.

“My plans?” You schooled your face into the picture of neutrality. 

Javier huffed in frustration, “Yes. Your plans. Shit, you know what I am trying to say here.” 

A cold fire lit behind your eyes, a predator eying their prey as they narrowed. “No Javier I don’t. I don’t know what I am doing here. I thought I did, for a moment I thought I knew what you wanted. Now? I am lost. You want to know my plan? I don’t have one. Not since you showed up in Miami and turned my whole life upside down.” You released a heavy breath trying to calm that fire that sparked in your veins. 

Javier’s eyes flashed with anger and he set his jaw before he continued pressing, “I know that everything has not been the easiest lately, that I have not been the easiest to deal with-” 

You scoff and wrap your arms around yourself. “Because everything was always so perfect between us.” 

That struck a chord with Javier. He made mistakes. Tons of them even; but he always did what he thought would protect you. To keep you hidden from his world, from him, and the darkness that followed. He nearly growled his response,  “I did what I had to do to keep you away from all that shit. To protect you.” 

“Protecting me? Is that what lying to me about sleeping with your informants, all while you were fucking me is? Pretty sure that is exactly the opposite of protection Peña.”

Javier’s eyes turned cold and his next words cut you like a knife, “Well, I didn’t fucking leave without a damn word and hide a child from you.” 

“You didn’t exactly give me any reason to stay. I was just a casual fuck to you and we both know if I hadn’t left, you would have.” You internally curse yourself for the tears brimming your eyes. You hate that after everything he still has this power over you, over your emotions. 

Javier's whole body goes stiff, his voice is quiet barely audible above the sound of the ranch. “Is that really what you think of me?” 

You lock eyes with his. Your anger quickly begins to dissipate the minute you see the pain in his eyes. “I-” You start but stop yourself. 

Javier shakes his head as if he can shake the heartbreak away, “No. I don’t want to fight with you. This isn’t coming out right. I didn’t mean to..” But his voice trails off. He is desperately trying to find the words to tell you all the feelings and emotions that have been storming around in his head since the day you left. 

It is a minute before either of you speaks. “I didn’t sleep with my informant that night. The one before you left.” 

“What?” Your voice is barely a whisper over the frantic beating of your heart thumping in your ears.

“I hadn’t slept with any of them for a while. People just assumed and I never corrected them. I-I didn’t want to. I couldn’t admit to them or myself that you meant more to me than I let on. That you still do. I am sorry that I fucked up so much back then. That I pushed you away and made you feel that I would rather you run away than tell me you were pregnant. I am so sorry.” The tears in Javier’s eyes were clear as day. 

“Javier” You slide out of the chair and stood behind him. Before thinking you reached your hand out and touched his shoulder.  “No. I am sorry. What I did was unforgivable. I knew how much you did to protect me and I left like that knowing it would scare you. But in that moment, all I wanted was for you to hurt as much as I did. I was stupid and angry. What I did was selfish and cowardly, even if I thought I was protecting Sofia. I should have stayed and fought for this. How can you ever forgive me?” 

“I did the moment I saw you with Sofia.” Javier’s hands find their way to your cheeks and he wipes away the tears streaming down them.

“Where do we go from here?” Your hand finds its way to his cheek as you look at Javier. 

He rests his forehead on yours, “I don’t know.” He slowly leans in and brushes his lips against yours. Giving you every opportunity to push him away. But you don’t. Your arms wrap around his neck and pull him as close to you as possible, needing the grounding force of his body against yours. 

Javier’s hands move to your neck, your waist, your hair, and back to your face. His scent surrounds you. He pours every ounce of emotion within him into this kiss. He pulls you flush against his chest and a whimper falls from your mouth. It only urges him on and he deepens the kiss, sliding his tongue against your bottom lip. Begging you to let him in, to let him taste you again. 

You immediately give in to him. To the feelings coursing between the two of you. You reach up and pull his hair and a deep growl reverberates from Javier’s chest. His hands slide their way to your hips, then to your ass and he squeezes. It’s as if he thinks if he lets go of you, this would have all been a dream. His movements are hurried and needy. He is desperate for more of you. 

You finally pull away to breathe but Javier just continues kissing down your jaw to your neck. He finds your ear lobe and sucks it into his mouth and pulls. Scraping his teeth on the delicate flesh. “Let’s go inside.” He whispers into your ear but you are jello in his arms. Hardly able to think straight. He slowly starts walking you backwards into the house. As you cross the threshold into the front hall your hands grip his jacket, trying desperately to tear it off him. Javier drags his mouth away from your neck long enough to rip his jacket and shirt off before descending onto your lips again. 

This time as he crashes his lips to yours he grabs a handful of your ass and yanks you into him, his leg falling between yours. You let out a sharp gasp which he takes quick advantage of and pushes his tongue into your mouth. It's clumsy and frantic how the two of you grip each other. Trying to get as close as humanly possible. Your back slams into the nearest wall as you reach for the belt loops in Javi’s jeans and drag him impossibly close to you. As he is pressed against you Javi lets a deep groan loose as he drags his teeth down your throat, nibbling and sucking on the sensitive skin, leaving marks as he goes.

You are drowning in him. The sensation of his body pressed against yours, his hands digging into your ass, your thighs, tugging on your hair. The feeling of his lips on yours after so long without him. It's all too overwhelming, this is all you have been thinking about since the day he burst back into your life. Javier pulls away from your neck and brings his hands to the sides of your face. 

“Wait, wait… Is this okay?” His voice is gravelly and lower than usual. His deep brown eyes are burning into yours. You want to laugh. Of course, this is more than okay, this is all you crave anymore. Javier. He consumes every waking thought and he invades your dreams. He is the biggest nuisance and he is everything you have wanted. 

“No.” The minute the word leaves your mouth Javier shifts to move away from you but you stop him by grabbing his belt and pulling him back in. “No this is not okay. This is perfect.” 

The two of you fall back into a familiar dance; your bodies fitting together perfectly, like two harmonies coming together in perfect time. Javier knows exactly which strings to pluck to make you sing, he has every curve, dimple, scar, and stretch mark memorized. As you lay back trying to regulate your heartbeat, you find Javier tracing the new marks on your stomach; gifts from the beautiful daughter you both brought into this world. He lightly runs his fingertips up and down, side to side. Silently adding them to his memory of you. He every so often presses soft kisses on your hairline. After a few silent moments, his eyes finally meet yours, a small smile decorating his face. You reach up and trace the lines at the corners of his eyes. You both have changed so much but at this moment, here, it suddenly feels like no time has passed between the two of you. You are back at his apartment in Colombia with a cool breeze blowing through the window carrying the smell of the Arepa shop down the street.

Javier’s hand paused in its path, “I know we have so much yet to figure out-” 

“Please let's not do this now.” You begged him not wanting to ruin this perfect moment. 

“Will you ever just let me finish a sentence?” Javier sits up to look down at your face, a playful glint in his chocolate eyes. 

You lean up and place a chaste peck on his lips, “Nope.”  and try to turn away from him.

“You are gonna want me to finish this one.” Javier takes the chance to playfully pinch your sides and laughs as you yelp and try to squirm away from him. “I know we have a lot to talk about and figure out. But I want you to know that I am all in. I want to build a life with you and our daughter, I want a house and a dog and the fucking white picket fence. I want it all. But I want it with you. I love you. Te Amo mi alma. Tienes todo mi corazón y siempre lo tendrás.” 

You stared wide-eyed up at him, completely frozen in place. Javier starts to panic. He pushed you for more than what you were ready for. He said too much too fast. Javier Peña, ever the fucking moron. Why can’t he ever keep his fucking mouth shut? Should he take it back? No that would be so much worse. Javier was so lost in the spiral of self-doubt and intrusive thoughts that he didn’t even notice the tears beginning to overflow out of your eyes or the way that your hand was squeezing his. When you reached up and held his cheeks in your hands he was finally able to silence his thoughts. 

“You are everything I have ever wanted and I promise you I will work every day to show you how much I love you and to make up for all the time we lost because I was stupid and scared. You, Javier Peña, are the most frustrating man on the planet. You are stubborn and pig-headed and you make me want to scream half the time. But you are also the most generous, kind-hearted, and selfless man I have ever met. You gave me a daughter and I cannot thank you enough for that gift. I love you with my whole heart and I cannot wait to build a future with you.” 

“You scared me there for a second Hermosa. I thought I had lost you there.” Javier quickly wipes a traitorous tear than escaped his eye. “And you have nothing to make up for mi amor.” 

“Yes. I do. I am not going anywhere. I am all in.” 

Javier leans down and places another soft kiss along your hairline before sitting up and stretching his arms above his head. He slowly stands as you lean your head back and close your eyes, taking in the moment. You hear him rifling through his pants on the floor by the bed, his belt buckle jingling and then softly thumping on the ground. 

“Dammit” Javier huffs under his breath and snatches his briefs from the scattered pile of clothes around the floor. 

“What's wrong?” You keep your eyes closed starting to feel the tug of sleep starting to drag you under. 

“My cigarettes are in my jacket pocket. I’ll be right back.” 

-

Javier closes the door lightly, knowing that you are starting to fall asleep and not wanting to disturb you. He follows the trail of clothes from his bedroom to the hallway until he finds his jacket tossed on top of Sofia’s stroller. He begins digging through the pockets for his pack of cigarettes.

“¿Buscas estos?” Javier turns and sees Chucho leaning in the doorway, the red carton of cigarettes dangling in his hand. “Las cosas salieron bien, ya veo?” 

Chucho smirked as he gestured to the random pieces of clothing and shoes tossed around the hallway leading to Javier’s room. Javier cleared his throat awkwardly and snatched the cigarettes out of his dad’s hand. He slides one out and Chucho pulls a lighter out from his back pocket and tosses it to Javier. The cigarette glowed a vibrant orange as Javier lit it and took a long drag before tossing the lighter back to Chucho. 

“Uh, sí. Sí, lo hicieron.” Javier returned his father’s smirk with a goofy grin. “Realmente bien. ¿Dónde está Sofía?”

“Dormido. Ni siquiera llegó a comulgar antes de desmayarse.” Chucho turned to walk back into the living room as Javier let the cigarette dangle from his mouth and started collecting the miscellaneous clothing strewn about. 

“Recuerda usar protección esta vez. No tenemos lugar para más sorpresas.” Chucho called from the living room. Javier rolled his eyes and made his way back to his room. Back to where you were waiting for him. 

Things weren’t perfect. They never would be; you two aren’t exactly saints. But the sight that lay before him in his room reminded him that doesn’t matter. You were curled up in a ball in the middle of his bed with blankets scattered around and halfway on the floor and he could hear your soft snores fill the air. He pulled the blankets around you and contorted himself to fit next to you. He leaned back on the headboard and stared down at your sleeping form silently through the haze and smoke. He could hear Chucho as he moved about in the kitchen. The clangs of pots and pans combined with the soft rhythm of your slow breaths and soft snores. For the first time in a very long time, Javier felt completely at peace. He knew that he would rather fight with you than live another day without you. He knew in that moment that Sofia was the greatest gift to have ever happened to him; that you gave him that gift. He knew that from this day on he will fight, claw, and bleed for the two of you. His little family. Los Amores de su Vida.

- 

2 years later

“This stupid fucking thing” with a deep sigh of exasperation Javier rips the bow tie out from the collar of his dress shirt and tosses it on the floor. 

“Why the hell did you even buy the fucking thing. You barely button your shirt most days.” Steve hands Javier a glass of whiskey. “Drink and chill the hell out.” 

Javier downs the amber liquid in one go, shoving the glass back into Steve’s waiting hand. “Forgive me for trying to look respectable on my fucking wedding day pendejo.” Javier swiftly unbuttoned the top two buttons and slid on his suit jacket. He stood adjusting and readjusting in the mirror for what felt like an eternity. Everything had to be perfect. You deserved perfect and he will make it happen if it kills him. 

Chucho popped his head through the door, “Es hora Mijo.” Javier took a deep, shaky breath and turned to face his father. Chucho smiled and grabbed his son by the sides of his face and pressed his forehead against Javier’s, closing his eyes for a moment, “Estoy tan orgulloso de ti.” Chucho Leaned back and Javier could see tears brimming in his father’s eyes. 

“Gracias Papá.” Javier smiled back at Chucho as he smoothed his sweaty palms on his pants. 

Chucho glanced at Steve, “Well then, let’s get this show on the road. Vamos.” 

-

Your knuckles were completely white from the death grip you had your bouquet under. Connie had just made her way down the aisle with Sofia as the flower girl, awkwardly toddling in front of her. If her performance at the rehearsal told you anything, she dumped the entire basket of petals immediately over her head. But you don’t care about any of that. You only care that you are marrying the love of your life and the father of your child. The past few months haven’t been easy, you are marrying Javier Peña after all, the man is a well-documented hot head, and frankly, you are no better. The two of you have fought tooth and nail to be together and to build a life, a future. 

Of course, nothing ever came easy for the two of you. Soon after you two made up, Javier decided to finally tell you he had to go back to Colombia. Oh, you were angry, for sure. Javier had to sleep in Sofia’s room for a couple of days before you had calmed down enough to talk to him. No matter how angry you were that he didn’t tell you, you knew Javier. He would never be able to rest until the Cali cartel was finished. He never got over being sent home for working with Los Pepes. He had unfinished business and even though you hated the idea, he went to Colombia while you and Sofia stayed in Texas. It was hard. He called. You sent care packages with drawings of Sofia and pictures. It didn’t change the milestones he missed. He did get leave for her first birthday, but it was never going to be long enough. 

When you finally heard the familiar crackle of Javier’s truck on the gravel driveway you felt like your heart was going to burst out of your chest. Like you were finally able to take a full breath of air for the first time since the day he left. You had been in the kitchen all morning with Chucho making a welcome lunch. You were covered in flour and didn’t even take your apron off before sprinting outside. You flung the porch door open just as Javier was racing up the stops and launched yourself into his arms, nearly toppling him to the ground. There were tears and kisses and whispers of “I love yous” and “I missed yous” and “you are not leaving again.” 

The two of you eventually, begrudgingly, untangled yourselves and Chucho brought a just woken up Sofia to the door. Javier immediately swooped her into his arms and rocked her against his chest. He was able to keep his cool with you but the minute his baby girl was finally in his arms again, he lost all composure and tears began to fall from his eyes. Javier took Sofia into the yard so he could try and get her to walk for him. You plopped down on the porch steps watching them play and babble back and forth. You could watch them for hours.

“Sofia, okay baby girl, walk to Mama. Go find Mama.” Javier walked behind her ready to catch her if she tumbled backward. Though she was walking on her own now, she was still unsteady and fell often and fell hard. 

“C’mon baby girl. Come to mommy!” You reached out your arms as Sofia giggled and wobbled her way towards you with Javier in tow. Her stumpy little legs stopped right in front of your lap and you reached for her hands to steady her. As you grabbed her hands, she was holding something in them. She’s been hoarding rocks lately and you reach to grab it only to find that this rock wasn’t in fact a rock at all. It was a small box. “Javier, what is this?” 

Javier was kneeling in front of you with his hand on Sofia’s back, “Something I should have done a long time ago.” 

Now here you are almost 6 months later and you are waiting to walk down the aisle in front of all of your friends and family. 

“Are you ready Mija?” Chucho grabbed your hand and placed it in the crook of his arm. 

“More than ready.” 

-

The whole day was a blur. It was full of tears and laughter and pure joy. Now as you sit with Javier on the porch swing gazing at the stars with your head in his lap as he runs his fingers down your back you feel completely at peace, at home. 

“I know we said no gifts.” Javier paused his movements as you sat up. 

“Javier, you promised.” 

“I know but, I couldn’t help myself.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out a long slender, black velvet box. “Open it.” 

“This is not fair. I don’t have anything for you!” You opened the lid and the tears were almost immediate. Javier may be the grumpiest man alive but he is also the sweetest. Javier bought you a beautiful silver necklace with three gemstones in a line. “Oh Javier, it's beautiful.” 

“It's each of our birthstones. Mine, yours, and Sofia’s. I just, I don’t know, thought it would be nice. To have something of our family for you to wear” 

“That's so sweet Javi.” You trace the stones with your fingertips, “It’s just that, uhm…” 

“What? What’s wrong? Is it the setting? We can change it. We can return it if you don’t like it Hermosa. What is it?” Javier immediately went into fixer mode. He always took it upon himself to fix any problem you had, even the imaginary ones. 

“NO. No. Javier, I love it! It’s just that, well, we are going to need to add a stone, that's all.” You looked up at Javier trying to hold back your smile and the tears. Jesus Christ, you didn’t know you had any more tears left.

Javier’s eyebrows scrunched together as he tried to figure out just exactly what you said. He looked at the necklace then back at you and it dawned on him. “What? Wait. Are you serious?” He reached for your hands as a jubilant smile flickered across his face. 

“Yes. I found out last month.” He couldn’t contain his excitement as dragged you into his arms and kissed your head, your cheek, your nose, your neck. You couldn’t help but giggle at his excitement. “I wanted it to be a surprise.” 

“But…but you were drinking? You had champagne and…and cocktails at dinner.” Javier’s words were rushed. His hands were rubbing up and down your arms, it seemed to be soothing him more than it was you. 

“Connie had the bartender make mocktails and give me sparkling cider.” You reached up and wiped the tears off of his cheek.

“We are having a baby?” Javier’s wide dark mahogany eyes pierced yours. The tears already threatening to overflow.

You wrapped your arms around his neck as he pulled you into his lap, “We are having a baby.” 

-

Epilogue

Texas thunderstorms are a loud boisterous beast. The rumble of thunder shook the whole house and the cracks of lightning lit up the entire yard. The rain had been nonstop for the last couple of days. So much so that construction on yours Javier’s new home was put on hold until the weather subsided. 

It was no worry though, Chucho loved having the house full of laughter and the thump of tiny little feet running around. Sofia definitely gives her Abuelo a run for his money, at just 4 and a half she is feisty as all hell and ALWAYS wants the last word. She has Chucho wrapped around her finger, and she knows it. Mateo is the opposite. He is the most soft-spoken and sensitive 2-year-old. Always trying to play peacemaker. 

The rain drops beat against the kitchen window as you gather the marshmallows and steaming mugs of hot chocolate onto a tray. A new addition to the Peña family tradition of playing card games while it rains, hot cocoa, and playing out on the porch so you can sit and listen to the rain. Just like you did with your mom. 

You balance the tray on your hip as you awkwardly try to open the screen door to the porch. 

“Ay Mija, let me do that!” Chucho pulls Matteo off his lap and sets the book they were reading down. He grabs the tray from you and shoos you away. “Go on. Go, sit down.” 

“Thank you, Chucho. I thought the third time would be easier but this one is doing jumping jacks on my kidneys I swear.” You lower yourself onto the porch swing, rubbing your belly absent-mindedly when you turn to Mateo and lift him onto your lap. “Are Papa and Sofia still yelling at each other?” You tickle his sides and his giggle erupts into the air. Mateo lays his head on your chest as you quietly hum and rub his back. 

Javier and Sofia are competitive. She knows exactly how to rile him up. They have been playing go fish for an hour, and he has lost four times. You can’t help but laugh at the ridiculous sight of your husband arguing with your toddler about counting cards as if she is a card shark in a casino. 

“Here Mateo, pero ten cuidado. It's hot.” Chucho hands Matteo a small mug he got for his birthday. Steve and Connie got it for him, or “Unca Steve” and “Auntie Wonnie” as Mateo calls them. It had brightly colored jellyfish on it and it was from the Florida Aquarium. Steve took Matteo there when he was a baby and he was obsessed with the jellyfish and has been ever since. When we told Steve and Connie that I was pregnant with Mateo, Steve campaigned hard for Steve Jr. He about tackled Javier to the ground in the hospital room when we told him Mateo’s middle name was Esteban. 

“Are you two done fighting over there? Your hot chocolate’s gonna get cold.” You took a marshmallow and pelted it at Javier’s head. 

“Ay! Hermosa, quit it!” Javier gathered the cards and Sofia ran up to Chucho for her cup. You laughed to yourself as she convinced him to give her extra marshmallows on the side because “it's always good to have a snack with your drink.” 

Javier plopped down beside you and Mateo on the swing chewing away on his Nicorette gum. He went cold turkey in preparation for Mateo and hasn’t had one since. He slid his arm around your shoulders rubbing the back of your neck and he playfully tries to steal marshmallows out of Mateo’s mug. 

Sofia, after shoving all the marshmallows in her mouth at once, crawls up into Javier’s lap to sip on her drink. Chucho finished divvying out the rest of the mugs to you and Javier before sitting down himself. A silence fell over the Peña household as the pattering of the rain and the rumble of thunder in the distance created a beautiful song. 

This blissful moment reminds you of a poem that your mother would read to you at night during loud crashing thunderstorms. 

The clouds are shedding tears of joy, They fall with rhythmic beat Upon the earth, and soon destroy Dust dunes and waves of heat.

Each falling drop enforcement bears To river, lake and rill, And sweet refreshment gladly shares With wooded dell and hill.

Every flower, bud and leaf, Each blossom, branch and tree Distills the rain, 'tis my belief, To feed the honey bee.

I pity every wretch I find Who, frowning in disdain, Is deaf and dumb and also blind To beauty in the rain.

Rain causes destruction. Rain causes chaos. It is loud and booming. But rain also creates beauty. Rain creates stillness. It is also soft and peaceful. To find the beauty in the rain you have to look deeper beyond the noise and chaos. Only then will you discover the beauty in the rain. 

You and Javier have been through so much together. Colombia was a difficult time and then everything that happened after. It nearly destroyed you both. You fought and yelled and screamed. You hurt each other. But you did not give up on each other. Together you tried to find the beauty beyond the chaos of your lives. You forgave each other. You worked together to create the beautiful life you now live. It is not always easy. But you both show up every day for each other.

The airy, fresh scent of petrichor filled your nose as the rain droplets thrummed away on the roof of the porch. Javier leaned over and kissed your head as his free hand fell to your protruding stomach. The scene around you was beautiful and a treasure hard-won. A teary smile spreads across your face as you bask in the outpour of love that fills the porch and this home. This moment, this life, this family, Chucho, your children, Javier. They are your beauty in the rain. They are what makes the chaos and strife worth it. They cleanse away the dust and hurt of the past to make life beautiful and vibrant and full of laughter, light, and love. You have spent your whole life searching and now find comfort in the fact you have finally found your very own beauty in the rain.

Masterlist

Spanish Translations:

Mijo - My son

Mija - My daughter

Te amo - I love you

Tienes todo mi corazón y siempre lo tendrás - You have all my heart and always will

Hermosa - Beautiful

Mi Amor - My love

¿Buscas estos? - Looking for these?

Las cosas salieronien ya veo? - Things went well I see?

Sí. Sí, lo hicieron - Uh, yes. Yes, they did. 

Realmente bien. ¿Dónde está Sofía? - Really well. Where is Sofia?

Dormido. Ni siquiera llegó a comulgar antes de desmayarse - Asleep. She didn't even get to communion before she passed out

Recuerda usar protección esta vez. No tenemos lugar para más sorpresas - Remember to use protection this time. We have no room for more surprises

Llos amores de su vida. - The loves of his life

Vamos - C’mon

Pero ten Cuidado - but be careful

Please let me know if any of the Spanish translations or usage is incorrect!!

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Let me know if you would like to be added or removed!! 💕

[glamorizingchaos]

Summer Rains Part 4:

Things Can Be Different

Javier Peña x F!Reader

Word Count: 4.7k

Rating: M (To be safe 18+)

Warnings: Angst, swearing, pining, smoking, slight jealous Javi, probably a bit OOC for Javier but oh well 🤷🏻‍♀️. Everything is made up anyways. Let me know if I forgot any!

Summary: Chucho is everyone’s dad now.

A/N: Well Hi there! Its been a bit, I know. I had some serious writer's block, I know exactly how I want it to go but I realized I've been stopping myself from writing it. I am also moving out of my family home for the first time in a week. Which is extremely scary for me and I don't handle transitions well. So with that, a new job, and the semester starting up, I don't really know if I will be able to write or how much. I did decide to split this up into two parts and I WILL finish the rest of it before life gets super crazy though. I want to thank @over300books for beta reading again. Lela, you truly are an angel and help me get out of my head. So thank you so much for being you! Thanks for reading and Spanish translations are at the bottom of the post!

Masterlist Previous Part Next Part

Likes, comments, and reblogs are always appreciated! I’d love to hear feedback!

You felt for the first time in a long time, that you were closer than ever to having a real honest to god home; and damn it you were not letting it go without a fight.

What a fight it would be. The first few days in Texas were unexpectedly great. Chucho had welcomed you with open arms, so different from his son’s reaction. They were different in many ways you came to find as you spent more time with them. Where Javier was jaded, Chucho was kind. When Javier was spiteful and angry, Chucho was patient and calm. It didn’t take long for you to care for your daughter’s grandfather. He wormed his way into your heart, must be another one of those Peña traits.

You quickly fell into a routine with the Peña men. Each morning, you would have breakfast together; sometimes Chucho would let you cook, but the man rose with the sun, always beating you to the kitchen. Then he and Javier would go to work, Chucho on the ranch, and Javier to the DEA office in downtown Laredo. Chucho always reminded you they were a call away if you needed anything. Then it was just you and Sofia.

It was nice to spend so much time with her. When Sofia was first born you were unable to take a very long maternity leave. So you left her with your neighbor; a sweet woman in her fifties who was already watching her grandkids. It was incredibly hard watching as someone else experiences milestones with your daughter. But you made it through and now Javier was keeping to his promise. The two of you would be taken care of.

But with Javier being gone all day, the two of you never had a chance to talk. Alone. Anytime you tried to broach the topic he’d find an excuse. He worked long hours and when Chucho had church meetings Javi would come home late smelling of cheap whiskey and bar smoke. Not staggering drunk or anything, but late enough that you had already gone to bed. You knew he was avoiding you. Then when he was home at a decent hour or any free moment he had was obviously spent with Sofia. You felt lost like you were floating at sea. Everything was peaceful now, but the tide was turning. A storm was coming.

-

It was a quiet night, so quiet that the sound of Javier’s jeep door slamming echoed across the ranch. It was late. The sun had long since set and the stars were shining bright in the sky. His shoulders hung low as he stomped up the porch. He felt guilty, he knew that you knew he was avoiding you. That he came home smelling like cheap booze. Yet you said nothing to him. Like you were scared to burst this bubble of peace you created. He hated that. You were never timid. You always gave him shit. But then again, the two of you are very different people now. Honestly though, who is he to judge? He is just as cowardly. Javier is avoiding the same conversation. The two of you had been pussyfooting around it for weeks. He just can’t pin his emotions down long enough to even express them. One minute he is seething with rage and the other the sadness overwhelms him. Then he sees you with Sofia or his dad and all of that thaws for a second. He allows himself to pretend for just a second that everything was different. No lies or secrets or hidden pregnancies, just you and his little family. For one moment everything is perfect before reality comes crashing back. So he avoids you, it’s better this way.

He trudges up the steps of the porch pulling out a cigarette and lighter as he did. He flicked his lighter and leaned down to light it. Taking a long deep drag he leaned on the railing, looking up at the shining sky. The stars were always brilliant on the ranch, just far enough outside the city to be seen.

“You’re home late.” The cigarette nearly falls out of Javier’s mouth as he jumps and chokes out a cough at the sudden voice. He turns and sees the faint outline of his father sitting on one of the old rocking chairs. Javier widens his eyes he was too wrapped up in his thoughts to notice his father sitting, waiting for him.

“Jesus pops, warn a guy next time,” Javier’s throat constricts as he tries to stifle another heavy cough. It takes a few more coughs for his lungs to finally settle, “fuck.”

“Sit. We need to talk.” The strained tone of Chucho’s voice is telling, he’s not happy, and Javier is about to hear about it. Javier tries to come up with an excuse, to get inside far away from the incoming lecture but falls short. With a deep sigh, he indignantly throws himself in the chair beside Chucho.

“Mijo,” Chucho pauses, contemplating his next words carefully, “what is going on with you? You stay out late and when you are home, you are cold and distant. Why did you bring the girls here if all you are going to do is isolate yourself? What is the point in them uprooting their lives and living here at this rate?” Chucho’s voice is calm and collected, but Javier can hear the underlying annoyance bubbling up.

“Por favor, Papá. Not tonight.” Javier’s eyebrows pinch together as he reaches to rub the line forming between them.

“If not now, when? When Sofia is old enough to question why her parents don’t talk to each other? ¡Deja de decir tonterías!”

“That’s not fair. It’s-it's more complicated than that.” hisses Javier. “You wouldn’t understand. You and Ma were different; soulmates or whatever.” Javier gave a dejected shrug as he pulled the cigarette back to his lips. The light from it illuminated half of his face as he inhaled, the lines and dark circles on his face prominent. Evidence of his inner turmoil. Smoke billowed around the two men, mixing with the mistiness of the evening. There was a heavy silence between the two, that seems to be a habit of theirs.

Chucho looked up at the sky, searching as if an answer to his son’s problems could be found amongst the stars and space rock. A wistful look formed on Chucho’s face as he became lost in his thoughts. “Did you know that when I met your mother the week after our first date she dumped me?” Javier’s head snapped to look at his father, he opened his mouth but remained silent. Chucho’s eyes remained on the night sky, “Said she was in love with someone else.” Chucho let out a soft wry chuckle at the memory.

“I was angry, yes, but I cared for your mother and wanted her to be happy. If this other person made her happy, fine. I’m washing my hands of it.” He put his hands up in conjunction with his words before folding them back in his lap. “The next month, I ran into her at the movies. Nearly spilled my popcorn running into her. She was in tears because the guy she was so in love with, dumped her outside the theater and left. So I handed her a napkin and asked her if she wanted to watch a movie or go home. She decided to stay and watch the movie with me, then I drove her home. The rest is history, Mijo.” A small smile grew on Chucho’s face as he recalled that night.

“That is a completely different situation. Mom didn’t lie to you or left you with no word of where she went. This is different. This isn’t some dumb fight between teenagers.” The indignation in Javier’s voice was mirrored on his face. His nose scrunched up with every word and his eyes flashed with anger.

“¡Basta ya! No seas un pendejo.” Chucho rarely raised his voice. He was always calm and collected. But his son always knew how to bring out the temper of even the calmest people. “I had a choice to make with your mother. Leave her there crying and hurt just like she left me or lead with kindness. Thirty years of marriage and you think we never fought? No, we did. Plenty. But we made the choice to work together rather than against each other because at the end of the day? There was no one else we wanted, no other life we wanted, than the one we were building together.”

“I don’t know if I can do it. Fix things.” Javier’s voice was small, barely audible over the crickets. “Things can never go back to what they were, but I don’t know if they can be different either.” His eyes were now beguiled with his shoes to avoid looking at his father. What Javier wouldn’t -or couldn’t- admit was that he was terrified. Terrified of being a father, of how things have changed in his life, of you, and how much he still cared for you even with everything that’s happened. But he was most terrified that he would constantly be walking on eggshells, that the current situation would never change.

“Otro gallo cantaría” Chucho pats Javier’s shoulder as he stands, “and they still can be.”

-

You find Javier home more the next few days, no longer coming home smelling like the bottom of a whiskey bottle. You don’t know what caused such a change in his behavior so quickly. He still was quiet around you and awkwardness always followed the two of you, but there was more of an effort to be present. You still had no idea what his plans for the future entail. If they included you or not. If you wanted to be included in his plans. You had grown to love the little home the four of you made, but your feelings for Javier were still all jumbled.

There is so much history there, so much heartbreak, maybe too much. The heartbreak you had a hand in creating. You can admit that now. Maybe things could have been different, yes, but they are because of a choice you made. Spending long days at home alone with a not yet one-year-old leaves lots of time to think. Time to realize the huge mistake you made and how different things could have been. It was hard to not daydream about the life you could have had with Javier. What he would have been like during your pregnancy and the birth of Sofia. Then before you can get too wrapped up in your fantasy, you remember the lies he told you, the venom in his voice when he yelled at you. It's then that you begin to spiral; every bad thought and situation that could have happened hit you all at once. It's like a freight train of anxiety and anger all at once. You’re mad and sad and hurt and anxious all at the same time. Because yes, things could have been different, that doesn’t mean they could have been good.

Luckily Saturday rolls around rather quickly this week. Saturdays were the days that Chucho would watch Sofia and you would go to the grocery store. It was your form of self-care, somedays you would go have some lunch before and take some time for yourself. A much-needed break, where you could pretend just for that hour that your life was not crumbling around you.

You were doing the breakfast dishes when Javier peaked his head into the kitchen drumming his fingers on the door frame, “Hey, uh, Pops had some errands to run today, and I thought Sofia and I could just go to the store with you today?”

“Oh. Yeah, sounds fine.” Without another word, Javier disappeared from the doorway and left you alone again. You toss the rag onto the counter and stand staring at the bubbles leftover in the sink. You didn’t even know how to react, he had never asked to go with you before. The two have not been alone without Chucho for more than 30 minutes at a time since coming to Texas. As you grab your purse you walk to the door, nervously chewing your thumbnail. This was going to be an interesting afternoon.

Much to your surprise, the trip has been going quite well. With Javier taking charge of the cart and entertaining Sofia as you browse the aisles. The two of you having some pleasant small talk, even though you both despise small talk. As you stroll through the baby section to find some diapers for the tiny poop machine you two loved so much, Javier abruptly veered the shopping cart to the left. “What-”

“She needs this!” He holds up the cutest overalls with little daisies embroidered on them paired with a striped pastel rainbow shirt. Before you had even walked towards the rack, he quickly searched for her size and pulled it out. His brows creased in concentration as he continued to look through the outfits.

“It is cute, but-”

“No buts, c’mon querida she will look adorable. I gotta find her some boots to go with it.” You felt warmth spread throughout your body at the term of endearment, but he didn’t even notice it. He just continued through the aisles looking for the baby shoes. Like it just came out naturally. He was so happy and focused, and the outfit would look adorable with some boots.

With a sigh and a soft smile, you follow him down the aisle towards the shoe racks, “Not those, those are ugly!”

For the rest of the trip, Javier seemed to warm up even more. The two of you giggling over the cheesy onesies (and picking up a few of them) and Javier grumbling about how expensive diapers are. You had to stop yourself from tearing up because of how nice it felt. How natural and at peace, you felt. Being here with Javier pushing Sofia in the cart was everything you ever wanted.

Your little trio started heading over to the check-out counters and you decided to look over your list one more time. “Shit!”

“What?” Javier looked up from playing with Sofia, an eyebrow raised.

“I forgot Chucho’s oatmeal. You guys get in line, I’ll be right back.” You quickly backtracked through the store to get the forgotten oatmeal. The smile that was plastered on your face felt permanent. For the first time in a while, you could feel a sense of peace settling in around you. It felt like curling up in a blanket during a thunderstorm.

You hummed to yourself softly as your eyes quickly scanned the shelves. Of course, with your luck, the oatmeal was at the top of the shelf just out of reach. You stretched your arm up and stood on your tippy-toes trying to grab it, but alas you were still empty-handed. With a huff, you stared at the offending box trying to decide what to do.

“Would you like some help?” You turned to see a young man with dark brown hair and hazel eyes giving you an amused look. He was tall with a broad chest and a lopsided smile. He was every bit the stereotypical handsome southern boy.

“That would be great. Thank you.” You sent him a small smile as your body felt warm in embarrassment. You sidestepped around him to let him through to the shelf. Effortlessly he leaned up and grabbed the oatmeal.

“There you go, darling.” His voice was smooth and rich; his charm was electric. You choked out a laugh as you tucked a strand of hair behind your ear. When you went to thank him one more time he quickly stopped you, “It's nothing. Helping a beautiful woman is no inconvenience to me.”

You gave a light laugh at his open attempts to flirt with you, “Quite the Galant southern gentleman huh? All easy charm and compliments.”

Now it was his turn to laugh, and what a great laugh. Light and carefree. “Well tell me, is it working?”

“So is the grocery store the new place to pick up women? Instead of hanging out at bars, you stake out the cereal aisle?” You give him a measured look, normally you wouldn’t be so open and flirty. More often than not you were lost in your head. But today you were just so goddamn happy you couldn’t help it. He was harmless.

His sweet southern drawl was like honey, “Well as I see it, no place better.” He leans closer and you can smell his overpowering cologne, it was like he doused himself in it. It permeated the air and stung your nostrils. Nothing like the warm spice you’ve come to prefer. “This way I know what you’ll want for breakfast in the morning.”

You let out a loud laugh at his boldness, “Very smooth.” You rolled your eyes and began to walk backward away from him.

He followed at a respectful distance, “No luck today huh?”

“Afraid not, but it was a gallant effort.” You stop walking at the end of the aisle and turn and face the handsome stranger.

“Well, you can’t blame me for shamelessly flirting with such a beautiful woman.” This man just doesn’t quit huh? He reaches into the back pocket of his jeans and pulls out a small card and places it in your hand. “Just in case you change your mind.” He shoots you the most stunning smile and you find yourself laughing at his brazenness again. You reach out and pat his arm to say goodbye and just as your hand lands at the crook of his elbow, you hear a heavy cough behind you.

You swivel around so fast you nearly drop the oatmeal in your hands, eyes as wide as saucers as you lock on to the pair of dark eyes staring back. Because of course, Javier Peña would arrive just at this moment with your daughter in tow. If the look on his face said anything, your lovely outing was over. “Sorry to interrupt. You were taking a while.” His whole body was stiff, an edge to his voice as his eyes flicked between you and the stranger. His sharp gaze falling on your hand on the other man’s arm, his grip tight on the shopping cart in front of him. You quickly snatched it away as if burnt. It was as if the little dream day you had never happened and he was back to being unattached.

Your mouth opened to speak, to explain away whatever he thought was going on, but no words came. You felt as if you were a child being caught getting into the cookie jar. Like you had to explain your bad behavior. The situation felt like something out of a movie. Javier strolling up to you with Sofia babbling away in the cart in any other situation would make you laugh.

“I’ll leave you to it darlin’.” The handsome stranger let out a breath with a puff of his cheeks as he eyed Javier and Sofia. With a small nod to Javier, he quickly turned on his heel and left. Obviously not wanting to get involved in whatever situation that was happening.

Javier’s eyes shifted back to you, they no longer held the same warmth they had earlier. Now they were cold and closed off once more. You desperately wanted to reach out and grab him, make him understand that NOTHING happened. That he was misreading the situation. To get him to talk to you and tell you what was rattling around in that head of his. But his face was emotionless, stiff, and unreadable. He shut you out. Again.

“Well c’mon. Let's go.” Javier’s voice is flat and cold as he turned to leave you standing alone. Every hope you had for the day had shattered around you. The remnants were left in the cereal aisle with a stupidly handsome cowboy. Just your fucking luck.

-

The car ride back to the ranch was deadly silent. Javier had loaded the groceries in the car without a single word. He couldn’t bring himself to say anything, just brood in his own head. This is not how today was supposed to go. He wanted to spend time outside of the house, away from all the bullshit. Just pretend for an hour that everything was normal. And for a while there everything was great. For a moment he got a glimpse of what life could have been and maybe what it still could be. He truly felt himself relax and it felt like he could finally take a deep breath.

He got to do the domestic things with you he never thought he’d want to. Like oggle over fucking baby clothes, which are so expensive it’s highway robbery. But hearing you laugh and smile at him, because of him, again? He felt so light. Like he could do anything. It felt nice.

But of course, that couldn’t last now, could it? When you left him and Sofia, he couldn’t help the wistful smile. The wanting look that followed you as you disappeared in the maze of aisles. He looked down at Sofia and gave her a soft kiss on the top of her head, his smile only growing.

You were taking forever though and Sofia was starting to get fussy. How long does it take to get fucking oatmeal? With a huff, he picked up the second toy Sofia threw on the floor and went to go find you. As he made his way towards where he thought the cereal aisle was and he heard your laughter float towards him like music. His joy at the sound was quickly diminished when he heard it followed by a male voice. He couldn’t make out what you were saying yet, but you sounded rather happy and entertained by whoever you were talking to.

Javier could feel his infamous scowl forming even before he turned the corner. Now he was close enough to hear the man speaking, “Well you can’t blame me for shamelessly flirting with such a beautiful woman. Just in case you change your mind.” As he finally turned the corner he saw the man, young and all prince charming like, hand you a card. Then he saw you put your hand on his arm and laughed. He was flirting with you and you were flirting back.

Javier could feel the anger start to bubble up again, but not only anger, jealousy. This man could give you all the things he couldn’t; he was younger than him and probably had far less baggage to deal with. Everything Javier isn’t. Every insecurity he’s had about you comes seeping back into his mind. But also the anger and all his thoughts raced around his head almost painfully. Was he the only one that enjoyed the day? Did you resent him encroaching on your space? Did you always flirt with men at the grocery store? How could you go flirt when the two of you had such a nice day?

As Javier pulled the car into the drive he sat back and watched as you threw your car door open and stomped to grab the groceries. Javier went back to grab a sleeping Sofia from her car seat and put her down. You stormed past Chucho who came to the door to greet the two of you. His eyebrows knitted together as he gave Javier a questioning look. Javier rolled his eyes as if to say don’t ask and strode past his father

You were still in the kitchen putting groceries away when Chucho walked in with more bags. For a few minutes, Chucho stood and watched you. He surveyed the tension in your shoulders, the lines forming between your brows, and the tight line you’ve pressed your lips into. Something happened while you were shopping.

“¿Mija, Todo bien?” Chucho crossed the kitchen and leaned on the counter to look at you. At his question, your eyes stayed focused on the groceries on the island in front of you. He said your name softly to try and push for an answer.

“Everything is fine.” You feel the burn of acid in the back of your throat. You hate lying to Chucho. You finally drag your eyes up to meet his concerned look, “Really. Please don’t worry about me.” You force a smile but it doesn’t meet your eyes. Chucho’s eyes narrowed with disbelief.

“I always worry about you. It’s my job.” His voice is calming to your shattered nerves. Like with every word a little bit of the weight on your shoulders is lifted. “Now tell me, did something happen?”

Not much gets past him, to be fair it’s not like you are being discreet. You look up at the older man’s face. His eyes hold a softness and warmth within them that immediately pulls you in. But underneath there is a strength and fire that he controls. You can see the flecks of flames in those dark irises. You know you can trust him, Chucho has never given you a reason not to, but he is still Javier’s father. Not yours.

“It’s just-” you hesitate for a moment to think of how to phrase what you are thinking. Chucho nods encouragingly for you to continue. “Everything was good. Great even. Then something happened and it was like he shut down.” Your voice is quiet, not wanting Javier to hear.

“My son is a complicated man. He is too hardheaded and stubborn, too much like me.” You smile softly as Chucho chuckles. The smile quickly leaves his face as he grows serious, “The thing about my son is that he cares more deeply than he will ever let on. He tries to hide it under layers of bravado and machismo, but if you dig deep enough you will find it. He feels things to extremes and when it comes to the people he cares about he can drown in those feelings.”

“I’ve caused him so much pain.” Tears prick at the edges of your eyes and your voice is heavy with emotion. “How could he ever forgive me?”

“I think you need to start by forgiving yourself.” Chucho slowly approaches you and lays his hands on your arms. “We all make mistakes and hurt those we love. What you did, you did out of desperation. A need to protect yourself and your daughter. Understand that what Javier is doing now, is the same. He is trying to protect himself from getting hurt again. From ruining things.”

“I never wanted this to happen. I wanted to tell him-” A sob cuts you off as you lean into Chucho’s outstretched arms. You can’t stop the tears once they’ve started, emotion pours through you as you shake with every sob.

Chucho rubs your back as he speaks to you, “Like I said the past can’t change. But your future can. Talk to him.”

You lean back from his embrace with a hiccup, “How? He won’t even be alone in a room with me.”

“Leave that to me.” With a light kiss to your forehead, Chucho leaves the kitchen. He hears Javier’s heavy footfalls down the hallway and the clang of the screen door to the backyard. The house is once again entrenched in a weighted silence.

You feel the breath leave your lungs in a deep sigh and your head falls to your chest. Your hands grip the side of the island to the point that your knuckles turn white trying to steady yourself. Slowly your breath begins to return to a normal breathing pattern. A wave of exhaustion starts to hit you, you are so tired. Tired of the fighting and second-guessing.

Your hand reaches into your pocket, moving of its own accord, and pulls out the small card. You rub the smooth paper between your fingers then tap the edge on the surface of the counter. How could something so small and innocuous as a piece of paper hold so much power? You could rip it up now and be done with all the drama, would that change anything? Would that magically make Javier come back to you? What if you did and it changed nothing? A cry from deeper in the house drags your mind away from the card. You shake your head to get rid of the anxious thoughts threatening to swallow you and rush to your daughter. The card slips from your fingers and falls to the counter, forgotten.

Masterlist Next Part

Spanish translations:

¡Deja de decir tonterías!: Stop talking nonsense!

¡Basta ya! No seas un pendejo: Enough already don’t be an asshole!

Otro gallo cantaría: Literally means another rooster would sing. Means things could have been different.

¿Todo bien?: You alright?

Please let me know if any of the Spanish translations or usage is incorrect!!

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[glamorizingchaos]

Summer Rains Part 3:

Finding a Home

Javier Peña x F!Reader

Word Count: 5.3k

Rating: M (To be safe 18+)

Warnings: Angst, swearing, mentions of sex work (nothing explicit), mentions of breastfeeding, (let me know if I missed any)

Summary: Javier and you talk and Javier learns to change a diaper.

A/N: So I lied there will be one more part. It’ll have a little bit more of their time with Chucho and then an epilogue. Also, I’m sorry this took so long to write. I got kinda in a funk. I don’t think I was totally happy with the second part plus life stuff, so then I avoided writing this. So yeah. It’s not beta-read, so please let me know of any mistakes (especially in the Spanish!!).

Masterlist Previous Part Next Part

Likes, comments, and reblogs are always appreciated! I’d love to hear feedback!

“We should probably talk”

The words are barely a whisper as they leave your mouth. Your eyes try to focus anywhere but at the burning look he gives you. You look at the water droplets that drip from his hair down the sides of his face to the way his chest and shoulders rise and fall with each breath he takes. You see his jaw clench and tighten as he strains to keep his emotions in check. Before either of you can speak a soft cough from the side catches both of your attention.

“Why don’t Steve and I take the girls for a car ride and you two can talk in private yeah?” Connie slowly steps towards you offering to take Sofia from your arms. With a nod, you hand your daughter to Connie muttering about her needing a change. Javier grunts in response and begins pacing the living room, leaving you in the hallway.

It takes Steve and Connie twenty minutes to get the girls out the door with a diaper change, putting on shoes, and finding long-lost stuffed animals. Finally, as the front door shuts and you see the car pull out of the driveway and onto the street reality starts to settle in. For the first time in a year, you are face to face with Javier. Alone.

That once all too familiar feeling starts forming in your stomach as you walk towards the living room, towards Javier. Feeling as if any moment your composure would crack and your dinner would end up on the floor. As you enter he still paces the room, brows furrowed, and a hand sliding down his face in frustration. You can practically feel the tension radiating from his broad frame. When he finally notices you, he straightens his spine and sets his jaw with his hands falling to his hips. You shift your weight anxiously, selfishly hoping he would start the conversation. He continues to stare at you with his piercing gaze, unmoving.

“Well, you probably have a few questions-”

“You think?” His eyes flash with anger. “You left without a word. Now I find you here. With a baby.”

“I know. Let me explain-” You try to keep your voice steady.

He barks out a harsh laugh, “Like you let me?”

“That’s different.” Tears prick at the back of your eyes but you will them away.

“Is it mine?” His voice is cold and calculating.

“Yes.” The beating of your heart drowns out your voice. Telling him the truth should bring relief, why does it make you feel ten times worse? Like the weight on your shoulders is getting bigger and bigger.

His face contorts for a moment, showing more emotion than he has in the past five minutes. But he continues on with his interrogation, “Did you know?”

You can’t bring yourself to admit it. You swallow the bile creeping its way up to your throat as you avoid his eyes.

“I’m not asking again.” Javier’s voice is deadly quiet. You suddenly feel like one of the sicarios he picked up off the street. The shame rises in you as you raise your head, the look he gives you tells you he already knows the answer but needs you to say it out loud. Confirm his suspicions.

“Yes, but if you’d just listen to me I can explain.” Your voice wobbles as the tears threaten to overflow.

“You lied to me. You hid my child from me. Why should I listen to what you have to say?” His voice drips with venom as his glare sends shivers down your spine.

“That's not fair. How was I supposed to tell you?” A desperate sob breaks through your throat.

“NO! YOU FUCKING LIED TO MY FACE WHEN I ASKED YOU! Don’t you DARE try to make an excuse.” The volume of Javier’s rage makes you flinch and shy away from him. He struggles to steady his emotions and regain control. You had fought with him before, plenty of times, but he had NEVER raised his voice like that to you. Your own anger starts to boil over.

“How DARE you? You act as if I am the ONLY one at fault here? The ONLY one who lied? Or did you conveniently forget that part?” You can feel your blood pressure rise with every word you practically spit at Javier.

He lets out a bitter laugh, “that is not the same and you know it.” You respond with a scoff and a roll of your eyes. “I was trying to keep you out of it.”

“Did you ever think that I wanted to know what was going on? Where you were? To know you were safe?” The roaring in your ears gets louder as you try to get him to understand.

“DAMN IT! I WAS TRYING TO PROTECT YOU!”

“AND I WAS PROTECTING HER!”

A heavy silence falls over the two of you. The light pattering of rain on the window and the sound of your deep, tired breaths fill the room. You turn from Javier and sit down on the couch, you place your shaking hands in your lap. Javier plops into the chair he leans back, hands covering his face.

His voice is hoarse when he finally speaks, “What’s her name?”

“Sofia.” A small smile blossoms on your face.

“It's a good name.”

—

The rain had stopped by the time Connie and Steve arrived back at the house with the girls and dinner in tow. Your conversation with Javier hadn’t progressed much further. The emotions too raw between the two of you to continue on. When you look at Javier his face remains stoic; his jaw clenched and deep eyes empty of emotion. He was a pot about to boil over, a storm was brewing inside him and there wasn’t anything you could do to stop it.

When Connie carried Sofia inside Javier’s eyes didn’t budge from the pale purple blanket wrapped around your daughter. There was an uneasiness in the air. Nothing had been solved and there were so many words left unsaid. You took an anxious foot forward to take Sofia from Connie.

“Hi, baby girl! Did you go for a nice ride with Auntie Connie and Olivia?” You slightly sway with your daughter as she giggles. Tossing Steve a not-so-subtle glare. You lean forward and place a soft, gentle kiss on her nose, and her chubby hand lands on your cheek. Her dark brown eyes stare up at you and remind you of the man standing behind you.

You turn slowly around to face Javier, “Do you want to hold her?”

He doesn't move at first, frozen as he tries to process what you asked and the idea of having a daughter. Then with a determined look, nods his head once and hesitantly steps forward. You carefully place her in his arms, grabbing his hands to position them around her. You step back and watch as Javier holds his daughter for the first time.

He’s never held a baby before, he never really liked them; all they do is cry, shit, and eat. Yet the minute he held Sofia in his arms with her big brown eyes staring at him, the rest of the world fell away. He smiled a teary-eyed smile before leaning his forehead on her tiny head. A powerful wave of emotions crashed over him like nothing he’d experienced. Whispered hushed promises to her as his hold on her tightened. Now that I have found you, I will never leave you. I will always protect you. Te amo siempre, luz de mi vida. Sofia cooed and gurgled in response to his heartfelt declarations. Javier watched in awe as her small hands came up to his face and poked and prodded. Her fingers tangled in his mustache and pulled, which caused a muttered ‘fuck!’ to escape him. He brushed her beautiful curls to the side as he gazed at her, he recognized her eyes as his and her hair, but her face and smile were yours. The perfect amalgamation of the two of you into a tiny human.

Sofia’s fidgeting and sharp cries broke Javier from his reverie in an instant. He tried to bounce her and soothe his daughter but it just seemed to make it worse. His anxiety spiked as her crying got louder and louder the more he tried to help. Javier felt utterly helpless. For one short moment, he had the possibility of being a good man, a good father, within reach. But how can he do either of those things when he can’t even stop his own daughter from crying? He holds the screaming baby at arm's length wildly looking for help from the other adults in the room.

“What do I do to make it stop? I can’t make it stop. Fuck What do I do!?” He rambles desperate pleas as his anxiety spikes.

“I think she’s just hungry. Here lemme have her.” You reach out for Sofia, unbothered by the loud cries, but Javier doesn’t hand her to you.

“I can do it just give me the bottle or whatever.” Stubborn as ever.

“Uh.. well… um, I am still breastfeeding her so…” Trying to subtly get the point across to him.

Understanding washes over his face and he quickly passes Sofia back to you. You gather your daughter up in your arms and head back to the spare bedroom to feed her. You walk down the hall humming and shushing the angry baby. As you enter the room you go to close the door behind you, but Javier walks through the door before you can. You pause as he closes the door behind him and your eyebrows shoot up your forehead. He stares back at you impatiently as his hands flex at his sides.

“What are you doing?” You shuffle uncomfortably, mentally begging him to stop being so grumpy and aloof so you can feed the little tyrant in your arms.

“I am waiting for you to feed our daughter so I can hold her again.” His tone so matters of fact as if to insinuate your stupidity in thinking otherwise. “It’s nothing I haven’t seen.”

You scoff and roll your eyes as you snatch a blanket off the back of the chair before sitting down. You cover your chest as you get Sofia situated and latched.

“You know a normal person would ask permission before barging in.” You toss a cold look at Javier. God, he’s such an ass, you think to yourself as you shuffle to get more comfortable.

“Yeah, well you took six months with her away from me. I’m not missing anymore.” His verbal lashing makes your jaw set and your shoulders stiffen. You hold his cold stare with an equally icy one. This will never work, you two will never get along and Sofia will be the one to pay for it.

As Sofia finishes up you hand her off to Javier and grab a towel for him.

“Here she needs to be burped.” He snatches the towel from you.

“I know. I’m not an idiot.” He snaps at you again and finally, you’ve had enough of his attitude. He has never cared for a baby in his life, yet he wants to be a dick when you try to help him? Okay, two can play at that game.

“Fine since you are so eager to do everything by yourself, she needs a diaper change too. The bag is over there.” You toss your hand in the direction of the diaper bag and smirk at the deer in headlights look that falls over Javier as you leave the room.

—

It had taken Javier well over 30 minutes to change Sofia, even with Steve’s help after you had refused. The rest of the night went, for the most part, without incident. The heavy awkwardness still hung in the air, though Olivia was blissfully unaware as she chatted away. Javier had barely spent a minute away from Sofia. He was still stiff and terrified he would hurt her if he moved, so he sat most of the night in the chair with her in his lap or on his chest. The scene before you made your heartache and the breath leave your lungs. Never in a million years would you have guessed he would be acting like this. You expected him to run for the hills, but the almost instant connection with your baby girl came right out of left field.

You practically have to pry the tired baby out of Javier’s hands to take her to bed. Once you take Sofia down the hall he finally feels the exhaustion settle into his body. His bones creak and his muscles groan as he stands up and stretches. His brain hurts with how much emotional stress has happened in just a few hours. He gathers the neatly folded blankets and pillow that Connie gave him and begins to pull out the futon so he can get some much-needed rest. He peels off the fitted denim covering his legs and lays down but as his head hits the pillow his mind starts to race again.

He was furious at you, for leaving, for lying to him, for breaking his heart. What did he do to make you do this? Yes, he lied, but if you had only listened to him he could have explained it. Javier knew he wasn’t a good man, but everything he did, good or bad, was to protect you. From what he wasn't entirely sure. He used to think it was from the dangers of his job, but maybe it was to protect you from the darkest sides of himself. With the girls at the brothels, everything was transactional. No emotional connection. Just sex or information, sometimes both. Most of the time both. He didn’t want to lie to you, he knows you knew of his...reputation. You looked him in the eye and told him so. He also knew he was never good enough for you, so maybe he placed a grenade to make sure everything exploded.

And now? Everything is so complicated. His emotions feel like a tornado inside him, his anger swirling wreaking havoc fighting against leftover feelings. He wants to hate you, every instinct he has telling him to leave and never speak to you again. It would be easier. Then those gentle brown eyes came to his mind, the giggles that echoed in his ears when he bounced his daughter on his lap. His daughter. Still a strange sensation. He could never leave her. He would never leave her. This is his chance to be a good man.

Javier had finally started to drift off to sleep when a dip in the bed beside him startled him awake.

“What the fuck cabrón?!” Javier groans as he looks over and sees Steve sitting on the end of the futon. He just wants to go the fuck to sleep.

“Shut up.” Steve crankily throws his pillow on the futon and flops onto the lumpy mattress.

“Connie kick you out?” A grunt from the blonde answers Javier’s question. Javier tries to smother a smirk, “Well you deserve it you fucking hillbilly. What were you thinking?”

“I was thinking that you deserved to know your kid and that the two of you have been absolutely miserable since all that shit went down.” Steve is obviously in no mood to talk since instead of sharing a bed with his wife, he is stuck with Javier on the shitty futon. “I was thinking that you two would realize how stupid you both are and I’d be the hero who helped you realize, and then your next baby is Steve Jr.”

"Sobre mi cadáver pendejo.”

—

Three hours. That's all the sleep the little monster you birthed would let you have. Everything went fine putting her to bed in the little pack and play, but now? She was on the warpath. You loved her, you really did, Sofia was the best thing to ever happen to you, but you could do without the loss of sleep. She usually will at least let you sleep about 4, maybe 5 hours but not tonight, of course not tonight. You dance around the room bouncing, rocking, and shushing the crying baby. Pleading with her to go back to sleep or at least stop crying so she doesn’t wake the rest of the house. A soft knock on the door pries your attention away from Sofia’s red and puffy face.

“Hey is everything okay?” In the doorway stands a rumpled Javier with a sleep-heavy voice. His hair mussed from tossing and turning. “I heard her crying.”

“Yeah. She just is allergic to sleep tonight. I fed her and changed her but she still doesn’t want to sleep.” You are sure Javier could hear the desperation in your voice. In about five minutes there will be two crying women in this room.

“Take a break. I’ll try for a bit.”

“It's okay Javier you don’t-” A yawn escaping your throat cut off your protests.

“I know. I want to.” Javier carefully pulls Sofia from your arms and softly whispers to her in Spanish. “Oh, Mija. tienes que dejar que mamá duerma. Shhh, cálmate.”

As he sits down and brings her to his chest your mouth moves before you can stop the thought, “Why don’t you take your shirt off?” Javier raises an eyebrow at you, not understanding your half-formed thought. “I mean it. Skin-to-skin contact can help her bond with you… and maybe get her to calm down.” Your lips widen into a smirk, “Besides, it's nothing I haven’t seen.”

Javier rolls his eyes, but without missing a beat shoves Sofia in your arms so he could slip his t-shirt off. He would do anything to make up for lost time with his daughter. He tosses the shirt off somewhere into the dark room and settles back into the chair reaching for Sofia. He continues to murmur sweet words to your daughter as he holds her, and within ten minutes she curls into his bare chest, fast asleep. As much as Javier wanted to stay like that forever if he sat in that chair all night his back would scream at him in the morning. He slowly gets up and ever so carefully sets Sofia back down to sleep on her own. He backs away and sits next to you on the edge of the bed. The moon shining in from the break in the curtains illuminated half of your face. He could see the tiredness in your eyes.

“You really are great with her.” You broke the silence first in a hushed voice. “Better than I expected.”

A chuckle bubbles out of his throat, “She terrifies me but I want to be a father to her. I want to be there. I need to be there.”

Another long silence settles between the two of you. The anxious energy in the air is palpable, like the way it feels before a bolt of lightning hits. Javier needs you to understand he is committed. He was the second those warm brown eyes and chocolate curls look into his own.

You try not to stare at the way the moonlight shines on his skin, making it look soft and ethereal. You remember what it felt like to be enveloped by the strong arms that now rest next to yours. How it felt to lay your head on the smooth expanse of his chest. Falling asleep listening to his heartbeat was always your favorite. He held onto you, made you feel protected and loved, while the soft thump of the blood coursing through his veins lulled you into a deep sleep. You had never slept as well as you had in Javier’s arms. You missed it.

“Come to Texas with me.”

Your head snaps towards Javier, completely taken aback. You freeze, your brow furrowed and mouth hanging open. Your brain is in a frenzy trying to understand what he just said to you. Before your brain can even muster a response Javier continues to explain.

“I mean it. I want you and Sofia to come back with me.” It doesn’t sound like he’s lying or scheming. Javier sounds genuine, but how could you up and leave? You have a life, friends, a job to think about.

“Javier… I can’t just drop everything like that.” Your muscles stiffen bracing for his anger at you, but it doesn’t come. Javier lets out a heavy sigh before grabbing your hands that had been sitting in your lap unconsciously picking at your cuticles.

“I-I know I’m asking a lot and that there is still a lot that we have to discuss, but I want my dad to meet her. I want him to know her and her to know him.” His hand squeezed yours in a silent plea, “Please.”

You know how close Javier is with his father and you weren’t close with your family. You were an only child and your parents weren’t around anymore. This would be Sofia’s only chance to have a relationship with a grandparent. Something you desperately wanted for her, but what if something went wrong? What if you and Javier can’t make this co-parenting work? But deep down, below your immediate fear and anxiety, there was this glowing feeling. You wanted to risk all of this. You wanted to have a family for Sofia and yourself.

“Yes.”

Javier nearly fell off the bed, he was so sure you’d say no. He wasn’t even planning on asking you right now. He knew that's what he wanted, but he was going to wait until things settled down a bit. But being here with you, he just blurted it out without thinking. He wanted to smack himself. He never loses control like that, only when he is around you.

“Thank you. And I promise you, it will work out. You and Sofia will be taken care of. I swear.” He felt his heart rate start to return to a normal pattern and silence once again fell over the room. All he could hear was the soft breaths coming from his daughter. He realizes he hadn’t let go of your hands and he doesn’t want to either. You keep him grounded, you always had. He can feel your pulse under his fingertips and he traces the ridges of your knuckles with his thumb. Savoring the familiar weight of your hand in his for when you inevitably pull it away. But you don’t.

Slowly Javier feels your head migrate to his shoulder as your exhaustion takes over. He knows he should stop you. He should help you to bed and go back to sharing the futon with his dumb ass friend. But he can’t make himself move. He glances down at your face as your eyes start to drift closed and smiles. Your nose was crinkled and your eyebrows furrowed in the most adorable way while you slept.

“You know she is grumpy exactly like you. Same stupid grumpy face and all.” You mumble to him with a sleepy rasp to your voice. He tries to keep his shoulder a steady pillow for you while he chuckles at your comment. Finally, sleep consumes you and it's not long before Javier follows suit.

—

The next few days find you and Javier in a strange yet comfortable routine. You spent the days with the Murphys sightseeing, swimming, and seeing all that Miami has to offer. Javier has warmed up a little since that first night, when Sofia woke you both up a few hours after you had fallen asleep he had his arms wrapped around you. Your head was on his chest as your legs dangled off the end of the bed. It was not your intention to fall asleep on top of him, but you can’t deny that something about waking up in his arms felt so natural and right. Though the ache in your back from the positioning wasn’t great. Javier hasn’t mentioned that night at all, so neither have you. You can’t help but to wonder if he regrets it; do you want him to regret it? He did move all his stuff into the guest bedroom, but he stole a sleeping bag from Steve and has camped out on the floor. But that's so he can help with Sofia throughout the night, not for you.

Connie and Steve on the other hand have not had a great few days. The day after Javier’s surprise arrival was full of sarcastic remarks and passive-aggressive comments. Steve slept on the couch for one more night, before it all came to a head. As you come inside from the backyard, you didn’t realize you had walked into the middle of a very hushed argument. You slowly closed the sliding glass door and leaned on the wall dividing the living room and kitchen as you listened.

“I’m mad that you didn’t talk to me. I’m mad that you threw a hand grenade into the house and have the audacity to act smug because it didn’t immediately explode in your face.” Connie struggles to keep her voice down as she lectures her husband.

“I know okay? The next time I plan to reunite two friends who have a child together I’ll make sure to tell you.” The smirk crossing Steve’s face is ever-present in his tone of voice.

“You’re not funny. This could have ended badly.” annoyance dripped from Connie’s voice. “You weren’t there when she found out or when she left. This tore her apart. We could have lost both of them.”

Steve’s voice is no longer coated in sarcasm, “I know and I should have talked to you about it. But I also know that I have never seen Javier like that. Even with all the shit we saw, I had never seen him as scared as he was when he realized she was gone. He loves her and she loves him. I just couldn’t keep waiting for those two idiots to get their shit together. He’s been sleeping in her room for the past two nights. They just needed… a little help.”

“I know. Those two are the most stubborn, bullheaded people on the planet. Maybe, just maybe, they did need a push. That doesn’t mean I agree with your method.”

Steve’s light laughter wafted into your ears from the kitchen. “Sooo, does this mean I am allowed back into my room?” Now it was Connie’s turn for her bright laughter to fill the house again.

You walked into the kitchen, finally making your presence known, and Steve has his arms wrapped around his beautiful wife from behind, whispering in her ear. Connie had the manners to try and look embarrassed, Steve just smirked and continued to whisper and kiss his wife’s neck. “Oh, don’t mind me. I just came to get some snacks.” You grabbed the plate of fruits and veggies that Connie was cutting up off the counter. “We’ve got Olivia. You guys go and have some alone time.” You dramatically waggled your eyebrows as you sauntered off back outside. You’re just happy they are getting along again, sulking Steve is the worst, all he does is pout and look like a kicked puppy. But you can’t help but wonder if Steve is right. Does Javier still love you? Why do you care? You left, you made your choice. There is no use in dwelling in a fantasy.

—

Getting off the plane this time was much easier. With Javier there to help, either taking the bags or wrangling Sofia, it made traveling less of a nightmare. Although leaving Connie and Steve was still hard. After spending two weeks with them it was hard to say goodbye, evident by the amount of tears shed between you and Connie. You and Javier spent the entire two weeks with Sofia, only alone together at night. You two still haven’t talked yet about a plan for the future or about the two of you since that first night. There is a heaviness that constantly hangs in the air around both of you. You know you’re gonna have to address it at some point, instead of dancing around it. The timing just never seems right. You don’t want to disturb the peace that’s settled around you. He seems happier, lighter when spending time with Sofia. He has so seamlessly blended into your lives and you don’t want to say anything and ruin that.

So you didn’t talk. Not before leaving Miami and not on the five-hour flight back to Texas. The two of you stayed relatively silent, only communicating when needed. It felt weird without Connie or Steve as a buffer, like you were two strangers. Strangers who also shared a baby. You never hated something more. Now you’re standing here with the sun beating down on you, sweat dripping down your back waiting for Javier to pull his car around. He had insisted on pulling it around for you and Sofia. Whether that was because he was trying to be polite or needed a break from you or both, you don’t know.

He pulls up and starts loading the luggage in the car as you get Sofia situated. She had been fussy on the flight but now she decided to sleep soundly, because why make your life easier? You brush her soft curls off her forehead and give her a kiss before closing the door. The seat automatically sticks to your legs as you pull yourself into the front seat. Javier switches gears and quickly pulls out to start heading to his father’s ranch.

Chucho knew you were coming, you made sure Javier called him. What is with DEA men and not warning people? That didn’t soothe your anxiety at all. Your cuticles were basically nonexistent after the flight so you turned to picking at the flaking seat cover and chewing the dead skin on your lips. Anything to release this nervous energy that seemed to have possessed you. Your thoughts ran wild; he’s gonna hate me, rightfully so. I kept his granddaughter from him and his son. Fuck, what did you expect to happen? Him to welcome you with open arms?

Well, that's exactly how Chucho greeted you, much to your visible surprise. As soon as your foot hit the ground he was in front of you pulling you into a hug. You were so surprised that you didn’t even respond or hug him back.

“Bienvenida, Mija.” Chucho held you at arm's length as he spoke to you. "It is so nice to finally meet you.” His warm eyes shining as they surveyed yours. You manage a small smile at his welcome, not expecting to be greeted with such kindness. “Now, where is my pequeña nieta?”

Javier, who you now realized had been getting Sofia out of the car, carried her over to meet Chucho. As he handed Sofia to Chucho, Javier beamed with pride. Chucho rocked Sofia as he hummed to her, something Javier would do with her. It made you smile to see how easily Chucho accepted you and Sofia.

“Come, I made dinner, let's eat. I think there is much for us to discuss.” Chucho carried Sofia inside as you grabbed her diaper bag and Javier grabbed the luggage. As you walked towards the porch you glanced at Javier. He had stopped walking towards the house. His eyes glued to you. Then he smiled at you. It was small, almost undetectable, but there nonetheless. Warmth enveloped your body, the feeling of belonging not lost on you. When you first came back to the states you were alone, pregnant, jobless, and everything felt cold and dark. The future bleak except for the tiny bean you were carrying. Standing here with the warm breeze carrying the smell of Chucho’s cooking outside, everything felt right. You felt for the first time in a long time, that you were closer than ever to having a real honest to god home; and damn it you were not letting it go without a fight.

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[glamorizingchaos]

Summer Rains Part 2:

Look What the Cat Dragged In

Javier Peña x F!Reader

Word Count: 3.6k

Rating: M (no smut in this chapter but to be safe 18+ because I may try my hand at some ✨spice✨ in the next part. A heavy emphasis on MAY.)

Warnings: Angst, swearing, smoking mention, no use of y/n, run on sentences galore, a vague attempt at overarching symbolism.

Summary: Steve thinks he’s real sly. A trip to Miami brings some surprises.

(Not me realizing I posted this at first leaving the summary blank 🤦🏻‍♀️ I’m a dumbass)

A/N: I really hope this lives up to the response of the first part. I want to first thank @over300books for beta reading and listening to my rambling. It truly was so helpful and very much appreciated. Thank you my dear. 🥰 Also thanks to my mom for answering every question I had about taking care of a baby and 90s baby equipment. My plan is to have probably one my part at least. As always let me know if I missed any warnings and I hope you enjoy. ☺️

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A little over one year later

A jump of the plane jolts you awake from your unplanned nap. A deep breath fills your lungs as you try and run the sleep form your eyes. You blink a few times before your tired eyes explore your surroundings, you’ve always enjoyed people watching especially on a plane. You like to imagine what your fellow passengers' lives are like, why they are traveling; it helps pass the time.

Across the aisle, a lovely old couple catches your attention. The woman in the right whispers to her partner, making their eyes crinkle with laughter. They haven't stopped holding hands the whole flight, their love for each other radiating off them. In your head you make up a story for them; they are celebrating their 50th anniversary with beaches and cocktails and will live happily ever after. As they lean in for a soft kiss, your heart seems to tighten. To love that strongly and for so long is something remarkable, and something you don’t know if you’ll experience. But as you glance down at the tiny bundle asleep in the carrier beside you, you can’t help but smile as you feel your heart swell with emotion.

Balancing your carry-on and a now fussy baby is not the ideal way of getting off a three-hour flight. The diaper bag almost slips off your shoulder as you dig around to find a pacifier for your unruly six-month-old. Grumpiness must be a genetic trait, you think to yourself. Your eyes dart around the crowd to catch a glimpse of that familiar golden hair. Soon your eyes fall on Connie, arms laden with flowers and a bunny stuffed animal for her goddaughter.

You can feel the tension in your shoulders ease the minute you lock eyes with her. Tears threaten to spill over as you throw your arms around your dear friend. Connie has always had a calming presence to her, it's what makes her such an amazing nurse. You feel the stress and anxiety of the last year melt away as you cling to her.

Your tear-filled reunion is cut short by a loud wail from the carrier, great timing as always. You reach to grab the squirming monster, but Connie bats your hands away.

“Now do not think I forgot about my perfect goddaughter.” Connie envelopes your daughter in her arms as she rocks her. “How is my Sofia doing?”

“Probably in massive need of a diaper change.” You raise the diaper bag with a grimace.

“Give me the bag, I’ll take her. You go get your luggage.” Connie immediately jumps into action. Swooping Sofia into her carrier and snatching the diaper bag. In a whip of her blonde hair, she is gone. You stay unmoving for a moment, more tears collect in your eyes. You realize how much you have missed Connie, how lonely and isolated you have felt. But you also realize how exhausted you are and grateful to have someone help with your daughter.

You never thought anything could be worse than the heat of Colombia, but the humid Florida summer is a BEAST. In the twenty minutes, it takes for you to install Sofia’s car seat into Connie’s car and load your luggage, your shirt is almost transparent. As soon as you get in the car you blast air conditioning as high as it can go and Connie pulls out of the airport to begin the drive to her and Steve’s home. As she drives the two of you catch up but soon a pleasant lull falls over the car. As you lean your head on the window to watch the streets of Miami go by, the quiet sounds of the dance music from the radio envelop you.

—

The bass of the music in the club practically rattles your brain as you order another shot from the bar. You look around at the club-goers surrounding you, dancing and drinking, not a care in the world. Clubs are not usually your scene, working for the embassy often kept you away from Colombian nightlife, but you promised your coworker you would go out for her birthday.

Said darling coworker has promptly abandoned you to dance with the handsome stranger from across the bar. You scan the crowd of sweaty people and see the two practically humping each other on the dance floor. You smirk at her antics, knowing you will get every dirty detail tomorrow morning.

Not that you’re complaining though, you may try to live a more quiet lifestyle but that does not mean you do not enjoy living vicariously through your friend. Her carefree happiness is what drew you to her and you would not judge her for it.

The bartender hands you your drink and as you lift the shot to your lips a deep voice shouts to catch your attention, “It’s never fun to drink alone.”

You rake your eyes over the dark-haired man, you recognize him immediately. The tousled brown curls, the mustache that should have stayed in the 70s (but somehow still works for him), and that sly, condescending smirk, are dead giveaways. Javier Peña, Colombia's very own Casanova.

“Who said I was alone?” you question with a quirk of your brow.

He strides over to where you stand next to the bar and leans over you, close enough to not have to shout too loud to be heard. He’s so close you can smell the mix of his cologne, cigarette smoke, and sweat ripple off of him; it snakes its way into your senses and takes root. You drag your eyes up his glistening torso that peeks out of his half-buttoned shirt to meet his dark brown eyes.

“I don’t see anyone,” He makes the gesture to look around and you roll your eyes. “ and any man stupid enough to leave you standing alone at the bar doesn’t deserve you anyway hermosa.”

You don’t respond right away. You study his piercing eyes for a moment, the dark orbs have a practiced stoicism to them. Years of practice to not give away a hint of what he is truly thinking. You see beyond the forced confidence and bravado, the underlying tiredness within them. You wonder what his eyes look like with the morning sun shining on his face. What he would look like at peace in the quiet hours of the morning.

“You are really laying it on thick huh? Tell me, does that line really work?” Your response catches him off guard and you see a crack in his facade as he recovers. His dark eyes rake over your body, setting off a heat that rushes throughout your body. He reaches into his pocket and takes a cigarette out and taps in on the bar top as he regards you.

“It hasn’t let me down yet.” He places the cigarette between his lips and lights it. He breathes in a deep drag and releases a puff of smoke. A sardonic glint in his inky, almost black eyes.

With a scoff, you roll your eyes, reach into your bag, and place some money on the bar for your drink. “I am more than happy to be the first.” With a final smirk, you push away from the bar with your hands and away from Agent Peña.

You check in on your friend to make sure she has a way home and quickly make your way through the crowd to the exit. As you step out to meet the warm night air, a roll of thunder fills your ears. The humid air gets heavier and heavier as the rain clouds circle Bogotá. You start to make your way down the street as the rain starts to pour down. You mutter a few curses and run to the nearest cover. As you sweep your soaked hair out of your face a laugh starts to bubble up from deep within you. You notice a car pull up next to your hiding spot and you stiffen as a figure gets out and strides towards you like a man on a mission.

“Are you insane?” Your body instantly relaxes when you recognize the husky voice yelling at you. “C’mon.” Any flirtatious tone is gone from his voice as he orders you around. He stares at you for a moment and mutters under his breath, “stubborn fucking woman.”

His hands fall to his hips, his patience wearing thin, “Get in the damn car.” He could just leave you, you were obsolete to him. Just another secretary in the embassy for him to add to his collection. Yet something gnawed at your brain, Javier Peña’s reputation is well known. His bedside manner is nonexistent, so why would he care enough to stand in the pouring rain for you?

Finally, you concede with a nod and follow him to the side of his jeep. Once in he turns the key and whips the car into reverse.

The rain patters on the roof of the car as thunder rolls in the distance. You glance at Javier from the corner of your eyes, his clenched jaw and hard-set eyes unmoving. He doesn’t talk or acknowledge you, keeps his eyes on the road ahead of him. You look down and focus on your hands fiddling in your lap. You absentmindedly pick at your nail polish, hating the heavy silence of the car.

“Thank you.” You finally break the silence. “For driving me home. You really didn’t need to do that.” He grunts in response with a shake of his head. Clearly not wanting to talk for the duration of this car ride.

You sigh but refuse to sit in complete silence, “Back home in the states, the house I grew up in had this amazing porch. Wrapped around the whole house. Every time it rained my mom and I would sit in the twin rocking chairs on the porch and just listen.” You smile fondly at the memory. Javier remains quiet, but you notice his jaw unclench the tiniest bit.

“Those moments, out on the porch in the rain, we would talk about anything and everything. That's one of the things I miss the most about the states, that damn porch. There is nowhere to really sit and enjoy the rain here.” You know you're rambling but you have a feeling he doesn’t mind too much. Javier is the type to tell you to shut up if you’re bothering him. When you still get no response from him, not even a nod or grunt this time, you take the hint and sit back in the seat and turn to face the window.

“My dad and I would always play cards when it rained.” His deep gravelly voice finally breaks his silence. He doesn’t elaborate or explain, he doesn't need to. You know he just opened up to you more than he has with most everyone. For the first time since you got in the car, he looks at you, his face shining in the light from the streetlamps. You give a soft smile and his lips curve up just the tiniest bit before he sets his jaw again and returns his gaze to the road.

When he parks the jeep outside of your shared apartment building, the rain has gotten heavier. The two of you sprint to the door, he pulls the heavy door open and ushers you inside with a hand hovering on the small of your back. The light touch sends shock waves of nerves tingling throughout your body. Once inside you each turn to walk to your respective apartments.

As you arrive at your front door you turn around and call out softly. “Goodnight Javier.”

He looks up from sliding his key into his door, “Goodnight.”

—

A rueful smile spreads across your face. You feel tears form in your eyes and your heart tightens. You never would have guessed that a ride home would change the course of your entire life. If you had a second chance, would you do anything differently? A coo from the backseat brings you back to reality. You know you would never change your choice to have your daughter, she is your everything. But deep in your heart you also know, running away the way you did wasn’t fair. It was cowardly, but you can’t change that now. You can only live for your family, tiny as it is, and do right by your little love.

You shake the thoughts out of your head as Connie places the car in park outside her home. You look out the windshield and see Steve walk outside with a wave and warm smile. You step back out into the miserable heat of Miami and wave back and call out a greeting. Steve crosses the drive to grab the luggage as you unbuckle Sofia from her car seat. He places a saccharine kiss on Connie's cheek as he passes her. Steve always took any chance he could to show how much he adored his wife and rightfully so.

“Let's go, I’ve got burgers and hot dogs ready to go on the grill.” Steve corrals the four of you into the house. As you step inside you feel the love bloom around you; from the curly brown locks atop Olivia’s head as she leaps into Connie’s arms, the two-year-old babbling and giggling, to the mess of toys she's left on the floor. All negative thoughts are left behind as you and your daughter settle in to relax, eat Steve’s questionable food, and enjoy a couple of weeks with your favorite people.

—

The next day finds the five of you in the pool for most of the day. Connie had taken Sofia and was bobbing around and playing with her. Steve was splashing on the other side with Olivia playing mermaids. You overheard an argument about tail colors, and Steve was not winning.

You sit at the stairs of the pool and kick your feet through the water humming along to the radio playing. This trip was planned on a whim, a phone call with Connie and Steve interrupted with an invitation. You watch as Steve grabs Sofia from Connie and lifts Olivia in the air and bright laughter fills the air. Laughter fills your lungs as Steve sways to the music while holding Sofia, singing an off-key version of the song on the radio. Maybe you could get used to Miami, it's not that bad.

Soon the tiny humans begin to get tired and fussy and you know it's time to go inside. You give the girls a quick bath to rinse off the chlorine and so Connie and Steve can do the same. Olivia laughs and giggles as she plays with Sofia. She loved helping you wash the baby’s hair and singing with you as you washed hers. Once out of the bath and dried off Olivia rushes off to the kitchen where she hears her mom preparing lunch.

You wrap the grumpy baby in the towel and rock her trying to settle her. You walk to the guest room to feed her and set her down for her first nap of the day. As she settles down in her pack and play you spin the mobile attached to it. Within a few minutes, she is sound asleep. You grab the monitor and sneak out of the room as quietly as you can.

“Where’d Steve go?” You question as you sit next to Olivia and ruffle her hair as she munches on apple slices and carrots.

“He had an errand to run. Here eat.” Connie hands you a plate with a sparkling smile. Your stomach gurgles at the sight of the food and you give her a thankful smile.

“Okay baby girl, time for a nap.” Connie picks her daughter up off the chair. The two-year-old begins to protest but is cut off by a yawn. Connie gives you a knowing look as she chuckles, “Every day she acts more and more like Steve, I swear to god.” With a shake of your head, you follow them down the hall.

After a long negotiation for three books and a song, Connie finally gets Olivia to sleep. You finally get to take a shower then the two of you sit down to chat. After about an hour, you both hear the front door open as Steve calls out into the house.

—

Being back in the states was an adjustment for Javier. He was not the same man who left Texas more than a decade ago. His dad did his best to understand, but Javier needed a break from the constant hovering. He reaches up to wipe the bead of sweat dripping down his forehead as he looks around the parking lot. A loud horn draws his attention to the corner of the lot to the familiar blonde man leaning on the door.

With a deep sigh, he pulls his bag higher on his shoulder and strides over to his friend. He climbs into the car after tossing his bag in the back. Steve reaches into the glove box and grabs a pack of cigarettes and offers one to Javier. “Connie doesn’t allow smoking in the house with Olivia, so we have from now till we get to the house.”

Javier smirks and grabs one from the pack. He reaches into the cupholder and grabs the lighter. With a flick, he lights the cigarette and passes the lighter to Steve. Javier takes a deep drag relishing the burn of the smoke in his lungs before blowing the smoke out the window. As he and Steve sit in a comfortable silence his mind begins to wander.

He thinks of Steve’s life; a loving wife, kid, house with a picket fence, the whole package. He never once thought that he’d want that kind of life, perfectly fine with the life of a bachelor. Well, that was until you tried to walk home in a rainstorm. He looks up at the sky, it darkens as a storm begins to roll in off the coast. He brings the cigarette back to his lips as he tries to push the memory away.

He hated to admit that thinking of you still stung. The one that got away, but he can’t blame you for running. If he could he would run away from him too. As the streets of Miami pass by he thinks of the choices he's made in his life, if he could go back to that night, he would never have left. Raindrops sprinkle on his arm from where it rests out the window and he remembers he is here to relax and spend time with Steve and his family, he needs to stop wallowing and wishing for something that won’t happen. Not for him.

—

Connie gets up to greet her husband but stops dead in her tracks in the entrance hall. Her eyes wide, blue disks as she turns to lock eyes with yours. You immediately get up brow furrowed as you rush to her side. As you turn to ask Steve what’s going on, you freeze as your blood runs cold.

“Look what the cat dragged in.” Steve's words are distant in your ear, like an echo.

Your eyes meet the familiar dark stormy eyes that haunt your dreams. Your mouth opens and closes like a fish but no words come. He is here. Standing in front of you and you have no idea what to do. He is frozen in place, hard eyes not leaving yours.

Your brain finally catches up to the situation and you stomp back into the living room. Connie follows you grabbing your arm but you rip it away from her with a glare. “How could you do this?” you hiss at her.

“I swear I had nothing to do with this.” She pleads with you, her voice desperate and just as shocked as you. The front door closes and the shuffling of feet meets your ears.

Steve and Javier enter the living room slowly, as if they were approaching a feral animal. You steal your emotions. He doesn’t get to have this control over you, Steve on the other hand is deserving of all of your rage.

Javier clears his throat, his fists clenched at his side so hard he can feel the marks forming. He could throttle Steve, he really could jail time be damned. What was this fucking hillbilly thinking? He thinks he’s so slick.

Javier opens his mouth to break the silence but a sharp cry beats him to it. His eyes flick to Connie figuring Olivia just woke from a nap or whatever toddlers do. But when you cross the room in front of him, his brow creases in confusion. He steps back to get out of your way and without thinking follows you. He stops in the hallway as you walk through the door to the right.

Your voice wafts through the crack in the door, “Hi baby girl. Oh, It's okay, I know. Shhh, Mama’s got you.”

His heart leaps into his throat. Mama? Baby girl?

He peers through the crack in the door to see you rocking back and forth as you coo at the bundle in your arms. Before he knows what's happening his feet are moving. He runs past the living room, Steve calling after him. He steps out into the now pouring rain and struggles to take a breath in. Thunder cracks overhead and questions swirl through his head; Why are you here? Why didn’t you answer his calls? Where is the father? Is he the father? Is that why you left? How could you leave him if you were pregnant?

He eventually steadies his breathing. He drags himself back inside, he closes the door behind him, and finds you in the hallway. The bundle in your arms has soft brown curls peeking out from the top. His eyes slide up from the baby, to meet yours.

“We should probably talk.”

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[glamorizingchaos]

Summer Rains Part 1:

Disconnected

Javier Peña x F!Reader

Word Count: 4.7k

Rating: M (no smut but just to be safe 18+ only. No babies)

Warnings: Angst, pregnancy mention, unplanned pregnancy, hint at abortion (kinda), swearing, alcohol mention, smoking mention, I tried to include some Spanish but I haven’t taken it since high school so please forgive me, shittily written dialogue, no use of y/n

Summary: Two emotionally stunted idiots cannot communicate to save their lives.

Author’s note: This is my very first fic so please be gentle. I’m open to any (polite) criticism or pointers. I am a long-time reader of fics and I have wanted to try writing for a while. I have no real expectations but I hope it brings some joy to someone! I am still trying to figure out where I want to go with this or if I just want to leave it here. Also if I miss a warning for something PLEASE let me know. So here goes. If anyone is interested in beta reading please message me! I wanted to tag some fabulous writers/people who have inspired me to actually try and write myself. There are so many more though but in case this sucks I only want some of you to see it. (let me know if you don’t want to be tagged!)

@absurdthirst @over300books @foli-vora @sharkbait77 @misslexilouwho @yoditorian @softpedropascal @bee-dameron @autumnleaves1991-blog @queridopascal

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———————————————————————

The paper crinkles as your leg bounces. Doctor visits have always made you anxious and on the verge of vomiting. Although, you’ve now become accustomed to the nausea. It has been your constant companion over the past few days. The third time Javi woke up to find you locked in the bathroom he called the doctor himself. The next thing you knew Connie was offering to drive you to your appointment.

The crinkling paper gets louder as you become more impatient for the doctor to return with results. Waiting is the worst part you think, not the needles or the neverending questions. Waiting leaves you time to think and get stuck in your own intrusive thoughts. Every what-if burns through your mind like a wildfire, quick and striking. What if it’s serious? What if it’s terminal? What if they don’t find anything wrong? What if, what if what if? A brisk knock on the door startles you from your thoughts. You greet the doctor as they enter the examination room.

“Felicidades Señora, you are pregnant.” It takes a moment for you to fully grasp her accented words. “It is very common for nausea to come when you carry a baby.” She continues showing you pamphlets and offering information, but you don’t hear. Her words fade as the sound of your heart pounding envelopes your ears.

Pregnant?

Fuck.

That can’t be possible you have been so careful, well mostly. You only missed two, MAYBE three pills. All because Javi wanted you to stay the weekend and your dumb horny ass couldn’t say no. You hadn’t seen him for two weeks while he traveled to Medellin. How could you have been so stupid? How are you going to explain this to your boss? An unmarried pregnant woman is not exactly what the embassy had in mind for a secretary. Oh god, how are you going to tell Javier? Your relationship wasn’t exactly conventional. It wasn’t exactly public either, except to the Murphys. All you know is that he is not gonna react well. He is not particularly known for his tact.

“Anything else I can help you with Señora?” The doctor once again tears you from your thoughts.

“Oh, uh, no gracias.” You peel yourself from the now sticky paper, shove the pamphlets into your bag, and sprint for the door of the exam room. You are greeted by a smiling Connie in the waiting room but her smile falls when she sees your face. Your face pale as the cold white walls behind her.

“Are you okay? What did the doctor say?” She reaches for you but you speed right past her towards the door.

All you can focus on is the need for fresh air and sunlight. The crack of the door against the brick wall behind you is nothing compared to the thundering in your ears. Your breathing starts to revert back to a normal pace as the soft breeze fills your lungs. The warm afternoon sun on your face in direct contrast with the cool brick of the wall on your back.

You hear Connie’s soft approach before opening your eyes. With a weighted, heavy sigh, you tell her the news. “I’m pregnant.”

You drag your eyes open and the tears begin to overflow as you break down. Choked sobs escape your throat as you sink down the wall. She catches you before you hit the ground in her steady arms. She gathers you to the car whispering calming words. The drive home is silent. As she pulls onto the street of your shared apartment building she suddenly stops.

“What are ya gonna do?”

“I don’t know.”

She turns in her seat to face you, “Do you want to keep it?”

“I don’t know.” You let out a shaky breath, avoiding her gaze.

She grabs your clammy hands, “I am here for whatever you need. Always.”

You lift your head to meet her eyes and offer a small smile but the car does not budge. You both know that Javier and Steve are waiting for you both. Neither of you thought you’d need to cancel dinner.

“You don’t have to come.” You look at Connie as she breaks the heavy silence in the car.

“Then he’ll know something is up.” You squeeze her hand, “Please.” Your plea is followed by a few tears. Her questioning look softens to one of understanding. You know you can trust her. With a final squeeze of your hand, she lets go and continues the drive down the quiet street.

Connie’s keys jingle as they slip into the lock of her and Steve’s apartment. Olivia’s cries meet your ears before the two of you even step through the door. A wrecked Steve rounds the corner of the entryway with wild hair and panicked eyes.

He grips the screaming baby tightly, “She hasn’t stopped crying since I picked her up from the sitter. I fed her. I changed her. With no help from Javier.” he tosses the pointed remark over his shoulder to where you assume Javi is. “I don’t know what else to do.”

Connie sweeps the baby girl into her arms and soft reassuring coos can be heard as she walks into the living room. You stay put in the entryway, still in a daze. Javi side steps the family of three and plants a chaste kiss on your cheek as he whispers in your ear, “I do not envy them. She about burst my eardrum when I got here.”

You let out a noncommittal hum and make your way into the apartment wanting nothing more than a drink or food to occupy yourself with. As you head to the kitchen, Javier offers to grab you a drink as he refills his whiskey glass.

“I’m just gonna have some water.” All you want is to avoid his scrutinizing gaze.

“What did the doctor say?” The permanent crease in his brow deepens as he trails his hand up your arm. It lands on your shoulder sending shivers down your spine. You know you need to tell him, but not here. Not after his comment about Olivia’s crying.

“Everything's normal. Just a stomach bug I guess.” You shrug and hope your lie sneaks past his perceptive gaze. By the grace of God, he nods, seeming to accept your answer.

After what feels like an eternity of awkward silence, Connie comes in victorious at putting Olivia to bed. Steve and Javier head back into the living room, you assume to discuss work out of earshot and you decide to stay and help Connie with dinner.

—

An hour later and the four of you find yourselves at the dinner table making small talk. You don’t say much, just small comments here and there as you push the food around on your plate. Your unusual quietness doesn’t go unnoticed by Connie’s pitiful half-smiles and Javi’s pointed sideways glances. The only one blissfully unaware of the heaviness in the air was Steve, he kept jabbering on about anything and everything.

“You need to eat something.” Javier leaned over to whisper as his lips ghosted over your ear. An annoyed grunt escaped you as you begrudgingly took a bite of the food. You could still feel his stare burning into you. There was no way you could avoid a conversation when you got back to the apartment.

Soon you had picked at your meal enough to satisfy Javier and Connie. You practically leaped out of your chair to help clear the table and get as much distance between you and Javier as possible. As you cleaned you couldn’t help but glance over at Javier. He and Steve were bent over some paperwork on the table and speaking in hushed whispers. Javier looked at the paper and frowned as he listened to Steve. You knew this job has taken a toll on Javier, the constant work, the corruption of Columbian police, and the never-ending violence changed him. He didn’t have the best track record of coping mechanisms before meeting you, you never thought less of him for it though. It was an impossible job and you couldn’t blame him for needing ways to blow off steam.

Javi took your cue to leave when Olivia began to cry again. He grabbed his leather jacket and with his hand at the small of your back, he began to corral you to the door. He grumbled a quick goodbye and you exchanged reassuring looks with Connie and waved to Steve. As the door closed behind you, you felt a new wave of anxiety rush over you.

Before you knew it you were walking into Javier’s apartment, your own just down the hall. You don’t stay in it much when Javier is in Bogota. You slip your shoes off and lay down your purse in silence as Javier hangs his coat up and immediately goes to his make-shift bar in the corner of the living room. You watch him pour the whiskey into a glass and drink half in one gulp. Your heart beats faster and faster as you watch the muscles in his neck flex and move as the liquid burns his throat.

“Are we gonna talk about why you are acting so weird tonight?” He looks down at the glass as he swirls the amber liquid. You struggle to clear your throat as it becomes dry and he looks directly at you. All you want to do at that moment is sprint out the door and never come back, but his stare pins you in your place.

“Wh-what do you mean?” Your voice cracks as you try and act oblivious.

“Don’t act fucking dumb.” He downs the rest of his drink and firmly sets the glass back on the cart. “You have never been this quiet as long as I’ve known you, Cariño.”

“I told you I’m still not feeling well.” You bristle at his words and try to hold your ground. The audacity of this man is astounding. How dare he criticize you for closing yourself off when he is perpetually sulking? Trying to understand him is like reading a book in another language and upside down. “Just drop it. I’m going to bed.”

He glares at you as you head to the bedroom. As you turn the corner your stomach flips and a tidal wave of nausea hits you. You double over and change course to the bathroom trying to make it to the toilet before your dinner decorates the carpet. You slam the door behind you and whip the toilet seat up in quick succession.

As you empty what little contents your stomach had you hear two short knocks on the door. Before you could even tell him to go away he’s barging right in. You sit back on your haunches and slowly drag your eyes from the floor to meet his dark brown orbs. You stare at each other for a little while, the air in the room heavy and thick with unsaid emotions. Javier breaks the silence with a deep sigh.

“Please tell me you aren’t pregnant.” There’s that classic Agent Peña attitude. Straight forward and a bit of an asshole. You try to keep your face as blank as possible, you need to buy time. A lie isn’t bad if it’s for a very good reason right? You need to figure out what you are going to do before you figure out how to tell your grumpy DEA agent boyfriend.

“No, I told you I’m on birth control. It’s just a stomach bug.” You try to keep your voice steady and even, knowing that Javier Peña can sniff out a lie a mile away. He continues to stare at you, scrutinizing your words. Finally, he sighs and you can visibly see the muscles in his shoulders relax.

“Do you need anything?” His gruff tone sounds impatient like how he talks to suspects or informants. Your nails dig into your palms as you try to keep yourself from wincing at his tone.

“I’m just gonna shower, just go ahead to bed.” You slowly pull yourself off the floor. “Unless you have to go back to work?”

“I have to go talk to Carillo about tomorrow. I’ll be late.” As hard as you try you still cannot read him. Somehow he’s almost always been able to know exactly how you are feeling, but never the other way around. He’s always been clouded in deep frowns and broodiness. With a slight nod to show you heard him you turn the shower on. You know this will be the last you’ll see him tonight.

—

The next morning you wake to an empty bed after a night of tossing and turning. Nothing new, Javier probably came home late and left early. Your brain sluggishly caught up to the events of the previous day. You push yourself out of the warm bed and to the bathroom. Your reflection in the mirror looks about as bad as you feel and that all too familiar feeling starts to bubble up in your stomach and climb up your throat. You might as well start sleeping in the bathroom if this is how every day is gonna go. You slip out of Javier’s apartment back to your own to hurriedly get dressed and out the door.

When you arrive at the office you are greeted with a stack of paperwork to file and a coffee waiting for you on your desk. You look and see a note next to the cup, “Lunch?” You recognize the chicken scratch immediately as Javier’s. You hold the cup in shaky hands as your lips curl into a small smile.

When your lunch break rolls around you walk towards Javier’s and Steve’s shared office. As you round the corner to greet them you stop as their hushed conversation hits your ears.

“You are a hundred percent sure about this tip?” Steve’s whisper carries through the stale air-conditioned air.

“I vetted her myself.” You hear the familiar flick of Javier’s lighter as he lights a cigarette. “Don’t trust me now?”

Steve barks out a wry laugh, “Yeah ‘cause you’re the fucking epitome of trustworthy.”

“Listen, she confirmed the intel last night. I know this girl alright? Fuck.” You can hear Javier frustratingly hit the table. His words hit you like a bus. He lied. He didn’t see Carillo last night, he went to see an informant of his. You blink back the tears starting to make your vision wobbly.

“Yeah? Just how well do you know her?” You can hear the smirk in Steve’s voice.

“Well enough, Cabrón” Javier’s grumbled response and Steve’s following huff of laughter are the last straw. You turn on your heels and storm back to your desk. Your head is reeling, he lied to you. He was sleeping around behind your back. This is what you get for attaching yourself with the well-known man whore that is Javier Peña. You knew his reputation, you have no right to be surprised or angry. Yet you are. You want to break things and scream at the top of your lungs. Your hand absentmindedly lands on your stomach. You’ve attached yourself to Javier in more ways than one. Your decision is easy, you grab your purse, leave a note for your boss, and make your way outside. The stuffy office was becoming suffocating. You walk down the steps of the embassy taking two at a time, without thinking you hail a taxi and go straight home.

—

You hear the lock twist as the front door of your apartment opens. You stay in your slumped position on the couch watching the telenovela on the screen in front of you. You refuse to acknowledge him as he sets his gun and badge on the counter and when he walks over to the couch. He flops beside you and pulls out a cigarette and places it on his lips to light it.

“There a reason you stood me up today, Hermosa?” He asks after blowing out a plume of smoke into the air.

“Nope. Just wasn’t hungry.” You slightly shift your body away from him hoping he won’t notice. But of course, he is ever the observant federal agent.

“Are you pissed at me or something?” He turns to look at you as he takes a long-drawn-out drag from his cigarette.

“How was Carillo last night?” You turn to face him, if he’s gonna lie he has to look you in the face.

Without missing a beat he grumbles a “fine.” You study his face for a moment. Not a twitch of an eyebrow or sideways glance. You had to give him credit, he was an excellent liar.

With a sigh, you get up and move to the kitchen to get a drink of water. He follows you and leans on the counter next to his belongings. He looks at you expectantly, waiting for you to break the silence.

You stare at the glass in your hand and chuckle wryly to yourself, “You are a very good liar.”

“What are you talking about?” He looks at you through another cloud of smoke.

“I know you didn’t see Carillo last night, I overheard you talking with Steve this afternoon.” Your voice is cold and barely above a whisper. You hear him mumble a “fuck” as he presses the crease in his forehead with his thumb.

“Cariño, you don’t understand the whole situation. Just let me explain-” You cut him off with a slam of your glass on the counter.

“I understand perfectly.” Your glare is met with his usual unbothered look “Why are you even here? Just leave.”

He stalks over to your side of the kitchen, he flicks his cigarette into the sink as he stares down at you. “I am here because I want to be.”

“Could’ve fooled me.” You snap back. “Although, I am not surprised. You are very much living up to your reputation Agent Peña.” The venom in your voice surprises you as much as it does him.

His browns eyes turn black as he glowers down at you. You see his muscles tense and just as he is about to respond, his pager goes off. He rips his eyes from your stare down to check it. As quickly as he came, Javier is gathering his belongings. As he shoves his gun down the waistband of his jeans he points at you, “this is not done.”

With that the door slams behind him.

“No, I think it is.” You whisper one tear streaming down your cheek as you slide to sit on the floor.

—

You don’t hear from Javier the next day or the day after that other than a quick phone call to tell you he was called away. He said he’d be in Medellin for three weeks while you were stuck in Bogota. Your last conversation rings throughout your head and the dread of seeing him again weighs on you. You know he’s going to be back at some point and all you want is to get away. On top of all of this, you still haven’t figured out what to do about your secret. No matter where you go you can’t escape Javier. He is consuming your every thought.

You can’t think straight the longer you stay in Bogota.

Before you can talk yourself out of it you call your boss to ask for a meeting over lunch. Your boss immediately tries to talk you out of taking a leave of absence, but you don’t budge. You need to be able to walk down the hall without your mind immediately being drawn to Javier. After an hour your boss agrees to sign off on your leave and by the end of the day, you would have a plane ticket back to the states.

When you walk into your apartment building you bypass your apartment and head straight up the stairs to Connie and Steve’s. Your knock is met with a quick hush as Connie ushers you in quietly pointing to the baby monitor on the counter. As you sit at the kitchen table you begin to talk in hushed whispers. You explain the fight with Javier and your decision to take a leave of absence.

“Have you talked to Javi? You can’t just leave.” You shake your head at her question. You know you should talk to him. But you can’t bring yourself to, you know it will hurt too much and you're hurting enough already.

“Connie, I just can’t. I need time to figure things out and with Javier breathing down my neck I can’t catch a breath.” You feel the tears start to slip down your cheeks and quickly wipe them away.

“I think you’ve made your decision.” Connie leans back and folds her arms. “You’re just afraid he won’t like it.”

“I know.” With a shaky hand, you write down your phone number in the states for her. “I’ll miss you.” You squeeze her shoulder and walk out of her apartment.

The door to your home in Colombia swings open and you stare at all of the belongings you’ve accumulated during your time here.

“This is the right thing. It has to be.” You close the door behind you.

—

Javier’s heavy footfalls echo in the hallway of the apartment complex. He skips past his door deciding to go straight to yours. He hates the fight you two had. If you would just give him a chance to explain you would understand. Your stubbornness makes him so angry sometimes. He slides the key in the lock and twists.

The first thing he notices is how clean it looks. There’s no unfolded laundry by the couch or dirty dishes in the sink. He calls your name and when he doesn’t get an answer his heart rate jumps. His hand instinctively moves to his back and his fingers curl around the cold metal wedged into his waistband. He moves through the apartment to check the bathroom and your room. The bathroom door is wide open and empty and when he reaches the threshold to your room his heart drops. The closet is empty and every surface is void of your ridiculous knick-knacks and pictures. He starts to panic. Could someone have found out about his closeness with you? He starts to pace around the apartment trying to steady his breathing. It's then he notices an envelope on the table with his name on it.

He tears the paper open to reveal the contents, a key and one small note in your handwriting. He rakes his eyes over the five small words on the paper, “You should have this back.” He looks down at the key in his calloused palm and realizes it is his spare. Realization dawns on him, you left. Without a word. You just fucking left. Without a second thought, he is slamming your door behind him as he takes the stairs two by two.

He knows there's only one place you would go. He gets to Steve’s door and immediately begins banging his fist on it. An annoyed Steve throws the door open and Javier pushes past him roughly.

“What the fuck man?” Steve tries to grab Javier’s arm as he forces his way into the apartment.

“Where the fuck is she?” He stalks around the room glowering at Steve.

“What are you talking about? Who?!” Steve looks at Javier like he’s grown three heads.

“Don’t lie to me, Hijo de puta. Where is she?” He grabs Steve by the collar and roughly shoves him onto the wall. Steve tries to push him off but Javier’s grip tightens as he mutters more curses under his breath.

“Javier stop.” Connie cradles Olivia as she stands in the hallway. “She’s not here.”

Javier releases his grip on Steve’s shirt and the blonde pushes Javier away from him. Javier crosses the room in a flash. “Tell me where she went. Now.” He grits his teeth and his jaw tightens so hard he thinks his teeth might break.

“She left.” Connie passes the sleeping Olivia to Steve and goes to sit down on the couch.

Javier’s eyes don’t leave her face, “What the fuck do you mean she left?” The crease in his brows just gets deeper as he tries to figure out what is going on.

“I mean she left. She packed her bags and left.” Connie sighs and picks up a drink that was left on the coffee table.

“Well, where did she go?” Javier’s hands go to his hips as his frustration spikes.

“I can’t tell you.” Javier scoffs at Connie’s answer.

“When?”

“Yesterday.” Connie finishes the drink she was nursing in one big gulp.

“So you're telling me that she left with no way of contacting her?” The muscles in his neck tighten as his voice gets louder.

“I’m not saying that.” Connie snaps back but Javier doesn’t miss the subtle glance she gives to the kitchen table. Before she can say another word he stomps to the table and grabs the paper with your number scrawled onto it. He holds the paper up with a raise of his eyebrows and within five seconds is out the door.

—

You walk in through the door to your phone ringing. You scramble to set your grocery bags down to get to it, but before you can the answering machine clicks on. You freeze when you hear the familiar voice.

“Hermosa, Call me back. I need to talk to you.” Short and to the point. Barely a note of emotion in his voice. You figure he got your number from Connie. You walk over to the machine and immediately delete the message. You left to get away from him, not play phone tag.

The phone rings again as you are cooking dinner and you let it go to voicemail. As the machine clicks on Javier’s voice rings out again. “Please, baby, just call me back. You can’t just leave like that. I thought something happened to you. I need to hear you. Just call me back, please.” You had never heard Javier sound so desperate before. No, you can’t keep doing this to yourself, you blame the tears on the onions and ignore the message.

The third time Javier calls that night it’s late. “What the fuck were you thinking? That you could just up and leave?” The drunken slur of his words, obvious. “You can’t do that. Leave and not answer my god damn calls. Fuck. Pick up the phone.” You can feel the anger resonating off of his words. You sink further onto the floor as the tears freely flow down your face. You don’t know how much longer you can take this.

Javier calls three more times, each with varying degrees of desperation and anger. It takes everything in you not to pick the phone up and talk to him. Tell him where you are so he can come to you. But he would never do that, his job has always been his number one priority. A quality you used to admire. You take one deep breath and reach for the phone, this needs to end once and for all.

—

Javier’s head is pounding and the bright lights of the office are searing into his retinas. He gulps down the shitty embassy coffee praying for it to kick in sooner rather than later. He stares at the phone on the corner of his desk. He knows he shouldn’t call you. He’s tried six times for god sake and you’ve ignored him six times. Obviously, you don’t want to talk to him or let him explain everything. His brow furrows as he thinks back to the last night he saw you. You were upset about him lying to you but it was more than that. Something was bothering you and you didn’t want to talk to him about it. He can’t blame you. He’s not exactly the most forthcoming person. He knows he can be an asshole, but you always saw past his moods, or so he thought.

He resolved to try one more time, he just needs to hear your voice and know you’re okay. He snatches the phone off the receiver and quickly dials your number from memory. He prays to whatever god that you answer. He expected you not to answer. He had a plan for if you pick up and yell at him. What he didn’t anticipate is for every hope he had of hearing your voice to be completely shattered by one sentence.

“The number you have dialed has been disconnected.”

Masterlist Next Part

[isabella-rose-trastamara]

“Alexa, play “Hoy Tengo Ganas de Ti” by Miguel Gallardo” ♥️

[lady-bess]

JESUS HAVE A DAY OFF PEDRO I CAN'T TAKE IT

[frannyzooey]

excuse me what the fuck

[isabella-rose-trastamara]

Oh mother of god 👀

This part of the trailer sent me!