ᴍᴏɴᴅᴀʏꜱ. ᛪ༙. ellie williams x fem!texan!reader
warning(s): fluff. angst. arguing. enemies to lovers undertones. mentions of reader having an ex-boyfriend. barely proofread. mentions of breaking up. none really.
index: And I couldn't hold him if I wanted to, so I
Left my man in the middle of the highway
Won't be seen with him 'cause that's embarrassin'
He can be such a bitch, and it makes me sick
note(s): kinda rushed the ending
this has been in the drafts so long
THE SUN BEAMED down brightly and the heat matched the rays, even with the windows down of your father’s old beat-up, red and white ford truck, the heat still seeped in like no other. even with being born and raised in huston, texas you still would never get used to the summer it brought. the air was always dry and thick, it barely rained and when it did, it seemed like a miracle. the bugs were restless and the sun was too—you swore it stayed out longer in texas than it did anywhere else during the summertime.
but, nonetheless, you loved it here. your whole life was here—you went to grade school here, you had you first kiss here, you got into your first fight here, hell, you were in your third year of college here—huston was your home and you repped it proudly, and not just because your father, the most country man you know, instilled it in you.
you genuinely loved it here.
even more, you loved living on a farm—of course, it is hell of a lot of work but the cows, the chickens, the horses, the pigs, they all were like a family to you. and no matter how many times your father made a poor pig into bacon you still cried—and each time he got a new one, he urged to not to name it because “the more you get attached the harder they are to eat.” which is way, even against his protest, you were vegan.
“you’re up early,” you hear the voice of the man you spot in the rearview mirror as you break—you grimace at the squeaking sound the car makes.
no matter how many times you urged your father to get the breaks fixed on this damn thing he wouldn’t, saying: “as long as the car still comes to a stop, the breaks are still good.”
“my dad gave me off for the day, said it’s too hot for his little girl to work…i was hoping you’d told ellie the same thing.”
“ah,” joel smirks, cowboy hat on his head casting shade on his bearded face. his hands occupied with a red rag he aimed to get the dirt off his hands with.
“well, lucky for you ellie’s refusing to work anyways. complaining about the heat.”
“tsk, tsk, not a good farm hand.”
“not at all.” joel laughs out.
joel miller and ellie williams.
you had known them for about four years now—see your dad had not only a farm business but he was mixed into construction as well, buying property and flipping them; building large texan houses on wide land and selling them for big bucks. he was a rugged and country man, but trust he had more than enough money to live above the means—that being said six years ago, tommy miller, joel’s brother moved to texas with his own construction company and once your dad seen it fit for good business he partnered with tommy.
together they were making more money than ever, tommy brought new-school landscape to the table, while your dad brought old-school money deals to the table—it was a match made. eventually, with all the money they seemed to be making tommy had convinced joel to move to texas and get a piece of the business.
he reminded you a lot of your father, very old school, protective, and respectful. though, at first you couldn’t tell him if liked you or not, you found that once he warmed up to you he was a complete sweetheart.
now, ellie, ellie williams.
she were harder to crack than joel, and that’s definitely saying something.
you remember the first time you had seen ellie—it was two days after her and joel had moved into tommy’s guest house that sat in the back of his own house, next to his large barn. your father had invited tommy, his wife, maria, and both ellie and joel over for dinner.
you had worn a white dress that came just above your knees, mid-thigh, cowgirl hat, and of course your brown beat-up cowgirl boots to match.
you weren’t nervous—you had nothing to be nervous about, you had known tommy and his wife for years, grown more than fond of them, but they were like family now. all you knew was that joel, his brother, had a daughter the same age as you. if anything, you were excited.
but ellie was not what you expected…you didn’t expect her to be, well, so attractive. it peaked you that she looked like she already belonged there, her beat up converse, ripped jeans, white tank, and faded flannel that rolled up on her arms showcasing her tattoo.
yet, she was always grumpy—like more grumpy than joel. she didn’t hide the fact that she was not happy about the move, especially texas of all places.
you recall for the first month she walked around complaining about how much she hated texas, that it was just either a bunch of racist rednecks or overly rich people who pretend to be more poor than they actually are—and made it clear that’s what she thought of you.
your dad, and joel, and tommy often tried to get you two to bond, sending you two off to do chores together or to the store together.
“you need help?” you question as ellie threw hay to the horses.
“no.” sharp and cold cut.
“they like it when you’re more gentle…it helps them to trust you more.”
she grumbles something under her breath but it’s too low for you to hear it—and it’s not like you care because you grab some hay from the bucket, gently holding your hand up to the white and grey horse whom you had named blue jeans and your began to feed him.
“it’s been a month and you still hate it here?”
“everything is expensive here, it reeks of shit everytime i step outside, and it’s hot as fuck. i will hate it here, as long as i live here.”
you can’t help but snort, she thought you were prissy but look at the way she’s acting.
“nothing, nothing…it’s just, nothing.”
“no, what? if you have something to say, say it.”
“have you ever ridden a horse, ellie?”
“i could teach you, you know…”
“come on, give it a try, you won’t know until you try.”
“i won’t know what?” she throws more hay to the ground, seemingly more aggressive than before your arrived.
“you haven’t even tried to like texas, at least try. you’ve been here a month and all you do is walk around looking pissed off and talking about how much you hate it. what good is going to come from that?”
she purses her lips, her eyes traveling from the hay, to the horses, to you, and than back to the horses. she is silence for a moment, opening and closing her mouth before sighing.
you jump up and down like a kid getting full-size candy bars on halloween, “yay!”
til this day you can still remember the way ellie looked wearing a cowgirl hat for the first time as you, despite her protest, you had laid yours upon her head. you can still remember the way she struggled climbing onto the saddled horse, but once she was on her hands flew your waist to steady herself. you also remember the way you caught a glimpse of her eyes shut tightly when you turned your head to the side and asked if she were okay.
you didn’t take her far, but just enough for her to enjoy it—though, back then she’d never admit how much fun she had, you knew she liked it—watching her walking away with the most shit eating grin on her face.
though, ellie was still ellie, being stubborn as ever and un-willing to admit she were starting to warm up to texas; she started being nicer to you after that day. she didn’t complain when she had to ride to the store with you or round up the cows with you, and she didn’t decline when you offered to show her better ways to feed the pigs. in a way, you became friends.
but somewhere along that line, a year and half into their stay, ellie and you became more.
it was no secret you were attracted to ellie, at least to you and well, maria, as she had caught you many of times standing on the porch, admiring ellie from afar as she went to feed the horses. she sometimes teased you about it, urging to make a move but you had all of doubts that ellie williams would ever see you that way, no matter how much she stopped treating you like public enemy number one.
and it’s like you were insecure, you were more than pretty girl and you knew that, all on your own and by the many of guys that tried to get with you on your campus—but with ellie, it was different. ellie was so, to put in simple terms, cool. she didn’t care about much of anything and that made her presence strong.
“when are you gonna stop gawking at the girl and make your move.”
you roll your eyes at the voice that seeped in from behind you, not startled by it as you heard the footsteps against the wood of tommy’s wrap around porch, “i’m not gawking.”
“oh honey,” the woman comes into view, taking steed beside you. “you’ve got it bad.”
you purse your lips, eyes trained on ellie as she led blue jeans back into the enclosed fence, cowgirl hat on her head, beat up light wash denim jeans and worn out boots to match: obviously she had on a white tank top and the same old flannel.
“ellie likes you know. you’re one of the only person she talks to beside well, joel and tommy, and me.”
“that’s because she reads comics more than she socializes. if you ask me, she’s a little underdeveloped for a twenty-two year old.”
maria chuckles, “you’re the only person she lets help her with chores.”
“i’m the only person you’ll send to help her.”
“because she won’t take advice from joel or tommy…she trusts you.”
you don’t respond and maria doesn’t give you a chance to, leaving it to herself to exit your bubble back into your home where you could smell stew cooking on the stove.
you breathe in and out, eyes going back to the girl you were most definitely gawking at. you can’t help but smile as you watch her attempt and fail to capture the horse that galloped with her rope—even after all this time that was the one she couldn’t get the hang of.
placing your thumb and your pointer finger on your mouth, your blow as hard you can creating a whistle that causes the horse to halt in its tracks and ellie’s eyes avert to you.
“i was handling it!” she shouts out.
you just give her a sarcastic thumbs up, your feet already moving off the porch and into the short distance that took you into the direction of her.
“you say this everyday and yet, blue jeans still doesn’t listen to you. i told you—”
“i need to be more gentle and they’ll listen more.” she mocks your words in a weird accent that definitely didn’t sound like yours.
“i do not sound like that.”
“you definitely do…” she trails off in a teasing manner.
“don’t get me started on your little boston accent.”
“i do not have a boston accent!”
“mhm,” you hum, reaching for the rope she loosely held.
“let me show you how a pro does it.” you step back, winding your arm up before swinging the rope forward and with ease you make it around the horse’s neck.
“show off.” ellie utters.
“come on, maria’s cooking; let’s finish rounding ‘em up so we can eat.”
“actually,” she swiftly swipes the rope form your hold, her fingertips lightly brushing against yours in the motion.
“i want to take you somewhere.”
“you? wanna take me somewhere? ellie williams you barely leave this farm wher—”
“will you shut up and grab a saddle?”
“and you wanna ride a horse instead of taking the truc—”
“no, no,” you place your hand on her shoulder, so gently that it were almost as if it were only hovering.
“i’m sorry. let me grab my hat, and the saddle.”
she utters a hollow ‘thank you’ at your compliance, trailing behind you as you head toward the barn in which both doors where wide open, blue jeans close behind as he had no choice with the rope ellie held onto loosely, attached to his neck.
you eye the saddles that hung up on the wall, they were seemingly out of place as joel had just cleaned them—always tedious of how fresh-looking he could get them to look—you settle for your go-two one, brown and silver, though slightly beat up from how often you used it. once taking it from the hook, you gently attach it to the horse you’ve had since you were a little girl.
“lead the way.” you gesture for ellie to get on blue jeans, to which she silently does, leaving you to hop on behind her—your hands coming to her shoulders to steady yourself.
she lightly moved the whip, guiding the horse into the direction she wished for him to go. both of you silent as you really didn’t know what to say or even have much to talk about—you figured ellie wouldn’t explain to you where you were going so you let yourself enjoy the feeling of the moment: you arms loosely wrapped around her waist, yet body at a safe mere distance from her’s.
you could hear her breathing softly, it made you smile to think about how comfortable she had gotten with not only the horses, but all the animals—let alone the farm, let alone texas.
your eyes scan over the wide grass that covered tommy’s yard, his own rather large house he and your dad had designed—and somewhat built—themselves. of course the enclosed fence that held the horses and cows, not to mention the smaller (still large) house in which ellie resided in with joel; two bedroom, one and a half bath. plus the barn in which ellie seemed to be leading you two behind into the deep the woods you didn’t dare go in.
“what?” her eyebrows furrow.
“is this the part where you kill me?”
she scoffs out a light laugh, “shut up.”
you open your mouth but she’s quick to speak again, “and don’t ask where we’re going.”
again, you open your mouth but she’s hot on you heels: “and don’t ask are we there yet.”
damn. your curse under your breath.
scanning the scenery you notice the make-skip trail you were being lead, some just dirt and mud, while other parts had old plywood laid across it—the further you went you could hear ripples moving in the wind, coming face to face with a medium-sized creek that surprisingly held clear water.
ellie brought blue jeans to an easy halt.
“here, get off so i can tie him up.”
you comply, sliding off with ease.
“what is this? did you make that trail back there?”
it takes her a minute to respond as she hops from the horse, you can hear her boots hit the ground. she moves to a tree closer to the creek, tie him to a sturdy branch, making sure he had access to drink the water.
“somewhat..it’s a work in progress.”
“i didn’t,” you bend down, letting your hand flow through the chilly waters.
“even know this was there.”
“i was doing some explore and found it a while back.” she shrugs nonchalantly, crossing her arms over her chest as she watches you take in the scene.
“…when i first moved here…”
“ellie williams,” you turn to face her, placing your hands on your hips like a scolding mom.
“you’ve been here a whole damn year and are just now bringing me? it’s beautiful here!”
eyes rolling, “you’re here now, so enjoy it.”
you return the same eye roll, if not filled with more attitude, before turning back to the water. it seemed deep enough to swim in and clean enough at that, so you place your hat on a near by rock and begin to slide your white farm dress over your head.
“what’s it look like i’m doing? i wanna swim. join me?”
if you weren’t so occupied stripping down to your undergarments and taking your boots off you would’ve seen the way ellie’s body slightly jerked, her eyes glazing over you before immediately averting to the trees.
“well?” you motion to the water your feet were already planted in.
“i—” she pauses with pursed lips, eyes going back and forth from you to the trees like the check light in a car.
“okay,” she lets out slow. “i never thought about swimming here…”
“of course you haven’t.” you move deeper into the water, you back facing ellie as she began to take off her flannel.
once left in her black tank-top and boxer shorts, ellie begins to slowly move into your direction.
silence has laid over you two like a blanket, you moved with the water, even dipping your head under at one point; all while ellie stayed keeping herself afloat, just watching your bask in whatever feeling you seemed to be experiencing from ‘her spot.’
she eyes you as you dip under once more, swimming towards her space before coming up close, you resurface, meeting her with a sinister smile.
“what—” splash. you flinging water in her face before letting out an amused laugh—ellie on the other hand stayed still for a second, eyes closed and nostrils flared.
“you snooze you lo—“ it was her turn to splash you.
back and forth, and back and forth you begin to flinging the creek’s water into each others direction; laughs in the air and ‘girly’ screech’s escape from your lips—before you know it, ellie takes the opportunity to grab your body by the waist, she wraps her arms around your tightly and dips you under the water, quickly pulling you back up.
“that’s cheating.” you bring your hands to your face, wiping the dripping water.
ellie’s hands still firm on you.
“asshole.” you grunt, pushing from her hold and swimming away.
“are you seriously upset? you started it.”
she purses her lips, staying afloat in the same spot for a moment, watching you move away.
“fuck off.” you continue to, rather slowly, swim away and she begins to follow suit.
you turn your body, facing her once more, floating in the same spot—you both face to face before a grin appears on you face that she doesn’t have time to see because again, you splash her.
“oh fuc—” she reaches again, her arms going to your waist and your screech out a laugh, fighting as she tries to dunk you under again.
“okay! truce! truce! i call truce!”
she grunts, stopping her attempts to dunk you but arms still in place on your body—your hand slightly grazing her rather toned biceps.
talk about sleeper-build.
“no, no, i think i win. i mean, i was the last to splash you.”
“tsk, i didn’t take you for a sore loser, williams.”
you rolls your eyes, the same silence that once took over you two now come back to take it’s place—in the mix of all the playing, you did register the body contact as you did now. you didn’t register just how close you were to ellie, not just side by side in a beat-up pick up truck on the way to the store, not just feeding the animals together, not just sitting at the dining table together, not just on the back a horse with her—but her arms were around you and your hands were fully gripping her biceps.
you can hear maria’s voice: “oh honey, you’ve got it bad.”
your heartbeat begins to pick up—your eyes are staring right into ellie’s, her face was so unreadable—you wanted to move (not really,) you wanted to ask why she were still holding onto you so firmly but you were choked up.
the tension mixed into the silence and something different was around the two of you.
“i—” you try to speak but quickly, she rushes forward and kisses for a total of three seconds before pulling away.
if it weren’t for your own daze—your heart bounding, hands shaking upon her shoulders, and mind mixed with everything leading up to this moment, youve would seen ellie’s daze—her face ghost-white, body stiff with fear as she let impulse control her previous actions.
“i’m sorry. i don’t know why—”
“don’t.” it’s your turn to bring your lips to hers.
it’s been almost two years since that day and you still remember the kiss, hell, you can still almost taste it—the way you kissed her hard and soft at the same time, the desperation, the way her arms were wrapped so tightly around your waist as if you would disappear at any given moment.
it’s hard to believe that she kissed you. it was a shock to you that all the pining you had been doing was more than mutual.
that being said, here you were today, boots clicking down the hallway that led to ellie’s room; her door plastered with a pre-teeny hazard sign that read do not enter. which, you roll your eyes at it every time, you girlfriend could be so dorky sometimes.
you knock a total of three times before letting yourself into her room, band posters filled the walls and one megan fox one you were never too fond of, her laundry splatter over her floors—it were rather dark with her black out curtains completely shut, not for long before you full the own with haste, letting the sun seep in.
ellie was laid onto her bed, face buried in the pillow and no cover on her body, only a white tank and boxer shorts on her sleeping body. you pout a little at the soft snores you hear from her as you crouched down near her bed, bringing your hand to her shoulder.
“wake up, sleepy head.” you gently shake her shoulder and she groans, moving a little but it doesn’t wake her.
she was more than a deep sleeper you had learned.
“ellie.” you shake a little harder this time, but still she remains in her slumber.
“ellie! wake up there’s fire!” you shout as loud as you can and immediately you girlfriend jumps from her bed, landing in her feet and her hands splatted out, face filled with fear and worry.
you stand arms loosely crossed as you laugh a little harder than you should, but you couldn’t help it—
huffing, letting her body relax, “what the fuck is wrong with you?”
“you should’ve seen you face,” you laugh out. “i’ve never seen you so scared.”
“fuck off.” she groans, throwing herself back onto the bed, face down.
“cmon it’s nice out, i wanna head to the store for a few things.”
“and you need me for that?”
she doesn’t respond, leaving you to take a seat beside her body on the girl mattress and bringing your hand to her defined back, placing it softly upon her and rubbing gentle circles into it—you hear her softly grumble at the contact and you take the ends of your acrylic nails, runs them gently up and down as you knew as much she loved the feeling, practically begging you to scratch her back whenever you two cuddled. you noted how much it helped her fall asleep.
“i guess i’ll go alone then,” a dramatic sighs leaves your mouth. “maybe abby’s working…she can help me reach the tall shelves. you know, with her big, strong—“
“alright, alright,” she props herself up on her hands.
a wide smile takes over your face and you lean down placing a kiss on her shoulder.
you can’t see but she rolls her eyes, “yeah cause’ abby’s just waiting for an opportunity to get in your pants.”
swiftly, she moves her body, grabbing you hips and throwing you down onto the bed; her body on top of yours.
she smirks, placing a kiss on the corner of your mouth before moving from her position.
“i don’t see why you need to look for an outfit. you have the same twenties flannels.”
before you know, ellie is moving around the room, through her closest she pulls out a pair of faded jeans, socks, underwear—then she moves around the pile of clothes of her floor, picking up the first t-shirt she sees along with, of course, a flannel. half-dressed she moves to her bathroom, placed right outside her bedroom, she brushes her teeth and does her skincare (which you prompted her to do, and carefully curated what products to use.)
—you two move downstairs into the direction of your father’s truck, not before ellie urges to kiss her, then again, then some more…then some more.
“where’re you two off to?” joel comes around on a horse, two sheep attached to a rope close on his trail.
“she’s dragging me to the store, princess needs eyeliners and hair care—” you punch ellie in the shoulder.
“shut up, i need groceries too.”
“see, joel, i told you she hits me!”
the man laughs, looking between you two, “someone’s gotta keep you in check.”
you laugh, winking and grabbing ellie’s arm, pulling her from the porch to the truck.
“maria’s cooking, try to be back at eight!”
—the drive was silent for the most part, ellie’s comfortable on you thigh, rubbing slight circles in it as you hummed to whatever song played the static-filled-radio.
you and ellie spent a lot of time together, obviously. you woke up five AM sharp, just three hours before classes, rode over to place and work her up. you two did you morning chores together, feeding the animals, tending to the barn, and whatever else was set out for you two on the chart joel had put together to keep track of everything. you came home after classes, straight to her place and watched as she played video games, or put a movie on.
you loved ellie, there was no denying that—fuck that, you were in love with ellie and there was no denying that.
initially you didint know how your relationship would work, you didn’t peak ellie for the affectionate type, let alone the romantic type but for the most part you were wrong. of course, it took some getting used to with kissing and cuddling but she’d buy you flowers, take you to the local bar and when she got drunk enough she’d dance with you—you still think about one night where she got so drunk she did karaoke and sang keisha cole’s ‘love’ to you.
ellie was more than enough and sometimes it scared you—scared you that it was too good to be true, you had your fair share of broken hearts—your had been in two relationships, one from the ages of fifteen to sixteen, some guy braden; the quarterback at your high school, who you had found after a year of being together was talking to half of the cheer squad. you laugh everytime thinking about it because when he came to your house to apologize your dad threatened to shoot him, firing a round off into the sky, the image of the boy running away whaling still fresh in your mind.
then your second relationship, only lasting six months when you were eighteen. your first year of college you had met a girl, skyler, through a mutual friend. she was cute, tall, fair skin—nothing was wrong with her, really. she was a sweet girl but also, ambitious, having played three sports and the head of a club—she just didn’t have time for you. the breakup was mutual, plus you still followed each other on instagram.
but all of that seemed to be discarded in the world you and ellie had created between you two. she supported you, she loved you, and she cared for you—and she had absolutely no problem showing it.
“hm?” your eyes stayed glued to the road.
“i’ve been thinking about going to school-trade school, i mean.”
your eyes go a little wide, slightly shocked as you’d been urging for ellie to check out a few schools for the longest.
“what? that’s great, babe. electrician?”
“carpentry…i was talking to, tommy about it. he thinks it’s a good idea, said he’d help pay for it.”
“would you go out here or…”
she shrugs, “i don’t know, baby. i haven’t even looked at any schools, just a thought.
“well, i think that’s great. i’m glad you’re interested in something other than comics.”
“hey, i’m interested in more than comics.”
—you pull into the parking lot of anderson grocery outlet, snagging a spot close to the automatic doors leaving less than an inch walk for you and ellie to walk in grabbing a cart from the designated sections and heading into anderson’s outlet. which, the outlet was owned by jerry anderson; a noble family man, whom you’d known because your dad and tommy had reconstructed his porch that belonged to very old and outdated house after the wood on it started to chip and the paint on it was left to pieces.
he had a daughter you age, just a year older to specific. abby anderson. you had known the girl for some time now, going to the same high school and chatting at parties. she was polite, when her father was around but when he wasn’t, well, to put it in simple terms she was one of the biggest fuck-girls in town. you still remember the rumors that spread around school about how she had managed to talk to the whole cheer squad for like six months without each of them finding out they were getting played.
more over, you were once and kind of still were a target of the girl’s affection; especially since she attended the same college as you and hung out with some of the same people you did—she used to snapchat you shirtless pics all the time, texting you late night with the ‘hey, u up?’ and walking by in the halls with ‘looking good, y/n.’ and even now with you dating ellie, she still had an obvious crush on you, but her advances stopped being so extreme.
ellie hated her. god, ellie could go on and on about how dumb she thought abby’s face was if you even brought the girl up in passing.
“where to?” ellie asks as she aimlessly pushes the cart.
“can you go get my foundation and two brushes? i have to grab the horses sleeping pills.”
she scrunches her face, “i’ll still never understand why a horse would need sleeping pills—i mean, doesn’t that count as animal cruelty?”
“no, you dofus. it’s for when we take them to the fair for the kids to ride. they get rowdy in the travel pins.”
“mhm,” she dismisses. “okay, don’t talk to abby too long, she likes to try and look at your tits.”
“ok, maybe it is true but—just go get the makeup and then we’ll grab a few other things.”
“ey, ey, captain.” she childishly salutes before moving down the isles, leaving you to head towards the pharmacy.
“i can help the next—” the girl at the counter starts to speak but quickly halts when her eyes look up and she sees you, igniting a spark in her.
“hi, abby.” you hold a tight lipped smile.
“hey, y/n. good to see you.”
“you too…i just need the sleeping pills for the horses.”
she nods, leaning on the stores counters, hands face down causing her forearm veins to slightly pop and flex at the contractions.
“how’ve you been? i haven’t seen you around much lately.”
“im good, ive just been helping my dad out with stuff and hanging with ellie.”
“ellie?” she perks up. “i take it you took the news well?”
you face scrunches, “what news?”
“oh, sorry,” she palms her forehead. “i mean, with ellie moving and everything. gotta say, i didn’t peak you for the long distance type; thought i was finally gonna get my chance.”
you shake your head, a hollow laugh escaping you.
“what? ellie’s not—” you turn your head, eyeing your girlfriend who moved down one the isles, looking up at you with a soft smile.
she shrugs, “i uh, ellie came out for some drinks with me, dina, and jesse, and—”
she pauses, sensing she has said something she definitely shouldn’t have. you can see her eyes flicker to ellie before drifting back at you.
“nothing. maybe i misheard her, you know? i was pretty fucked up.”
your eyes pull to a squint and you look her up and down, “you were so fucked up that you thought ellie told you she was moving?”
she flags her hand, “you know me, i always go big or go home on a night out—i should go get those pills so i can get back to stocking before my dad starts buzzing.”
she’s quick to turn, moving in the opposite direction before you could say anymore. yet, you remain amongst the counter with your nails tapping against it and eyes squinted as you watched abby through the glass, moving around the back looking for prescriptions.
moving? why the hell would she think ellie was moving? and if she were, she surely would be the first person you told, right? you mean, why would she spill it to your shared friends and the girl she semi-hates before she told her long-term girlfriend? and where the fuck would she even be moving to—
“i’ve been thinking about going to school-trade school, i mean.”
you pause, recounting her words in the car.
no. no, that definitely wasn’t it. she said she was just thinking about. nothing was final.
maybe, abby really did mix up her words.
“you get the medication?” you slightly jump as ellie appears beside you, three items now in the cart.
“uh, yeah, just waiting on it.”
she hums, aimlessly looking around as she went back to nodding her head to whatever song was playing throughout the store. you however side eye her before looking back at abby who was coming back your way.
quietly scoffing, “abby.”
“here you are,” abby hands you the brown paper bag. “looks like your dad already pre-paid it, so you’re good to go.”
“thanks abbs.” you mutter, still recounting the conversation you’d just had as if it were a mantra.
as you walk away from the counter, you’re side by side with ellie as she pushes the cart. you can’t help but to keep glancing at her. you try to look and search her face for a secret; for any slight hesitation or simply just anything that looked behind her eyes as something you didn’t recognize but you fail. and your failure reassures you but also scares you. you hate think abby, out of all people, had told you something about your own girlfriend you didn’t know yet.
but you shake off the feeling as best as you can as you move around the outlet, grabbing a few things from the grocery sections and eventually checking out.
“you want me to drive back?” ellie kindly asks as she puts the last bag in the back seat.
“no, it’s okay.” you meekly answer as you were already stepping into the driver’s seat.
the drive back started off silent, ellie just staring off into the window, humming along the oasis song on the radio—your fingers tapping the steering wheel as you paid attention the road. well, at least it was physically silent but your read was binging with different thoughts. you were going back and forth between the notion ellie could be keeping a huge secret from you and the other notion that, that was entirely silly and ellie had never told you a lie to you, even when it was cruel. you completely trusted her. you really did, so why your stomach was churning right now and every time you tried to reassure yourself something inside you went against it, you didn’t know.
“hm?” your girlfriend perks up. “yeah, i guess. sometimes i miss my friends.”
“yeah, i mean i still talk to them but it’d be nice to see them—oh, and i miss this bakery there too! best donuts i’ve ever had.”
you ignore the tightness in your stomach, “maybe you can visit one of these days.”
“yeah…” she trails off slightly. “why do you ask?”
“uh, nothing,” a laugh escapes you. “it’s just…”
“when i was talking to abby, she said something about you moving but she said she was plastered and misheard you.”
something shifts in the air in the car, it’s ever so slight and delicate but you can feel it the moment ellie’s gaze moves to you completely; and if you weren’t driving you would have missed the way her fist clenches before releasing. but you certainly don’t miss the deep inhale she sucks in.
“she…she told you what exactly?”
you come to a red light, “she just said you told her, and dina, and jesse something about moving when y’all went out last weekend but i told her that can’t be right because like, you would’ve told me.”
she gets quite for a moment, quiet in the way she only gets when something in bothering her, like when her and joel are bickering about god knows what or when she get jealous when some hits on you.
“what?” you ask, glancing at her do a split second, noticing the expression that had taken over her sculpted face.
“what?” you laugh, a little nervous. “you know how abby gets when she’s drunk. why are you being weird?”
again, she says nothing and the churn returns to you stomach without grace. you keep glancing between the road and her.
“ellie, what? she misheard you right? i mean, i know you wouldn’t keep that from me. plus, it’s abby, maybe she’s just trying to get in my head about you—”
“i mean, i—” a deep sigh escapes her. “at the end of next month…joel and i, well, we’re heading back to boston.”
immediately, without even thinking, you bring to foot to the break and slam on it.
“you’re joking?” you looked at her, slightly dazed, feeling shaky like you do before you throw up or sneeze.
her eyes are like doe and her face is white as a ghost. “i’m sorry.”
your head slightly tilted and face mixed with underlying disgust and something unreadable, you gaze at ellie in a way that makes her want to be swallowed whole by the earth. your brain could almost be short circuited by the thoughts flying up and down and around inside of you. your mind flashes from the first time you’d ever even laid eyes on her, to the times she brushed you off when you tried to talk to her, to you first kiss, to you laying in her, and to now, right here, in this moment. it didn’t feel real but you knew this moment was. and since you knew it was real it made you second guess the person you had been with. it made you second guess all the times you had told her you’d been lied to and she comforted you.
hell, it even made you second guess when she held your hand or even looked at you.
“fuck you,” it’s soft and defeated but stings.
“no, fuck you!” it’s louder this time. “why didn’t you tell me? you’re leave next month ellie! not in a few months, not in a year but next month!”
“everyone knows but me huh? does maria know? does tommy know?”
“and my dad? does he know?”
“yes.” she answers your questions like it stings to do so.
“why didn’t you tell me?” you turn your head to the side, looking downward.
“i…i was scared. i didn’t know how to say it. i swear i was going to tell you, i mean—that’s why i brought the school shit, to ease you into the idea of me being gone—”
“how long have you known?”
your body jerks, “april?” you sound astounded and breathless.
“it’s june, ellie! you’ve known you were leaving me since april—”
“i’m not leaving you! i’m just leaving here.”
“it’s the same thing, ellie! you’re a coward! you couldn’t even tell you’re own girlfriend that you were leaving! fuck you, ellie! fuck you and your plan to ‘ease me into it’ because guess what? it didn’t fucking work.”
“y/n, please we can still be toget—”
“no!” you shake your head. “how? how the hell can i be with you when you kept this from me? this is huge ellie. you’re leaving for good. you’re going back to your life in boston, my life is here.”
“that doesn’t mean i can’t come visit or you can’t. we can talk about this—”
“oh, now you wanna talk, ellie? you’ve had since april to talk!” your body moves before you can register and your pushing her, hitting her chest weakly and immediately she grabs your arms trying to bring you into her but you refuse.
“baby, stop.” she says gently.
“what?” she looks at you like you’re the one who just told her that you’re moving within a month.
“and go where? the farms at least three miles from here and it’s scorching out—“
“y/n, this is ridiculous. can we just—”
“ellie, i swear to god if you don’t get out of my father’s truck.”
your eyes are as deadly as your words and it leaves her no choice but to comply, hesitantly letting her grip go on your wrist and even more hesitantly reaching for the latch handle on the door; it opens with a soft squeak and she sighs, looking at you one last time before stepping out. normally, when you see her eyes you’d just fall for anything but anger and sadness were so blinding.
you don’t even say goodbye, you don’t even take the time to yell more—hell, you hadn’t even cried; you simply just drive away.
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