give caring back to our boys. i mean let them love again. i mean let boys care about anything, even if it’s girly or pink or their girlfriend’s tiny dog. let them care about everything, to the point of heartbreak, of crying.
i watch wives ask their husbands: do you like this necklace? do you think she’ll like this gift? will this look good in our home?
and the husbands send me a long-suffering look and roll their eyes or they shrug or they walk away. that moment when she looks for him, and he is gone because he does not care - something small in me breaks at it; for the fact her love is asking his opinion and he has been taught to carefully school his.
let him care. let him tell her that silver looks better on blue veins and gold on green ones. let him know her favorite makeup brand, let him find her a pretty nude lipstick. more than buying her a bra not just because he wants to take it off her, let him buy her one he knows saves her back and gives her good support. let him buy tampons without making a face or a scene or being completely lost in the aisle. let him know his boyfriend is hurting and do more than flowers, than throwing a party with just cake and ice cream.
we teach boys: it only matters if it matters to you. and only certain things should matter to you.
you can’t care about makeup, it’s not for you. don’t touch it if it’s girly. fashion doesn’t matter, it’s not for you. starbucks and pink and baths and nice soaps. no dancing, no touching your friends, no sharing secrets. surface level love; whoever cares less, wins.
there’s a a post on facebook about a woman writing in her diary how her husband doesn’t love her. he writes about how his bike is broken. the joke is that she cares and he only cares about his transportation. women are taught: what matters to your man should matter to you. and don’t we? don’t we pour ourselves out to support others? don’t we hear ourselves silenced for their voices? don’t we have our problems laughed at while theirs are seen as serious? aren’t our hours worth less?
so give them back deep. give back falling in over your head and crying. give back giving yourself over completely. let him love his cat so much that he makes little birthday parties for her. let him blow the bubble wand that’s got princesses on it. it’s okay. don’t make him enjoy things ironically, with an air of being caught. let him just love it, and love it, and be in love with life and with everything. let him have opinions about the drapes and the necklaces and the tea towels.
because we teach them: women only matter if they matter to you. would you want someone to hurt someone who you love?
let them care. let them care. what could hurt this world but more love?
