my aunt, her daughter, and her daughter visited me a few weeks ago. i am really lucky to have these women in my life, both of them have gone through so much and come out the other side with such wisdom. sometimes i worry that ive already fucked it up too far and that theres no way back. thats probably just defensive behaviour to prevent me from being let down and upset if things dont go my way. anyways. alicia (my cousin) is so fucking kickass, her career is awesome, she gets to ski patrol, have this baby, and travel for work. im just glad that i have relatives in town. the attention from family is so different from friends, and i guess i just need it more than i thought. i am working on disassociating my happiness and attention from others. that right there is unhealthy - partially because i believe no one would /willingly/ hangout with me (yes i know thats ‘not true’), and also because sometimes i dont need anyone else id prefer to be alone. also no one is perfect, and sometimes people are stupid!