Professional Dreamer

She tries to fly with her own wings and she's higher than the birds.

[isyafeera]

Moving on.

So a couple of months ago, I got into a relationship with this guy and he’s one year older than me which makes him a senior. It was smooth at first, he gave me chocolates, we called and texted and everything was just great but like all happy beginnings, the ending must be sad. One day, he decided to broke up with me, of course I cried a lot but then tomorrow he wants to get back together. Being the stupid person I am, I said yes because I loved him and all I want was him. It was great but it took a few days after that to see that we were growing apart. We were never like before, we are like reading the same book but different chapters. I wanted to make it work but he made it seem like he doesn’t care at all about what’s happening between me and him so I did what all of my families and friends wanted me to do, I broke up with him. I know breaking up over text are like the worst but he didn’t even want to answer my calls so I just did it. He did what? He blueticked me which made me think yup he wants this. Have you ever heard about this one thing where they said if you want to get over someone you love, it takes 1 year and 7 months if I’m not mistaken to get over that someone which is like a long time.

What I’m trying to say is that I want to move on. I want to be happy and just be myself but love hurts. He hurts me, he broke my heart when he promised me that he’s gonna take care of it. He lied and what hurts the most was with all of those misery he put me into, all of those tears that fall, all of those sorrow I felt, I still love him. I miss him so much. I miss everything about him. God, moving on sucks. All of the pain you need to get through, it’s unbearable. but I want to move on. I don’t want to live in all of that pain anymore. I just want to be happy and if these months will be hell for me, so be it right? At least I’ll be in my little paradise afterwards. 

[isyafeera]

Undescribe

I always had these feeling where everything just doesn’t feel right and I hate that. It makes me want to cry for no freaking reason and it’s killing me. The thing is my life is great now. I have a happy family, great friends and a crush who likes me back. Isn’t that a wonderful life? But why do I get these feeling, where I always want to search for flaws and problems and anything that are synonyms to it. Nothing’s wrong, and I feel like I’m hating myself. My heart is like in a vibration position and I feel like I’m waiting for worst things to come and I don’t want to, I don’t want to. I just want a happy life and when I got it, these feelings started to show up. Why? 

[isyafeera]

First thing first, I’m not sure what to write but I know that I needed to write something. Let’s talk about well the famous topic of all ; boys.

I know what you’re thinking, boys, boys and just boys. I just want to clear things up, you know from my opinion and my experience. Recently, I started to like this boy. He’s not a 8 but what I like about him is his personality, he’s nice and funny and god I love talking to him. Reasons for us girls liking boys, good looking may come first but as years come by, what matters are their inner beauty. Find someone who can be weird with you, can make you laugh or smile, can make you be who you really are because somehow us girls , we kind of lie to boys about the real us. We tend to hide the real us and show them things that we might not what to do or we may not even like those stuffs. Don’t deny it females, we all do it. I’m not saying to actually really show who you are at the first sight or the first date. I’m just telling that you really need to know the person you’re going with before you know that he could be perfect for you. Never let looks define someone, who knows, if that ugly guy could actually be your soulmate. So the only you thing you need to take care of is yourself, don’t get too judgmental over people because sometimes those people we tend to pick on, well they are above us.

[isyafeera]

Living your life.

Yesterday, I sat down and had one of those deep conversations with my sister. I started to knew her more and whatever she did was actually surprising but yet I don’t judge her for that, I didn’t even look at her in disgust, I even laughed. To actually hear what she’s doing with her life was quite inspiring for me to do the same. What I mean is that I need to start living my life how the way I wanted it to be. Do I want that? Do I want this? No one should make decisions for me, no one. Not my mom. Not my dad. Not my brothers. Not my sister. Not my friends. Just me. I get to decide. Yet I’m in school that doesn’t make me happy. I’m in position that doesn’t make me ‘me’. I want to be really happy and that school is not it. I know. Even if it means I might not attend university out from my country. But knowing my parents behavior if I quit that school, I don’t want to go through that. I hate that feeling. Killing myself is much better than be in that kind of place. 

But what I’m trying to write here, what I’m trying to tell you all is that live your life to the fullest. I mean it. Do stupid stuffs, make mistakes, go do something that makes you remind you live life how the way you want it to be. Be that person you want to be, not for anyone else but for you. Go do the crazy stuffs, you’re young. You’ll regret not doing it when you are old. To all of the people who are reading what this insanely ridiculous 14 year old girl is writing, thank you. You somehow got me a reason to smile for. Also, make people smile. You got my smile. Just another 6 more billion people to go.

[isyafeera]

Talk to me.

Eyra: So, I would love to help someone out even if it's just by talking well typing actually. If you don't have a person to talk to, I'm here.

[isyafeera]

Feeling not worth a thing.

As a a teenage girl, looking pretty and just on point is something that I knew I need to keep up with. Every time I look in Instagram and I always find girls with so much style and just people were loving them. It always occurs to me that I want to be one of those girls. That people look up too. That people look forward seeing. That people just smile when they are smiling. That people calling them pretty. To be honest, I’m not what you called in this fcked up society pretty, not even close. I have too much flaws but does it make feel worthless? It shouldn’t. I’m lying if I say that it never crossed my mind to self harm or commit suicide, I have but those were the past. I’m not saying I’m wanted now, I’m just happy right now. Even if I’m alone. I’m happy that now I can live my dreams. 

There will come a time where I’ll feel nothing, I’ll feel that I just want to die but in my mind, I keep reminding myself that am I really happy if I did those things? The past me would say yes but now, I’ll have to pass.

You are so darn beautiful and never deny that. Keep reminding yourself that those happy days will come. That the rainbows will be shown just for you. That people love you. It maybe not now, not tomorrow, not even the day after that but be strong because I know you’re strong to hold on just a little bit more. Just a little bit more till you’re smiling. Till you’re putting down your fake smile and really put on a real one. Till you’re really happy. I love you, remember that.

[isyafeera]

Anything?

Basically, I’m feeling kind of inspirational right now so if you need any advice about anything, I could maybe help so comment about what topics should I talk about.

[isyafeera]

Fakers.

I usually write all of these posts based on what I feel or what I have experienced through. So this is to the all you people who got backstab by a bunch of fakers.

I’m one of those girls who wants to be love by everyone so the truth story is I have been friends or well so I thought with this girl ( not gonna same name though). Okay so, me and her have been friends for quite a long time. 8 years maybe, around middle school I knew that she hated me like a lot. She’s always liking my boyfriends or exes and always wanted to grab them whenever she gets the time to. We always got into an argument and it’s always me saying the sorry. Today, I got into an argument with her and I guess that’s the last to our so called friendship. 

What I’m trying to say is that ( you may heard this before ) there are two kinds of people in your life. One who’s gonna be there for you and another one who’s there and then leaves. Never ever cry over them, they’re bunch of fucktards who just wants to see you unhappy. Don’t let them win. Focus on the people who makes you laugh till you cry and just been there for you from the first tear that drops. Appreciate them because once you don’t, you’ll lose one of the best people in the world.

[isyafeera]

Chasing your dreams.

Dreams are something you wished for or you dreamt about it or you just want that something so bad but you don’t have it. If you browse through youtube, you’ll see that most people are living their dreams. They hit a million subscribers or two millions views that they work for. If they can do something about their dreams, why can’t you? Even if it’s something so big, if you dream it, you can do it. It’s about you caring enough to show you want it. 

You want the guy or girl, chase them. Make them fall in love with you.                     You want to be successful, work for it. Go out there and do it.                              You want to be famous, show what you got to the world. There are people who’s gonna love you and what you do.                                                                  You can be anything you want actually, it’s the choice you make to have that. Good decisions may lead to a good life but the best decisions will lead to one of the best journey and the best life you’ll ever get.

[isyafeera]

Boys.

Like most teenage girls, I would like to have a relationship with someone but in reality, things don’t always flow your way. I learn that you need to chase sometimes if he’s really worth running for. 

Boys are a pain in the ass sometimes but remember they’re the reasons you smile, laugh and just love. They are obnoxious but yet sweet. That’s why, us girls need to be careful with boys. They’re dangerous. For all you know, you’ll be crying over one and it sucks really to have that. So do remember if you got a great guy falling for you right now, don’t let go. 

Opportunity like that, they sometimes don’t have a second chance so take care of your boy. He’s the one ;)

[isyafeera]

Tumblr, a place where people just let go.

A girl ;)