IT Fairy

I’m the IT fairy that your boss expects to just get everything done. … Yeah, I hate them, too.

[it-fairy]

Kung Fu Panda is for Gen Z what Shrek was for millennials.

[it-fairy]

"Soft times create weak men" If you can't do self improvement with access to things like "spare time" and "money", then you get to own that skill issue.

[it-fairy]

If you think picking Charmander makes the first two gyms difficult, you’re a scrub.

See this grass?

Go touch it!

[it-fairy]

Oh god, I blacked out for an hour!

I really needed to go to a doctor. This happens every year!

[it-fairy]

I kind of want to get a list of Foxhound operatives and a list of Megaman X bosses, sit someone down and see if they can tell which is which.

[it-fairy]

I was today years old when I learned that “vir” is Latin for “man” and the word for the two political alliances that reformed Rome from a republic into an empire were the first and second “three dudes”.

[it-fairy]

If wishes were fishes, I’d be the richest seafood mogul on earth.

Just by law of averages, I’d bring back extinct species of aquatic life.

[it-fairy]

So today’s overblown simile is:

“And the power is out again. This may have something to do with the 20 or so electric company vehicles crowding the street like it’s a house party for trade employed clowns testing the tolerance of the local residential fire code for maximum occupancy.”

[it-fairy]

“Struggle bus” is entirely inadequate since a bus is too small and the ride is too short.

[it-fairy]

Next time you’re talking about an impossible task and you’re tempted to say “there’s no way in hell”, instead say there’s no way in whatever place you’re standing. There very likely is a way in hell, regardless of how probable, because hell has standardized measurements, inconvenient rules, and follows a set schedule regardless of feasibility. What else would you expect from a place full of HOAs and lifelong middle managers?

[it-fairy]

My girlfriend has been hanging out with strange new friends and today she started cackling that she started her cycle on “the solstice”. Now they’ve collected a lot of shiny rocks and have asked me not to leave my room until “the appointed hour”. What should I do?

[pukicho]

What if that insane murderer monster on the loose is just a wittle misunderstwood :(

[pukicho]

I’m not sure what “blorbo” means but keep it to yourselves

[it-fairy]

You are someone’s blorbo and I pity you for what they just read.

… They’re coming for you now.

[it-fairy]

Blue this house, with the blue little windows

But I can’t even tell what these blue things are

It’s all blue, without lines, or any depth contrast

I think I need

To take

A nap now.

[joeyclaire]

what’s it called when you’re so disconnected from reality that cold water doesn’t feel like anything and you can barely taste food anymore

[joeyclaire]

[it-fairy]

I believe that’s called “dying”.

[pukicho]

Shout out to corrupt politicians !!!!

[wormsical]

why is there so much hate in your heart…

[pukicho]

I am so sorry, I will never talk about how much I love corrupt politicians ever again. 

[wormsical]

thank you

[pukicho]

Shout out Calvin and Hobbes comic strips!!

[it-fairy]

This thread would make for an excellent Calvin and Hobbes comic strip.

[it-fairy]

The trailer for Final Fantasy XIV 8.0 comes out, showing the main character silently falling through a void, drawing the player in... ... and then Simple and Clean Remix starts playing in the background.

[it-fairy]

The only other way to imply that a game is going to take longer to release is to say "brought to you by Todd Howard".

[it-fairy]

The trailer for Final Fantasy XIV 8.0 comes out, showing the main character silently falling through a void, drawing the player in... ... and then Simple and Clean Remix starts playing in the background.