I’ll Pop When I Pop Dammit
Luke was very obviously pregnant, the problem was he doesn’t know how pregnant. He and his friend Kurt had been secretly hooking up for years now, and while Luke knew the baby was Kurt’s he doesn’t exactly know when Kurt put it there.
Luke and Kurt live in the middle of absolutely nowhere at neighboring farms. Luke grew up extremely poor with only hand me downs of his older brothers. Some days the family barely had enough to eat and other times they would have to disconnect their power to save money. As Luke grew older nothing changed, he worked on the farm and did what he could to help his family get by. And then there was Kurt, the boys had always been close growing up, they used to spend all their time together playing in the fields, or by the creek, and their nights fooling around and exploring each others bodies.
But now it was different, Kurt had managed to knock Luke up. Luke’s pregnancy hadn’t presented with any signs or symptoms until one day he noticed his belly had been getting bigger. At first he brushed it off but as time passed it kept growing and growing until there was no denying the truth, he was pregnant. As Luke got bigger and bigger Kurt had to eventually pull double duty, doing his own farm work and most of Luke’s as Luke could do less and less.
One evening after Kurt had finished up Luke’s work the two met up in front of one of the old barns.
Kurt: “Damn Luke, you’re massive!”
Luke: “I know, this damn baby keeps getting bigger and bigger!”
Kurt: “Maybe it’s more than one and that’s why you’re getting so big?”
Luke: “Maybe so, or maybe I’m just that far along.”
Kurt: “You still ain’t got no idea when I put that little bastard in you?”
Luke: “Naw man, I can’t afford no fancy ultrasound or doctor or nothing.”
Kurt: “Ain’t you worried about that? I mean shit I’d be freaking out.”
Luke: “There ain’t a damn thing I can do about it, I’ll just pop when I pop. Ain’t no different than when the cows do it I reckon.”
Kurt: “Hell you look like you could pop any time now.”
Luke: “Man, I know that, I ain’t stupid. One of these days I’m just gonna go into labor and have to push out this big bastard of yours!”
Kurt: “It ain’t just mine ya know, it takes two to tango bro.”
Luke: “I know that but you’re the one that put it in here, you better help me get it outta here!”
Kurt: “I won’t miss it, like you said, it ain’t all that different from when the cows do it, I reckon I’ll be pretty good at helping you.”
Luke: “I wonder if it’s gonna be a boy or a girl, whadda you think?”
Kurt: “Definitely gonna be a boy, I can feel it!”
As Luke and Kurt continue to talk, they make a plan for what happens when the time comes. Not that even with their plans, they were prepared for Luke to go into labor just 3 days later. As Luke situates himself in the hay of the barn, he manages to push out Kurt’s massive 11lb. baby boy after an excruciating 13 hours of labor.
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