Pretty, Educated & Melanated @itgirldiaries2 - Tumblr Blog

Reasons to live

(Cause I don’t see the point of trying anymore)

1. I am in the hidden phase

Cause I’m inexperienced, dont have a bf or a job or Liscense i am a ghost essentially. Im not tied down to anything, i can dress how i want, talk to how i want how i want, go where i want.

2. My loved ones

There are people in my life that I love that love me and I don’t have to mask around. And there just get me and don’t have to bake myself likable and can be myself around, and I can meet more!

3. I am a fashion student in NYC

Even if the classes are boring I have access to to beautiful clothes fabrics and designers and other creatives, there’s inspo everywhere and fashion my passion is around me. I can dress weird asf and case it nyc no one cares

4. I am at the “start of the movie”

I am at the pet of the story where anything can happen because I have “nothing” and I have nothing to lose and I am a blank page.

5. Live out of spite

All these ppl who say you can’t do it or hate don you live and have fun living just to spite them

6. To see the end of the movie

To see the end of trump and all this other shit going on and make it past that and what’s on the other side

Some tips to help remind me:

Instead of “what’s the point of living?” Ask “what can I get away with today”

Also think like you’re an old lady who made a wish to be young again and now you’re living that life

Side quests

Give yourself dopamine first before doing boring work

Body doubling work with other ppl working around u

Romanticize life

#yours truly #healing

It’s hard because romance sounds good in theory but irl idk it’s scary to me for two reasons. 1. I’m in experiences and feel like an idiot but don’t wanna be played. 2. I’m just scared how people (my mom) will react to who I’m dating whether older or not or white or not I think anyone I date I will be afraid to have anyone know they exist.

But I think about it enough that’s like I guess I want it. And even though I’ve limited my self by saying I can’t date until I get my liscense and can physically see him in my own and not have to ask if I can go and I can be grown and sexy and pull up on him. (Especially if he’s older I don’t even wanna deal with him asking me to see me and then the relationship just don’t go no where cause I’m too scared to get caught sneaking to see him or even having to sneak at all especially if I’m dating a grown man)

That’s just embarrassing and awkward.but also most of nyc can be accessed through bus train and walking which those are the real places those men would be so the car isn’t even totally a factor. So it’s like why wait. Idk I wish he would just come into my life not the other way around like why do I have to look for him and go out I wanna just stay in my house I don’t like going outside. And idk I just assume any guy I speak to online has 90% chance of being a creep simply cause I met him online.

But here are non negotiable no matter what for my bf (if I’m talking to a guy if he has these non negotiable so will consider him as my bf doesn’t mean he will be just that I will look into his boyfriend application):

00. Isn’t married doesn’t have kids or crazy ex girlfriend or dating anyone else

0. Good Hygiene and just looks clean and put together and smells good not like they’ll give me a fucking Sti or some wild shit

1. Consensually likes me as much as I like him and in term respectful to me and others

2.is doing something with his self has a plan for the future and is purusing it (whether in school working or an entrepreneur he has direction in his life)

3. Has some type of money to buy me stuff and not expect me to pay at all or ever (whether it’s tuition or a dinner)

4. Has their own place or is at least able to see me freely

5. Has real hobbies and interests and just is interesting

6. Is fun to be around and adds something to my life that is positive like literally just fun to be around

#yours truly #romance

You’re not depressed you just haven’t seen or felt the sun in four months

girltalk

march: open windows ⋆ morning coffee ⋆ birds chirping ⋆ longer daylight ⋆ music in your headphones ⋆ sunday resets ⋆ blooming trees ⋆ skincare ⋆ spring cleaning ⋆ new music ❤︎

Things I want to work on/want:

I feel like my whole life I’ve tried to be perfect and never really got to live life and explore the world as an individual. I want explore me more and live life like as if it’s my life and I own it.

And not worry about being perfect all the time or performing all the time. Just live for the sake of living. I also fear I’ve focused too much on the end goal and my appearance and just the overall big picture and I want to become more intentional.