he flinches when her fingers wrap around his wrist, warmth blossoming across his skin, reminding him of how wrong this was. why did she continue to push? why couldn’t she just let it go? the more she fought it, the harder she made it. there was a moment’s hesitation, eyes closing as he held onto the feel of her touch. he wanted to take her hand in his, to offer kindness instead of a cold shoulder. but these feelings were not possible, not allowed. her touch made that harder, and he refused to be swayed from his convictions. the easiest way to stop this, was to destroy whatever she felt for him. just like his father had done to him.
he ripped his arm from her grasp and turned toward her, abject disdain etched across his features. who gave her the right to assume that he needed anyone? that he had ever needed anyone? he was the strongest shadowhunter of his time, the perfect soldier. he had only ever needed himself. his father had taught him that.
“ valentine is my father. “ he smiles bitterly. “ our father. and he was the only one i ever had, ever needed. that never changed, even after coming to the institute. “ he wouldn’t think about the way that izzy and alec had opened up a part of him that he had never thought possible. he wouldn’t think about robert and maryse treating him so differently than anything he had ever experienced with valentine. something he had wanted. he would force himself to forget the kind of love that made him weak. he studies her, eyes traveling across her frame, not attempting to conceal the disgust he was feeling, and the hatred at himself for what he was doing. he would force that outward, let her see just how cruel he could be.
“ and that means that i don’t need you clary. i never needed you. that fact that you think otherwise is comical. “ he took a step forward, closing the space between them, meeting her gaze. he hated himself for this. hated that this is what it had come to. but to save them from each other, he would continue to be the person that destroyed. better he become the monster than she. he leaned forward, eyes narrowing.
“ it’s easy to forget something that doesn’t matter. “
Clarissa Adele Fairchild….. NO. Clary Fray. Clary Fray wanted to fight everything she was being told with every FIBER of her being, && it felt like it was ripping her apart from the inside, as though it were REACHING in beyond any surface to extract the delicate workings of her heart, && SCRAMBLE them in every && any manner possible. DECIMATING something she was unable to stifle. With every word he said, every action he took, she found herself HOPING that it would work. That this time it would DISSUADE her headstrong heart from desiring the forbidden. That this time it would make a DIFFERENCE, it would stick as it was meant to, he’d be nothing more than FAMILY. && each time pushed her only further in the OPPOSITE direction.
The redhead grew up MUNDANE, her life not consisting of that which created the upbringing a Nephilim was ACCUSTOMED to. She hadn’t trained, hadn’t learned about runes from a young age. She wasn’t AWARE of the different creatures, species that ROAMED just beneath the surface of the Sight. But the moment she was exposed to this world, she hadn’t SHIED away from it. Her mother NEEDED her, && because of it she’d grown, in the LITTLE time it’d been.
❝Valentine may be your father, may be OUR father, but he isn’t my family nor is he yours. The Lightwoods, Alec, Izzy, Max, Robert, Maryse. They’re YOUR family, they’ve been there for you when you needed them the MOST. These are the people who’ve cared for you, PROTECTED you better than anyone else could. Alec is your parabatai, your brother, your other HALF. You can’t tell me that things haven’t changed, && expect me to BELIEVE it when you can’t explain it yourself.❞ She was completely fine with the disguised BITTERNESS his voice CREATED as he spoke at his reference to her being a sibling, for she hadn’t even BEGUN to consider him her family, ❝Valentine taught you that love was wrong, but you’ve only grown MORE for it. Your family is the reason for that. Don’t let him take it AWAY from you.❞
As he stepped CLOSER to her, the organ caged in her chest took to a rapid patter, as though it were about to jump out of her chest if given the CHANCE. Even when she knew that his words wouldn’t even NEAR the message she’d LONGED to hear. Soft lips PARTED as she inhaled, the hurt expression very clearly WOVEN onto her features. Although she was expecting it, it didn’t make the torture any less GRATIFYING.
❝You don’t HAVE to need me. But I don’t quite know how to STOP….. Needing you.❞
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