[itjusttakestime]

I will create new memories to fill the cracks

[itjusttakestime]

The most important thing is me and you and our future. Nothing else matters. No one else's opinion or journey matters to mine.

I am still special.

[itjusttakestime]

Today I read almost 80 pages of a new book. I haven't read a book in years. Taking a new book in my hands, going through words and pages it's something I have been missing.

I need to find myself again.

[itjusttakestime]

Maybe to write down my thoughts will help the healing. But it has been just one day since I came home from the hospital, and it just takes time.

I need to learn to trust again my body and my mind. It does not happen overnight.

I know I am supposed to be happy and grateful that everything went right, but it is still difficult to accept that it happened to me. The pain, the anxiety that it could happen again any minute, it seems unbearable right now.

The world keeps going and I'm standing still, crying in a dark room.

[itjusttakestime]

Some days I wake up alone and it's hard to find the energy to wake up. When I finally do it, it's hard to find a place where I feel good with myself. I know I should be happy, I know I have nothing to complain about, but I still don't feel good with myself. On the couch with a cup of coffee and some chocolate cookies, I may find my peace.

New year/

I want to feel good again in my body / I want to marry you / I want to buy a bigger house, and have a kid / I want to finish my MA and apply to further studies / I want to read at least 6 books.

[itjusttakestime]

We got engaged???!!!!

Life is good with you, and I can't wair to spend the rest of it together.

[nevver]

Color blocking, Rachael Cassiani

[nevver]

Look through any window, Cormac

[itjusttakestime]

numbers, dates, papers, cars, travels. i just want to come back to you. just one week. i just want everything to start again. just one month.

[nevver]

Natasha Law

[itjusttakestime]

Families are difficult.

[mjalti]

nothing is real and then all of a sudden everything is very real with no warning

[cat-memes-only]

Tomorrow is national stay at home with your cats and drink wine day.

It’s nothing official. I made it up, tell the others.

[itjusttakestime]

Hjemlengsel

Waking up next to you. Making you breakfast. Cuddles on the couch. Going back to bed. Lay with my head on your chest. Playing with your hair. Stupid videos and our song. Kisses. Everything. Five days and I already miss you.

Livet er gull med deg

[itjusttakestime]

K. found out I have this blog, and wanted to read it. I said no. He was okay with it. I need this space to write freely when I do not want to talk with anyone but him. K. is away for three days on a job trip and I am here with the cat. I cried all morning because every time he goes away I feel like the house is empty. But now it is okay. It is such an irrational fear of being left, but I know he is coming back. And it is only three days. I have been away much longer than that and nothing happened to our relationship. The point is that I still feel like I’m replaceable, even if he never said or even thought of me like that. 

Also, I need to get my shit together and get stuff done. I can’t just wait for things to solve themselves. Also, tomorrow it will snow, on Wednesday I have a busy day, and then Thursday is already here. See, the irrational fear of being left alone. On Friday we’ll leave for the weekend on the mountains with some friends. That’s something to look forward to. I’ll be okay, as always.

[itjusttakestime]

It snows and all I want to do is curling up in bed to study with music in the background. And you, I always want you next to me.

[itjusttakestime]