Honey Venom

[swuid]

ⓘ this user has been ground into a paste

[ch0co-c0rn3t-lov3]

DO NOT DOWNLOAD TUMBLR it will install a virus on your device called tumblr

[transheadcrab]

inherent gay need to redesign my bedroom every 3 months

[transheadcrab]

gays, home of sexuals, lgbtqs, help me redesign my bedroom because i cant live like this anymore. make suggestions & i will move items accordingly (everything in purple is stuff i can move). only requirement is that my bed is in some corner bc if it doesn’t touch two walls ill die

[aaays-and-bees]

Barricade the door

[transheadcrab]

great ! are there other suggestions that arent this !

[its-honey-venom]

who is esther and why is she dating so many people

[segamascott]

staples you are a flawed company you will never be office depot you are a baby dressed as a business man

[segamascott]

on hold for 12 minutes because i asked if they sold printers and she had to find out

[swarnpert]

it's called staples not printers

[micromontage]

*at the job interview* i have powers

[memorycycle]

before hotdogs existed people at baseball games would just eat sticks and rocks

[anphivenas]

Student : Wowww the cafeteria food is so nastyyyy today right Alyssa ?

Alyssa : Yes

Their friend Randy who has been trying to convince them for months that he was a death row inmate in his previous life: For my final meal they fed me the worlds roundest pea

[greek-orthodox-priest]

a village child tried to cut my beard today with scissors. naturally I destroyed him with lightning and sonic boom. now his parents are saying I "overreacted". well guess what is coming to them next. that's right it's lightning sonic boom.

[ilovetodrinkwater]

LOL but seriously release the hounds

[reallyreallyreallytrying]

people will be like "i'm bored" meanwhile there's baking soda and vinegar in the cupboard. make a volcano dude

[reallyreallyreallytrying]

hanging out at -33.881969,151.201410 right now if anyone wants to destroy me with an orbital laser

[reallyreallyreallytrying]

“average person eats 3 spiders a year” factoid actualy just statistical error. average person eats 0 spiders per year. Spiders Georg, who lives in cave & eats over 10,000 each day, is an outlier adn should not have been counted

[foxhardt]

you dont have to be a parent to understand the horror of walking into a room to discover that the baby crawled out of his crib and onto that pottery wheel you forgot to turn off, and while the baby is spinning around and around, the dog is sitting there all calm, like a person, gently using his paws to fashion the babys soft cartilage head into something a little more modern.  it might be the classic tale of bad parenting, but lets see where the dog is going with this

[amvs]

*dies hundreds of years ago as the village fool* well that fucking sucked lol let’s try again *reincarnated as a tumblr user* FUUUUUUCK

[kirbyofthestars]

are you ever like damnnnnnn why cant it be easier

[dark-magician-girl-meets-world]

One of the machines broke down at the hyperbole factory. The situation is frustrating, but ultimately manageable.

[dark-magician-girl-meets-world]

It just started working again! This is the best day ever!