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@itsallnonsenseanyway
And then get REAL good at obfuscating that you're doing this by learning how to Rationalise at a master level!!
Soon it will become muscle memory and you wonât even have to think about doing it, and will become convinced this is just your default state of being! đ
AND that you actually AREN'T blaming yourself or hating yourself, because you have learned to phrase it as being about how you know other people/the world perceive you (bonus if you make it "people in my specific cross-section of demographics"!), whether that's accurate or not "it doesn't matter, that's just what people think and how I will be treated". Even therapists will not detect it after you get this good at it, because you'll have successfully turned the statement into one about your experiences as a minority that is so rare therapists YOU can access are never part of it, so they shy away from contradicting you and if they DO you can chalk it up to them being bigoted.
All the constant put-downs arenât self-loathing, no no no, youâre just SO practical and realistic! Youâve got your expectations on LOCK theyâre so reasonable, this way you can never be disappointed about anything ever and if you are, hey, more things to totally legitimately blame yourself for. Because you really shouldâve known better. Youâre SO self-aware.
Tbh I know we're like, joking around and all but today I actually did say out loud "actually, it doesn't matter WHAT I did, nobody deserves to [be treated the way my ex treated me particularly in regard to the murder attempts]" and honestly I would not have gotten there if I hadn't learned more about the prison and punitive justice system from a defence lawyer and in so doing decided I was against punitive justice so like. Starting by changing how you view other people is not a bad place to start undoing this stuff, bc the way you think society should treat the worst people is sometimes the path to treating yourself with basic compassion if you think YOU are among the worst people.
I don't think anybody, no matter what they've done, should be killed or tortured or enslaved about it. I'm "anybody" and I've certainly not done anything particularly awful to anyone even in my worst moments, so like... if I would give basic humanity to someone who has done much worse, why not me? Even if I'm as bad as I feel sometimes, I'm still a human person.
So yeah. Idk. ymmv but becoming an activist for prison abolition and restorative justice really did a lot to help me fix my relationship with myself. Joking about the bad habits I'm still stuck in is helping me break from them but so is learning that punishment doesn't work, punitive justice isn't the only kind of justice (and doesn't work), and how restorative justice works. The macrocosm is the microcosm and vice versa. If you can't start inside, start outside and work your way in.
This is so, so beautiful. This is so beautiful and you're so beautiful and I hope this stays in your bones forever because it's true.
Learning this is so hard and it's an everyday thing. Being a public defender caused me to cross this threshold slowly and painfully -- because what happened to me wasn't really abuse, and I'm just some privileged white bitch and what do I know? What do I have to say?
In a very real way, I found society's worst and least defensible people because if I could find them worth defending then I could find myself worth defending. My privilege was a barrier that I needed to learn to cross, but it also became a shield that I could use on my clients' behalf.
And your words and insights have broadened my life and my perspective as well, so thank you for being there. Truly.
Call me antidepressants the way I'm not working
real talk i have become a problem recently. the hospital wanted my fingerprint and i said no. the receptionist was like: but its such a convenient way to check in! and i said ok i dont want you to have my biometric data. and she was so baffled. i said, can you not check me in using an id card?
well of course but dont you want to provide your biometric data for your convenience?
nope thanks!
fuck this happened again i was buying some LPs and the clerk was like: can i have your email? and i was like no.
she full on stared at me. she was like: but i need to put you into the system.
and i was like: need to? you NEED to? i don't want to give my email
and she was like: but...how are you going to return items without an account?
and i was like, with a fucking receipt??? wtf is going on right now. if i can't return them i guess i'll die??whatever
You know, when I've remarked that a lot of the responses to my posts feel like people are just plucking out keywords they think they recognise based on the shape of them and replying to what they imagine the post says based on that, the possibility never occurred to me that this is actually how many American schools are currently teaching kids to read.
Like, my assumption this whole time has been that when folks go "I misunderstood this post that says [thing] as saying [unrelated thing] because I mistook [word] for [completely different word that happens to start with the same letter]", that was a bit. What do you mean they're teaching kids a reading method that's tailored to produce this exact error?
Three cueing. Once you learn about it, a whole lot of very frustrating online discourse with US Americans makes so much sense đ
For decades, schools have taught children the strategies of struggling readers, using a theory about reading that cognitive scientists have
WE DON'T DO THE RUNNING OF THE INTERNS ANYMORE????
RIP to the one fucking thing we had that was enjoyable about our fucking government
can't have SHIT
the justification when law enforcement kills someone for no particular reason always boils down to âwe got really really scared, you should feel bad for us because we were sososo scaredâ ok. piss yourself or scream or something. why is killing someone the only option
American cops are very badly programmed. Gun is the only interaction they have.
You forgot texting their buddies pictures of decomposing murder victims, saying heinously racist and/or misogynistic stuff and âaccidentallyâ turning off their body cameras.
I always think of the description I saw years ago: Self-imposed deadlines don't help me, because I know the person who set them, and they're full of shit.
Give yourself the treat before you start. I'm serious. And ideally during the task and afterwards too.
Executive dysfunction comes from a lack of available dopamine. Common advice is wrong. You need to provide your own dopamine before you can start. Otherwise you're trying to run your car on empty.
"But what if I still don't do it" well you already weren't getting it done anyway. Now you have a little treat. Try again later.
You deserve kindness and care even when you aren't being productive.
(Also read How to Keep House While Drowning by KC Davis)
[ID: tweet by â¨bi-nosaur⨠(@/strugglesaurus) in response to sim (@/douwuata). they both read:
â¨bi-nosaurâ¨: One time a therapist was like "give yourself a reward for completing a task" and I was like "or I could just give myself the reward anyway and not do the annoying boring daunting task" and she was like... oh.
sim: a lot of tips for executive dysfunction are like "pretend the hat man is pointing a gun at you" "put your clock 15 minutes ahead"and i don't understand how are these tricks supposed to work because maybe i'm simply too.. aware?
/end ID]
important that you never forgive ice agents, ever. even years after all this is over (and I do believe we will make it out on the other side, alive and for the better,) they live in shame and disgrace forever. no excuses, no forgiveness. they ruined their own lives when they decided that human freedom and liberty was an acceptable sacrifice for a paycheck
The christian family in these memes (which are absolutely all over facebook these days) genuinely do always look miserable. Who the fuck is relating to these stock mormon farm cultists. That is a couple who made love only once in pitch darkness with bags on their heads then celebrated the pregnancy with a feast of uncooked potatoes and warm tapwater. The baby seems intrigued though. Maybe only by the bottle of pills??
Could not leave this in the tags <3
joining the war on kids reading any book they want on the side of kids reading any book they want. simply you will be fine. it's even good to be confronted with things you don't understand and even find upsetting, uncomfortable and difficult. it's a surprise tool that will help you later.
prev tags:
literally ok so not a funny story but kind of funny? when I was nine I encountered rape in a book and I was like hey mom whatâs this mean and she explained it and I was like oh. gross. and then like two weeks later a girl on the bus abruptly disclosed her csa and we were all like ????? what ???? but I was like wait hang on thereâs a word for that âď¸đ¤Â and explained what it meant and that it was illegal and that you could talk to a teacher or my mom if it had happened to you and everyone was like ohhhhh I see I see and very somberly comforted the girl (she was safe she was removed from her home and living with my neighbor at the time so it wasnât Urgent)
And this is a perfect illustration of why it is important for kids to read or variety of things, and why abusers donât want them to.
Hiding knowledge from kids will not benefit them but only render them helpless when faced with the unknown
not she berry or he berry but no berry
and that is berry good
Is anyone else constantly bothered by the fact that all of a child's medical care is required to go through their parents? That they must rely on these people to decide when they do or don't need medical care?
No matter how injured. If a parent doesn't deem it necessary to see a doctor, it doesn't happen. Teachers can suggest a doctor visit, but unless it's a very acute injury (and even then), it's ultimately up to the parents.
You can be 13. Twisted, maybe broken ankle. You teacher lets you sit out in PE. She's concerned, and tells you to rest when you go home, and see a doctor. You get home, ur parents fill a bath and add some Epsom salts, and then laugh at you for using it moms old colorguard stick as a cane. Take some ibuprofen they say. It's just a little sprain, ur a kid.
You go to school the next day, go to ur office assistant time. Office calls ur mom to come get you, because you're clearly in too much pain for school. Your mom laughs when she gets you, says you just were so determined not to miss school. Scolds you for making the office ladies worry.
You never see a doctor for the injury.
Your parents come into the exam room at every visit. This does not stop with age, except for gynecologist. But your parents are on the medical release forms. They fill them out for you, with you. You do not get to take them off.
You never get to tell s doctor about the ankle. Even though it never quote healed right, and it hurts every day.
Then your 18. In college. Still on your parents insurance, and have no car. The on campus clinic only does std testing. You fall down some stairs. Same injury. You call your parents, crying from the pain. You are using a mop as a cane. They console you and say to have a bath, take some meds, and let them know how it feels in a few days. You end up borrowing your roommates rolling chair to get around for the weekend.
By Monday, you can walk again. You walk miles to class every day. You ask to see a doctor, but your parents won't drive the hour to come take you, and you don't have the insurance card. You are still at their mercy for medical care. The ankle tries to heal again. This time worse than before. The tendons click with every step.
Now you're in your twenties. Finally have your own healthcare. You see a doctor. You get to mention the ankle! They say it's been too long to really even know what was damaged. That you have arthritis now. It healed wrong but it can no longer be fixed.
I'm 32 now. My ankle tells me the weather. I wear boots to keep it stable. What could have been a funny story about a fall and a cast has become a lifetime injury. Because children do not have access to medical care without a parents approval.