I really feel like I’m opening my eyes to this while Franklyn situation. He does not have good intentions and does not care about me. His actions don’t align with his words, and because I have low self worth right now, I accept subpar treatment.
How he treated me the first weekend vs now is like night and day. And I allow myself to be breadcrumbed because I rather that than to have no one. That is not okay. I certainly deserve better.
From not following up on my requests to hang out (wtf did I even do that) on MULTIPLE occasions, to not texting/calling back. Being openly distracted during our conversations. FaceTiming me, but then being silent and texting the entire time. Filling our friendship with empty promises and shallow IOUs. Even looping me in for a project, only to write me back out. AND THEN attempting to cover it up with, “At least you can put it on your resume. I’m looking out for you.” Kmt. If that were the case, he would’ve looped in Marie as well. I’m literally allowing him to play with me. I deserve so, SO much better.
So I really just need to be committed to myself in developing who I am. I really need to give these trash men a rest. And focus on myself. MY life. MY goals. Learning who I am and not allowing someone who clearly uses me for their own selfish gain to have that.
I deserve someone who chooses me and makes a point to see ME. Someone who doesn’t lead me on and is clear in their intentions. Someone who doesn’t just see me as “an American girl,” and belittled the relevancy of my cultural.
It’s crazy how we’ve even gotten this far tbh. No more explaining. No more “being vocal.” And all these other BS requests that put me in the pursuer’s seat. I’m better than that. I deserve more than that, and I will align my actions with my desire for better. Focusing on myself. Loving me and reclaiming lost time. Sis, I know you’re not fully in the door, but I’m pulling you in. No more of this foolishness with subpar men offering subpar adoration. No more being used as a piece of adornment. I’m so much better than that. No more merry-go-round, push-and-pull avoidant situationships and relationships that do not matter or add value to who I am.
I am too precious. My time is valuable. I can do internal vets and adjust accordingly WITHOUT their input. Because a man using you for his own personal gain will rarely— if ever— admit that. And I deserve so much more than that.
