no sleep til brooklyn

Name's John, what the fuck of it?

[lucaburnside-deactivated2016061]

Yes. My fetish rests in cowboys riding spaceships through a field of daisies. It gets me so hot.

[itsfucking-john]

I knew it! Ten gallon hats and little green men. What other weird shit are you into?

[keeleah]

Then who is to blame for you being forward? I don’t get it. Does that line actually work on anyone? I’ve got a boyfriend.

[itsfucking-john]

You're so defensive, babe. Relax, I'm not going to hurt you. Boyfriend or not, I couldn't resist the chance to tease a little.

[lucaburnside-deactivated2016061]

Well, who knows? Maybe you’re into cowboys and gardens and spaceships. 

Aww, but euphamisms are the best… Fair enough, I guess we’d have to agree to disagree. At least, until I go to New York and judge for myself.

[itsfucking-john]

...That sounds like the making of a really bad fucking porno. There something you're not telling me, Red?

[lucaburnside-deactivated2016061]

Aww, come on now. The Alamo? The moody gardens? Houston space center? I mean, granted, I don’t like any of those places, but… I don’t know. Something about the air in Texas, waking up in the morning to the sun… It just feels good. Besides, everything’s wilder in Texas. What’s life without a little walk on the wild side?

[itsfucking-john]

So you just name all these places you actually hate, and try to use that to make me like it? Makes sense.

Trust me, my life is plenty wild enough, without living in some state that needs to use euphemisms for most of its marketing slogans. I'll take my noisy, pollution-riddled city over that any day.

[keeleah]

I am, actually. And I don’t think I’m comfortable talking to you now. Bye.

[itsfucking-john]

Aw, come on, babe. Maybe I was a little forward, but can you honestly blame me for that? You've got a cute face, I'd like to see it on my pillow.

[keeleah]

Oh. Uh. Right. Let’s hope it doesn’t catch on over here.

[itsfucking-john]

Lemme guess you're one of those chicks who's against any kind of violence, justified or not. Maybe that bullshit can be fucked out of you. Let's hope.

[islaramseyblog-deactivated20140]

Well, I’ll try not to copy the New York accent once I get into NYU..

[itsfucking-john]

After you live there for a year, do whatever the fuck you want.

[lucaburnside-deactivated2016061]

What’s not good about Texas? I mean, that’s like asking what makes New York so great. You just have to live there to know.

[itsfucking-john]

Nah, you're fucking wrong. At least you know in the city you've got Broadway, Times Square, all that touristy bullshit to convince people that it's great. Ain't nothin' exciting in Texas except maybe some good football games.

[keeleah]

Where do people imitate New York accents for fun? And… other fake things?

[itsfucking-john]

Everywhere, apparently. If I start hearing that shit at school, though, I'mma fucking deck someone.

[q-dawson]

I don’t k-know where to find a-any! 

[itsfucking-john]

Well, that's a shame, getting high might do ya good, kid.

[lucaburnside-deactivated2016061]

Yeah, right. I just tend to ignore it, since they weren’t ever lucky enough to live in a place as glorious as Texas.

[itsfucking-john]

Texas, glorious? Now I know all that sunshine and desert went to your head, if your hair didn't give it away. What's so good about Texas?

[keeleah]

O-Oh. Who would do that around here? I mean, it’s pretty clear who’s from town and who isn’t.

[itsfucking-john]

Nah, not around here. Was watching some lame reality show, was fucking full of fake bullshit.

[q-dawson]

B-being harassed by a homeless m-man for crack isn’t funny, J-John. 

[itsfucking-john]

On the contrary, it's pretty fucking hilarious. You tell him where to find some?

[lucaburnside-deactivated2016061]

It’s not just the “ya’lls”. They think Texans speak like brain-dead yokels like that guy from The Simpsons. Or like Jessie from Toy Story, with the “howdy” and all that. Yeah, no one asks me if I “wawk my dawg”, but they love to ask me if I’m “darn tootin’”, or if I miss “bein’ home awn the ray-nge.” 

[itsfucking-john]

That's fuckin' hilarious, actually. I'd milk that shit for all it's worth, tell people you've got that southern charm or whatever the fuck you wanna call it. Make people feel guilty for mocking you.

[q-dawson]

D-do I even look l-like I sell drugs?

[itsfucking-john]

[t-eldridge]

Why would anyone even try to do that?

[itsfucking-john]

Trying to make some fucking jokes or some shit, I don't know, but it's fucking stupid.

[keeleah]

Wh-What’s a New York accent? I mean - what does it sound like?

[itsfucking-john]

An actual New York accent? Sounds like this, babe. Shit I'm pissed about? Remove some fucking R's, replace some Ls with W's, and all of a sudden people wanna know how you like ya cawfee, and whaddya doin' with that bottle ah wahtah.