crystal scars

Kait / 25/ Actor + Singer / 1John4:18 

[bluebeardsbride-deactivated2021]

“Women pick up surveillance faster than men do, as part of their survival skills, and they at once recognize desire. They also recognize its absence. She felt the change in him. Something was missing behind his eyes.”

— Thomas Harris, Hannibal Rising

[stlowens]

“It is a terrible thing to be so open: it is as if my heart put on a face and walked into the world.”

— Sylvia Plath, “Three Women.”

[1-800-issabae]

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but she’s not catching feelings, you are an entanglement.

[ecrirejenesaisquoi]

“You are a woman. Skin and bones. Veins and nerves. Hair and sweat. You are not made of metaphors. Not apologies. Not excuses.”

— Sarah Kay, No Matter the Wreckage

[traditionally-linsi-deactivated]

5 Dating Tips

Be Prepared:

Know where you're going, who you want to meet, and know what you'll be eating and drinking or what you'd like to have. Be prepared for all situation, pack essentials in your purse, and know what's going on in the world. If you want to meet a man in finance, read up about finance before you head out, if you're interested in men who are in business, read up about international business. Be prepared with different subjects to talk about, be physically prepared, and be prepared to meet people. You can't walk out of your home expecting to not succeed, walk out of your home with a positive attitude and know that you'll succeed in all of your endeavours. If you're going on a date some someone special or just want to meet someone specific, you need to be prepared for every possible situation, then you can handle everything that comes your way properly.

I used to steam and perfect my outfits, use a lint roller, and get my shoes and stockings ready and hour before I got in the shower and at least 2,5 hours before I did my makeup. I was always ready to go out. I was always in that mindset. I was the sort of woman who didn't like to bother with Mr. Right Nows, I liked to be in the mindset of knowing that I could easily go out and find my Mr. Right if I believed that I could. There's a mindset of success that you need to have, you can't believe you'll fail. I wanted to be with a man that I could thrive and grow old with, laugh and cry with, have late nights and early mornings with, and enjoy life in all it splendour with. I didn't see the point of going out over and over and trying life with a million men when I knew there's was only one for me. I didn't consider that of have to look forever, I only considered the fact that I knew that I would be happy and whole in the future with the man that I knew I'd marry.

Make a list of the things you won't negotiate:

What are the things that you'd never consider in a man you're with? Would you date a smoker or a drinker? Would you date a Protestant if you're a Catholic? Would you date a man who does casual party drugs? Would you live your life with a man who's seriously overweight and doesn't want to change? You need to make a list of the things that you would absolutely not consider in a partner, money comes secondary but the fact of the matter is that there's nothing worse than being with someone who you're supposed to love but wishing every moment that you were alone.

There are some men who don't want marriage, if you are desperate to be married, don't settle down with them. Put it on your non-negotiable list that you'd like to be married within 5 years and find a man that you'd like to be married to. There are men out there who want to be married and will propose to you, find one of them. There's no need to be with a man who doesn't want to marry anyone and try to convince him to marry you. You don't want to force anyone into marriage if they're not absolutely enthusiastic about being with you.

The proper man for you will propose to you when the time is right, the proper man for you will be the man you need to be with, and if he's willing to quit alcohol, drugs, and cigarettes to be with you, he'll do it without you feeling like you've forced him into making decisions that he doesn't want to do. When you find him, you'll know. There's nothing like having non-negotiables so you know exactly what you need out of a relationship and you know the sort of man that you're looking for. There's no shame in having expectations for someone.

Establish your longterm goals:

What do you want from life and from your marriage in 5 years, 10 years, 15 years, and 20 years? Where do you see yourself now and where do you want to see yourself? What do you want? You need to know what you want and have an idea of what you need within certain time frames. Would you like to be married within 5 years and have a baby within 7 years? Would you like houses? Do you want to travel? Do you want jewellery? What do you want? Figure out what you want beforehand so you have an idea of what sort of man you want to spend your life with. Your longterm goals need to match the longterm goals of your potential husband, if not, then you probably won't be compatible in the long run. If you have an idea of the goals and the things you want and you meet a man who's capable of giving you those things, consider a relationship. Once you find someone, you don't need to keep looking, it'll lead to disappointment. Once you find someone you love and want to be with, stop looking for someone better, settle down, and grow up.

Be candid about your values:

I'm a religious woman, even though Frederick was Lutheran when I met him, his paternal family is extremely Conservative and Catholic. I began going to Lutheran Church when I moved in with him in Sweden because it was convenient and because it was the church that his maternal family went to. When we moved to England, he realised that it would be easier to go to Catholic Church and he preferred it because it was familiar. I was raised with traditional values and Catholic values and he was as well. One of the reasons why we worked together was because of our similar values. If you're a conservative and very religious, it's probably not going to work out with a man who's an atheist and who's very liberal. Don't waste your time on men who don't have values similar to yours because they won't change.

I'm happy at home but I work 2 hours daily with my husband because he needs me. I leave the house. He's perfectly happy to let me leave if I want to. I'm always evolving and I'm happy with a man who's able to adapt. Do you have the same values towards Sex? Politics? Children? Religion? Staying home? Money? Know what you need from a man and know that you need to be certain with your choices. If you can't speak about things and agree, you need to consider how your life would be together. There's a reason conservatives date and marry conservatives, there's a reason Christian women date Christian men, and there's a reason why liberal men and liberal women marry and date. They all share similar values with each other.

List down all the men you meet and write down what you liked and didn't like about them:

For every date you go on and for every man you meet, write down what you didn't like and what you liked about them. It's important to know what you like in a man. You should list down qualities, hobbies, jobs, and other positive things that you like about the men that you've met that you like so you can begin to look for the things that they all have in common. If you know what you like, you'll have an easier time when it comes to finding what you're looking for in a potential husband.

Same with the negatives, list the negative things so you know what you don't like and don't think you'd like in a potential husband. If you meet men with bad behaviour, note that bad behaviour down so you have an easier time identifying it in a potential husband. Knowing all of the things that you consider negative and being able to identify them in a future husband are so important, you don't need to sift through men when you can take your list of negatives and make the process so much easier on yourself. Knowing what you consider negative and figuring out on your own time is so important to growing up and learning what you need in a potential husband.

I think it's much easier to make a list of all of the things that you do and don't like in men that you meet than to make a list with no experience. Yes, you can look up certain qualities and such and list them but what if you decide that you do like them? I thought that I could never love a man who was aggressive, Frederick threw one punch and took my ex boyfriend out and I realised just how much a little bit of aggression when defending my honour could light my fire. I dislike conspiracy theorists, I know the earth is round, and I could never be with a man who believed in conspiracy theories and thought the earth was flat. There's nothing to it.

<3

[traditionally-linsi-deactivated]

Six Types of Unsatisfactory Men:

The Married Man:

I think we've all had fantasies about married men, there can be something alluring about a man with a ring on his finger but know this, he's already made his choice and the woman he chose was not you. He's made himself a life with his wife and you should not intervene. Now, it takes two to tango but you can easily refuse to be his dancing partner. A relationship that begins with one partner who commits an act of infidelity will never truly last, if he cheated with you, you'll always have to worry if he's carrying on the cheating lifestyle whilst he's with you, that's if he even leaves his wife. If a man promises over and over that he'll leave his wife for you but never does, he was never going to leave her in the first place and, if he does leave his wife, you don't want to marry a man who's willing to leave his wife for a woman he cheated on with, history tends to repeat itself and it's not always pleasant.

The Fixer-Upper:

This isn't Property Brothers and unless your man is Jonathan or Drew Scott, you don't want to waste your time renovating and remodelling him. I've said it once and I'll say it a million times, men will never truly be 'fixed' until they want to fix themselves. Don't take on a grown man as a fixer upper project because you can't fix the habits he's engrained in himself throughout his entire life, if he doesn't want to change for himself, he won't change for you. Imagine putting yourself in a position where you feel the need to attempt to fix someone to the point where you actually want to be with him. If you don't meet someone and immediately embrace them for who they are, move on. You shouldn't feel obligated to fix someone, there's someone out there who's perfect for you and there's someone weeks perfect for him. Move on and find that guy.

The Perpetual Child:

There's no difference to me when it comes down to being unable to hold down a job and simply not wanting to. There's no reason that your man shouldn't either be working at a job, working on themselves, working with your children, or working on school. You can't pull all the weight and do everything on your own. I hate this mindset that some men have that they're too good for some jobs, a real man and a truly good partner is willing to take whatever opportunity he's given and work as hard as he can until something better comes along. Be it working at Starbucks to alleviate some of your stress while he's in school or taking up a job as a garbage man, your man needs to be either steadily employed, working on himself, or contributing to your household in some other major way that benefits the both of you. I see woman after woman who's perfectly content to allow her partner to sit on his bum and do nothing while she works and takes care of their children, that sort of woman also tends to be the type to endlessly complain about her partner. Be the type of woman who sets down boundaries and doesn't allow herself to continue on in a completely one sided relationship that doesn't benefit her.

The Player:

Yes, he's bilingual, he speaks English and you'll soon come to learn that he's also speaking to 13 other girls as well as you. Don't bother with The Player. If he's unwilling to commit to one woman and all of his relationships are dysfunctional, don't subject yourself to the entire process of mind games and hoops that you'll have to jump through to convince yourself that he's worth it. He's not. You don't want to be with a man who you have to beg to only be with you. That insecurity of knowing that he is taking to other girls and the wondering you'll do about him finding better than you can be easily alleviated, leave him and find a man who's not dysfunctional and can commit himself to one relationship and one woman. There's no need to stay with a man who leads you on with empty promises, it'll continue as long as he's willing to trying you along and it will never be on your terms. Leave him and end the games he's playing to show that you're capable of seeing through his smokescreens and find someone isn't all smoke and mirrors when it comes to dating.

The Gaslighter:

He's able to manipulate any situation to his benefit, he'll make you think that you're absolutely off your rocker, he'll make you think that the people around you are out to get you, and he'll do anything in his power to make everything always benefit him. He's the King of Emotional Abuse, he'll berate you and them try to make you think that his actions and the words that came out of his mouth were your own fault, he'll do anything to feel power over you, and he needs to feel like everything that comes under his gaze or purview is completely under his influence and his control, he has an image to maintain and he won't let anything come in the way of what he believes is perfection. These types of men always have one thing in common, they always have extremely unhappy and unsatisfied wives and partners or they're just alone because no woman wants to deal with him and his antics. Once you begin to realise that he's an emotional abuser, flee and watch your life begin to improve once one of the elements of toxicity has been removed from it.

The Older Dude:

I call him the Older Dude because he's not really a man, he's an older guy who's in the middle of his midlife crisis or something and wants a hot young girlfriend to take his mind off of his rapidly approaching mortality. He's never been able to hold down a long lasting relationship with a woman his own age because they can see right through him and his childish antics and want nothing to do with him and so he settles for women much younger than him because he never truly emotionally matured past the age of 25. No matter how successful he may be, if he's in his forties and he's had a ton unsuccessful relationships with young girlfriends, he's never considered dating a woman his own age, and he's showing no sign of stopping to slow down and mature, you will never be able to make a relationship work with him and you shouldn't waste your time with a man double your age. You'll see it in a lot of older male celebrities (isn't it time DiCaprio settled down?) and you'll see it in a lot of wealthy men, they live their lifestyles fast and loose with women much younger than them and then they wonder why they don't have stability and why they haven't been able to build a proper family. They still need time to mature and they need to do that on their own time and on their own accord, without you guiding them through every step.

<3

[sbrown82]

“Where there is a woman there is magic.”

— Ntozake Shange, Sassafrass, Cypress & Indigo 

[lifeinpoetry]

“but i’m not an easy woman / and why would you want to be?”

— — Jenny Zhang, from “jenny’s trying / victoria’s theme,” My Baby First Birthday

[freelance-philosopher]

“I hate men who are afraid of women’s strength.”

— Anaïs Nin, Henry and June: From “A Journal of Love”: The Unexpurgated Diary of Anaïs Nin, 1931-1932

[onlyblackyoutubers]

Ari Fitz

[watchoutforintellect]

Anne Sexton - From Small Wire

[hollowtowers]

I just realized that one day he is going to love someone else. This is a strange thing to grasp. I will love someone else and he will love someone else. We will not be anything. We will not be “we.” He and I will be the separate parts of a previous whole, a whole slowly fading into a history which will be tainted and faded and blurred. The whole will be a ghost of dead thing and something never spoken of. This is a strange thing to grasp.

[letswritetheending]

reblogged this over five years ago. never imagined I’d be living in the reality of it now. 

[runwild-rundeep]

Growing up is weird. Losing touch with friends who you thought would be at your wedding is weirder. 

[letswritetheending]

losing touch with friends who you thought would be IN your wedding is weirder. 

[itsmethatsings]

“I thank God for protecting me from what I thought I wanted and blessing me with what I didn’t know I needed.”

— https://twitter.com/goodquoteco (via words-of-emotion)

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(via words-of-emotion)

[witanddelight]

[itsmethatsings]

CAN I LIVE HERE IN MY TWENTIES WITH MY HUSBAND

[itsmethatsings]

“I wish people could just say how they feel like ‘Hey I really don’t like when you do that to me’ or ‘Hey I’m in love with you’ or ‘Hi I really miss you and I think about you all the time’ without sounding desperate. Why can’t everyone be painfully honest and just save people the trouble.”

— Unknown (via thelovejournals)

[itsmethatsings]

“Immature people falling in love destroy each other’s freedom, create a bondage, make a prison. Mature persons in love help each other to be free; they help each other to destroy all sorts of bondages. And when love flows with freedom there is beauty. When love flows with dependence there is ugliness. A mature person does not fall in love, he or she rises in love. Only immature people fall; they stumble and fall down in love. Somehow they were managing and standing. Now they cannot manage and they cannot stand. They were always ready to fall on the ground and to creep. They don’t have the backbone, the spine; they don’t have the integrity to stand alone. A mature person has the integrity to stand alone. And when a mature person gives love, he or she gives without any strings attached to it. When two mature persons are in love, one of the great paradoxes of life happens, one of the most beautiful phenomena: they are together and yet tremendously alone. They are together so much that they are almost one. Two mature persons in love help each other to become more free. There is no politics involved, no diplomacy, no effort to dominate. Only freedom and love.”

— Osho (via enigmatic-being)