It gets better..
It has been a while since I have blogged..
Back in February I experienced a life changing medical emergency. I had a Pulmonary Embolism. You may be wondering what that is, or maybe you have heard of it but have never really looked into it. A Pulmonary embolism is a blockage in one of the pulmonary arteries in your lungs. In most cases, pulmonary embolism is caused by blood clots that travel to the lungs from the legs or, rarely, other parts of the body (deep vein thrombosis.
You may be wondering what exactly would cause this for someone so young. Well, you see I have a clotting disorder that I got from one of my parents called Prothrombin G20210A, which is also known as Factor 2.
I am not sure who I got this genetic mutation from, however, I will be on blood thinners for the rest of my life. It is quite scary to know how easy and how fast I bleed. I just have to be extra cautious of what is around me. Although this may seem like a negative part of my life many things have came out positive.
While in the hospital my ex-girlfriend, Sabrina, messaged me and wanted to come see me. We had already been having some conversations here and there about life and I just wanted to push her away. I was in a relationship at the time and knew that the amount that we were talking and the conversations we were having were going to lead back to a relationship. However, Sabrina made it very clear to me that I had hurt so bad mentally and emotionally that she did not want to get back with me. I ended up leaving my girlfriend at the time because I knew that it was not what I wanted and or needed in my life. I was stuck on Sabrina. I continued to talk to her and our conversations were getting more and more in depth. She then came and visited me in the hospital and ended up picking me up when I was discharged. I knew that there was no one else in this world that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with than here because she was my absolute best friend. About a month later Sabrina and I made everything official, well, without asking each other. We were just happy and constantly together, calling each other girlfriend to other people but we had not sat down and discussed it.
Sabrina’s sister, Wendy, sent me a photo of a ring and said to buy it for Sabrina, I knew this was something that Sabrina would absolutely love and it was not something I would have expected to be the ring. While I waited for the ring to come in the mail I thought more and more about how there was no one else in this entire world that I wanted to spend my entire life with. Sabrina supports me, she loves me and she encourages me to be better every day. Life has been extremely difficult since February, I ended up losing my job, my medical insurance and most of my friends. No matter what happened, Sabrina was there beside me holding my hand telling me that everything was going to be okay.
April 1st, 2018, Sabrina and I woke up and went to church for the first time since we have been together, and maybe even since I moved to South Bend, Indiana back in May of 2016. While I was in the hospital I found my faith again. Ever since coming out of the closet back in 2014 I have been extremely hesitant to go to church because I have never felt comfortable being a lesbian going to church. I have always felt extremely judged. It has been far from easy to finally get out of bed to go somewhere that I may not feel welcomed.
Back in high school I started an organization at my school called Fellowship of Christian Athletes and fought extremely hard to have this at my high school. My faith was extremely strong until 2014, the year I graduated and came out as a lesbian to my friends and family. Going to church with Sabrina, her daughter Serenity, and her parents is the absolute best thing for us.
Moving forward to April 23, 2018, Sabrina and I got in the car without her knowing the destination. We went to Potato Creek State Park in St. Joseph County, Indiana and walked down by the lake and sat on a picnic table to talk about life. Sabrina got up to look at the lily pad in the water and I got up and awkwardly as ever, laughed my way through asking her to marry me. She didn’t believe me because I was laughing so hard but I just couldn’t even believe this was happening. After everything we had been through over the last year and some odd months, I was asking the love of my life to marry me. She said yes! I couldn't even believe what was happening! It started to rain and Sabrina and I headed back home.
Sabrina and I have began to plan our wedding for 2019 and I could not be more excited. We are going on vacation with Sabrina’s grandma to Jacksonville, Florida from May 28th- June 3rd for a graduation and we are extremely excited to get away from Indiana for a week!
Moral of this is that even at the darkest point in my life, so many positive things have come out of it. I am doing well, minus some chest pain every now and then. I am so blessed to have a wonderful fiancée who supports me in everything I do. I am hoping to be able to get a new job as soon as I am cleared to go back to work.
