We all have a past, and to various extents, we have all been moulded by our pasts. For some, the demons in our pasts are bigger and/or more difficult to manage than for others. And for some, these demons continue to dominate the present and dictate the future.
We all tend to develop theories about the world and ourselves as a result of our past experiences. And from these theories come natural fears about the world and the future. This is a typical, normal human process, rooted in evolution, and can be very adaptive, when fears are rooted in real dangers.
But, as humans, we are not always logical. The theories that we construct may not always be accurate, helpful or adaptive, and the fears that result can be unwarranted and even harmful.
While we may have an innate drive to protect ourselves from danger, sometimes that drive can focus more on protecting ourselves from our deepest past hurts, rather than those that are the most rational or the most likely to occur again. And when certain hurts have occurred more than once in our lives, the related theories, and fears they create, can appear more defensible.
If we do not make active effort to inspect the theories we hold about the world, our fears can unconsciously lead us to build walls instead of bridges against the things we desire the most in life. In effort to escape our past by making sure certain events never happen again, we may instead overprotect ourselves, to the point that we prevent ourselves from achieving or obtaining what it is we really want. We may become closed to the chance of finding what we want, because it is the very things we want that we are also desperately afraid of losing again. After all, it is those negative, hurtful experiences that have led to the development and persistence of such fears in the first place.
It is important to step back, look around for a moment, and re-evaluate whether certain fears are actually warranted. Were those fears ever warranted? And if they were, at one time, are they still? We must consider what we assume contributed to those events and examine A) whether it actually caused the event(s) and B) whether the factors are still relevant. Even if A is true and, to some extent, our fears are based on what legitimately precipitated or created the conditions for past event(s), are they still significant or applicable? Or have things changed? And, if so, what has changed and how?
Regardless of our past, we have the ability to manage how it effects our present and future. Another one of my favourite quotes is as follows: While we cannot go back and make a brand new start, we can start from today and make a brand new future – one we really want to see! We all have demons in our past, and as previously mentioned, some are more influential than others. But we also have the ability to consciously and actively work on managing how those events affect our lives now and in the future. Working on these items does not signify weakness, fault, or flaw, but rather shows a strong, honest, self-aware individual who has been through a lot but isn't willing to let the past dictate the future.
It is also important to remember and recognise the positive experiences in our pasts that have shaped us and made us who we are today. All of the things we have worked to overcome, that have made us stronger, more knowledgeable people, and all of the angels we have had and still have in our lives. It is quite easy to focus on the negative and let the unfortunate fill our vision. But if we can focus more on the good experiences and less on the hurts of our past, we can begin to see our past, present and future in brighter, more positive light.
While we are undoubtedly shaped by our experiences, we are perhaps shaped even more so by the perceptions we have had, and continue to hold, about ourselves and our pasts. While we often have to adjust our sails to keep our boats on track, we also must evaluate and adjust, if need be, our assumptions from time to time. Humans are very plastic and malleable, and are very easily moulded by events. Fortunately, this flexibility also allows us to consciously shape ourselves with constructive purpose and intention.
Like I’ve said before, “Sometimes, if we think we can or we think we can’t, we are absolutely right”, and seldom does a person attain or obtain more than they have attempted to do, or allowed themselves to have. It is often the case that it is what we think that we become, like a self-fulfilling prophecy. Therefore, it may not be until we break out of this often destructive cycle, that we can obtain, or give ourselves permission to receive, what it is we really want and need in our lives. When it comes to that which we desire, instead of looking for it we may have to first start to break down walls we have built against it, before we can find, build or accept any bridges that may lead to it.
And while the past may still creep in from time to time, as long as we can look somewhat objectively at it and work to determine whether or not our theories are accurate, helpful, or adaptive, we can break free from our past and create and accept the future we want to see in our lives. We are far more than what we have gone through or are currently going through. And with a little acceptance, forgiveness and self-love, we can and will overcome our past hardships, pain and suffering.
titsay
ellievsbear
germansingergirl
tangentwithtanner
turnnoffyourmind
gamechangershow
