This back injury for Frank is really opening my eyes to some things about myself!!
He re-tweaked it Friday and is able to stand and walk but sitting is pretty uncomfortable. He iced before but is on heat now, alternating ibuprofen and Tylenol after having just been using ibuprofen for a couple days.
So I am picking up a lot of his chores because most require bending/reaching/lifting in some capacity - physically doing the laundry (he is able to fold thank god), watering, walking Gus (putting his training collar on and being on every walk with them, he is walking to help loosen it up), clearing the table, squeegeeing the shower after we both use it (he goes second bc he normally showers at work and doesn’t have to squeegee so he does it at home to give me a break from it), taking out the trash, helping make the bed with fresh linens and more I am forgetting.
And doing all those tasks for him is… no big deal for me? I truly thought I would feel overwhelmed and tired but I feel capable? Useful? And doing all those tasks to his standard, not doing them how I would do them if it was just me.
How can I be a better person to others than I am to myself??? It is wild. It made me think about my goals for my mobility and how I just want to do it for Frank. Before, I would talk myself out of it because that wasn’t the “right” reason so I just wouldn’t do it. But who gives a shit what the reasons are as long as I actually DO SOMETHING?
I know Frank is probably gearing up for some big thank you but I would like a small one here and there when I do some of his chores. Which has also helped me examine myself!! Is it not enough to help the man I love, I need recognition/validation?
He did absolutely everything when I injured my knee, no complaints and he gave me great care. He was so supportive and kind. But every time he would bring me something, I would thank him. Every time I saw him doing “my” chore, I thanked him. I just wanted him to know I saw all he was doing and appreciated it.
He did vocalize he was worried it wasn’t improving so I mentioned making an appt at the ortho place I go to for my knee bc they could do PT as well. I said we knew they already take our insurance and don’t need a referral which is half the battle. I sent him the website page to request an appt and he did that yesterday so hopefully they can see him early next week and give him ideas on what to do. I doubt he needs imaging but who knows.
I can tell he is really frustrated and in pain but he is very stoic. I think his lack of verbal thanks is partly bc he feels like shit needing me to do that stuff. He is very much a completely capable man and it is unnerving needing help with such simple tasks. (He just got out of the shower and I can hear him kind of grunt/moan when I’m assuming he is trying to dry his lower legs off.)
He refuses a lot of my offers to help, like with his shoes or helping him off the couch. He still thanks me for cooking/delicious meals and other things so it isn’t like he is being an ungrateful dick. I just think my mindset to caregiving and things it brings up isnt something I haven’t really ever examined!!
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