no matter how much he tries to thin the doubt in the chasm of his chest, it suspends his senses. it’s become no less a haze than the malevolence that’s taken root in the ground just a few miles away — it’s become him, just as he’s become this.
still, he isn’t prepared to accept that fate without a fight. here just isn’t the place to battle the storm of his mind; doing so in front of alisha would be incredibly selfish. and perhaps in one way or another, he’s fallen to self-indulgence too… but how could that be? when he wants nothing more than to save everyone, to put this world back together from the shambles that he never meant to tear in his hands?
for a moment, his expression clears. the uneasy glaze over his eyes falls away, and he refocuses with a crease in his brow that signals the very real concern that’s been lying dormant ( all too hidden in the red intent he’s worn for the last few months ).
“upset with you? why would i be?” she’s the last person to blame. he knows it well enough to nauseate—couldn’t let it go if he tried. “you’re doing a great job.” he assures, the next smile he offers an impossibly brittle thing.
( to be free of this disappointment… he can only imagine. )
instinctively, he reaches out to touch her shoulder; his knee-jerk reaction is still to comfort, to reassure, to compromise his own feelings for the sake of others. at least he knows alisha deserves as much. he can’t say the same for everyone else anymore. “heh… i don’t look that torn up, do i?” but it speaks a greater volume that his hand retracts, pulled back to rub behind his neck. surely as a shepherd, she’s bearing the weight of enough taint as it is.
“just proud of you, that’s all.”
The name she dearly wants to whisper once more slowly dies ‘pon her tongue, as though it’s been dissolved by the PAIN her dear friend sickly holds. Regret and guilt still linger, and never did they wane with every bit of heartbeat she feels POUNDING in its thick accents for Sorey’s dilemma; a plight she instigated and could not ALLEVIATE.
The gentle rest ‘pon her shoulders did briefly steal her away from the crowd of her thoughts, tenderly PRYING her away from the traps left bare for her to fall. She sees the KINDNESS yet to be forged into death’s palms -- and slightly is she glad to witness such strength, alive and breathing.
❝ You are an idiot, Sorey ... ❞
Instinctively, her hand extends out for his cheek, slightly trembling en route. Her fingertips, buried ‘neath cloth, ever so cautiously reach to trace the skin.
❝ See that you are in pain, that you need a peace that I am willing to give. You hide behind a million smiles but I know ... I know you are MORE than that. ❞
Her voice barely makes it out without the shivers rendering it into IMPERFECTION -- but those do not matter, not when she NEEDS to pour her heart bare for her friend. Her eyes slightly narrows as though to SEE, to clearly witness what has been undone of the boy -- and what has to be done.
❝ I have not been your friend for long -- but I only wish that you could put your faith in me a little more. Know that I will not accept the lies that cause you harm. ❞