Just me

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Valen: Hey, magister, are you free on Friday? Like around eight?

Merlin: Yeah.

Valen: And you, general?

Hogan: Umm... yes?

Valen: Great! Because I'm not. You two go out without me. Enjoy your date!

Hogan: Did he just?

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Merlin: Because I am a shapeshifter, my friends runs a bet about my sexuality. I am not a male, femele, non-binary or trans. I identify as a problem. My pronouns are "try" "me".

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Merlin: We can bake these cookies at 200 degrees for 10 minutes or 2,000 degrees for 1 minute.

Dolly: No, that's not how you make cookies.

Valen: FLOOR IT!

Lorsan: How about 2,000,000 degrees for 1 second?

Dolly: YOU'RE GONNA BURN THE HOUSE DOWN-

Merlin: I'M GONNA HARNESS THE POWER OF THE FUCKING SUN TO MAKE COOKIES!

Valen: DO IT!

Dolly: NO-

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Merlin, walking into the Mistical House: Hello, people who do not live here.

Valen: Hey.

Lorsan: Hi.

Eironn: Hello.

Sinbad: Hey!

Merlin: I gave you the key to my place for emergencies only!

Lorsan: We were out of Doritos.

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Hogan: Merlin is very book smart and Valen is very street smart.

Hogan: Together they are book streets.

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Merlin, bored: I think I have an idea.

Hogan: For everyone's safety, you better not "think" or "have an idea".

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Hogan, pointing to the wall: What color is this?

Valen: Gray.

Lorsan: Grey.

Hogan, turning to Merlin: Now tell them what color you think it is.

Merlin: Dark white.

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Dolly: What are you writing?

Merlin: The government wants to know what kind of weapons we have in the house. I'm letting them know it's private information.

Hogan, looking over Merlin's shoulder: This just says 'fuck around and find out' in calligraphy.

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Merlin: Dura, give me patience.

Eomir: I think you mean 'give me strength'.

Merlin: If Dura gave me strength, you'd be dead.

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*Merlin after being asked how many times they nearly died on their adventures*

Merlin: Surprisingly not that many.

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Merlin: Oh just so you know, it's very muggy outside

Hogan:

Hogan: Merlin, I swear to Dura, if I step outside and all of our mugs are on the front lawn...

Merlin: *Sips tea from bowl*

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Lorsan: I just inhaled an entire can of Febreeze and I'm tripping balls right now.

Lyca: Why would you do that?

Lorsan: A better question is "Why am I still alive?".

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Merlin: You know, I wish I could sleep, but then my stupid ADHD kicks in, and my brain basically goes: one sheep, two sheep, cow, turtle, duck—Old MacDonald had a farm—ayyy, Macarena!

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Merlin: Seatbelts everyone!

Hammie: Please let this be a normal visit

Chippy: With the magister? NO WAY!!!

Hammie: AAAAAHHHHH!!!

[ivothefandomcameleon]

Merlin, filming: Is it good?

Chippy, happily eating a jalapenio: Yeah.

Chippy: *Takes a bite*

Chippy: *Is suddenly hit by the spice*

Chippy, eyes watering: It's spicy.

Merlin, trying to not to laught: It is.