ST.JAMES *!

[ivy-stjames]

julien ​:

In all their years of knowing each other, Julien had never seen Ivy this mad. Or maybe he had but it was always at Eli or something…he’d never seen her this mad at him. He didn’t know what to do. He was hearing her words and he was feeling her wrath but he was still at a loss. What did she want from him? Julien’s eyes followed Ivy as she turned around and steadied herself against the piano, but she quickly whipped back around when he vocalized that she as making him feel worse. Just like that she was back to yelling at him and he was back to staring at her in a wrecked disbelief as his face got hot. “Okay, fine—” he started to shout back, frustrated, but he was cut off once again. At some point in Ivy’s rant, she lost him, and he looked at her with his mouth hung open and brows knitted together. “What are you even talking about? That’s not how I see you,” he interrupted, rubbing his face furiously as if that would somehow help alleviate the immense stress he was under. As she continued to yell, Julien dropped his hands to his sides with a loud clap and groaned, “I am listening to you.” Well, wasn’t he? Wasn’t he taking all of the vicious words being hurled at him? Julien hated being in the hot seat like this. He really tried to be a good person, to do the right thing, and yet here he still was. Couldn’t Ivy see that he was trying and that he didn’t mean any harm? His inner monologue came to a screeching halt when he thought he heard Ivy say she wasn’t giving him any more time. “What?” he asked as he was violently brought back down to earth. He wanted to ask more questions and explain himself, but he couldn’t out talk her. Every time he opened his mouth to speak, she was already getting her next thought out. A different kind of panic started to settle in around him. The warmth was gone from Ivy’s eyes and her words were merciless. “Ivy, please,” he started, but he faltered. There were so many things he could say: Ivy, please, calm down. Ivy, please, just give me some time. Ivy, please, let me fix this. But his thoughts ceased to exist when she said she hated him. A suffocating silence enveloped them slowly and with each second that passed, Julien had a harder and harder time breathing. “You don’t,” he countered, but his voice came out small. This was Julien’s worst nightmare. One hour ago, if someone asked him what the worst thing he’d ever done was, he would’ve said breaking Rory’s heart. But now, standing here with crying, broken down and furious Ivy, he knew this was it. She never even got mad at him and now here she was hating him. “You don’t mean that,” he said quickly once she reiterated her point, unwilling to accept that this was now their reality. Julien felt nauseous. What had he done? What was he doing? Why was it still so hard for him to say the right thing? But then when he thought about it, he realized that words weren’t what Ivy needed to feel better. He instinctively opened his arms and stepped towards her, eyes pleading, wanting nothing more than to just hold her until all the bad feelings disappeared. “Just…” Julien cautiously and slowly started to close his arms around her, “let me.”

IF IT WASN’T ALREADY OBVIOUS, THERE WAS NO GOAL IN MIND AS IVY CONTINUED ON HER RAMPAGE. she had thought she was hurt when she had broken up with leo and he was initially non-responsive, but it was different with julien. leo had frequently been unemotional, but julien was nothing of the sort and apart from the initial incidents it hurt that any remorse or regret he showed had only come after ivy started tearing into him. it only added kindling to the steadily growing fire beneath her heart that caused it to jerk in a million different directions. it was easy to succumb to the anger, there had been a new anger birthed in her weeks ago when she found she had been pregnant, since then it had only gradually built and built and now julien was on it’s receiving end. this was the turning point, julien’s actions had tipped the scales, and that landed him directly in the line of fire spurned from weeks of accumulated pain. she just wanted him to believe he had hurt her. no asking for time, or pleading with her, or contradicting her. but at this point she wasn’t sure if she got all three of those things and had them charted out for her she’d stop chugging along her furious path. despite a wild and icy look glazed over her gaze, the sorrow in her expression slipped through that defense and down her cheeks with a burning warmth. her rage had settled from screaming and pointing fingers into a quiet and arguably more powerful one. “i do mean it.” she whispered, her voice wavering as she stared up at him. ivy didn’t move a muscle to speak, but as her teary blues locked onto julien’s own gaze it was a powerful and silent action that communicated, ‘open your eyes and look at us.’. ivy wanted to be adored, she wanted validation, she wanted to be loved. these were things she knew, but didn’t often reflect upon. she also knew julien was similar in the way he craved being liked and accepted, with all the time she had spent with him she had figured that much. and because of this? well it hurt all the more when someone like julien, someone who deep down understood that desperation of being liked, never seemed to be able to choose her, or consider her feelings which he should be naturally on beat with like she was his. on a deeper level, beyond what she’d already yelled about for the past ten minutes, it cut into her that julien couldn’t see why this was so painful when in theory he should perfectly understand her. this quiet stare and acknowledgement propelled her forward to repeat, “i hate you, julien.” just saying the words felt bad, but she wasn’t sure how else to get this conglomerate of emotion across. ivy wiped her tears quickly and with both hands, looking at the clock to see how much time she’d have to fix her make up before she needed to get back as julien moved in to hold her. the closer he drew, the nearer a reprieve from all these feelings felt. she couldn’t. she hadn’t stood up for herself like this just to foolishly hand her heart back over to julien. “no, i can’t. stop!” ivy said, firmly planting her hands on his chest and pushing him off, which, only made her want to cry more, “i don’t want you to hold me julien, did you like not hear a word i said? i hate you.” she drove the point home with a sniffle. a quick look at the clock told her she only had about five minutes and a face that would probably take ten to fix. there was no time for this. “i just. . . i have to like get ready to go on.” she murmured, desperately swiping away at the tears she wished had never even come. ivy nodded a little at him,to reiterate she meant it. even if she wasn’t positive she had, she wanted him to think she was certain. then, her cruel glance turned away from julien and into the hallway as she made her final exit. 

END.

[ivy-stjames]

IVY’S PAST FEW WEEKS WEREN’T THE GREATEST and yet here she was at the lima bean acting like her usual perky self. sure, she was a horrible liar, but that didn’t mean she couldn’t be a phenomenal actress. all those lessons growing up weren’t for nothing. ever since getting caught by rory, then subsequently blowing up on both leo and julien, she’d been trying her best to keep a low profile. but with a few days distance, she was feeling confident enough to venture out of her house, visit her sister at work, and get a free coffee. it was a quick little outing really, just to test the waters before jumping back into what remained of her old life before this mess. the break up with leo still hurt, but all the drama happening offstage during mamma mia had been enough to momentarily pull her attention from the incessant dull ache that was losing a first love. she had been a mess, she was a mess, but she was optimistic it was all apart of some growth. at least, eli had convinced her it was. scampering about like her usual self felt both safe and restrictive, which told ivy maybe she wasn’t ready to be out and about just yet. a brief exchange with her big sister served her well, but she was happy to say goodbye just for the sake of getting back home and into the safety of her bedroom. ivy almost made it to her car without incident, but as she was moving into her own, a face she wasn’t exactly thrilled to see was hopping from a vehicle parked near hers. shoving down her grimace, ivy smiled and tried to approach this close proximity with a brave face, “hey. . .” an uncomfortable silence fell that ivy could only naturally think to fill with her voice, “i like, totally like your outfit.” a lie by the look of disdain painted across her features. trying to find a non awkward place to leave this conversation, she stupidly asked, “so what are you like. . . doing here?”

@limastarters​

[ivy-stjames]

@ivystjames: might mess around and like have my parents file a suit against jbi jr 🥰

[ivy-stjames]

bella​:

bella’s eyes followed ivy as she took a seat beside her, “a little helpful, girl, you’re an offspring of berry and st. james, you got fuckin’ pipes,” the teen looked back at her reflection and started to fix her makeup and hair. bella took after santana in many ways, she took after brittany in many other ways. she always was mean when it needed to be done but when she cool with someone, her inner brittany rose out and she was kind to them. it was pretty much rare unless she was really close with someone or the few cheerios she could actually stand. “they put you in all of that? i was put in cheer gyms since i was like five and had to learn the backstand spring and everything from there. that’s hella dope though. i bet it tired you the hell out, huh?” mused the seventeen year old, looking at ivy through the mirror and then started to reapply her red lipstick. cheerleading was all bella knew besides singing, it was more about cheer for her than anything. “that’s cute. i can’t imagine doing that for mami, she might just laugh,” she laughed a bit herself. “oh hell yeah, they did but also because we’re cute looking.” she winked. 

IVY KNEW BELLA WAS ONLY TRYING TO BE COMPLIMENTARY, but that didn’t help the fact that any attribution of her talent that went to her parents got under her skin more than she’d like to admit. “yeah, i’ve got like probably the best voice at this school.” she said oh so casually, then put the topic of her parents away. there wasn’t resentment there, just a fear of not being taken seriously as her own talent away from the pair. “ugh, i wish i could’ve done like cheer gyms. i only got to do regular gymnastics to like improve my dancing or whatever. but i loved it like, so much” she said casually, then shrugged again, “i liked being busy and stuff. my parents were like so busy when i was young like, it made me feel important and grown up to bounce from all these activities.” she explained, “but eli did all the same, except like piano instead of gymnastics. she didn’t like it as much.” ivy tilted her head, twirling her hair around her finger the way she frequently did while in thought, “not to be like rude or anything bella? but your moms like kind of terrify me from what i’ve heard.” she said plainly. then laughed a little, “yeah, that’s totally true.”

[ivy-stjames]

joey ​:

As he heard Ivy trying to explain why he had said those stuff about Julien, Joey looked at the girl with a small smile on his face, happy that at least Ivy really didn’t actually hate Julien. If she truly hated him, then she would have never kissed him, right? “C’mon, Julien has hurt the both of us, we just can’t say that we hate him, even if it feels like we do sometimes. We’re supposed to be friends and honestly, it really doesn’t feel like that right now.” Joey said, shaking his head slowly and sighing. “You can’t avoid Julien for the rest of your life, not even during family dinners, even if you sit away from each other. Our families are always meeting up, you can’t just ignore me. I think the two of you should just really talk about it.” He said, not sure if he could help any more than that, especially since it was up to the two of them to talk through this whole situation. As Ivy started explaining all the times that the two of them were together, Joey raised an eyebrow and looked away from her for a bit. “So, you just kept all of this from me? You’ve been with Julien more than one time and you didn’t tell me? See, this is why I think people don’t trust me anymore… And I understand that you wouldn’t want to share, but still… It would have been nice to know what my best friend has been up to.”

IVY DIDN’T WANT TO TELL JOEY HE DIDN’T GET IT, because to some extent he did get it. but this was the second time ivy found herself on the receiving end of this kind of carelessness from julien. she scoffed a little at joey’s comment, “i can say i hate him and i will.” she said in a stubborn fashion usually seen in unreasonable children. “like, it’s the second time he lead me on and like make me feel like maybe i was actually important to him and like? how pathetic would it be if i trailed him for the rest of forever.” she tried to defend her own actions, “i’m totally done with him.” ivy explained, though even those words felt wrong slipping off her tongue. “and just because like we have to see him doesn’t mean anything. i’m already totally planning on giving him the silent treatment when we start school again.” she finished filling joey in on that part with a nod, making it clear any talking that was going to happen between herself and julien had already passed. and then things got tricky again, “joey i wasn’t like, keeping it from you specifically. it was from like everyone. and it happened so quick and julien was so back and forth.” she listed, “and it’s over now. for good, so you don’t have to like worry.”

[ivy-stjames]

 joey :

Joey nodded his head slowly, agreeing that they should stop talking about Leo, especially when he was probably the person that annoyed Joey the most, but he decided to put that aside for now. When Ivy talked about hating Julien, Joey raised an eyebrow, confused about why she would say that. “Why did you tell Julien that you hate him? C’mon, we’re all friends, we don’t hate each other. Our family dinners are already as intense without this much drama, we don’t need to add up to it.” Joey said, shaking his head again – even after everything that they had been through, the three of them had always managed to stay friends and Joey wasn’t going to let this ruin their friendship, especially when they had been friends since they were kids. Seeing Ivy cry made Joey sad, he didn’t like seeing his best friend like this, but sometimes it was better just to cry. When she said that she was going to tell him everything, Joey nodded slowly as he thought about everything that happened during the past few weeks. But he was curious about one thing. “Why did you kiss Julien on opening night? I’ve tried thinking about it, on why you would do it… But I just can’t wrap my head around it. I thought you said that the kiss was a one-time thing, but now I don’t understand.” Joey said, shaking his head.

IVY ROLLED HER EYES AT THE QUESTION. not that because she thought joey wondering why she had told julien she hated him, but she felt stupid having to remember the context in which she said it it under. “i don’t know why i said it, i like was just so angry and totally word vomited at him.” she explained, a slight pout appearing on her lips. though this time it wasn’t in attempt to get anything she want, she just felt as dumb as people tended to think she was. “i don’t think i meant it, but i like wanted him to hear it so he knew how much he like hurt me i think.” she told joey, still looking slightly out of it. at least she had now surpassed the crying phase. “ugh, i wasn’t really thinking of family dinners.” ivy admitted, then shrugged, “but i guess like if he sits on one end with like trace, finn, and sawyer and then we stay on the other with like eli and wren, it could be okay.” she mumbled, looking at her clasped hands in her lap. it helped ground her a little bit which, was better than nothing. then came the big question that sent ivy back into the state she was in when she had blown up at julien opening night, “well there were like other times i guess.” she began, trying to keep it brief, “i did say it would be a one time thing and it meant nothing and i thought julien was like totally on the same page,” ivy seemed to be acting more herself seeing as she started on another fast paced, signature, ramble of hers, “but then he kissed me on my birthday and told me it did mean something, then we like. . . made out when he came over last monday, and then opening night, but like, that was totally it.”

[ivy-stjames]

julien ​:

The louder and angrier Ivy got, the more desperate and frantic Julien did. “I didn’t lie!” he insisted, staring at her in complete disbelief. She was getting hung up on what he’d said to Rory, but didn’t that kind of make her a hypocrite or something? “Well if that’s how that works, then you also lied to me,” Julien said, though his confidence faltered, “don’t you still love Leo? You guys just broke up. Does that mean that what you said was a lie too?” When she called out the fact that his account of what had transpired between them was not up to date, he felt his cheeks get hot with shame and embarrassment. He knew she was right and that in an effort to temper his guilt, he was oversimplifying their situation. “I’m not saying I’m innocent and stuff,” he clarified, itching to pull his phone out of his pocket to read the texts she’d sent him verbatim while they were in LA, “but you said that telling Rory a week before show wasn’t the smartest or something like that. You texted me that after I drunkenly kissed you in the stairwell or whatever.” Slipping in the fact that he was drunk was a low blow and a tactic that actually did nothing to absolve him of his guilt. Crap. He knew this whole situation was on him. Even if Ivy had instigated at first, he was the one with a girlfriend. Not her. He was the one who should’ve put a stop to this whole mess that shouldn’t have even started in the first place. But the thought of not having Ivy—why didn’t that feel like an option? Why was it that even as he stood there on the receiving end of her fury that he still wanted to kiss her? Whenever a thought like that entered his brain, a thought about Rory was quick to follow. His heart was being torn in half and one side was telling him to close the distance between him and Ivy and the other side was telling him that the only person he needed to make things up to was Rory. As his brain played a vicious game of tug of war with the two pieces of his heart, he found himself getting agitated with the way Ivy was firing statements at him faster than he could process them. “It hasn’t been like that?” he snapped back, waving his arms around frustratedly, “then how’s it been, Ivy? Because that’s kind of how it—” but he got cut off before he could finish. there is like no thing, julien, not anymore. He stood there, staring blankly at her as his ears started to ring and blood rushed to his cheeks. At the mention of Rory and then Emory, Julien dropped his gaze to the ground and clenched his jaws repeatedly. After a moment, he finally spoke. “Why are you trying to make me feel worse about all of this, Ivy?” he asked rhetorically before exclaiming, “fuck.” Her question about Rory seemed like a no brainer. Of course he had to make it up to her. “I literally cheated on her. With you. So, yeah, I do. What do you even mean by that?” he asked in disbelief and with a clear and genuine lack of understanding. god, Julien, what about me? Julien scoffed at the question at first, wanting to fire the same on back at her. What about him? He was caught in the middle of this. He was stuck between a rock and a hard place. Couldn’t anyone see that he was struggling in the midst of this too? As Ivy shouted at him, Julien wanted to just tell her to relax, that this would work out the way things always did with them. This had been their pattern since childhood. They fought with each other and then things blew over, right? But as she continued to talk, it dawned on him that maybe he’d been going about this all wrong. Maybe what was happening now was just a tad different than all the fights they’d had before. “I don’t see you that way and it’s not like that,” he pleaded, his face dropping as he was suddenly overcome with a sense of despair. Why did he feel like he was being dumped? Ivy’s words were sharp and they cut through all of his excuses and defenses, but his pride and ego refused to allow him to let up. “I do consider you,” he said, but it was feeble. There was no conviction behind his words. “I don’t know what you want me to say right now,” he admitted as he finally met her gaze again, brows furrowed and face contorted in stress, “I know this is all messed up but you just have to give me a second to talk to Rory and to fix things and explain and then everything is going to be fine. I just need some time so whatever you’re doing right now just, please, don’t do it.” It wasn’t lost on Julien that he had barely addressed half of the things she’d said, but in his guilt-induced panic, he didn’t even know where to start. It was all too much and he just wanted Ivy to be on his side again. 

BY THE TIME JULIEN HAD SOFTENED UP, ivy was miles past the point of being calmed down. the more and more he talked, he dug himself deeper into a hole which she was very menacingly looking down upon. between the sting of being reminded he had drunkenly kissed her and the general lack of conviction behind his words, the pleading he finished his directionless comments with did little to shift her current course of action. she turned away from julien with a dramatic twirl of both her curled locks and the skirt she donned as part of her costume then placed her hands atop the piano at which her and julien were caught in the act just a little over an hour ago. it was a feeble attempt at subduing her anger that went to waste the moment julien asked,  “why are you trying to make me feel worse about all of this, ivy?” she turned back around, flames licking under her step and ice in her stare. “i’m like not doing that!” and she was back to square one with the yelling. “me talking about my feelings and what i think, has like, nothing to do with you, okay?” and again, ivy gave him no room to breathe. “i am a person, julien!  i’m a person with like thoughts and feelings of my own. i’m not someone you can run to when it’s like, convenient for you, and i’m not someone that only exists as a valid person to you because i’m talented and we like sang a duet my freshman year! don’t you get that?” this seemed to be coming from someplace else, a more leo mccarthy related place, but she hadn’t been wrong had she? julien never paid her any mind and actively squabbled with her right up until the minute she got placed in that red, pleated, polyester uniform and inducted into the new directions. clearly that’s what made her special to him and nothing more. “and as someone who like, keeps coming into my life and looking at me with those stupid big brown eyes of yours the way you do? you like owe it to me to listen to those feelings!” these realization on top of his total lack of consideration for her combined with all residual anger she had at leo in relation to their recent break up left ivy standing with a coat of rage as an extra layer of skin to protect the more sensitive layer of pain the resided just beneath it. ivy shook her head slowly at him. how could julien have so quickly morphed from a safe haven to whatever this was? “i’m not giving you any more time.” she spoke quickly, “and i’m not like thinking about doing anything, i’m already doing it. i’m tired of this.” ivy spat, unsure if she felt liberated or heartbroken. were both possible? because it felt like she was in limbo between the two and her anger was blocking the scales from tipping in either direction. one thing she knew was she needed time away from julien, she was furious, and needed him away from her. maybe for good. she didn’t know. and before ivy could figure it out, figure out how to get to that point, both acidic tears and venomous words were slipping from her, “i hate you.” there was a moment of nauseating silence, where ivy tried to wipe her tears. how weak she must look, and how helpless she felt. again, thoughtlessly and with a quivering lip, she attempted to reclaim her heart as she reiterated, “i really hate you.”

[ivy-stjames]

joey :

“I don’t care about Leo, Ivy! What he did to you was not okay and you can’t keep defending him just because you used to date him, he’s a bad person! I never liked him and apparently, I was right.” Joey said, getting it off his chest, especially since he really didn’t like Leo and what he had done. The more he thought about it, the more he got mad at Leo, especially since he could see how much he had hurt Ivy. “I’m sorry that you had to go through all of that, Ivy… It must have been hard, but if you had told me, I could have just been another shoulder you could cry on, you know?” Joey said, wrapping his arm around the girl, giving her a small smile. “And you can cry, it’s not the first time I’ve seen you cry. Besides, we’re always watching romantic movies, do you really want me to talk about the time we cried like babies after finishing our Twilight marathon?” He said, chuckling lightly, hoping to actually cheer Ivy up, even if it was just a bit. “But I can’t lie to you, it kind of makes me feel bad when you don’t tell me what’s going on because I already feel like no one trusts me… And you know, I just thought you really trusted me, but I understand that it’s probably not that easy talking about it.” Joey said with a sigh.

IVY WAS TORN. was leo a bad person? she didn’t think so. maybe a miserable asshole, but she hadn’t really had it in her to sit down and assess the content of leo mccarthy’s heart as of late. “well, then like, let’s just not talk about him.” she suggested, sniffling once again. she still felt woozy, out of it, like she’d just gotten off orion at king’s island. but there were still tears to wipe and conversation to be had, even if joey didn’t take it horribly. “but i like blocked his number and stuff friday night and told julien i hated him, so, i’m like boy free right now.” she added, figuring she might as well catch joey up to speed so he wouldn’t feel more left out than he already did. though she said those things casually, it was a scary feeling. logically, ivy knew she wasn’t alone. she had eli and joey and lemon, but she felt terribly isolated and untethered. each time she brought herself to remember reality, it brought aches upon aches to her heart and soul. but eli had told her in once during a fit of crying that it hurts to become, so maybe this was good. maybe she was becoming. but this other feeling? guilt. ivy was ridden with guilt upon learning keeping this secret made joey feel bad. and guilt was a rare emotion coming from self-motivated ivy st.james. “joey, i’m sorry.” she wept, another wave of tears rolling down her cheeks. it would’ve been a dramatic sight to see had it been anyone but ivy who approached most everything with a degree of melodrama that only rachel and jesse st.james could have spawned. “i should’ve told you i just like. . .i don’t know.” a sigh, “let me like make it up to you, i’ll put everything out on the table now i swear.” she spoke quickly, her tears slowing down enough where she could place her hands and fold them in her lap, “any questions you have about anything i’ll totally answer, no more secrets.”

[ivy-stjames]

joey :

Joey was having a hard time trying to figure out why it was so hard for Ivy to tell him what had happened between her and Leo. The two of them had been best friends since they could remember and they would always tell each other every little thing, so it was hard for Joey to understand why she kept this from him for so long. But he wasn’t at mad at her, he was just sad, thinking that he had lost all of the trust that Ivy had on him. “You know you can tell me everything, right?” Joey assured her when she told him it was hard to talk about it – Joey figured it would be hard for her to talk about breaking up with her first love, but he wanted her to know that he was there for her, no matter what it was. But his expression changed when Ivy mentioned she was pregnant and started talking about what had happened, making Joey confused about everything. He didn’t know how to feel about it, in fact, he didn’t know what he was feeling right now. He was sad that it took Ivy this long to tell him about this, but at the same time, he was devastated that Ivy had to go through all of that. On another note, he was angry at Leo for making the decision for Ivy, instead of talking about it. “Wait, hold on, that was a lot to take in, you were pregnant? Is that why you kept asking me if your outfits looked weird?” Joey asked, as he finally realized what Ivy meant with all of that, understanding all of the texts that the two had sent to one another. He couldn’t imagine how Ivy felt during that. After a few seconds of just staring at Ivy, Joey wrapped his arms around the girl and hugged her, which was something they didn’t do often, but Joey had no idea what else to say. “I just don’t get why you didn’t tell me earlier, you know? I thought we didn’t keep secrets from each other… I thought you trusted me, is this because of the JBI Jr. and Julien thing?” He asked, pulling away from the hug as he looked at the girl. “I always knew that Leo was awful, but now, I hate him even more now. How could he do that to you?”

DESPITE HAVING ABSOLUTELY BLOWN UP ON LEO AND BLOCKING HIS NUMBER, ivy still felt a weird need to defend him. well, maybe not defend, but rather shine a light on his own reasoning, “he was just like scared and confused too i guess. i like chose to listen to him.” she vocalized, followed by another sigh. with joey’s arms wrapped around her and her arms loosely draping over him, she slumped into their hug. it made ivy want to cry. apparently, it wasn’t easy to talk about these things just yet. in fact, it was still really difficult. it felt like she had accidentally picked at a scab and prematurely re-punctured her wound, “but yea, it like, totally sucked.” she mumbled. her gaze flicked towards the ceiling as she tried to rapidly blink away her tears. the effort was futile as wet droplets spilled onto her cheeks and she pulled away to wipe them, “sorry, i’m like. . . crying.” she said with a sniffle. she thought she was doing better, so why was this dull aching back? why did she feel trapped in her own body? in a predictable fashion at this point, though physically present, she began to drift as she continued to catching her falling tears with her own fingertips and smearing them away. “joey, i do like trust you, completely. . .” ivy said, though she seemed to be lost in some kind of haze. she was still there and aware of course, but not really there.  “it’s just like, there’s sometimes like some things that are like tricky to talk about you know? this is just one of them. . .”

[ivy-stjames]

joey :

Now that the musical was over, Joey was relieved that he got a few days to rest before school started again, so he decided to spend some time with Ivy, especially since they hadn’t a lot of time to talk during the musical. Besides, Joey still thought everything was weird between the two of them after Los Angeles, only making it worse by the whole situation that happened before opening night. However, even if Joey had agreed to come to Ivy’s house, he was still a bit sad that Ivy had lied to him about Julien, always remembering that the kiss that happened between of them was just a first time thing – except it wasn’t. So there they were, sitting on Ivy’s bed as usual, scrolling down on his phone when he heard Ivy talking, making him turn his head. Raising an eyebrow at Ivy, Joey nodded slowly as he put down his phone. Now that he thought about it, Joey never heard the real reason why the two of them had broken up, he just assumed that Ivy finally realized that Leo was an awful person. “Oh. Okay, we can talk about that.” Joey said with a smile, looking away from Ivy for a few seconds to look down at his hands, playing with his fingers as he usually does. Why didn’t Ivy tell him when it first happened? He started thinking about what went down with Julien a few weeks back and that’s when it hit him – maybe Ivy didn’t trust him and that’s why she didn’t tell him. But he decided to wait for Ivy to finally explain what had happen before making assumptions. “Are you sure you wanna tell me? Because it’s fine if you don’t want to, I guess.” He said, shrugging his shoulders lightly.

NOW THAT THE MOMENT HAD ARRIVED, ivy found herself just as at a loss where to begin as the last time she tried to tell joey. she didn’t know what was holding her back. she trusted joey, she had been her best friend as long as she could conceptualize what a best friend was, there was no reason not to lay it all out on the table. but as her heart beat increased and she focused joey’s welcoming expression in front of her she still couldn’t seem to find the words. even though she was doing better and there were no longer any strings tying herself to julien or leo, the discomfort that it would cause the relieve her whirlwind of a july was off putting to say the least. would joey be mad she kept this from him for so long? would he judge her? now she was just being stupid. taking another deep breath in, ivy found her voice. although shriveled and buried deep inside her chest, it was enough to bring her to say, “joey, look. . . i do wanna tell you it’s just like. . . hard.” she explained, another sigh following. now that the dam had broken though, she fell into a classic ivy st.james fast paced ramble, where she didn’t know exactly when to just up. “so like. . . i was pregnant and i um like wanted to keep it, at least i thought i did, but when i told leo he convinced me that we weren’t ready to like be parents or whatever. so, i had lemon like take me to a clinic in dayton and get things taken care of. that’s why i missed all that rehearsal and stuff.” a breath, “and then when i like went over to his house it was just like too hard and we broke up because like the whole thing just put us on different pages and i guess once we got to new york you like. . . know what happens from there.” she finished, looking past joey and out her window, even talking about it in brief made her feel ill over again, except this time she was more frenzied than past times telling the tale. her heart was like a caged animal ramming into it’s prison, except there was no hope for ivy to actually escape the enclosure of her own body. she forced herself to look at joey. clearly on the brink of freaking out, she once again began to speak quickly, “but i like never cheated on him. . . i know some people are saying i totally did, but what i told you is what happened, i can pinky promise, you can like ask leo, or lemon, or like julien even, i even have the positive tests still and doctor’s notes and stuff. . .”

[ivy-stjames]

bella​:

bella grew up listening to the stories of her moms old times in the new directions. she was well aware of her mother’s friendship with mrs. st. james, it was written in the stars for them to not get along with. the latina wasn’t going to lie when she was mad with ivy when she learned that she slept with theo. bella was more upset with herself and what had went down that led to what happened. she really had no one to blame but herself for putting herself in that whole situation but now she didn’t care, it was freshman shit. something bella wasn’t even focused on anymore, she was about to be a senior and had other plans to make this year just about her. “it’s the st. berry genes,” she offered her a small but kind smile on her red lips. the cheerio flipped her hair and sat down in a seat closet to her. “thanks, i know,” her smile growing. “growing up a lopez-pierce does that to you, the dancing mostly. mama was always dancing around the house.” bella told her, recalling those moments in her childhood.

AS IVY TOOK A SEAT NEXT TO BELLA, she shrugged, “i guess like, my parents being who they are has been like, a little helpful, yea.” she agreed partially. by no means was ivy like her older sister in the regard that she would completely deny her parents role in her abilities nor would she deny her natural place in the thrilling world of the performing arts, but “i like also work super hard. vocal lessons, acting lessons, dance, gymnastics, like i’ve always been good but i didn’t get like this good overnight.” ivy explained. she was sure bella didn’t want people to think she was only being considered for cheerios captain next year because of her genetics, so there was some faith she would understand where ivy was coming from. “it’s sweet you used to like, dance around and stuff. eli and i had a nanny who would like, help us put on talent shows for our parents, but like never just casual things or whatever.” she flashed a smile at the memory, “but like, clearly both paths like worked in our favor so. . .” 

[ivy-stjames]

honesty is such a lonely word ( ivy + joey )

𝚆𝙷𝙾:  @joeyhqs​ && @ivystjamess​ 𝚆𝙷𝙴𝙽:  monday, august the tenth, afternoon 𝚆𝙷𝙴𝚁𝙴: st.james resodence, ivy’s bedroom

ONCE AGAIN, ivy and joey were posted up in their usual place on her bed. mamma mia had now passed, leaving the start of the school year the only thing everyone was looking ahead to. after a weekend filled with plenty of drama and plenty of arguments with both leo and julien alike, ivy had kind of avoided the typical post show activities and camaraderie. not only had she not been feeling up to it, but she didn’t really want to risk a run in with rory for as long as she could help it. it wasn’t just rory though. after a brief conversation with joey in los angeles where he had defended rory, she was more nervous than ever to come clean about everything that had happened. after an insane weekend though, ivy finally got the feeling that this was the time to let all the cats out of all her bags no matter what reservations she may have. way back when she had to put her days off for august in, she requested both sunday and monday following mamma mia off, which, shawnee country club wasn’t too pleased about ivy missing a near three weeks of work between new york, los angeles, and show days, but in retrospect she was glad she pushed for it. when she went back into work tomorrow, she wasn’t sure how she’d deal with being around julien. that wasn’t important now though, what was important was joey sitting across from her and the nerves bubbling their way throughout her body. ivy knew this wasn’t going to be easy, but maybe with some time and space from the incidents it wouldn’t as difficult. “okay, joey, i didn’t like ask you to come over to just like hang out and instagram stalk the people we think should transfer from mckinley and go to other schools.” she explained, placing her hands on her thighs before taking that first frightening step “i wanna tell you like, the real reason why leo and i broke up.”

[ivy-stjames]

text: leo + ivy

LEO: it didn't mean anything and I'm not a liar. you're off base and you know it.

LEO: I don't really know what I think of you anymore.

LEO: oh well if that's why you slapped her then my bad totally understandable.

LEO: you're ridiculous. and to be honest? I don't know if you ever loved me or if you just loved the fact that I was the first guy who didn't treat you like a side piece or a rebound.

LEO: okay, Ivy. just keep manipulating the situation or whatever to try and deflect from the reality which is that you probably didn't even wait a fucking week until you moved on to someone else.

IVY: u r a miserable person who i srsly wish @ this point i had NEVER even noticed. u made my life all topsy turvey + now ur acting like i never loved u??? fuck u leo like?? i bent over BACKWARDS every time we fought like this 4 u bc i loved u that much. im not out of line U R!! i wont get into the like endless reasons y i loved u bc i dont wanna stroke the fragile ego of some1 who i like dont owe anything. beyond like ltrly doing w/e u asked of me i also like ??? got u a prom king nom?? + like a rly expensive camera? u treated me SO horribly so now like looking back on things?? it makes so much sense i couldn't even wait 2 days 2 kiss julien after i broke up w ur sorry ass. i hope u enjoyed like the last time of ur life that some1 who isnt totally off her rocker like baby or a lonely cougar like finn paid u any mind.

IVY: c u @ show tmrw.

[ivy-stjames]

text: leo + ivy

LEO: it's just a fucking picture. there's also a picture of me on a mail box. it doesn't mean anything and nothing happened. Finn and I are just friends.

LEO: I'm sure that's your choice and has nothing to do with the fact that you two got fucking caught and now he's probably avoiding you.

LEO: Baby likes attacking you? you fucking slapped her and for what? because she correctly called you out on the fact that you were quick to hop back into bed with Julien? you're fucking crazy.

IVY: right + u guys in presumably like in bed together meant nothing too?? ur the liar

IVY: do u think that little of me?? like this is a srs question + i want u 2 answer honestly bc it was like entirely my choice 2 tell him 2 leave me alone

IVY: jerk

IVY: is that what she told u??? did baby conveniently leave out the part where she implied i never loved u?? THAT'S why i slapped her. dont b like so biased

IVY: + kissing is like so different from like "hopping into bed" which U did with FINN btw

[ivy-stjames]

text: leo + ivy

LEO: you promised me other things you didn't follow through on so that doesn't really mean anything to me.

LEO: why would I think that? because you're a fucking liar, Ivy. and you've cheapened our whole relationship by wasting no time before you fucked around with someone else.

IVY: ok real talk? stop being like a total dick rn.

IVY: + r u rly gonna talk to me abt cheapening a relationship when there's ltrly like an actual picture of u in bed on finn's insta?

IVY: i didn't cheat on u + im not even talking 2 julien rn so like?? maybe stop taking ur childish insecurity out on me + go whine 2 finn abt it 🙄

IVY: or even better go 2 baby since she clearly already likes attacking me 4 fun

[ivy-stjames]

text: leo + ivy

LEO: "stuff just came up?" lol are you fucking serious?

LEO: you mean you messing around with julien schuester finally caught up to you?

LEO: you know Rory asked me if we broke up because you cheated with Julien and I told her no, that you wouldn't do that. Now I'm not so sure.

LEO: whatever, I don't even want to talk to you. just be on time.

IVY: ur being mean, it wasnt like that

IVY: r u srs?

IVY: i didnt cheat on u??? i like ltrly promised u that i didn't

IVY: y would u like even think that??

[ivy-stjames]

text: leo + ivy

LEO: you only get two strikes. if you're late for any of the other shows, we're putting Leia in and that's that.

IVY: ok

IVY: u don't have 2 b like so mean abt it tho

IVY: i'll b there, stuff just came up