my body is a cage

leo / 18 / wmhs / aspiring director

[leomccarthyy]

roryslade​:

Rory was a relatively happy girl. On the outside, at least. Even on her worst days, she made it her goal to not put her problems on everyone else and save it for her therapist. And it was easier to pretend to be happy. She thought that if she just smiled and pretended to be happy that it would make her happy, but she couldn’t do that now. If she did, people would probably be even more concerned than usual and she didn’t want to deal with anyone. Not Julien, not Ivy, not Joey. Literally the thought of anyone talking to her about everything made her queasy. She had talked to Joey a few days back, but she was able to keep the conversation to a minimum. She didn’t need people asking how she was or what happened. It was self-explanatory. Her boyfriend cheated on her and now she was sad. Now she just had to navigate that and figure out if her and her boyfriend needed to breakup. What she did need to hear though was everything Leo was telling her. Julien was a prick. Julien didn’t deserve her. But if Julien, the golden boy of McKinley didn’t deserve her, then who did? It was a crappy thing to put herself through, but at the end of the day she was just a sixteen year old girl who wanted someone to love her. Isn’t that what everyone wanted? And even if Julien didn’t love her, they could pretend. “I don’t know what I’m going to do,” she revealed, twiddling her juul in her hand nervously. “I haven’t talked to him either,” she looked down at the juul and let out a sigh as Leo went on about how this had happened days after his and Ivy’s breakup. She was trying to make sense of the timeline from when she caught Julien and Ivy but the kiss Joey knew about and the kiss Leo knew about and using Leo’s knowledge, then it meant this had been going on for weeks. “Fuck,” she said, her lip quivering slightly. She told herself she wouldn’t cry again. She had cried so fucking much in the last two days that she was shocked that her tear ducts could even produce any tears. She didn’t feel worse, she just felt hurt. That someone would do this to her. More importantly, that someone would do this to her with Ivy. That was the salt in the wound. “What really sucks,” she choked out, looking forward. If she did cry, she wanted it to be less noticeable. “is that deep down I already knew,” and that’s when the tears began falling down her face. “I asked him a few weeks ago when the rumors started circulating as to why you and Ivy broke up and he said it wasn’t true,” she let out a chuckle but it was more at her own stupidity. “I’m sorry,” she wiped a few tears off her face before looking at Leo. “I shouldn’t be putting my baggage on you when like you’ve got your own shit,” typical Rory. Always deflecting her own feelings for someone else’s.

Leo mirrored Rory’s position by sitting on the steps of McKinley and staring blankly ahead. Talking about this kind of shit was hard and the last thing he wanted was for her to feel self-conscious or scrutinized under the weight of his stare. If she needed to emote or whatever, he wanted her to feel free to do that without feeling judged, so the least he could do was give her the illusion of privacy by not looking directly at her when he broke all of the bad news. If Rory hadn’t talked to Julien yet then Leo was fairly certain she had no idea about the extent of his bad behavior. After he laid everything out on the table, there was a moment of silence. Again, Leo averted his eyes in an attempt to not seem intrusive, but when Rory spoke, he dared to look at her. “Fuck,” he repeated back, instinctively scooting closer to her and shaking his head, “I’m really sorry, Rory.” And he really was. It wasn’t often that one found Leo McCarthy freely apologizing or expressing similar sentiments, but this situation called for it. Rory was a lot of things, sure, but she wasn’t deserving of this kind of treatment. When she started choking out some words, he gave her the floor. He hoped she wouldn’t cry, mostly just because he was shit at comforting people, but of course the tears came. Seeing her so broken up honestly made him kind of mad. What the fuck was wrong with Julien? What was wrong with Ivy? At the mention of his own break-up and the rumors that circulated around it, the only thing Leo’s mind could focus on was the truth. How had his life changed so quickly and so drastically? He had no fucking clue. He didn’t understand what any of it meant or why people put themselves through this shit. Rory’s physical display of her sadness was a reminder of how bad Leo felt deep down and it was honestly hard to swallow. He let out a weak chuckle in response to hers, giving her a tight lipped smile as she started to apologize. “Don’t even worry about it,” he assured her, clicking his tongue as he turned his attention to the ground under his feet. He had to laugh at her comment about him having his own baggage. “True, but honestly? It’s kinda nice to focus on someone else’s baggage for a second,” he joked halfheartedly, turning to look at her again with a sympathetic look in his eyes. Leo wasn’t sure how to act in situations like these. What had he done to Ivy to make her feel better when she was sad? What had he done to Baby? Leo hesitantly brought his hand up and closed it around Rory’s, giving it a gentle squeeze before he let his eyes find hers. “You’re gonna fine,” he told her confidently, nodding once before he gave her hand another squeeze and then broken their physical contact by pulling away, “but I can help you smash up his car if you want.” A joke...maybe a bad one, but oh well. 

[leomccarthyy]

roryslade​:

When the understudy show rolled around, Rory was pleased to not be performing for once. Even though she had to go on at 8pm, it was good for her to just sit back and enjoy everything from a distance. It had been a few days since she witnessed Julien and Ivy making out in the choir room and even though she was slightly better, she had still spent most of the week crying and avoiding Julien Schuester which was hard in the midst of Mamma Mia performances and sharing a stage with him and Ivy was incredibly hard, but she had powered through it to the best of her ability. Once the understudy show was over, she bolted out the doors fairly dramatically so no one could catch up to her and bombard her with questions about what happened. Sitting down on the steps leading to the high school, she whipped out her juul and began hitting the mint pod which had been a not-so gift from Leo that she had made last throughout the month. She tried to not use it too often unless she was stressed, drunk, or hanging out with her friends and in this case she was undeniably stressed. She was waiting on her mom to come bring her by some food. The blonde didn’t have a car just yet and had been anticipating her driver’s test which she also hadn’t taken yet so her mom and Julien were her main means to transportation. Taking another hit from her juul, she heard a voice and looked up to see Leo. It was weirdly a refreshing face to see. She knew he wasn’t the prying type and that she could share as much or as little as she wanted. “Hey,” she gave him an awkward smile as if to pretend she was happy. “Yeah, sure,” she said even though he had already sat next to her on the steps. “Thanks,” her words were undeniably short. Everyone had been congratulating her on her performance, but she didn’t feel particularly good about it. She was having fun slightly, but the heartbreak had made a permanent place on her heart for the time being. “Um,” she pondered his question for a moment before responding. “Is there much to talk about? I mean, I walked in on Julien and Ivy making out. That’s about it.”

Someone had flipped a switch and turned off the light that usually radiated off of Rory Slade. The girl sitting on the steps hitting her juul with a fake smile and sad eyes wasn’t one Leo recognized. He gave her a vague nod, a wordless ‘you’re welcome’ after she thanked him, and then took another pull from his cigarette. Once he asked Rory if she wanted to talk about what went down, he didn’t press her to answer right away. He didn’t have anywhere to be, so if she needed some time to think shit through before she spoke, he was happy to wait. The moment of silence didn’t last that long though. Eventually, she said what they were both thinking. Even though Leo had already heard the rumors, it still stung to hear it directly from the source. Rory had seen Ivy and Julien kissing. It was one thing to know about it and another thing entirely to actually witness it. He couldn’t imagine how she felt. “That’s fucked,” he commented, turning towards her and shaking his head slightly, “Julien is a prick for doing that to you.” A tense pause. “So is Ivy.” Even saying her name out loud put a bad taste in his mouth. Leo had never been very good at comforting people and it didn’t come naturally to him in the slightest, but seeing Rory so broken up about it made him want to try. “I don’t know what your whole plan is,” he started, sighing as he took a final drag from his cigarette before he flicked the butt on to the pavement and put it out with the bottom of his shoe, “but this guy doesn’t deserve you.” Leo had overheard some people backstage at one of their shows talking about how Rory and Julien were still together, which was her prerogative, but he felt like if she was going to stay with him then she should know the full truth. “I don’t know if you want to know all this so just...tell me to shut the fuck up if you don’t want to hear it,” he started, clenching his jaws for a moment as he felt himself start to get worked up, “but Ivy and I got in this huge fight last night and she told me she kissed Julien like...not even two days after we broke up.” Talking about the whole situation really pissed Leo off, but Rory deserved to know. He wished that was all there was to it, for her sake, but unfortunately there was more. “And also...Baby said she thought she saw them have a weird moment in LA or some shit.” He took a deep, calming breath in order to regulate his own anger and also temper any sort of big reaction that might make Rory feel worse. “I'm really fucking sorry this happened and that I’m just...dumping all this shit on you,” Leo said sympathetically, “but you deserve to know.” 

[leomccarthyy]

bbpuckerman​:

Leo’s silent treatment was honestly the nearest thing to freakin’ medieval torture that existed in the 21st century - at least that’s what Baby had amounted it to. Summer was bad enough on it’s own: no school, no cheerios - nothing to keep her time busy but youth group and the incessant bothering of her mother. And to have her best friend ignoring her on top of that? Well, it was enough to have her nearly thinking about quitting the musical - thinking about hiding herself away in her bedroom until the fall rolled back around. Her obligations ( as her mother called them ) dragged her back out into the streets of Ohio before long. Back to Mckinley High, and back to rehearsal where ignoring Leo, and pretending like she didn’t want to completely end Julien and Ivy felt like her new normal.

 Baby couldn’t help but think that her mother’s advice was right - eventually the truth always came out… and christ, did it rear it’s ugly head to the whole cast before long. As soon as the kiss between Ivy and Julien became public, she wanted to run to Leo; she wanted to spill every word she and Ivy had said to each other. Baby’s pride, though, was a monster all it’s own, and that little terror kept her at more than an arms length…  She was protecting him - she was just looking out for that idiot - and if he wanted to ignore her for that, then it was his freakin’ loss… companionship be damned. 

That was, until Leo was beckoning her toward his familiar car after their performance; her pounding heart on high alert like she might be lectured yet again.

“What? so we’re talking again? Guess this must be my lucky freakin’ day.” Baby’s voice was sharp enough to cut glass, even if it did come out as little more than a mumble - any nuance of understanding completely lost in her tone. It didn’t stop her from ducking into the passenger seat, though. a steady breath - what felt like her first since Leo had begun the silent treatment - spilling into her lungs and washing comfort over her like the freakin’ tide had just come in. “How about a ‘you did great tonight, baby!’ or a ‘ you took my freakin’ breath away!’ I mean, god. You’ve been silent for so long, I thought you might have forgotten how to speak English altogether. It’s, like, so good to know you’ve still got that under your belt, though… Even if the whole ‘loyal friend’ thing has been completely freakin’ lost on you.” 

Leo’s generally disinterested demeanor softened slightly at Baby’s comment. “Guess so,” he replied flatly as he watched her get situated into the passenger’s seat. Just as Leo was about to start the car, she started rattling off about his behavior. It was clear that she was pissed and typically, Leo would’ve paid her attitude no mind...but given his role in this particular situation, he knew that wouldn’t exactly cut it. He took a deep breath and released the car keys, letting them dangle in the ignition as he dropped his hands into his lap and turned to look at Baby. “You did great tonight, Baby,” he deadpanned, repeating her words back to her, “you took my breath away.” A pause. “Happy?” he asked, eye brows raised as he stared at her blankly. Clearly she wasn’t happy, because she continued to prod him with insults until he inevitably reached a breaking point. “Can we stop this?” he quickly turned his body in his seat to face her, “Just...stop,” Leo rolled his eyes habitually and then ran a hand through his unruly hair the way he often did when he was frustrated. A tense silence then fell over them and threatened to swallow them whole. He kept his eyes trained on the cars exiting the student lot until eventually, his was the only car left. He knew he had to say something, but he was never any good at this part—apologizing. He took a deep breath and turned his head until his eyes found Baby’s. “I’m sorry for ignoring you all week, alright? It was a dick move or whatever,” he shrugged as he stared at her, “but if you want to talk about loyalty, let’s talk about the fact that you did the one thing I asked you not to do and you still haven’t told me what the fuck even happened.” Leo didn’t want to fight with Baby anymore. Even though he felt like he had valid reasons for being mad at her, after everything that had transpired in the last couple of days with Ivy and the rumors about Rory and Julien, he just wasn’t in the mood to feel even more isolated than he already did. Although he’d never say it out loud, Baby’s absence in his day to day was starting to affect him on top of everything else he was going through. Whether he liked it or not, he needed someone. He needed her. There was obviously hesitation on Baby’s part to come clean about whatever had gone down between her and his ex-girlfriend in LA, so he spoke up again to try and curb that. “Look, whatever you said to Ivy obviously wasn’t that bad because she didn’t come at me for it,” he scoffed after a moment, shrugging his shoulders, “so why can’t you just tell me what happened?” 

[leomccarthyy]

THE LOSER HAS TO FALL (FT. LEO + RORY)

WHO: @roryslade​ & @leo-mccarthy​ WHEN: saturday, aug 8, post-mamma mia! understudy show WHERE: mckinley parking lot

The understudy show was kind of Leo’s baby. Of course he’d helped with the main cast and their show, but he’d spent a lot of time rehearsing with LJ, Leia and even Theo Beiste. Watching the 2pm show on Saturday felt like watching the fruits of his labor come to life. He had to admit—the show was pretty fucking good. Part of that probably had to do with the fact that he was just happy to see people other than Ivy and Julien on stage, but whatever. The show ended a little bit after 4pm and after giving the cast and crew a pep talk and amping everyone up as best he could for the second leg of the run, Leo was exhausted and ready to leave McKinley for a few hours before he had to be back for the 8pm. Despite Ivy and Julien not performing in their typical roles during the matinee, they were still around, so Leo didn’t linger around the auditorium once he was released. The last thing he wanted was a run in with the shrill St. James girl or to see Julien Schuester’s highly punchable face. He exited the building quickly and made his way to the parking lot, keys in hand. As he approached his beat up Acura, he spotted a familiar blonde in the distance, hanging out on the steps of McKinley and hitting her juul. Leo could’ve easily ignored her and kept to himself, but there was something in his gut urging him to talk to her. After all, in the situation with Ivy and Julien, they’d kind of both been burned (albeit she probably had it a little worse). With a tired sigh, Leo changed his course and approached her slowly. “Hey,” he greeted when he was close enough, finally getting a good enough look at Rory Slade to see that she was broken hearted, “can I join?” He didn’t wait for her to grant hi permission before he sat down. He took a pack of cigarettes out of his front pocket and tapped it against his hand a few times before he pulled one out and lit it, taking a long drag and then dangling it between his pointer finger and thumb. It felt like they just sat there in silence for a while. “You know,” he started, breaking the ice, “given the circumstances? You’re doing a fucking amazing job. It’s really impressive the way you’re keeping your shit together.” He blew out some smoke and took another pull fro his cig, sitting up slightly, “do you want to talk about what happened?” 

[leomccarthyy]

text: leo + ivy

IVY: u r a miserable person who i srsly wish @ this point i had NEVER even noticed. u made my life all topsy turvey + now ur acting like i never loved u??? fuck u leo like?? i bent over BACKWARDS every time we fought like this 4 u bc i loved u that much. im not out of line U R!! i wont get into the like endless reasons y i loved u bc i dont wanna stroke the fragile ego of some1 who i like dont owe anything. beyond like ltrly doing w/e u asked of me i also like ??? got u a prom king nom?? + like a rly expensive camera? u treated me SO horribly so now like looking back on things?? it makes so much sense i couldn't even wait 2 days 2 kiss julien after i broke up w ur sorry ass. i hope u enjoyed like the last time of ur life that some1 who isnt totally off her rocker like baby or a lonely cougar like finn paid u any mind.

IVY: c u @ show tmrw.

LEO: fuck you.

[MESSAGE FAILED TO SEND. USER BLOCKED]

LEO: did you really just block my number?

[MESSAGE FAILED TO SEND. USER BLOCKED]

[leomccarthyy]

text: leo + ivy

IVY: right + u guys in presumably like in bed together meant nothing too?? ur the liar

IVY: do u think that little of me?? like this is a srs question + i want u 2 answer honestly bc it was like entirely my choice 2 tell him 2 leave me alone

IVY: jerk

IVY: is that what she told u??? did baby conveniently leave out the part where she implied i never loved u?? THAT'S why i slapped her. dont b like so biased

IVY: + kissing is like so different from like "hopping into bed" which U did with FINN btw

LEO: it didn't mean anything and I'm not a liar. you're off base and you know it.

LEO: I don't really know what I think of you anymore.

LEO: oh well if that's why you slapped her then my bad totally understandable.

LEO: you're ridiculous. and to be honest? I don't know if you ever loved me or if you just loved the fact that I was the first guy who didn't treat you like a side piece or a rebound.

LEO: okay, Ivy. just keep manipulating the situation or whatever to try and deflect from the reality which is that you probably didn't even wait a fucking week until you moved on to someone else.

[leomccarthyy]

TELL ME THE TRUTH (FT. LEO + BABY)

WHO: @bbpuckerman​ & @leo-mccarthy​ WHEN: friday, aug 7, post-mamma mia! WHERE: mckinley parking lot / leo’s car

Leo had requested one thing from Baby. Don’t talk to Ivy. It was a simple request and one he was sure she’d have no problem fulfilling since she hardly talked to Ivy anyway, and yet somehow, something had happened between them in LA. Just his fucking luck. The worst part wasn’t even that it happened, but that Baby refused to talk about it and explain to him what had gone down. So how was he dealing with it? Well, mostly just by giving her the silent treatment until she fessed up. He wasn’t going to ask Ivy what happened, but he moved through his entire week on edge wondering if Ivy would confront him about whatever Baby did or didn’t say. The week went by though and Ivy never said anything...so maybe it hadn’t been that bad. But come Thursday when the news started spreading like wildfire among the cast that Rory had caught Ivy and Julien in a compromising position in the choir room, a pit started forming in Leo’s stomach and he couldn’t stop thinking about Baby. At rehearsals and at the first two shows, they had seen each other and for the most part ignored each other, but that had to stop. Whatever had gone down between her and Ivy, well, it couldn’t have been worse than whatever the fuck was happening now. When the Friday night show came to a close and the cast and crew were officially released, Leo gathered all of his things and headed out to the parking lot. A lot of people were headed to Breadstix for a celebratory dinner and Leo knew he had to show face, but he was genuinely dreading it. As he approached his car, he heard a familiar voice behind him and whipped his head around only to see Baby exiting the school with a few other people. He whistled once to grab her attention. “Baby,” he called out, waving her over, “come here.” Once she approached, he unlocked his car and vaguely glanced at the passenger’s side, “you need a ride to that stupid dinner?” He didn’t give her time to answer before he got into his car and opened the door for her from the inside. He’d use this opportunity, this brief drive over to the restaurant, to squash whatever secrets were driving a wedge between them.

[leomccarthyy]

text: leo + ivy

IVY: ok real talk? stop being like a total dick rn.

IVY: + r u rly gonna talk to me abt cheapening a relationship when there's ltrly like an actual picture of u in bed on finn's insta?

IVY: i didn't cheat on u + im not even talking 2 julien rn so like?? maybe stop taking ur childish insecurity out on me + go whine 2 finn abt it 🙄

IVY: or even better go 2 baby since she clearly already likes attacking me 4 fun

LEO: it's just a fucking picture. there's also a picture of me on a mail box. it doesn't mean anything and nothing happened. Finn and I are just friends.

LEO: I'm sure that's your choice and has nothing to do with the fact that you two got fucking caught and now he's probably avoiding you.

LEO: Baby likes attacking you? you fucking slapped her and for what? because she correctly called you out on the fact that you were quick to hop back into bed with Julien? you're fucking crazy.

[leomccarthyy]

text: leo + ivy

IVY: ur being mean, it wasnt like that

IVY: r u srs?

IVY: i didnt cheat on u??? i like ltrly promised u that i didn't

IVY: y would u like even think that??

LEO: you promised me other things you didn't follow through on so that doesn't really mean anything to me.

LEO: why would I think that? because you're a fucking liar, Ivy. and you've cheapened our whole relationship by wasting no time before you fucked around with someone else.

[leomccarthyy]

text: leo + ivy

IVY: ok

IVY: u don't have 2 b like so mean abt it tho

IVY: i'll b there, stuff just came up

LEO: "stuff just came up?" lol are you fucking serious?

LEO: you mean you messing around with julien schuester finally caught up to you?

LEO: you know Rory asked me if we broke up because you cheated with Julien and I told her no, that you wouldn't do that. Now I'm not so sure.

LEO: whatever, I don't even want to talk to you. just be on time.

[leomccarthyy]

text: leo + ivy

LEO: you only get two strikes. if you're late for any of the other shows, we're putting Leia in and that's that.

[ohbcth]

today was the day of the first performance of mamma mia, it made beth a bit nervous. she though she was going to be able to handle it after coming back home but it was hitting her at once but she had to put on a brave face and put on a show. she knew how much all of these teens worked hard day in and day out during rehearsals. beth was happy that she to watch these kids blossom into outstanding performers. she saw a lot in leo, she had glad that she had him by her side during this process. beth truly believed they did a great job for a high school production. gathering up her clipboard, notes, the script and whatever else she needed to head backstage. she found the boy. “mr. mccarthy, tonight is the night, are you ready for it?” she chuckled lightly while walking towards the younger boy. // @leo-mccarthy​

[leomccarthyy]

One of the things Leo had been tasked with managing on opening night was attendance. An email had gone out the day before alerting the cast and crew that once they arrived to the auditorium, they were responsible for checking in with him backstage. So there he was, posted up in the wings with a clipboard in hand to check people off as they trickled in. They were doing pretty well on time and everyone who needed to be there was there. So far so good. The only thing that was nagging at him was the fact that he hadn’t seen Ivy since she checked in and got into her costume. He was trying not to get too caught up in over thinking her seeming disappearance. She was probably off doing...whatever. It didn’t matter to him. She wasn’t his problem anymore. When Beth approached, Leo was lost in his thoughts and she snapped him back to reality. “Beth,” he greeted with a little smile, “hey.” At her question, he shrugged, letting out a soft chuckle. “Ready as I’ll ever be,” he said casually, unable to stop himself from looking around for Ivy some more, “actually, I have a question.” Leo checked the time on his phone. “The show starts in ten minutes and Ivy checked in but I haven’t seen her since then. Have you seen her?”  

[leomccarthyy]

text : finn + leo

FINN: hey big shot co-director,

FINN: i hate to ask this and feel free to say no, but can you check with beth and see if we can extend lunch by 10-15 minutes?

FINN: i just spent the first half of it giving notes to my crew about act one and got a little impassioned.

FINN: like i said feel free to say no though, i know every minute matters!

LEO: hey :-)

LEO: lol a little impassioned? yeah I think I heard you from out here in the hallway. if we get sued for abusing the crew, it's your ass in the hot seat.

LEO: kidding. but yeah, that's fine. all good for an extension.

LEO: make sure you eat also. are you grabbing lunch somewhere?

[leomccarthyy]

text: leo + baby

BABY: ... i can't tell you.

BABY: but look, you have to understand that i, like, really tried here, okay? i swear that i did. it wasn't even supposed to be about you, leo

BABY: she's the one who brought you up in the first place! i swear. i swear i tried.

LEO: okay, well now you know you have to tell me.

LEO: jesus christ baby what happened?

LEO: why were you talking to her in the first place?

LEO: fuck, just tell me.

[leomccarthyy]

finnschuesters​:

THE MOMENT LEO COLLAPSED, THE QUESTION OF WHO TOOK CARE OF FINN SCHUESTER WAS HARDLY ON HER MIND. the sudden display of emotion sobered her slightly and she rolled over onto her stomach closing any and all space between leo and herself, watching him with concern. never had she seen him cry, she knew well enough that was intentional, so she took her next steps with extreme care. her tender touch came to try and soothe his sorrow in a gentle swiping motion on his arm. her actions said what words could not at this level of a breakdown, ‘it’s okay, i’m here, you can trust me.’ as he flipped onto his back, finn scooted along with him, one arm propping her chin up and the other stretched across leo’s chest in order to continue to provide him the comfort of a simple stroke of his bicep. she’d settled to her own place at his side that seemed strangely carved for herself, making for an intimate visual to an outsider. finn wasn’t thinking about their closeness at all though, she was focused on leo, the heartache that was practically radiating off of him, and what she could do to try and take it away for a little. unfortunately, there was nothing she could do to permanently heal him, but she could listen and be present and just generally get the point across that she was in his corner. despite her own shock at this revelation, it wasn’t shown in any obvious way. outwardly, her brows furrowed in concern and she looked upon leo with the genuine type of care that only a person like finn schuester could so naturally produce. inwardly, these confessions were a lot to take in. ivy pregnant was one thing, her getting rid of it was another, and leo’s guilt about it was a whole third. in the moment though, finn wasn’t exactly focused on her own opinion of what had gone down or prodding at leo for more elaboration. that type of reflection could come later and on her own time. not when he so clearly needed someone. as he began to apologize, she shook her head, “you didn’t dump it on me, you needed to get it out, it’s okay.” finn said softly, moving her hand from it’s place on his arm up to his face to gingerly wipe away some of tears. her eyes locked with his own for a moment in which she managed a closed lip smile to once again reiterate, it’s okay. “that’s really heavy stuff, leo. you know that, but don’t be so hard on yourself.” she whispered, thinking for a moment. this wasn’t exactly something she had a ton of experience in dealing with. to her, as awful and high stakes as the situation was, it just seemed like leo was equally as scared and lost as ivy must’ve been, that he acted too quickly and was just now enduring the after effects that came with hasty decision making on top of everything else. finn tried to think of what her dad might say in a situation like this, but her thoughts were too hazy to come up with anything other than that if her dad had his hands in this, he never would’ve let things come to this point. finn only hoped the silence that came from her end as she deliberated wasn’t taken poorly by leo. it was always an option to baby him, sure, but finn had a hunch he wouldn’t take to well to that. instead, she provided him with a piece of honesty, spoken in hushed tones while she gazed upon him warmly, “the thing you’ll learn about growing up is… that we all mess up. and sometimes it’s pretty badly, but it’s how we go forward in the world after making these mistakes, even big ones, that matters he most.” finn murmured, wiping another stray tear from his face, “you’re going to get through this, maybe not for a while, but regardless you can’t beat yourself up about what’s already been done or for having feelings about it. okay?” 

Leo didn’t make a habit of crying this much. For years after his mom died, he dealt with a lot of volatile emotions and unhealthy coping mechanisms linked to his anxious attachment style. But once he entered his pre-teen years, he found a way to deal; to rationalize his emotions until they felt scientific and logical. He’d managed to keep an even temper throughout high school, but this whole situation with Ivy...it broke him. It was a new kind of pain that he’d never experienced before and therefore had no idea how to control. So as he laid there, quietly disclosing the saddest parts of himself to Finn Schuester, he welcomed her gentle touch and comforting smile. When he finally dropped his hands away from his face, one arm settled across his stomach and the other found its way around Finn. He appreciated that she just listened. She just let him talk without prying. It made him feel safe. When he was done saying what he had to say, he felt both better and worse. Better because it felt like a weight had been lifted. Worse because it felt like he was betraying Ivy. “Yeah,” he breathed out softly, turning his head slightly to meet her gaze as the hairs on the back of his neck rose from the feel of her touch on his face, “it’s heavy.” He watched closely as her eye brows furrowed and she thought about what to say next. He could almost see the cogs turning in her head. While he waited for her to say something, he worked tirelessly to relax his drunken mind and reel in his stubborn tears. He hated crying. He felt weak. With a few deep breaths, he was able to slow things down. As long as he kept his eyes trained on the ceiling above them, he’d be okay. But then she started speaking and he felt his resolve crumbling once again. He nodded vaguely as she swiped away at his tears again. “Okay,” he croaked out weakly, finally meeting her gaze again and offering a fragile grin. He couldn’t make any promises. Leo didn’t like himself very much and all of his bad decision making when it came to Ivy made him feel even harder to like and definitely too hard to love. What kind of insensitive asshole was he? How heartless could he be? How inconsiderate? Leo didn’t want to face himself—he knew he’d hate whatever sad excuse for a person he saw looking back at him. Rightfully so. But being held by Finn, being consoled—it made everything a little more bearable, even if the relief was fleeting. He scoffed to himself when he realized that she was working her Finn Schuester magic on him. She was doing the thing she always did for everyone. “I can’t believe I just said you don’t need to take care of everyone and here you are,” he chuckled feebly as he found her eyes with his own, “taking care of me.” Leo let out a sigh as he habitually tightened his arm around Finn. It felt right to have her there, draped over him and nuzzled into his side. It was nice. After a moment of silence, both of them laying there and thinking, Leo reached over to the lamp on the night stand and switched it off until they were both swallowed by the darkness. The lack of light made it easier to settle into his position with Finn in his arms. If he couldn’t really see what they were doing, it was almost like there wasn’t anything questionable about it. “I owe you,” he said after a moment, “for real. Thank you.”

[leomccarthyy]

text : lj + leo

LJ: dude, cmon.

LJ: just monday? compromise with me here, mccarthy.

LEO: okay so since you decided not to show up today, you owe me $20. I covered for you.

LEO: but you can't miss tomorrow.

[leomccarthyy]

would u say yes if they cast you in a live action of flushed away?

fuck off