I thought I lost weight but I’ve gained 😪😭

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@iwillachievethisyear
I thought I lost weight but I’ve gained 😪😭
On the verge of losing myself again
I’m so mentally fucked from my past that him leaving me on read sends me spiralling into an abyss of “he doesn’t want me anymore”. Why can’t I believe that he won’t hurt me like the others.
i just want all my secrets back, i don’t want anyone to know anything about me anymore.
When you’re chronically ill, you just want peace. People always like to give their opinions. We often get opinions from doctors, friends, family, random people who don’t understand us, it’s just a lot. In order to find peace among all of the noise, you have to sometimes start cutting out the negative. Anyone who puts you down constantly and doesn’t try understand is not someone who cares enough. Sometimes even your life long friends end up being the ones who you have to separate yourself from. People change. It’s sucks, but you have to set high standards for yourself. Why? Because people with chronic illness deserve peace and happiness in their lives. Period.
My username is optimism in many terms.. will I achieve fitness, weight loss, success or suicide?
Raise your hand if the only thing your good at is fucking everything up...
I'm at the point where I'm pretty sure no one can help me. People reccomend things like exercise, books, or tv. But how will that stop me from hating myself? Distracting myself from life isn't really living.
I just want someone to hold me until I stop hurting... no matter how long it takes