laughter is the tonic

LAUGHTER IS THE TONIC the relief, the surcease for pain

[izzysraconteurs]

Hello Hellllooo, is anyone here? There’s no cell reception, and I’m a bit stuck. 

[aligays-deactivated20161016]

Oh, wow. Women’s soccer usually doesn’t draw much attention at all. You’ll definitely be the most dedicated fan. I’m D– Dylan. Uh, Thomas. Dylan Thomas. Hi. Nice to meet you.

[izzysraconteurs]

I’d bring a vuvuzela to a golf tournament if Reid was playing. You know what pisses me off though, the fact that most of the Women’s World Cup is on rando Fox Sports channels instead of the main one’s. It’s like they don’t want people to watch. Ahh, cool. “Though lover’s be lost love shall not.” Man, you’re parents are real literary nerds, huh? Can I run something by you? Tom for a boy’s name, and Cassie for a girl…but hear me out, their full name’s would be Tomato and Casserole.  Haha, I really want my future kid’s to despise me right off the bat. 

[aligays-deactivated20161016]

Uh…you know, I’ve never noticed any problems with her. She’s one of the best on the team. I guess you just gotta find your niche sometimes.

[izzysraconteurs]

Awesome! I’m so fucking stoked to see you guys in action. Couldn’t make it last time because my shift was non-negotiable. Summertime farmer’s markets are hell for me. I’m making Reid a sign though. Plus, I can get a killer bargain on some stunning oranges. I can bring them to your match. Oh, I can make you a sign too! I’m even planning on body painting her number on my stomach for the next game. I’m Gill by the way, and you’re..?

[aligays-deactivated20161016]

Yes.

[izzysraconteurs]

Oh, rad! See, I thought I knew you from somewhere. Woman of few words, huh. Cool cool. Sorry, if she’s not the most...skilled? But she’s real jazzed about it. It’s a new era. Used to be, ”Always equipment manager; never on the team”. Tell you what though, she has a shit ton more heart in it than anyone else.  

[eviltroy]

Is it one of the soft caramels? Actually I don’t think I want it. Are you wearing some old man’s sweater? Did you gind this in the Goodwill clearance? Does Goodwill have clearance?

[izzysraconteurs]

Nope, hard….and there’s a little bit of lint on it. Excuse me, this is my zayde’s sweater and he won over my bubbeh in it. It’s lucky…plus I need the luck. Don’t even ask what underwear I’m wearing. 

[aligays-deactivated20161016]

You’re really passionate about nachos.

[izzysraconteurs]

Not just any nachos. These nachos. Hey, you’re on Reidy’s team, aren't you? 

[rayawrites-blog]

No, not at all. We’re about 20 feet from death, why on Earth would I waste my possible last breaths being snarky? You know, by this point, I feel like I might as well begin breaking rules, seeing as I need to accompany you to Exile Island every weekend. I might as well do something to deserve the punishment as well. And wh – … O-Ophelia.. Don’t… Don’t move. The b.. The bear is… over there..

[izzysraconteurs]

That’s the spirit, Oli. Shake things up ‘round here. Lord knows, this place could use some extra livening up…what?…no…I…O-Oli….it’s staring...at us...

[rayawrites-blog]

…Yea, I hope you know I’m not going to let you climb over my balcony. There’s at least, a nine foot gap between your balcony and mine, and you’re what, five foot six? Seven? Not a chance. Besides, that would ruin the quality neighbor bonding you’ve pretty much subjected yourself to, by stepping foot in my apartment. Want something to drink?

Whoa, party animal. Mind if I ask where you’ve been? Not interrogating, I swear. Just curious, you don’t seem like the type to stay out all night.

[izzysraconteurs]

You called me, Danny Devito, the first time we met….I never know what you’re going to do. Our landlord’s not answering his phone. Guess it’s too early..but…um, I need to shower. Unless….do you have plastic wrap? I don’t want to ruin your couch with the paint on me. We could wrap it or me in plastic wrap? A glass of water's fine. 

What a coinkydink. That’s my middle name. Paige ‘Party “hyphen” Animal’ Whitmore. Heh, no no…I wasn’t clubbing or anything. I-uh, I don’t. I was working late? early? There’s a set I was working on. See? Paint stains and glue all over. The previous location fell through last minute and the director needed this new place ready for filming today. 

[rayawrites-blog]

If that is the case, I have to ask you: Was it a one time occasion, or do you secretly sneak swigs of urine, frequently? The answer to this question is important. One answer will guarantee that I will never kiss you again, and the other answer will grant you safety. I think, as long as you don’t fall madly in love with your partner and their birthday suit, I will be cheering you on the entire time. Besides, if you’re drinking your own urine, how attractive could that be? Serenading someone with pee-breath doesn’t sound all too romantic. 

[izzysraconteurs]

Hahaha, what yah didn’t know?! That lemonade yah drank this morning from the fridge. Not actually lemonade, ahahaha. Kiddin’, come on, Ken, haha, it was only once for survival reasons. Tastes disgusting, but it’s highly sterile and has vitamins. Eh, no guarantees. Apparently, I’m pretty feckin’ awful at not falling madly in love when I try not tah….Yah know, you kissed me even after I’d confessed tah past experiences of eating bugs. Few things have freaked you out too much, heh. I’d write them a personalized ballad and make a makeshift string instrument out of bark. Maybe they’ll find it incredibly romantic.

[karenroe]

I do not. Try ‘Wow, Oph you look smokin’ and maybe I’ll get it. Yes, please. You know what I like.

-Yup, that’s me. Raegan, right? I swear, I know all the names. I just need to put them to the faces now. Sounds like him. He talks about you all quite often though. Uh, I’d say about three days…I’m kidding. A little over a year now. It feels like so much longer though, you know?

[izzysraconteurs]

Oh sorry, when I give compliments I try to stay away from sounding like a beefhead at some sleazy dive bar..but hey, if that’s what you want and what your used to, babe. 

I can do that.  Uh huh, ‘course, I do. Your usual. 

Yes, Reagan.That’d be me. Don’t sweat it. There’s a lot of us, Xavier clan here.  Swear even I forget all our names sometimes. All good things I hope. Haha….oh, uh, a year? Did you too-uh, were you ever, nevermind….a good friend of mine’s a nosey nellie, and I’m afraid he’s rubbing off on me. But, I want to know all about you, okay. Honestly, you’re a bit of a legend. The girl, who got my cousin, the commitment-phobe, to commit. May I see the ring? 

[drunkendeep-deactivated20200623]

We both really need to find new places to go. 

[izzysraconteurs]

This is a record. What? Five seconds and you’re already telling me what I need to do. An easier solution could be designated days. For instance, I reserve Fridays. Although seeing as you're rather keen on overcomplicating things, may I suggest a rube goldberg machine or hiring keystone kops to sort this out. 

[aligays-deactivated20161016]

That’s…good?

[izzysraconteurs]

Hell yeah, that’s good. That’s fricken great! These are orgasmic. I’m this close to everyone here telling their waiter “I’ll have what she’s having.” If these nachos could say “I do”, I’d be on my way to Vegas to get hitched by an Elvis impersonator. Then I’d birth it’s little cheesy delicious nachos babies. 

[drunkendeep-deactivated20200623]

Fuck, chill. I’ll find another damn table to study at.

[izzysraconteurs]

Grrreat...then less talking, more walking. Wait, actually, Erin Brockovich, do you know anything about filing restraining orders? If not, totally forget I asked. 

[rayawrites-blog]

I can try my best. What’s up, four-eyes?

[izzysraconteurs]

Scratch that. I have two favors to ask. Number one, can you take me seriously for a milisecond, Wood? Number two, the question I meant to ask originally is...can you let me scrub in for your eight o'clock operation? It's a win-win. You get to go home early and I get to not lie to about the reason I'm skipping a blind date.

[drunkendeep-deactivated20200623]

Depends. Is it work related?

[izzysraconteurs]

I’d say yes, but that’s debatable. 

[eviltroy]

You smell like my great aunt Enid. 

[izzysraconteurs]

Now lie to me and say your great aunt Enid smells like freshly washed laundry. If you do, you could be the proud owner of one of these Werther’s caramels I found in the pocket.

[izzysraconteurs]

Man, I think I’m in love.