is that a cosplayer or something

[hundredpercenteffort]

Kicks knocked Spikes into a berry vendor and broke a crate. Anyway we own a crate’s worth of Nanab berries now, if anyone wants one.

[j-uwu-piter]

That's quite a lot of Nanabs. You could probably sell those yourself, away from the vendor, instead of giving them away.

[j-uwu-piter]

Somewhere in the world, a bisexual bastard is lurking, ready to do magic crimes to the next unsuspecting sucker to approach his card table... Naive fans of clownery beware, for Jupiter lives.

[j-uwu-piter]

dawnofstarlight‌:

She had been on the way back to Kit’s home in Santalune City, oblivious to everything that wasn’t her own thoughts. Well, almost everything. It was hard to ignore him. The bafflingly dressed… clown? Jester? She wasn’t really sure what word to describe him with until he spoke up.

“…magic?”

A street magician, then? She didn’t believe in magic. Not true magic, anyway. She preferred to believe in more grounded things. Or so she told herself, while simultaneously believing in aliens, superpowers, and mythical Pokémon. Judging from the deck of cards in his hand, however, this wasn’t the supernatural kind of magic, but card tricks. That, she believed in. Kin was somewhat fond of them himself, and his enthusiasm had rubbed off on his daughter just a little.

[You don’t want to see magic, Kineta.] the heads-up display in her goggles displayed. A message from either Kit or the Porygon inhabiting them (it was sometimes difficult to tell).

“Okay. I’ll watch.” she said, approaching the table, her usual peppiness replaced with more of a quiet interest.

“Mhm, magic!”

Up on his feet behind his shoddy stand, Jupiter beamed and tapped his empty hand rhythmically against the tabletop. A fast and anxious beat that came with an underlying feeling of ‘dear lord, please let this kid be a sucker.’

When she actually decided to move his way and agreed to watch, he had to suppress a far nastier grin. 

“Alright, alright, so!” He set about shuffling the cards, finally ending his tabletop beat to focus on not dropping the deck everywhere. “I’m sure you know how all card tricks start out, right? The old classic, ‘pick a card, any card?’”

Satisfied his deck was shuffled a fine amount, he offered the spread out to his new customer.

“Well - that! Make your choice, dear.”

Beneath the table, Mimi sat, peering out from beneath the tablecloth to observe the new customer. The clown baby was curious about the presence of a fellow Pokémon - something was definitely pinging off her sensitive psychic senses - but looking up at the latest trick connoisseur, she saw no accompanying partner. How curious.

No matter, though! Her part of the trick would be starting soon, and she had to stay poised, ready to play her part. There was no time to worry about Pokémon she couldn’t see.

[j-uwu-piter]

A cheerless smile plastered on his face, Jupiter set about spreading his cards over the shoddy folding table he called his workplace once again. The tail end of another unlucky encounter was shaking his facade of unbridled joy, and it was a battle to keep it in place after that. ‘Cause that last customer really hadn’t been impressed with him. People could be so rude sometimes! Sure, it’d be one thing to call him out on his... ahem, deceptions, but to demand their money back? To threaten to report him for something, whatever it was they said? That was way too far!

When it looked as though no one was paying him any mind, he let the mask slip. With a groan too loud to be subtle, he slouched back in his uncomfortable little chair, bringing his legs up to sit cross-legged. Right away his hands were busied with tugging at one of the gaudy ribbons on his calf. The material was itchy as all hell, and with how he had a tendency to jostle and bounce his legs, it had reached a near-unbearable level of itching by now.

That was the price of showmanship, he supposed.

Jupiter found his laundry list of internal grievances interrupted when his eyes were drawn to a peculiar sight. Another peculiar sight, not the spectacle he’d built around himself. A kid, dressed in flashy orange and blinding white. Not that he was one who could judge, dressing as he did, but it was incontestable that the kid stuck out among the crowds like a sore thumb. A cosplayer, maybe? Or a coordinator? They always had ‘unique’ styles. Or a gimmick trainer? A LARPer? However she classified herself, one thing was for sure. Jupiter looked at her, and saw a customer.

“Hey, little miss!” He sprung to his feet, and only through Mimi’s interference did he not send his chair flying with the force of it. Splayed, gloved hands slammed down on his crappy little table, and he snatched up his spread of cards in one smooth motion. “You’re lookin’ pretty darn fantastical today! You’ve got an aura that screams ‘I totally wanna see some magic!’ So, wanna see some magic?”

Straight to the point. No reason to dance around it.

@dawnofstarlight​

[j-uwu-piter]

“If you were to buy a name from me, you could sell it on and begin your own name rating business! Imagine that! Endless possibilities!”

[j-uwu-piter]

He’s set up a new street corner stall. On the table in front of him is a sign that just reads ‘Will Name Your Baby For P300.’

Let him name your baby, guys.

[j-uwu-piter]

unluckyvoice‌:

Music quirked a brow.  His mood certainly did an abrupt heel face turn…and there was something about that grin that rubbed him the wrong way.  Something in the back of his mind told him not to trust this.

Yet something else told him that there was no harm to be had in playing a simple game.  How hard could it be to keep track of a simple card?

“Okay, I’ll play along,” said Music with a smile, fishing out the requisite money and handing it to the other man.  What was the worst thing that could happen?

“Excellent!”

He waves the choice card before his new customer’s eyes, before flipping it and beginning his shuffle. It’s messy, and seems ill-practiced. Like he’s seen other people do it before and tried to learn by eye. It’s not the best.

Mimi still wanders the length of the table as Jupi works, her movements growing more and more peculiar with each mini lap she completes. While Jupiter is engrossed in his failing card-shuffle, he doesn’t notice when his tiny clown stops in front of him and stares down the customer, making sure he has his eyes on her.

Then she makes her move. Teeter Dance, to be specific. A very strange sight that Jupiter misses completely as he’s fumbling with a card that's stuck on the table. Darn thing.

Mimi’s confusing performance ends when Jupiter claps to himself at his success. Yes! Okay! He totally shuffled those cards, yeah! He’s entirely oblivious to the assistance he’s gotten.

“Okay. Now find your card.”

[j-uwu-piter]

unluckyvoice‌:

Well, Music had to give him credit for the alliteration, at least.  Admittedly, he didn’t know how ghosts worked either, but he wasn’t about to spend energy arguing with this man about it.  (Though he would make it a point to catch a Ghost-type one day so he could make proper sense of them…)

“Well, I’m not really gonna force you if you don’t want to,” said Music reassuringly, still trying not to laugh thanks to that blasted Mime Jr. on the table.  “I’ll give you props for using Tarot cards to draw attention, though, ‘cause it seems to be working.”

He figured it was less the cards and more his gesticulating that was drawing attention, considering that their discussion was starting to get a few people to pause and stare, but he wasn’t about to mention that, seeing as the man seemed wound up as it was. 

“Why, thank you! And now that you’ve been so thoroughly attention-grabbed, care to play a game?”**

Mimi acts independently now, springing into action and rearranging the cards into new positions. Every new card she places down, Jupiter flips over, until the final upturned card on the table is plucked between his thumb and forefinger.

“It’s a simple one,” he says with a grin. “You keep your eye on your card here, and as I shuffle them around, you pick it back out. If you can do it, you win a prize. If you cannot, well... you can always try again. It’s a fun, simple little game, only P200 per try, so why not give it a go?”

Try the game, screams Jupiter’s body language. Try it, it’s so easy. Just use your eyes. Mimi chitters and coos at the stranger encouragingly, before toddling the length of the table, back and forth in a teetering dance. A peculiar, mesmerizing sight.

[j-uwu-piter]

unluckyvoice‌:

“Think of the - What?”  This took a direction Music wasn’t expecting.  Right now he’s just trying to maintain a straight face now that the Mime Jr. is mimicking their Trainer’s pose.

“You, uh…you sure you’re not just overthinking it?  I don’t think a Ghost is gonna start haunting you just because of a mistake…” He wasn’t even entirely sure Ghost-types were native to this area, so the possibility seemed slim at best.  “I don’t even know who my grandma is, so that’s one thing we can cross off the list.”

“Think of the baby,” he repeats. “That’s me. I’m baby. Think of me. I don’t want to be haunted.”

It’s some pretty sound logic.

“I don’t think I’ve ever overthought in my life.”

Thinking at all can often be a surprise from Jupiter.

“But do you know how ghosts work? I sure as heck don’t. And I’m not going to learn now. So the risk is simply out of the question! My illustrious career will not be cut short by the misdemeanours of mischievous miasmas!”

No, that’s not what miasma means. No, he doesn’t know that.

Jupiter flails his arms dramatically as he speaks, emphasising every grand phrase with a ridiculous gesture that seems to take far more effort than he’s usually willing to give. Mimi, of course, mimics every motion in perfect synchronicity with her trainer.

[j-uwu-piter]

@unluckyvoice​ from here

He’s joking, right? He’s joking? Harmless fun? Harmless? H-A-R-M-L-E-S-S?

“They’ll be less harmless when you go off and enjoy the rest of your day while I’m stuck dealing with some angry ghost, all because I read your cards wrong.”

This totally isn’t about how he has no idea what he’s doing. don’t be ridiculous. It could never be about that. Jupiter knows what he’s doing and no one can prove otherwise.

“These cards are here to add some pizazz to the games. Under no circumstances will I or Mimi be predicting your future or talking to your grandma or whatever.” He folds his arms, and the Mime Jr. stood atop his hastily-setup game table mimics him. “It’s just not safe. We have to think of the baby.”

[j-uwu-piter]

(hey it’s Luc, rising from the ashes for the billionth time to write for a new bastard boy

if you like shenanigans and clown care tips, Jupiter Montague may be right for you)

[j-uwu-piter]

“The average clown diet consists of roughly three square meals of mart-brand Poké-feed per day, supplemented with fruits and the occasional candy bar. One must be careful not to overload their delicate systems with too much salt. A salty clown is bad news for everyone.”

[j-uwu-piter]

tag dump

uwu