It’s March 25, 2026. I’m currently wrapping up my first year of grad school! It’s been quite the fucking journey—questioning my belonging in higher education, questioning my own identity as a whole, coming to so many realizations of myself. I feel like I have been slowly developing into a different person. One that questions everything (even more than before), one that’s more critical of my knowledge and experiences, one that’s willing to grow.
I’ve cried myself to sleep many nights questioning my own capabilities to finish this program. I’ve cried myself to sleep because I’ve been exhausted. I’ve cried myself to sleep questioning if I’m deserving to be in these spaces. I’ve cried myself to sleep wondering of the “what ifs…” I’ve cried myself to sleep from frustration of not understanding assignments. I’ve cried myself to sleep not understanding theories and frameworks. I’ve cried myself to sleep doubting my competence. I’ve cried myself to sleep not knowing if I’d have the mental capacity and strength to pursue a PhD once completing this master’s degree.
As I’m wrapping up my first year of grad school, I’ve learned so much not only about the material of this program, but most importantly of myself. When I feel like giving up and letting go, I remind myself of why I’m doing this, for who I’m doing this—myself. It’s about telling them “fuck you” and being in spaces they’d never be capable of being in.
