Talk is cheap but I'm cheaper

[jacey-hernandez-blog]

“but our uninhibited selves aren’t necessarily an accurate representation of who we are.” she stated, shrugging her shoulders as she took a sip from her cup. “and just because drinking brings out the things we kept deep inside, doesn’t mean those things should in any way be a part of our judgement of others. if someone tries to be better, and they don’t want to associate with certain things, which is why they keep them inside, then those things shouldn’t be taken into account.”

Aurelia had certainly done many things with alcohol running through her veins that she regretted the next morning. she had created some of her fondest memories that way too, but while the good memories caused her to chuckle nostalgically for a moment, the bad really weighed down on her, forever it seemed. she certainly didn’t want to be judged on the basis of those actions.

Jacey glanced over at her and wondered if she knew the things that Quentin had gotten up to behind her back, that deep down, she knew about their secret meetings whenever they had the chance. “but what about the bad decisions?” She asked gently. “Aren’t they really the things we want to act on but our conscious tells us otherwise,” she suggested softly, taking a long sip from her cup. “I mean, maybe it’s just our consciousness disappearing and we finally act on those carnal inhibitions we try and bury deep.” At least that was the excuse she gave the first night she had made a move on Quentin.

Clearing her throat awkwardly as she glanced around, she wasn’t too sure if she should continue the conversation or just awkwardly walk away- she had never been too good at social interactions especially with people she didn’t know all that well, always making the wrong decisions, always saying the wrong thing, perhaps that’s why her parents had shoved her away to various countries. “I don’t usually see you at these parties.” She finally added, staring down into her cup as she hopped on her feet slightly.

[jacey-hernandez-blog]

he smiled at her gratefully, unsure if the gesture would have even be seen in the dark of the night, the only light coming from the silvery moonlight. parker carefully pulled out his guitar, tuning it slightly before he began to strum a few slower, calmer tunes. at the sound of her confession, his eyes glanced up toward her; even though he knew she could trust him, he was surprised she was opening up so quickly. “i know what you mean,” he responded quietly. it felt as if parker and quentin’s lives were somehow strung together – childhood, mutual friends, ashcroft and the imperium society. life felt so empty without him there to share those memories. “you miss him a lot, don’t you?” it was a rhetorical question, of course, he knew the answer. he almost regretted asking it … it was stupid, but jacey would know he had good intentions. 

Smiling sadly as she watched Parker began to play the instrument, why she had an ear for languages, she could hardly pick up an instrument without breaking it though she had always appreciated the beauty in music. Sniffling slightly as she rubbed her nose and shrugged her shoulders. “What’s there to miss?” Jacey questioned softly, as far as most were concerned she and Quentin had been casual friends and nothing more, most her mourning had been done in private where no one could see the true absence he had left in her life. “You must miss him though, you two practically grew up together.” Jacey pointed out gently, only imagining how much Parker must miss his long time friend. “I mean, we slept together and that’s about as deep as our conversations got with one another.” Chuckling lowly. “I mean, I’m not even sure how many siblings he actually has.”

[jacey-hernandez-blog]

– ODETTE HELD NO REAL ANIMOSITY TOWARDS JACEY. the reasons things never would have worked between them were obvious, like her stumbling back drunk from the bars minutes before curfew, for example. maybe no animosity, but there was certainly opinions she held about jacey’s lifestyle. “we both know that you’ve been drinking since well before the grief,” she quipped, unable to keep the judgement out of her voice.

“right. like getting caught breaking into a building when there’s a police investigation going on is a real good look…as if the society’s not under enough scrutiny already,” odette adds, resisting the urge to roll her eyes. “maybe just worry more about getting back to your own bed and less about finding someone to warm it.”

Jacey let out a small breath as she stared at Odette- not only in their appearances but personality had the two been polar opposites of one another, Jacey living life by the seam of her pants and Odette always having everything carefully planned, yet that hadn’t stopped the brunette from jumping head first into whatever they had with one another before it all came crumbling down around them. “Don’t worry Oddy, you know that I’m good at keeping secrets.” She quipped back before she could stop herself, forever someone’s dirty little secret. Rolling her eyes as she stared at Odette intensely for a moment, her intense gaze almost hurting her for a moment before she shook her head and laughed gently. “It’s not like any of this is a new development for me.” She pointed out- her partying ways were well known long before any of this mess with Quentin had occurred. “If they would catch anyone, it would be me and they wouldn’t be too shocked about it either.” Jacey pointed out seriously, quirking a brow at the words. “Little jealous about who I share my time with, are we?” She teased gently.

[objetpetita]

Because it was my crime to have no one on Earth who cared for me, or loved me.

Edgar Allan Poe, from a letter to John Allan, c. January 1831 (via objetpetita)

[jacey-hernandez-blog]

 “ IS IT GETTING PHILOSOPHICAL hours already? “ the blonde replied with a quirk of her brow, plopping down in a spot next to the brunette, a delicate hand tightly grasping a plastic cup, before raising to her lips and taking one large gulp. “ s’ a little early don’t you think? i’m no where near PISSED enough to go searching for the meaning of life yet. “ a soft laugh slipped past lissa’s lips, blue eyes wandering about for a second or two in an attempt to find a familiar face. being at a party, was out of place –– given the circumstances of things, but what was left? was there anything more to do? outside of obsess over the fact that someone had murdered her ex-boyfriend.

and alessandra was many things, but a dweller was not one of them. ‘ hard knock life ‘ and all that which meant she’d have to keep on pushing forward. besides what was she supposed to do? grab a ball of yarn and pretend to be sherlock holmes? no. she’d never been fond of dealing with what she couldn’t prove and she wasn’t going to start now. “ but i’ll tell ya what, you get a few more shots in me and i PROMISE to cry all over ya. you can even hold my hair back as i hug a toilet, and maybe then we can re-visit the conversation yeah? “ she added in clear attempt to keep things light. “ b’sides ‘s a party –– fun was the idea remember? “

Throwing an arm around Lissa’s shoulders and staring at her friend, laughing lightly. “The meaning of life is all around us, darling.” She cooed affectionately- the girl perhaps being one of the few people that Jacey enjoyed being around, someone she could call a friend without any double meaning behind it all. “and if you’re not willing to search for the meaning of life than we’ll have to get you drunk enough so you can explore the universe with me.” Swaying them both side to side gently as she offered her a bright smile; anything to try and cheer her up. Laughing once more at the blondes words and shaking her head, the raven curls to shake around her shoulders lightly as she shook her head. “You know that I’ll always hold your hair back for you.” Though it was probably Lissa who more than often had to hold Jacey’s hair back after one too many tequila shots and her lack of self-control. “but I want us to have fun tonight, to go wild and not worry about everything happening around us, okay?” And she truly meant those words, just a night where everything felt like it use to. “We’re not playing detective so no need to act like it.”

[jacey-hernandez-blog]

– ODETTE TOOK A LONG LOOK AT JACEY’S GETUP, letting her eyes linger on the heels. the smell of alcohol off jacey’s breath hits her nose and she resists the urge to roll her eyes. “how is it with this new campus lockdown, everyone still seems to be able to find the bar? is there an underground speakeasy on campus that i don’t know about?” odette quips.

she shrugs. “yeah, i can text a friend,” odette nods, hoping it won’t take too long. regardless, she’s glad for jacey’s company – but doesn’t want to admit she’s too scared to be left out here alone. “how were you planning on getting in here, then?”

Chuckling lowly, still stumbling slightly in the bright red heels but managing to gather herself, placing her hand on the wall and shrugging her shoulders. “Well, it’s not hard to find, grief makes people drink.” She answered honestly and it was true, more nights had been spent trying to find the answers at the bottom of a bottle or sharing a bed with a stranger. Finally giving up on trying to light the cigarette before shoving it away and sighing. “How will I get in?” Shrugging her shoulders once more, that was honestly the least of her worries these days- besides the alcohol coursing through her system made her less worried about the dangers that could still lurk in the shadows. “I’m sure I’ll find a way in or somewhere to sleep.” Chuckling once more. “There’s usually an open window somewhere.”

[jacey-hernandez-blog]

brows   couldn’t   help   but   knit   into   a   furrow,   eyeing   the   other   as   she   gave   a   tilt   of   her   head,   “   um…wasn’t   really   inviting   you   to   cry.   i   was   inviting   you   to   some   vodka.   ”   inquisitive   blue   orbs   couldn’t   help   but   eye   the   other   suspiciously,   wondering   if   she   was   one   of   the   dames   on   campus   who   were   crying   and   acting   as   if   they   were   best   friends   with   quentin   when   really   they   hadn’t   known   each   other   at   all.   “   don’t   have   a   cigarette,   sorry.   ”   sophie   snorted,   arms   crossing   over   her   chest,   “   oh?   did   he?   ”   voice   laced   with   sarcasm,   not   really   knowing   if   she   could   BELIEVE   this   girl   seeing   as   she   was   getting   exhausted   with   people   who   were   pretending   to   KNOW   what   she   was   going   through.   or   what   any   of   her   family   members   were   going   through. 

Jacey chuckled lowly as she made herself comfortable, pulling out her own pack of cigarettes and showing the blonde. “Luckily I have my own.” She stated, tapping the packet on the desk lightly, something that helped ease the tension she felt in the room. She wasn’t about to go around blubbering about how she and Quentin had been good friends, they had rarely seen each other outside their secret meetings, but apart of her did miss his company. “and I’ll never say no to vodka.” She answered with a simple shrug, seeing no need to try and convince the girl that she had been a lifelong friend of her brothers- everyone had their secrets and Quentin had been hers since the first night they had met one another. “Seemed to really enjoy the room, or maybe it was just the company in it.” Shrugging her shoulders as she placed the cigarette between her crimson colored lips.

[jacey-hernandez-blog]

he wasn’t used to sharing the roof with people, or rather, he wasn’t used to walking in on pensive moments on the roof. he saw its appeal, though – parker himself had come up to do a little personal contemplation before. “hey, jacey,” he responded with a warm smile; her very own tone and smile did make him feel ever so slightly better. despite the strong faces he had seen in the day, the fact that they were possible said something at least. “okay,” parker responded, wanting to respect her space. he took a seat a couple metres away from her, perching atop one of the railings as he handed her one of his beers with a wink. “mind if i play a little?” parker asked, gesturing to his guitar. 

Jacey smiled brightly at Parker, perhaps the one person she had known the longest- spent more time with his family than her own during holidays when her parents were too busy to take her. “I’ll never complain when you play.” She laughed softly, taking another swig from the bottle and sighing. “Quentin and I used to come up here.” She confessed softly, before she could stop herself, praying she could trust Parker with that information but figuring she could. “It feels empty without him here.”

[jacey-hernandez-blog]

she had been getting looks of sympathy, PITY, everywhere she went since Quentin’s death. everyone expected her to act like the grieving widow, the sad girlfriend, but she refused to break down, and swore she would stay strong and make it through the party. when a girl standing next to her started talking, she was surprised at her question and glad that the topic of conversation was not death or anything related to it ( as had been the case for most interactions she had been having lately ).

“as someone who makes her worst decisions when drunk, i sincerely hope not.” she chuckled, recognising the brunette from the society, “Jacey, is it?” she asked for confirmation, hoping she could be heard over the loud music. “based on the assumption that our quote ‘true self’, is our best version, surely our sober self is who we truly are because that’s when we’re making a conscious effort. actions committed whilst drunk, aren’t really the best basis for making a judgement about someone, are they?”

Glancing over at the woman beside her and clearing her throat. Aurelia was perhaps one of the people she had been most avoiding, especially considering what she and Quentin had been doing behind everyone’s backs for longer than most knew about. Flicking her raven curls over her shoulders and noted the stark contrast in appearance between the two of them, Quentin truly had a broad range in his tastes or so Jacey had noted over the years of knowing him. “I mean, more our uninhibited selves.” Jacey explained softly, before taking another swig from her drink and glancing around the party. Noting how even the parties on campus seemed far more dismal these days. “When we’re sober, we’re always making the conscious effort to not say how we really feel, being drunk lets us get that all out.” She answered, though even when drunk, she did her best to not let her truths come slipping through her lips, especially now, knowing the damage it could cause for those around her.

[blytthe]

Deadly Class // Reagan Youth (1.01)

[jacey-hernandez-blog]

Chuckling lowly beneath her breath as she glanced around the party- this had become a usual occurrence for her, spending her nights finding her sorrows at the bottom of a bottle. Dancing until her feet ached or spending the night sobbing in the bathroom, it could go either way, really depending on how much Jacey allowed everything to overcrowd her mind. “You know, one of my favorite things about parties,” she drawled out as she fumbled for a cigarette, her body already aching for that next hit of nicotine as she finally found the slightly crumbled packet. “Is that most people have let their guards down already, some without even realizing.” Turning to the person next to her and quirking a dark eyebrow. “Do you believe our drunk selves is who we truly are?”

[aiinsworths]

           with the library full of anxious students, the dining hall emptied out, and the dormitories still stinging with memories of a certain lost friend, there were only a few places on campus where parker could find a bit of solace. to his fortune, one of these places was his very favorite spot on campus, one that was full of good memories: long conversations, warm kisses, drunk laughs, and everything in between.

pushing the door open to the roof of his dorm, guitar in one hand, a pair of beer bottles in the other. he was humming a tune, likely a wes montgomery progression, when he noticed another figure sitting near the edge of the roof. taken aback, he froze in his tracks, the light from the building highlighting his silhouette. “i’m sorry, i … i didn’t think anyone else would be up here.”

[jacey-hernandez-blog]

Sitting on the window sill as Jacey casually drink from the bottle as she stared out at the evening sky, this had perhaps been the main room that she and Quentin had escaped to during their time together, it had been far enough for them to get the quiet they needed and not worry about anyone hearing them or catching them. Taking another drink as she let out a small sigh, though she would never admit it aloud, her heart still ached slightly from the absence that Quentin had left. Glancing over when she heard the door open, smiling brightly when she realized it was only Parker, one of the few people she didn’t mind spending her time with. “Hey cutie,” she said brightly, offering him that big, charming smile that had won people over her entire life. “Just pretend I’m not even here, yeah?” She laughed softly before taking another swig.

[sophie-cromwell]

the   youngest   cromwell   had   sought   solace   in   an   empty   and   seemingly   ABANDONED   classroom   that   she   was   certain   had   been   forgotten   about   completely   by   the   school   administration.   the   sudden   intrusion   was   unwelcome,   blotchy   eyes   rising   to   meet   the   other,   handle   of   vodka   in   hand,   “   either   join   me   or   fuck   off.   ”

[jacey-hernandez-blog]

There were plenty of places that Jacey had found that she could hide away on campus, mainly due to her secret trysts with Quentin and the aging classroom was one of them and more than anything she just really needed a secret after that ancient Greek languages class. Green eyes locking with Sophie’s as she shrugged her shoulders. “Don’t really feel like crying but I could use a cigarette.” She answered bluntly. “Your brother liked this room too.”

[viclinists]

– LIPS PART TO LET OUT AN EXASPERATED SIGH. of course. trembling hands fumble around her bag, hoping that she’ll find her keys in depths, but no such luck. she’s locked out of her dorm, just an hour before curfew. she leans up against the brick wall of the mansion set aside for juniors, considering all possible solutions. astrid would probably tease her mercilessly – who’s the forgetful one now? and it was unusual, odette had never been the sort of person forgot anything. but now, half of her was missing. she didn’t know the sort of person she was any more.

the sound of footsteps on the cobblestone breaks odette from her reverie and she looks up to meet eyes with her supposed knight in shining armor. all she can hope is that they won’t look at her like that the moment they register who she is. “any chance you could let me in?”

[jacey-hernandez-blog]

Stumbling slightly in her heels as Jacey attempted to look like she hadn’t spent the past five hours at a nearby bar, though the stench of the alcohol probably told people otherwise, but at least she had made it back in time for curfew and wouldn’t have to spend the evening with strange bedfellows and stumble in at the wee hours as the sun started to crack through the sky. The cigarette hanging loosely from her red lips as she stared at the blonde with bleary eyes. “Not my house.” She answered bluntly, no she lived in the Sophomore house where it seemed to be far more strict these days. “Is there someone you can call?”

[lookingfxralaska]

alaska was lost in space, her aunt and uncle who were taking care of gemma had just closed the skype call. it made her miss her baby more than ever with gemma just being a few months old now, but she knew it was for the best. but had been caught, her eyes refocused and her blank expression turned into a smile. “sorry,” she said. “my mind is a million miles away.”

[jacey-hernandez-blog]

If there was one thing Jacey enjoyed doing, more than she should, it was listening in on other people’s conversations- how else was she supposed to get her daily dose of gossip? Especially with everything seeming so dull around campus as of late. Shrugging her shoulders casually. “I was just wondering if you had the notes from last class?” She answered softly, falling into the chair across from Alaska. “I kind of overslept.”

[midsommars-deactivated20201109]

[riverdaleonline]