funny guy

JACK KATZ. Thirty. Comedian. Actor. Becoming more.

[jack-katz]

jessasreyes​:

Hot bean juice makes everything better.

Jessica’s mantra repeated over and over in her head as she blocked out most sound with her headphones. They were not even on with sounds, but it deterred most people from attempting to talk with her as she walked through the streets. Keeping her head down was a a form of self preservation where she was from and it was a talent she had mastered.

Patience; however, was not a strong virtue of hers when it came to coffee.

Waiting in line for her morning coffee after working all night was some of the longest time stretches of her life. Finally having her order placed and paid. She stood still and happily hoped up to the front to grab her finished drink. After a couple of sips taken- Jessica immediately relaxes and turns to continue on her way home.

It was in checking her phone, walking, and sipping her coffee that she did not notice the slight drop in the sidewalk. The gravity pulled her down to a stumble and her coffee fell out of her hands as well as a loud curse, “Shit!”

Jack was out with Heidi and had his earbuds in to listen to a conversation that was technically about him but didn’t seem to really involve him. It was making him restless, so much so he wished his daughter would wake up and start screaming so he’d have a reason to get off the call. But she kept on sleeping in her stroller and he kept on listening to people he paid (to do what?) yap and yap. Awards, awards, awards...a few for a movie he’d been in, but none that he could claim as his own. It was all visual effects and music, nothing to do with the actual actors when there were more serious films up for nominations.

Apparently, the conversation was taking up more of his attention than he realized when the stroller suddenly dipped. Jack quickly look at his daughter, then up at the stranger who’d dropped the coffee. Heidi hadn’t woken up yet, but she was stirring. “Don’t breathe,” he warned as he sucked in a breath. So maybe he didn’t really want to deal with a cranky baby right now.

[jack-katz]

franciscovidal​:

-

Vidal arched his brow at the man, but did not leave his seat. “You’re no longer behind the wheel, mate. Do you even know where you are?” He asked, as his people straightened up beside him, This man was no threat, he did look tired. But there were certain things to be careful about. Especially in the place that was still mixing with the French. Even though the pub was mostly harbouring the Rutherford, and Brixton loyalists, there were a couple of times that a few rats weaseled their way in. 

“Perhaps it would be better for you to order something? This is a pub.” Or leave, but Vidal did not say the words yet. He first wanted to see what the man was about. 

Jack nodded quickly, swallowing his saliva as he felt a flush rise to his cheeks. “Yeah, yeah, I, uh, it’s just a, um, a phrase. I don’t even drive.” He hated to admit it that out loud. One of a number of things he missed out on in his professional pursuits, that didn’t seem that important to him at the time. Now, he was too afraid to even try. “Oh?” He went red again. Why was he even questioning? It was a pub. He was supposed to order something. “Whiskey, two shots,” he said when he realized he had the bartender’s attention suddenly. He was confident in two places in life: on the stage, and ordering at a bar.

“I’m sorry,” he said to the man when he was disengaged from the bartender. “I don’t, you know, normally just randomly dump being such a dumbass on strangers. It’s reserved for friends.”

[jack-katz]

illusoryfury​:

@mobscene-starters​

It was nice out. The perfect weather to go on a walk, enjoy the fresh air. Do something for a change to get his mind off of things. And what better way to do that than by getting your wife and your son with you, out in the park. Misha didn’t even need to play with them, just sitting there and watching a mother and her son play around filled him with hope, and with joy. He considered shipping them off to Russia, he knew they’d be safe there, Kosta would make sure of it, but he could never bring himself to open that subject. They were his anchor. Misha sat at a fair distance, watching the two play as he lit up a cigarette.

Jack was enjoying the free time after barely having time to sleep, outside of plane trips, for the last couple months. Granted, spending almost all his time at Honor’s with Heidi wasn’t exactly great for sleep, either. He was fairly sure he hadn’t had time in the last week to properly scrub his face of the last of the stage makeup. Thankfully, his daughter matched his tired energy that afternoon and drifted off as he walked with her in her stroller in the park. He took a seat on a bench, too tired to even be anxious that someone else was sitting at the other end. “And stay asleep,” he muttered to his daughter as he slowly started to move the stroller back and forth, in what he hoped was a soothing motion.

[jack-katz]

elaina-halevy​:

@mobscene-starters​

It was the little things that could sometimes bring the most joy, and while Elaina didn’t expect anyone to come celebrate with her, she was happy to see each and every friend that had taken the time to.

Paris wasn’t as far from London as Launceston was, but Noa’s absence made Elaina feel like she was missing something. The twin thing, if you will; they were connected, bonded, far more intricately than other siblings. Just when she’d gotten used to having Noa back and around, she was gone. It was difficult, but Elaina would always want what was best for her sister. If Paris was the answer, she’d be nothing but supportive.

Her surgery loomed over her, as well, reminding her that Monday was approaching rapidly. Nothing alcohol couldn’t fix, though. Elaina didn’t want to think about it, at least not tonight. She was here to celebrate her birthday, and when she approached the newest arrival with shots, she made that very clear.

“Leave the doom and gloom at the door. You and me? We’re gonna have a good time.”

A bar. A bar in London. His hometown. Not where he’d grown, but where’d he claim in a heartbeat. It was where his daughter would be raised, and that was enough for him to claim it as home. Even drunk as fuck. “I don’t know you!” Jack said, stating the obvious as he held up a shot to the woman who looked oddly familiar. Everyone looked that way when drunk. “But, uh,  sure!”

[jack-katz]

franciscovidal​:

@mobscene-starters​

“Mate, you’re buzzin’.” Benny had his eyes nearly crossed as he tried to down the last of his beer. They’d been in the pub for an hour only. It was a Wednesday night, and since their type of work did not revolve around a strict schedule, they deserved a couple of night here and there. Vidal dropped his arm around his friend, pulling him down to a chair, whilst pushing a glass of water in front oh him. “You better chug it down, if you want to crack on later on. You ain’t going to last the night like that.” 

He had felt the eyes on him for a while now. First, he hoped to simply ignore it - allowing the person to take a moment to turn around. It was their turf. Vidal knew the owner who was an old friend of his. Bar fights happened, but Francisco tried not to initiate too many.

Finally, he pulled a chair out, turned it over carefully, and looked directly at the person. “You’ve got something on your mind?”

Filming was done. The wrap party happened without him. Actually, it was happening right now, as he sat in a bar in London and wondered what more diapers would cost him. How did people who lives in so much less than him afford this? Should he be concerned about them?

When someone spoke, he was torn violently from his own thoughts. “Oh, no, I, uh...” He’d been filming in a city where he was recognized on every block because agents, friends, family, everyone spread the rumor that Jack Katz was filming in Budapest. This was no longer his city to claim with his famous name alone. There were too many famous names to compete with. “Yes,” he finally admitted, knowing the tone. He was a street rat, through and through. He knew what tone meant in any approach. “I, uh, I just...I’m tired. Keep falling asleep at the wheel. I’m sorry.”

[jack-katz]

ohhophelie​:

The sun was out for the first time in a long time and Ophélie decided to take full advantage of this. Banana and Pogo were in their matching winter coats and booties and being exceptionally well behaved, she liked to think they realized she’d been in a bit of a fragile place and thus didn’t cause any trouble. The chill was refreshing and she’d almost missed Jack and the darling Heidi. 

“Of course!” Ophélie beamed, then realized she was talking loudly and covered her mouth. “She’s darling, of course, more beautiful every time I see her, Honor getting some rest?” She whispered now, taking the phone and stepping back, squatting down to get a better angle. Ophélie wasn’t the type of influencer who didn’t know her shit. The blonde took at least fifty pictures, the dogs waiting patiently apparently used to this kind of thing. “Ok now angle the stroller a little more this way and take a bite of the pretzel, this lighting is incredible.

“I hope so,” Jack said with a deep sigh. It was tiring just to parent for less than half the week, he couldn’t imagine what Honor was going through. Most of the time he was “home,” he spent in the guest room at her house so he could tend to Heidi in the night when possible. He felt a slight flush rise to his cheeks as he remembered he’d nearly missed the sound of Heidi crying on the monitor only the night before. 

As Ophélie began to direct, the actor in Jack shoved aside embarrassment and parental shame to crouch fo ran adorable picture besides his daughter. He never got tired of that thought, that word. Daughter. He turned the stroller to the side as instructed, refusing to let his daughter look like anything less than a superstar. “Can I return the favor?” he asked as he stood up, finally actually taking a bite of his pretzel. 

[jack-katz]

eleanor--shipley​:

A smile spread across Eleanor’s lips as she took in Jack and Heidi. She hadn’t had a chance to meet the little one yet, but she was proving to be just as adorable in person as she was in the pictures. “Of course I will, Jack.” She took the phone and backed up a step in order to get a clearer picture. “It’s good to see you.”

“Thank you,” he breathed out, having half-expected her to say she couldn’t because she was very busy and off to an interview. He crouched down, grinning next to his daughter (his daughter!) as he took a big bite out of his pretzel. “I saw your, oh,” he quickly tried to chew was remained of the pretzel before talking further, “I saw your Christmas movie. It was good.”

[jack-katz]

Jack was in London two days a week away from filming, and he used every minute he could to spend time with Heidi. He was out walking with her when she fell asleep with a velvet stuffed pretzel gripped in her hands. As he was in the middle of eating his own pretzel, it was destiny. “Hey, hey,” he said in a hushed voice to the person passing by, as if the blaring horns going by wouldn’t wake her. “Uh, can you take a picture of us?” He was already holding his phone out.

[jack-katz]

Dear Jack and Daddy.

Merry Christmas

I really can't thank you enough for all you have done for us and continue to do.

Heidi absolutely adores you.

For Christmas we have got you a daddy and daughter top.

From Heidi, two chains. One is engraved with her birth date, and time. The other her full name and weight.

Love Heidi.

From me I'm giving you as much time with Heidi as you can get, whenver you want. I know deep down it must be hard having to spend time away from Heidi. So I'm gifting you as much time as possible.

Here you have a key to my home, that way you can come whenver please. Even if you have finished work in the middle of the night, you can let yourself in and sleep until she wakes us.

Secondly it will also mean you will need your own place to stay, so I had the spare room converted into your very own bedroom. Bring whtaver you wish and stay as much as you like.

Honor.

[jack-katz]

jackthekatz: that new year’s vibe when ur friends don’t even know the new shit u got coming @archangelsmovie #archangels @eeeproductions 

[jack-katz]

Location: Illegal Rave at Aldwych Tube Station, shortly before midnight

The fireworks were gorgeous. After Heidi was down, Jack felt in an unusually good mood, so he actually agreed to go out with some friends. It went downhill fast. And somehow...underground? Oh, fuck, they were underground. It felt familiar, but a lot had been pumped into his system like it was a damn countdown to a new plane of existence. Apparently, feeling good before going out does not decrease the chance of doing drugs or drinking alcohol.

“Okay, alright, I can’t have this,” he admitted, his cheeks as flushed as ever as he passed his drink over. He was both embarrassed to be so drunk and embarrassed to offer up a drink. “Here you go, happy new year.”

[jack-katz]

Jack Katz’s attire for New Year’s

Dressed in: Clothes that probably need to be ironed

Escorting: So many diapers

[kanjabeto-deactivated20180421]

“A lot of actors and people in the film industry complain about the promo tour because they don’t like sitting in hotel rooms, but I’ve been stalking you online, and you, Chris Hemsworth, and Mark Ruffalo seem like you’ve had a ball.”

[timothechallamet]

[jack-katz]

honorhathaway19​:

It wasn’t until this moment that Honor realized how much she was truly relying on Jack to be here, it wasn’t a feeling she liked, for years she had been her own support. Her family dipping in and out, it was Ethan that had stepped up over the last few years and been there for her more than ever prior to his death. 

As much as she hated that she was relying on Jack being with her, she didn’t want to be alone. It felt like hours had passed before he arrived but in reality it really wasn’t that long at all. 

She felt scared, worried, anxious and vulnerable. She had met some of the doctors and nurses who where with her but none of them really knew her and despite their job to care for her and her baby, she didn’t really trust me.   

If she hadn’t been in so much pain then she would have smiled brightly when Jack walked in, instead she just grabbed his hand the second it was offered to her. Taking another puff on the gas and air.  

She was breathless, the labor was going quicker than any of them had ever anticipated. Clearly their little girl wasn’t ready to wait much longer to make her magical appearance. 

Once she can she tried to talk to Jack, though each word was almost interrupted by her contractions. 

“ Thirty four weeks.”

“She’s early”

Is all she managed before another excruciating contraction came. God she wanted to scream but she kept them under her breath as the nurse checked her over. 

“Just in time” She said to Jack.

“Honor the baby is ready to come. I need you to do a big push when you get another contraction. Really hard, as much as you can. 

“You ready dad?” The nurse asked, “You’re little girl will be in your arms soon.”

Honor couldn’t speak, the tears where forming in her eyes as she looked at Jack. The fear was obvious, as she felt like a dear lost in head lights. It wasn’t the pain that scared her, or what she was about to go through but she knew their little girl was coming early, she knew she was in the ‘premature stage’ of being born, and she also know that in itself could carry risks for her child. 

Before she even speak she felt the contraction, closing her eyes she pushed,  tears falling down her cheeks, squeezing Jacks hand each time another came. 

It felt like a life time had passed them. She was exhausted, crying, shouting for the pain to stop, she was ready to give up, her body ached but suddenly her heard a all might cry, a screech almost.

She had done it. Their little girl had arrived. 

“Congratulations.” The nurses said as they held their child, “We just need to do some checks, she is a little under weight so we will need to place her in the NICU, but don’t worry. She seems healthy overall. This often happens when babies are born early.” The nurse explained to them. 

Honor could feel the panic, she had a million questions to ask but before she knew it their daughter was being wheeled away. 

“Where is she going” Honor almost scream, a nurse holding her to keep her calm. “She is out baby!!”“

The second nurse held Honor, “We will take you to see her soon, but she needs to go into the intensive care unit, for now she needs some help with her breathing she her lungs wouldn’t have fully developed. Once we have sorted her out we will take you, but for now Honor you need some rest.”

Jack’s hand was in pain. He almost said something about it. Almost. But he’d prefer not to have ‘and then your mother drop-kicked me out of the hospital room window’ as part of his child’s birth story. He honestly didn’t know if Honor already knew the baby’s sex, but he’d made sure it was a secret from him so it could be a surprise. If he’d know how much of a surprise this entire fucking situation was going to be, he probably wouldn’t have cared so much.

“Damn, who knew a fashion designer and a comedian would create such a speedy kid,” he said, trying to joke. He was suddenly terrified that if Honor laughed, it would do something to hurt the baby, and he immediately shut back up. It didn’t seem right to babble, either, when he could see the pain that cut off each attempt from Honor to speak. “We’ll talk after, we’ll talk after,” he found himself muttering to her as he was fairly certain his pinky was being sprained.

‘Your little girl will be in your arms soon.’

Jack wanted to scream, but the nurses were all talking and he didn’t want to drown them out. For the first time since Honor took his hand, he squeezed back as she pushed again. He didn’t let go even when he heard his daughter’s first cries.

What happened next was quick and confusing. She was with them, then she wasn’t. He looked to Honor for answers. Jesus fucking Christ, she’d just had a baby, of course she didn’t have any answers. The nurses were already doling them out, though, telling them all the factual things they needed to hear - along with the instruction for Honor to rest. He wanted to see his daughter more than anything. He wanted to hold her more than anything. But she wasn’t within reach, and he turned back to Honor to hold her hand again instead. “She’ll be fine,” he assured her, though he actually had no idea what was being done behind the door that closed after his daughter. His daughter. He had a fucking daughter. “We’ll be fine, okay? Breathe, and rest. Do you want anything? Can you eat anything? I’m sorry, I didn’t make it to the birth episode of my parenting podcast yet.”

[jack-katz]

JACK KATZ. Twenty-nine. Comedian. Actor. Becoming more.

[jack-katz]

[open text]

Yvonne: I have a very serious question:

Yvonne: Where can I find the best bacon cheeseburgers in London?

Yvonne: I have a serious craving.

Jack: This is literally all I'm qualified to answer

Jack: There's a place called Jack's (no relation). Richmond Road in Hackney. I don't need thanks.