selling out // self
Meanwhile, across town...
[The scene opens on our three main characters.]
RICARDO “RICKY” ISLES. He’s the oldest of the three. Has more under his belt than them - professionally, financially, personally. Had his kids when he was young. Still with the mother, don’t get some fucked up idea of him just yet. He’s always been the funny friend, the funny brother. Now he’s the funny comedian, the funny actor, the funny producer. He can bankroll a film - partially. He still needs support - professionally, financially, artistically. A funny idea he shared with his friends when he was drunk is now their movie.
HUEY VASQUEZ. Second oldest. Personally? We don’t get into that. But professionally, you fucking know him. Made his name as a name bigger than the live show he starred on. Any comedic movie his name is attached to will get a review on the front-page of the entertainment section your under-subscribed local newspaper. Huey loved the funny idea Ricky had for a movie and expanded on it over drinks and cocaine in Ricky’s garage in a Los Angeles suburb while Ricky’s kids were sleeping.
JOHN “JACK” / “JACKIE” KATZ. He’s only Jackie when he’s with Huey and Ricky. The EEE Production Company is what will come out of this, but we aren’t at that part of the story yet. He made his name on an American live show, then hopped overseas and has been catching roles in comedies ever since (and that one indy and a damn West End production, but who gives a fuck?). There’s also that feature film coming out. Unimpressive, in his eyes, because it wasn’t his. Ricky told Jack about the ideas him and Huey were bouncing around (over cocaine and drinks, of course). “Jackie, you’ll love it. You’ll piss your pants.” He hadn’t, but nearly, and that was enough. He was in love. And just like any man in love, he wanted more from it. He’s one of the three main characters, but he has yet to realize he’s the protagonist in this story.
[Getting back to it: The scene opens on our three main characters.
The three boys are sitting at a table. JACK has a set at that comedy club that very night. The boys appear distraught, contemplative. They’ve clearly received some bad news.]
RICKY: This motherfucker seriously pulled out.
HUEY: That’s what your mom said.
RICKY: Shut th-
JACK: So, how much money do we have?
HUEY: You wanna mention money in a room full of comedians, Katz?
JACK: Dude-
HUEY: I forgot, you’re a serious man, Jackie. Wanna make it a serious fucking movie.
JACK: The fuck-
RICKY: Hue, man. You really think this isn’t better off all around?
[HUEY doesn’t respond, just lights up a smoke and has the cigarette immediately put out under the heel of a passing waitress. He eyes up the woman, JACK and RICKY punch him in the arm at the same time.]
HUEY: Where are we gonna get this fucking money? Shit’s done for. We’ll have to call Yanik, Eleanor, everyone, tell them what the fuck happened. You wanna do that, Jackie? Make those calls?
[JACK has no response, just finishes his drink a little too quickly and looks down at the table. Oh right, it was left out of his bio - he has a kid on the way, a friend he knocked up on what was supposed to be a fun night. He’d promised burgers for her at 11:30 p.m. That was before he heard the news.]
JACK: You two... [He finally looked up from the table. He’s not trying to stroke egos. He’s being genuine here.] Someone’s going to be interested in what you guys have to put out.
RICKY: Remember all those assholes pulling their hair out after Cancer? [He’s referring to Cancer, Leo, Virgo, the comedic film he produced and starred in with JACK as his co-star.] I think one of ‘em’s ready to dole out.
HUEY: Dole out? He wants to get in on this?
JACK: It’s not -
RICKY: It is, but- [He stops short when JACK walks away.]
[Scene dissolves to JACK pacing in a small, dark room as he waits to go up for his set. A tall, gray-haired man enters. It’s RODNEY. A producer. We don’t need to get into his history, recent or past; you won’t like it, anyway. But he’s the lifeline. The only thing that gets this - this movie JACK has hooked his entire life and profession on for months - into production.]
RODNEY: I’ll make you a deal.
JACK: Rodney, I, uh, I appreciate your interest, but -
RODNEY: The deal is this: you make me laugh, I give you money.
JACK: This is a comedy club, that’s n-
RODNEY: So make me fucking laugh.
[HUEY and RICKY are back at the table. JACK’s empty glass is still there.]
HUEY: He better be fucking funny.
RICKY: Of course he’ll be fucking funny.
HUEY: This is fucked up, man.
RICKY: It’s important, man.
HUEY: If Jackie fucks this up.
RICKY: Jackie won’t fuck it up.
HUEY: Does he realize this is the end for him, too, if he fucks up? This little fucking club?
[JACK walks on stage. Suddenly, under pressure, his long rehearsed tight-five goes out the window. He’s ad-libbing, but it’s clear he’s nervous. The jokes aren’t landing. Camera cuts to RODNEY, unimpressed and stony-raced. RICKY and HUEY give him a thumbs’ up from the crowd. The small boost actually does a little to reassure JACK. The ad-libbing picks up, finds a rhythm - just in time for him to be up against the clock on his time. RODNEY is seen again in the crowd, still unfazed. JACK doesn’t do crowd work often, but he makes an attempt. It’s sticky at first - he’s pushing time and he knows it. He’s trying to make complex jokes that are falling short on laughs.]
JACK: You, what’s your name?
CROWD MEMBER #1: Harry.
JACK: And you’re here without Meghan tonight?
CROWD MEMBER #1: Uh-huh, yeah.
JACK: Already moving on, you’re fucking boring. You? What’s your name? No, not you. Yes, you.
RODNEY: Rod.
JACK: What do you do, Rod?
RODNEY: I’m a, uh, banker.
JACK: Really? What do you do as a banker, Roddey?
RODNEY: I help people as much as I can.
JACK: Do you think - Roddey, do you think the people you helped are satisfied?
RODNEY: I hope so.
JACK: And do you think you actually help people? Do you show up when they have events you sponsor? When they have their grand-openings at the buildings you financed?
RODNEY: I help as much as I can. I come as much as I can.
JACK: You know, Rodney, the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. Your mom said the same thing last night.
[There’s hesitant laughter and applause as RODNEY slowly smiles. JACK looks embarrassed by his own joke, but if it works, it works.]
[The three main characters are at the table again. All have fresh drinks, all take a sip at the same time.]
JACK: He smiled.
HUEY: He didn’t laugh.
JACK: I-
HUEY: He’s a cunt, Jack, don’t-
JACK: I have that house, I could get-
RICKY: Jackie...
[The three men exchange glances one by one. They all take a drink at once. Then another.]
RICKY: I’ll call my wife tomorrow morning.
HUEY: I’ll call my accountant.
JACK: I’ll call a realtor.