var sc_project=6233976; var sc_invisible=0; var sc_security="a10ddadb"; I grew up pretty responsible and sheltered. That's changing. I'm traveling outside my state and comfort zone, getting younger along the way. "Oh but I was so much older then, I'm younger than that now." -Bob Dylan
The police pull my lifeless body from a lake but I’m wearing the funniest hat they’ve ever seen and they can’t stop laughing and keep dropping me back into the water
“How to Avoid Getting Lonely on a Solo Roadtrip”, as reviewed by me
Recently, I got an email from one of my favorite newsletters, Roadtrippers. And one article in particular caught my eye: "How to Avoid Getting Lonely on a Solo Roadtrip".
Now, I've noticed something at this point. Many travel sites will have a guest author write up some travel advice and at the tail end, remind you to check out their blog, story, insta, etc.
The author gets exposure and the travel site gets cheap labor.
And I don’t have a problem with this at all, if the article has good advice. But today, this advice...this is not my kinda advice.
So let's rip through it. "How to Avoid Getting Lonely on a Solo Roadtrip"
"There were challenges of being on the road, of course; the tediousness of unpacking and repacking my car at every overnight stop, the annoyance of living out of a suitcase, and the nausea that would stir up at the mere thought of eating another McDonald’s french fry. Road trip food is fun at first, but eventually you get sick of eating like a twelve-year-old at a birthday party."
Okay, so the author should learn to:
Minimize.
Organize better.
Eat better. (Or don't, Taco Bell is my favorite mistake).
"But perhaps more than anything else, I’ll remember the crippling loneliness I never expected to feel."
Crippling loneliness? Seriously? Sure, the road is lonelier. But the other side of that coin is independence and reflection. A chance to find yourself. And at other times, just some simple adventures like gas station buffets or the chatting up locals at the diviest bar in town.
Tip 1: "Getting enough sleep was crucial"
Dafuq? I’m sorry, does that not apply to literally every human on the planet? Yeah, go for 8 hours. Got it. Check.
"Something I wish I knew before I started this trip was: Driving takes a lot out of you, both physically and mentally. I had to deal with everything from an aching pelvis to cramps in my calves from pointing and flexing my foot on the gas pedal. My neck and shoulders got sore.
Is this bitch serious? She got injuries WHILE DRIVING??? You just sit there!
Sure, after a long drive, you will be surprised at how tired you are. That's because you've been stiff and mentally alert the whole time. But I've never heard of someone getting calf cramps by sitting their ass in a VW Beetle for a few hours. Is she driving upside down?!
I also realized the hard way that my daily driving cap was seven hours."
Dang, tough it out, wuss. My buddy Joel and I just drove 2200 miles in 40 hours straight alternating who was driving and who was sleeping in the cramped back. No complaints. :) Also, I'm not sure how any of this advice makes you less lonely...
Tip 2: "Too much screen time made things worse"
Okay, again, that applies to everyone. Cut back on social media. You're making yourself lonely, jealous, depressed, etc.
"Plus, writing letters felt like a diary entry and helped me get all the icky lonely feelings out (and receiving mail certainly feels more special than a text). Postcards are also great because the ones I received on the trip were memorable souvenirs once it was over."
Okay that's good, now you're sorta getting it. Letters are good. But you're still focusing on what you're missing back home instead of who's in front of you...
"I learned the easiest way to get it was to put a call out on social media. It was as simple as posting “Does anyone in Missoula want to meet for a coffee?” on my Instagram story. I ended up making four new good friends on this trip because they followed me on social media and reached out.”
Bitch, are you serious? You think we all got random instagram followers that we don't know but they wanna swing by and chat when we're in BumFuck Missoula?? I thought we were chilling it on the social media?? How many times did you ask "Does anyone in Cock Springs, Arkansas wanna hang?" Or how about Boston and yet nobody showed up. Girl, I know you got some flakes. Don't pretend it was all hunky dory, Miss I-got-4-new-friends-from-instagram.
"I also asked around my pre-trip friend group—because sometimes a current buddy had a cool cousin in Omaha or a former mentor in Spokane."
YES! Thank you! This is great advice. Asking friends (facebook can help) if they know anyone where you're traveling through or to is almost always worthwhile. Then give them a call and arrange something.
Tip 4: "People I met on the road were gifts"
Wait, did you finally actually meet some people?!? Were they locals? Cuz that would make sense. If you're moving to a place (the author was checking out prospective cities to move to), you're gonna wanna see what the people are like.
"When I first started the trip, I avoided making connections because I knew they were only temporary."
Dumb, dumb, dumb...
"I met a few friends using Bumble BFF (surprisingly not as lame as it sounds) and Tinder (sometimes a date turned into a mutual “let’s be friends” situation)..."
I mean, I guess that counts? But what you're really telling me is you were looking for dates or fucks or maybe friends. I'm questioning your use of "mutual", you tease.
"On the romantic front, it was easy to say “why bother” after a first date with someone I really liked when I only had three more weeks in their city."
Called it!
"But one of the best things that happened to me on this trip was someone I dated in Denver saying, “You’re only here for three more weeks? Well, that means we better try to see each other as much as possible before then.” And you know what? I’m glad I didn’t succumb to pessimistic thinking, because the time I spent with his person made my Denver leg of the trip even more special."
You're talking about a fuck buddy, right? Just find a classy way (for the travel site) to say it. Like, “I found several lovers.” Or, “I had plenty of romantic adventures.” Or whatever Gilmore Girls say when they head out on hoe weekend.
Tip 5: "Remember that it takes time"
Hold on. Did you even meet anybody not tryin’ to smash?
Tip 6: "Loneliness, like everything in life, is temporary"
Holy shit. You only met people tryin’ to smash.
Tip 7: "A nonconventional lifestyle comes at a cost."
You gotta be kidding me...
"I gave up certain luxuries—a bed to call my own, home-cooked meals, and, yes, easy access to friends and family—"
BITCH I LIVED IN MY CAR FOR A YEAR. You fucking AirBnb'd, ate out every night and hooked up with randoms! That's luxury, ya millennial twat!
"Dana Hamilton is a sex columnist for Playboy and New York Magazine, as well as the author of the sex-positive travel blog “Eat, Drive, F*ck.”
Now it all makes sense. Our generation is fucked.
If you really wanna know the answer, it’s go out and meet people. It’s not as easy as it sounds, because frankly all of our personalities are different. Just go do what you like, improve your social skills, be bold and ask people the smallest questions, then go bigger. One of my favorite little moments came when I biked to the shores in Charleston. The water was beautiful from the docks and there was an attractive girl nearby. Idk what I said, but probably that the water was beautiful which led to good conversations and a quick bike tour of some of Charleston’s abandoned and “haunted” buildings. Talk to people. They want you to, whether they know it or not. :)
I watched this last night cuz I wanted to watch a “black film” for MLK day. I’m glad I did. There’s so much wonder and magical surrealism and heart that my eyes welled up at one scene and then my face leaked a little. It was the scene with the angry, yet loving father telling her...oh I won’t spoil it for you. It took me 2 hours later to realize it reminded me of my relationship with my own dad. NO CRYING!
Ran a marathon. No, no, no! What you did was drunkenly join Portland’s Annual Naked Bike Ride without a bike.
Still counts. NO IT DOESN’T. You jumped in randomly with you and your trans friend both slowly taking off your underwear while you ran barefoot. And you only ran like half the race.
Moved to a new city. Well I mean, I went on a roadtrip and we fell into cheap rent and easy summer jobs so...
Snuck into a Portland Trailblazers game...but I mean does that really count as an accomplishment? That’s just kinda being cheap and it’s really not all that impressive so....
Was an extra on Bird Box...are you serious right now?! You signed up as an extra and you got lucky your first gig was this random film that went on to be popular on netflix. All you did was stuff your face with free catering, play spoons and then sprint in some random town square in LA county for 8 hours. I CAN BARELY SEE YOUR FACE IN THE MOVIE.
No sick days the whole year...WHO GIVES A SHIT! All your jobs are the easiest. From delivering pizzas to being an extra to summer job taking kids to the zoo. Then you asked a zookeeper if you could “get a job being a river otter”. You’re pathetic.
Got taller...horizontally speaking. Now that I buy.
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