Okay, at this point I’ve asked for an extended hiatus. I know my activity has been questionable lately with school starting, and I apologize for that. It’s been crazed but it’s to be expected because i have a ton left to do before graduation.
Here’s my thing, my hand was just forced into a plot that was never meant to happen, and that I never wanted. And now you might be thinking ‘oh your hand wasn’t forced into anything amie you’re just being over dramatic’. No, I’m not trying to be over dramatic. What I intend to do is put all of my cards on the table right now, and if I end up causing problems with this I apologize. If people end up wanting me gone then I’ll bow out to the masses and say it was fun. But I need to get this off my chest. My hand was indeed forced because ooc drama ending up having a ripple effect on my character. Could I have put him on extended hiatus to figure something out? Yes. But the thing is, I didn’t need to. Luke was a character that I’d had for borderlining three years now, and you might say it was just a ship, but Trent was a serious part of what shaped him. In order to write Trent out completely I would have had to undo almost everything. Because there was maybe four months when I had Luke that didn’t include Trent somehow. Again, you’re probably going to put this on me saying I shouldn’t have built the dynamic that way. But, sometimes characters just click, and that’s what happened here.
Now, could I have just written a break up, and sent Luke back to America? Sure, I could have but that would have been so out of character that he would have fought me every step of the way. I did not want him going out forced. I want him to go out true to form. Going back to the states isn't in that. His family is in the UK, as is his best friend. He wouldn't up and leave the people he cares about over a break up. If he would I would have sent him back after his break up with Mafalda. And this also opens it for Trent to be reopened with out a mess of history attached.
So, yes, I very much feel like my hand was forced. And that's had an effect on me emotionally that not hiatusing for a while would have me closer to quitting. I don't want to quit, I'm too close to the end and too invested. But at this point I'm emotionally and mentally drained. I have anxiety and it makes it hard to deal with unexpected changes. They edge me towards panic attacks. And right now in my day to day life I have enough change coming at me to last a life time, so I can not handle more.
So, I think it's best for me to take a break. And at this point some people are probably just thinking that I'm bitter and angry. You are right. I'm so bitter and I'm pissed the fuck off so that doesn't help the situation. I need my time to come to grips with this.
Also, I promised myself I’d place all honesty in this post. I do have a couple of characters in other rps. I’m telling you this because I don’t want it to look as though I’m keeping secrets. And no, before it can cause any problem, I will not be hiatusing them because as of right now they don't have me in any state of mental distress, and I need something relaxing in my life right now. Am I going to be the star of activity on them? No, I’ll probably be popping off of them from time to time because I'm going to mainly be focusing on school and my graduate applications right now and I beg of all of you to respect this choice.
At this point you know I never jump into ooc drama and that I'm the most non confrontational person you'll probably ever meet. So for me this isn't my rage quitting, this is just me wanting to let you guys in on my head right now so no one can claim this or that. I've given you full disclosure and full honesty.
Will I pop around now and then? I almost always do. And if you want to plot/need me for something then please hit me up. I love you all and I love writing with this group, so don’t ever think for a second that I don’t. I'll be back soon, hopefully.
