jemily rights. enough said.

criminal minds stuff

[jade-sk15]

JJ: Emily, how did Doyle die?

Emily: Natural causes.

JJ: didn't you push him off the roof?

Emily: ... gravity is natural.

[jade-sk15]

*JJ teaching Emily to drive part 2*

JJ: Emily, how would you react if you saw Morgan in the road?

Emily: Accelerate.

JJ: ... No, you shouldn't be trying to hurt anyone.

Emily: He deserves it if he's going to stand in the road like an idiot.

JJ: ... never mind.

[jade-sk15]

Emily: JJ, I have a crazy idea.

JJ: No, you just have an idea.

Emily: What do you mean?

JJ: Em, all of your ideas are crazy, you have no normal standard.

[jade-sk15]

JJ: Emily, I need to know you're committed.

Emily: of course I am, just last night I set fire to...

JJ: I meant committed to the relationship, not committing a crime.

Emily: Oh, forget I said anything then.

[jade-sk15]

*JJ teaching Emily to drive*

JJ: If Morgan, Hotch and Reid were standing in the road, what would you do?

Emily: Accelerate.

JJ: ... Emily, no.

Emily: Only kidding, I'd hit Doyle.

JJ: What? He wasn't even an option.

Emily: I know, but I'd hit him anyway.

JJ: Em, maybe I should just drive.

[jade-sk15]

*Emily teaching JJ to drive*

JJ: Do I look straight to you?

Emily: Absolutely not.

JJ: ...

Emily: Oh, you meant your parking, yeah it's fine.

[jade-sk15]

Morgan: Hey, Prentiss, where did you hide my phone?

Emily: What are you talking about? I have no idea where your phone is, I haven't touched it at all.

JJ: Hey, Em, I'm going to make some microwave popcorn.

Emily: ... NO JJ DON'T TOUCH THE MICROWAVE!

.

.

.

(NB: the phone is in the microwave so ... 🎆🔥)

[jade-sk15]

Unsub: I have your girlfriend, if you want her back, it's going to take a million dollars.

JJ: Sure, just a sec, what's your location? I'll call an ambulance.

Unsub: Why? I haven't hurt her yet.

JJ: Oh, it's not for her. It's for you.

Unsub: ... never mind you can have her back.

[jade-sk15]

Emily: JJ, shall we have a child?

JJ: Em-a-lee, last night, you asked me to unscrew the lid of the cough medicine.

Emily: And?

JJ: That is a child lock, Emily, you're supposed to be able to open it.

[jade-sk15]

*Emily gets attacked in public*

Paramedic: Ms...

Emily: Agent Prentiss.

Paramedic: Right, Agent Prentiss. Is there anyone we can call? Who's your emergency contact?

Emily: 911.

Paramedic: Agent Prentiss, someone already called them. That's why we're here.

Emily: No, 911 is my emergency contact. I call them when I've done something, it's usually an emergency.

Paramedic: ...

[jade-sk15]

Emily: Hotch isn't here, so he's put me in charge.

Rossi: *Prays silently*

Morgan: *Quickly pours coffee and gulps*

Reid: *Clutches his satchel against his chest*

Garcia: *Slowly puts remote down and backs away*

Emily: What?

JJ: Em, last time you were in charge, we were dragged in front of the court.

Emily: In my defense, it wasn't my idea to set the suspect free to catch the unsub. But I can't promise that I've learned from my mistakes.

[jade-sk15]

Okay, but we all know that in S9E20 Blood Relations, when the man said "Mrs Jareau", and JJ corrected him to "Agent Jareau", she *didn't* correct him when he said "Unless that ring on your finger is some kind of le$bian thing."

I mean, JEMILY SUPREMACY.

[jade-sk15]

Reid: Do you ever feel like a plastic bag, drifting through the wind, wanting to start again?

Emily: Where did that come from?

Reid: It's a lyric from the song Firework by someone called Katy Perry.

Emily: I know, Reid. Did JJ play you her playlist again?

Reid: What's a playlist?

Emily: *sigh* never mind.

[jade-sk15]

Emily: JJ, we need more Dino nuggets.

JJ: What do you mean? I literally bought some two days ago. Henry can't have eaten the whole lot already? I only left him with you one day.

Emily: ... bold of you to assume it wasn't me.

[jade-sk15]

Reid: I'm like a house of cards.

Reid: Beautifully put together yet on the verge of falling to pieces.

[jade-sk15]

JJ: Hey guys, I just got a call from the hospital. Will's been attacked.

Reid: Oh no, is he okay? What happened?

JJ: The police said that it was a mugging gone wrong.

Emily: Did they find a mysterious warning note next to him?

JJ: Yeah ... wait how would you know that?

Emily: I- no reason ... But to avoid further incrimination, I shall stick with no comment.

[jade-sk15]

Emily: Alright, JJ, I think I'm ready.

JJ: Ready for what?

Emily: To get a pet.

JJ: Emily, you can't even take care of yourself, let alone another animal.

Emily: Oh yeah? Name one stupid thing I've done.

JJ: How about yesterday when you drank the shampoo?

Emily: I was thirsty and we were out of juice and the label said it was apple flavour.