So I wrote a little something.... its been awhile. Just because I cant stop thinking about this.
As we walk towards the market, my arm curled around Laudnas. I want her close. I slow my walk and gently pull us to a stop.
"This is not how I imagined reuniting would go." My heart fluttering as I turn towards her.
"I am sorry for my outburst." Laudna says.
" I am sorry ya'll went through so much." I respond. Looking at my feet.
Laudna looks uncertain and ashamed. "It's not directed at you or anyone, I hope you know that."
I grasp her hand in reassurance. " I do." I meet her eyes.
"Its just the circumstances thats frustrating." She looks defeated.
My heart breaks knowing that she was hurt. "It is weird Laudna, I cant hear your thoughts."
"Yeah," I reach up to my circlet.
Laudna nods, "Because of your circlet? Thats great...."
"Its great but its also strange. Its very strange." I hear my own voice uncertain. Thoughts that were once so clear to me and soothing in my mind are now quiet. I look at her face as I have done a thousand times, expecting to hear her thoughts.
She smiles at me, "Does it make crowded enviroments easier?" Eyes hopeful.
"So much easier." I assure her.
"Then thats wonderful. You dont have to listen in to get my thoughts. I'll always share them willingly with you. Just ask."
My heart racing, I hold her hands and before I can lose my nerve, I look up and cup her cheek. "Can I kiss you?" My voice trembling, "I cant tell if its alright or not anymore."
I hold my breath as Laudnas face processes the words I have said. Shock, surprise, fear, hope all race across her face. And she barely whispers, "Alright."
I reach for her face, meeting her eyes and pull her gently towards me, so I will, I do, I do, I kiss her. I put every ounce of love into that kiss. I want her to know how much I love her and missed her. I dont want to scare her. My heart is pounding so loudly I scarcely remember that we are in the market.
I could not go one more day without letting her know how I felt. How it is only now, unable to hear her thoughts that I can tell her. The choice should be hers. I pull away still holding her face. I never want to be far from her.
"I... you don't have to..." my words fail me. "I just..." holding my breath.
Laudnas voice trembles. "Obviously I care for you an immense deal. I dont know if you realize how much of an anchor you are for me. And when you weren't... when you weren't there I was adrift. And Imogen, you make me better and when you weren't there I did horrible things. I'm afraid, I'm a bad person. Imogen." Her eyes fill with tears.
I am quick to reassure her, "You're not, you're not a bad person." I squeeze her hands, meeting her sad eyes. Suddenly Laudna kisses me. Hurriedly and desperately. As if she is afraid I will change my mind and run. I will never run. I love her so much.
"I've heard everything inside you Laudna. You are not a bad person." She struggles to meet my gaze. "I called you my anchor, my tether, we're that for each other. Whatever you did you can tell me." My thumb brushes her cheek. My hand in hers.
Tears streaming down her face "When Bor'Dor betrayed us it was the last... I was so strained and stressed.." her voice falters more. " and literally hanging on by a thread.. I couldnt deal with one more person betraying us, we put our trust in him and Deni$e and Prism. Just like you all did with Deanna and F.R.I.D.A just like Yu and so many other people who betrayed us in the past. It broke me and I couldnt let him... " her words trailing off.
I am holding my breath not wanting to show my anger for her being put in that position. Trying to be supportive and loving. " Had he attacked you? Or was it...?"
"Yes it was after he revealed that he was part of the Ruby Vangaurd. He unleashed this acid... this vitriolic sphere on all of us and watched several people go down and, and.. I lost control. I lost control. And I havent asked, but I think she's back." She gestures to her chest.
I am stunned, shocked nearly speechless. I understand her fear now. Why she looks distraught. My hands cover my mouth in shock.
"I think shes back and I just feel so guilty for what all of you went through to defeat her. And..and in just in that moment I was another person and I... I sucked the lifeforce out of him. Then, I felt it, I felt that dull, deep beating heart that isnt mine return. I havent felt that in months!" As she twists her hands in fear, her voice breaking. "I am so sorry! It feels like such a betrayal to everything you all went through."
I reach for her once more determined to hold her. "You dont have to apologize. He attacked you first of all. Fuck him." My anger seaps through... ,"and whatever happened with her," I place my hand on her chest. " We'll make it right again. Alright?"
She meets my gaze and I can feel her calm, "Can I be honest with you?" She asks.
" There is part of me that thinks that maybe we should... we're about to face the grandest challenges of our lives...."
"You want to use her?" I look unflinchingly into her dark eyes. "Make yourself stronger?"
Laudna looks down in shame unable to even say the words.
"I get it. Look at that fucking moon in the sky. I dont know if I want to get rid of it."
She smiles at me and I know that we are in this together. I would do anything for her. Anything.
"Powers very tempting. I won't judge you either way." Never breaking eye contact.
Laudna shifts slightly, " Maybe we can... maybe its our destiny to harness..."
"Maybe its our destiny to fight it." I smile at her.
"I guess time will tell." She grips my hand tighter, hopeful.
"You're very capable." She smiles at me and for the first time in what seems like forever, I giggle. I hug her and pat her back. I make sure she knows that I am not going anywhere. For better or worse I will be by her side. I take her arm and we continue through the market.
"Do you think shes a rye or whole wheat? Laudna asks as we pass the baker.
"Pumpernickel for sure." I say and grab a loaf.
She smiles at me. "Of course!"
tangentwithtanner
dededos
prguitarman
stormborns
kaledo-art
baratheonpilled
jbbartram-illu