Recollect

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[pusheen]

[jahanhashemi]

[jahanhashemi]

[jahanhashemi]

[jahanhashemi]

[jahanhashemi]

[jahanhashemi]

I'm staring out into that vacuum again From the back porch of my mind The only thing that's alive, I'm all there is And I start attacking my vodka Stab the ice with my straw My eyes have turned red as stoplights You seem ready to walk You know I'll call you eventually When I wanna talk, 'til then you're invisible Cause there's this switch that gets hit And it all stops making sense And in the middle of drinks Maybe the fifth or the sixth I'm completely alone at a table of friends I feel nothing for them I feel nothing, nothing. Well I need a break from the city again I think I'll ship myself back west I've got a friend there she says, "hey anytime" Unless that offers expired I have been less than frequent She's under no obligation To indulge every whim And I'm so ungrateful, I take She gives and forgives and I keep forgetting it And each morning she wakes With a dream to describe Something lovely that bloomed In her beautiful mind I say, "I'll trade you one For two nightmares of mine, I have somewhere I die, I have somewhere we all die" I'm thinking of quitting drinking again I know I've said that a couple of times And I'm always changing my mind Well I guess I am But there's this burn in my stomach And there's this pain in my side And when I kneel at the toilet And the morning's clean light Pours in through the window Sometimes I pray I don't die I'm a goddamn hypocrite But then night rolls around and it all starts making sense There is no right way or wrong way, you just have to live And so I do what I do, and at least I exist What could mean more than this? What would mean more, mean more?

[jahanhashemi]

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First with your hands and then with your mouth A downpour of sweat, damp cotton clouds I was a fool, you were my friend We made it happen You took off your clothes, left on the light You stood there so brave You used to be shy Each feature improved, each movement refined and eyes like a showroom Now they are spreading out the blankets on the beach That weatherman is a liar He said it would be raining but it's clear and blue as far as I can see Left by the lamp, right next to the bed, On a cartoon cat pad she scratched with a pen, "Everything is as it's always been. This never happened. Don't take it too bad it is nothing you did. It's just once something dies you can't make it live. You're a beautiful boy. You're a sweet little kid but I am a woman." So I laid back down and wrapped myself up in the sheet And I must have looked like a ghost 'cause something frightened me And since then I've been so good at vanishing Now I do as I please and lie through my teeth Someone might get hurt, but it won't be me I should probably feel cheap but I just feel free... And a little bit empty No, it isn't so hard to get close to me There will be no arguments We will always agree And I'll try and be kind when I ask you to leave We'll both take it easy But if you stay too long inside my memory, I will trap you in a song tied to a melody And I will keep you there so you can't bother me

[jahanhashemi]

so good <4

[jahanhashemi]

[jahanhashemi]

[jahanhashemi]

[jahanhashemi]

Pre-ordered this but I didn't get hooked. Returning to it a year later is the best sort of surprise.

Also -Panda bear listens to Chet Baker. I am hopefully studying in Vienna next year (or part of). Bikes are cool!

[jahanhashemi]

This year:

12 Short Stories

24 Books

52 Poems

6 Songs

1 Rough Manuscript

1 Play

My body is ready.

[jahanhashemi]

Some days I feel like a well-received tourist.  Some days a guest that just won’t leave.  One day an acre of trees.  Then a little wicker wreath.  If you strobe in between you see no change.  But in an elemental way they’re not the same.  One could argue there’s some growth in decay.  But that’s a cruel way to be kind, a lever for the weak of mind to tip big stones  into the vacuum of being a-lo-lo-lo-lone.  To warm up the hearth of a place that’s no ho-ho-ho-home 

[jahanhashemi]

Happy New Year <3

[jahanhashemi]

One of my favorite oldies