‘The charming one? Really? Interesting.’ Eittie smiled a little, thinking back to the evening on the rooftop in New York with the Doctor. ‘That must make you the intelligent, kind, funny one, no?’ Taking the bottle back from him, she put it to her lips and sipped it. ‘I find a lot of people enjoy the labels of others, I suppose it provides a comfort for those who are only interested in the veneer of someone. I’ve been thinking a lot lately how truly uninterested most people are are digging past a few layers of another person. You must find that frustrating, to live in a family of impossible labels.’
‘You think I can eat in this dress?’ Eittie gestured down to her torso where the tight fabric clung to her body before spilling out in folds down past the tops of her thighs. ‘Liquid conforms to the mould, hors d'oeuvres do not. Besides… I was in rather a rush to get out of there in all honesty, which is how I’ve come to loose my shoes.’ raising her foot up ever so slightly she twinkled her toes playfully before holding the bottle out to him. ‘Would you like some?’
Eittie listened to him talk about his relationship and the confident way in which he seemed like he was getting his shit together and she smiled a little, recognising something in the way he was speaking, as if he was warding off some question or another. Studying his face for a moment, she weighed up whether it was the right thing to ask or not, but she knew how much sometimes she wanted someone else to care enough to ask her. ‘That all sounds wonderful and very positive, but I have to tell you it seems rather like the veneer I mentioned before. How are you really, Jake?’
“I dont think anyone in my family would use those words to describe me. If we had to put them to use then my cousin Diana is the smart one. Dianas brother is the funny one. I think kindness is a family trait. I also know several people that think Im the worst person in the world.” Jake shrugged away this stage of grief in his breakups. He had never really thought of what labels to place on himself. Or what labels his family might put on him. Maybe someone else would find her words a bit mean. Maybe they should sting. But she clearly understood the reality of his world. “I love my family. But being a doctor was never easy for me. Even when its difficult to constantly not meet anyones expectations I keep going. I could have been rebellious or fake. But I hope that they will always see Im trying my best. Everything I have accomplished professionally or as a hobby was through countless sleepless nights and dedication.”
Jakes blue eyes moved across her body. “You look like you escaped from a movie.” He laughed quietly when she wiggled her toes. “Do you know what happens on the streets of London? Youre going to need someone to carry you home. If not for this” He took the drink for another quick sip before giving it back to her “But because of the shots you will need if your bare feet touch a sidewalk in this city.”
He was genuinely surprised she really cared. Even when he was dating no one dug in until they thought he was dying. But he tried to give her a bit more of an honest answer. “I guess to understand how I really am you need a cliffnotes version of how I got here. When I started dating seriously. I was hoping to find this perfect person that would check a long list of boxes. I wanted the spark and romance. I wanted the long conversations. No one had really pushed me to step out of my comfort zone or made me feel like I could be a better person. But then I met these two amazing people and it fell apart. I got sick and put everyone and everything on the back burner. I didnt look like myself or feel like myself. time just kept going by and we were stagnant and I still couldnt bare to hurt either one of them. I have always had a bad habit of being indecisive. But severe anxiety makes it worse. I shut my phone off and dont leave the house. Its just me and my dog avoiding anything we have the opportunity to avoid.” Jake picked at the grass as he talked to Eittie. He looked over now and then. And every time he was surprised to see she hadnt fallen asleep from the bad punchline of his Hallmark show love story. “I met someone at work that seemed to be like both of the girls in many ways. But she was controlling and demeaning. It really messed with my confidence and my head. When I got out of that brief relationship I thought I was more clearheaded about needing to talk about my feelings. But when I tried to pull it together everything that could go wrong did.”
Jacob slumped into the grass and stared at the sky. “Its better this way. They can be happy and forget about all the time they wasted on an indecisive manchild. Im not that person anymore. Atleast Im trying not to be. I promised myself I would be more open with my feelings. My whole life has been so methodical: go to school, get good grades, be athletic, be a doctor, buy a house, find a wife and have two kids. But it never felt right to close myself off to one way of living. Its why I started free climbing. Thinking about it now it is probably the same reason that I was ok with certain sex acts and still calling myself a virgin. But Im not pure or innocent.” He made air quotes and sighed. “The long and short of it is that my heart still hurts. But Im meeting new people. Im being honest with them and with myself. And Im not afraid to not meet my family standards. If they want to see me as a bad Christian its their choice. But Im a good doctor and if anyone wanted to be my friend they would find that Im loyal. Im a romantic but Im no longer going to box myself into a naive belief that I cant be intimate with someone that isnt my wife. I want to be less anxious and less shy. If I feel a connection with a person Im not going to listen to my mothers voice in my head to leave room for Jesus.” He laughed at how childish the phrase sounded. So much had changed in the last month. He was somewhere between depression and acceptance. “A part of moving on means I dont think I can stay where I have been for the past few years. Theres a stress that comes with the uncertainty of knowing where I will be working in June 2020 or living. But Im working on treating that anxiety with the mindfulness of excitement.”
When he rolled onto his side and looked at the Scottish beauty he felt the familiar sense of guilt for taking up air. He had went on a long winded explanation of how he was trying to move forward and be positive. But ultimately she wasnt a teenager and thought that it would be safe to assume that some asshole had probably hurt her like he had hurt Maddie and Reyna. Jake couldnt help but wonder if thats why she Cinderellaed her way out of a wedding. “How are you really doing? You said you had to escape the wedding. But what about watching two people in love makes you feel like running?”